Rag Doll
by archphoenix
Summary: The story of Angela Shepard from Mass Effect 2 and the relationships she develops on the Normandy. Has the loose frame work of the second and third games but will explore what happened to the characters a lot more. Will especially focus on Femshep/Miranda and suggestion of Femshep/Jack. Will deviate from ME3 plot a bit so Miranda features more. Missions not always in order.
1. Everything old is new again

The new Normandy was strange to Shepard, she felt aware that she was being deceived into working with Cerberus. It was all very subtle and very well done, Shepard thought. Bringing Joker and Dr. Chakwas, making every aspect of the ship to resemble the original which Shepard felt so much affection for, and yet there were slight upgrades here and there to make the commander feel that this was a step forward. They really should have hidden the bugs a bit better though if she were to truly fall for it.

Shepard was also not going to mistake the Cerberus outfits (which were ghastly) for the Alliance blues which were usually dotted about her ship, unless Miranda had added a few upgrades to her eyes as well.

There was also a very different feel to this ship; the original Normandy had been full of people complaining about aliens onboard but there was a feeling of gentle harmony now - probably because at this moment the entire crew was human. However, given that Cerberus was a pro human terrorist group she couldn't help but wonder just how they would all work together once she started her recruitment missions. She wouldn't tolerate working alongside racists and xenophobes but Shepard had been taken aback when she actually spoke with the crew. They were not the phantoms that the Alliance made out, at least on a more human level.

Jacob had been more pleasant in their initial introduction and seemed ready and willing to help in any way possible when she went to chat with him in the armoury. In truth, he seemed both intimidated and in awe. He was nice enough and clearly a good soldier but the last thing she wanted was an attachment or a distraction. This mission needed to be completed quickly and Shepard was feeling somewhat trapped.

Miranda had been responsible for bringing her back from death but their introductions had been less than smooth. Miranda had saved Shepard's life by yelling orders at her but as soon as they were on an equal footing Miranda couldn't hide her distrust. Shepard felt no resentment towards this and despite Lawson's aloof demeanour Shepard had found herself intrigued by this bold operative. It was quite refreshing to not have someone in awe of her as soon as she met them. Miranda was downright sceptical of her abilities and Shepard felt that it would be a fun challenge just to prove her wrong.

Miranda was so composed with every movement she made, so refined, and Shepard fought like a bull in a china shop. Shepard thought they might make a good pairing in command, if Lawson ever softened towards her or Shepard could resist winding her up. Shepard felt that Miranda's eyes often glinted with an unspoken challenge for her and it wound her up something rotten.

Shepard was confident that with time they would learn to work with her, or at least respect her command. She made a gifted leader because of her perhaps childish characteristic of never being unable to accept any limitation and still, in her heart, believing that anything was truly possible. It's what had enable her to take down Saren after all.

She also recognised why she was able to attract a good team; she was so open and inviting with everyone. She did not believe that a leader should be separate because that was not a good way to gain trust. It was strange that she so often found herself chosen for certain duties when the idea of being a leader did not sit well with her; she often just saw herself as one of the team but that's also why those around her trusted her for she would not forget the value of their lives.

However, while she could count many friends (or at least she still hoped so) they would often be left wondering just who Shepard was. Her pride often got in the way of certain connections as she would confide in no one, hating the idea that she seemed weak or should be a burden to someone else.

Shepard pulled at her chin slightly where one of her scars were- in truth, they'd already started to face after just one mission and she was confident that within a week or so Chakwas would be giving her the all clear but it was still strange. Apart from a few red scars, Shepard looked exactly as she had done two years ago and she figured she should be grateful to have missed out on ageing. Her long thick, dark red hair went past her shoulders and she had a long but chopped fringe which had a few years ago, attracted ridicule as she so looked the part of a wild soldier and sometimes acted it on the battlefield but now the gazes which followed her were often of admiration and her natural beauty was seen as charismatic. Her skin was pale, she was slim and slender but not skinny and also stoically toned. Her muscles were clear from under her uniform, even her toned thighs, but she was not larger for them, her body perfect for agility and stealth but also capable in hand to hand combat. There were only two physical features which Shepard took pride in: her hands which were slightly large but with very slim fingers which were so adept when she played the piano back when she was a child, and her deep green eyes that were like marble but so often had a twinkle to them.

Cerberus had rebuilt her to be used against this new threat the reapers posed, but there was an overwhelming sense of guilt. Nobody else had four billion spent on them to bring them back from the dead. She didn't even have a family while over twenty other sets of families and friends mourned those who were lost in the attack on the Normandy.

She was also, perhaps childishly, rather put out by the Alliance and the lack of interest from her so called friends and both of which seemed to be doing almost nothing about the reapers- from what The Illusive Man said. Illusive Man...really, what fool calls themselves that?

She was surrounded by this new group where she had only ever heard bad things...and sometimes come across their operations which can gone catastrophically wrong. Tali hadn't even seemed that pleased she was alive, but maybe now Tali thought of her as a racist. Would Wrex, Garrus and Liara feel the same?

She sighed, this was life now and it was a very confusing one to make sense of and she didn't know if there was anybody besides Joker and Chakwas she could trust yet.

She could feel Kelly keep glancing at her from where she stood at her terminal. Chambers had been immediately warm and friendly, but perhaps too much so. She liked that Cerberus had put enough thought into the fact that they might need somebody to talk to but she was also aware that anything that was said was probably going to go in a report. This was the issue- Cerberus was doing everything right on paper but there wasn't any trust.

Shepard logged off and made her way down to the next floor and to the door she was dreading going through, but realising that she was supposed to be a fearless spectre she brushed her wild red hair out of her eyes and decided to suck it up and just get on with it.

"Miranda, have you got a minute?"

"Of course, I'm sure you have a lot of questions." She responded in a voice must gentler than Shepard was expecting.

She couldn't especially blame Miranda for her attitude back on the station. Her team had been pretty much decimated all for Shepard. She was also well aware of the fact that despite her own love for getting to know everyone and everything, not everybody shared that particular characteristic and Miranda had no reason to act like they were best of friends.

Shepard listened carefully to Miranda's somewhat romanticised version of Cerberus. It made her deeply uneasy to know just how much power the Illusive Man wielded with nobody to keep him in line. He had incredible resources and committed fighters at his disposal by the sounds of things so if he ever directly threatened the Alliance or the galaxy he would make for a formidable opponent.

Miranda was also quite unexpectedly forthright in revealing just how much genetic modification she had received, which Shepard was rather taken aback by.

"...even my looks, they were all designed to give me an edge..." Miranda trailed off.

Shepard burst into giggles and to her mortification found she couldn't stop.

"Are you laughing at me?" Miranda cut across sharply.

"No, not really...not you..." Shepard desperately tried to regain control, "...it's just...I'm sorry, I'm just picturing this absurd rich white guy sitting in this boardroom with pie charts surrounded by advisors all debating the proportions of your chin or how knobbly your knees should be..."

Shepard did descend into hysterics this time and Miranda stared at her for one moment before allowing a shadow of a smile to trace her lips.

"I think he was more interested in giving me good strength in case anybody got out of line..." She quipped.

"I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you." Shepard was sincere even though mirth was still threatening to overwhelm her.

"No...it's nice. He was absurd. The man was completely ego maniacal. Just one more reason I had to get away from him." Miranda spat each syllable with disgust at having to think about him.

"And you did. You're free now..."

"Yes, and doing vital work for Cerberus."

Miranda was quickly back on the offensive again, trying to get Shepard to believe in the cause.

"I don't like Cerberus...at least what I've seen. They've lacked any sort of moral restraint but I'm also under no illusions about the Alliance. They've failed to act many times, committed crimes of their own, have a distrust of aliens and now are doing little against the reapers. The one thing I expect to be able to count on is this ship and the people inside it. They're what matter to me, the rest is politics which can quite frankly go to hell as the reapers are a much more important topic which demand our focus."

For the first time Shepard sensed some respect start to come through in Miranda's eyes. She was beginning to understand that Shepard would respect her and fully work with her for the sake of the mission, and would not judge or undermine the relationship with Cerberus. However, she was also making it very clear that she expected the same from Lawson.

"I'm sorry about your team on the Lazarus station. I wish I had been able to help more."

Miranda seemed surprised by this.

"Shepard, they knew the risks. It was my fault, Wilson was a traitor. I suspected as much for a while but I couldn't do anything until you were in a position to be woken up."

"So you kept him there?"

Miranda hesitated for a second, as though trying to work out how best to express something.

"The mission, which we all volunteered for, was clear - we had to bring you back."

Great, Shepard thought bitterly, yet more people have lost their lives while I was deemed worthy of protection.

"One last thing..." Shepard mused, "why did you tell me about your genetic modification?"

"You have a right to know what each member of your squad can bring to the team and I'm here to serve you, Cerberus and humanity however you see fit."

Shepard reflexively bit her tongue. She did not like the idea at all of her squad being used for her. She wanted people along on missions because they fully wanted to be. She observed Miranda for a few seconds. She was tough to figure out; she was clearly dedicated to humanity which was admirable. Few others would take on this fight - look at Tali's reaction, and how her old friends had disappeared- but Miranda didn't seem to view herself as an autonomous being. She seemed fiercely independent and yet seemed to lack any true belief in herself; the only time she had allowed herself any credit was when talking about the genetic manipulations her father had given her.

Shepard gave Miranda a final nod of dismissal and left, wondering if this team was ever going to feel as strong a family as the last one did.


	2. The best way out is always through

"I'm sorry to keep dragging you along but I need...sod it!"

Shepard wrenched the white hankie from around her neck which she had been trying to tighten, but it was a pointless endeavour. The rag was soaked with blood and a small but deep gash across her neck was easily visible. Miranda rolled her eyes, took pity on her ineptitude and applied some medigel before retrieving an adequate bandage from her drawer.

"You were saying...?" Miranda prompted as she carefully examined the wound.

"Erm..." Shepard spluttered as Miranda examined her; she did not enjoy being poked and prodded and Miranda was exceptionally close to her so that she could feel her breath on her neck, "if you don't mind I'd quite like it if you'd come with Garrus and myself to the Citadel."

Miranda straightened up, "while you see Anderson? Is that wise?"

"Probably not but I'm not going to hide you or Jacob away as though I should be ashamed of working with you."

"Or perhaps you wish to flaunt the second-in-command of Cerberus to show that if they won't take action you have a backup which most of the galaxy fears?"

"First of all," Shepard started, through gritted teeth as Miranda cleaned the cut, "you are more than Cerberus, and secondly, I am proud to work with you and I don't think I should be made to apologise for that."

"We've barely started working together and you are already proving to be impossible."

Shepard noted that Miranda seemed to relish that opportunity to pat the new bandage down in place rather more hard than she needed to. Miranda then chucked the red stained cloth back at Shepard with a smirk and resumed her usual position behind the desk.

"And yet we've already got Garrus..." Shepard responded.

"After he took a missile to the face-"

"-and your wonderful intervention, and the good doctor's skills managed to save him so a job well done from the team." Shepard retaliated playfully. "And we have got a brilliant - and talkative- scientist who will probably come up with some virus to kill the collectors so we won't actually have to do anything. We could all end up being able to just slope off and go surfing in Hawaii."

"Dream on," Miranda snorted, and then softened, "but I will admit this mission has gone better than I expected."

"The team is coming along." Shepard stated proudly.

"As Cerberus operations go-" Miranda started.

"As my operations go," Shepard corrected and they stared at each other for a moment.

"Fine, I'll come along. If only for the opportunity to watch you yell at the Council in person, Garrus said it's quite entertaining." Miranda replied, amused.

"He did not!" Shepard responded hotlu.

"No, you're right; I think his exact words were 'thank the spirits she isn't part krogan or they would all have been hospitalised for concussion'."

"If he had a bit more loyalty he'd have concussed them..." Shepard grumbled.

"I think that would have made any diplomatic progress impossible." Miranda retorted wryly.

"Any progress from them would be nice...but anyway, is my neck going to be hideously scarred along with my face?"

"No, your neck is fine and all your scars will heal with time and a positive outlook according to Chakwas, which shouldn't be too difficult given your insistence on chatting away to everyone we meet- even the vorcha." Miranda scolded.

Shepard remembered how impatient and irate Miranda had been when she had insisted of chatting with Aria about more than the essential information. She'd also sighed in a bored kind of way when Shepard helped a quarian pay to complete his pilgrimage and get off the rock that was Omega.

"Being a little friendly never hurt anyone. I might even try it on the reapers, ask them for dinner or something. I bet the protheans never tried that". Shepard mused.

"Kelly will be most devastated to be replaced." Miranda commented quietly.

"I did not go to dinner with Kelly." Shepard laughed. "Got to be honest, she kind of scares me a little."

"Yes, she can be quite forward." Miranda stated showing her prowess for spin.

"And you can imagine how happy that makes me that our onboard therapist is going to hit on everyone she's meant to be helping." Replied Shepard sarcastically.

"Some say a little romance can be therapeutic." said Miranda, with only mockery in her voice.

"Yeah, that's why Garrus spends all day calibrating just to avoid her." Shepard muttered.

"Well, after the Citadel we are picking up a murderous convict so that problem might end up being taken care of." Miranda teased.

"Don't even joke about that; I've already hired someone responsible for genocide. I don't need my crew killing each other on top of that." Shepard rolled her eyes.

"Mordin is..." Miranda tried to protest at the idea that Shepard was tainting her own morals.

"...what we need to defeat the collectors and, ultimately, the reapers." Shepard finished reassuringly.

* * *

"Ahhh, yess, the Council!" Shepard exclaimed in mocking.

"Here we go." Garrus whispered to Miranda under his breath, at which she nodded with understanding.

"A body designed to protect us all and yet here you are doing absolutely nothing! The reapers are coming and they're going to kill us all if you don't take action!"

Shepard was livid. They were still wasting their time blaming the geth. It was obvious the geth were not advanced enough to have had anything to do with creating or using Sovereign. Idiots, she cursed.

Now she was somehow expected to be grateful for being made a spectre again- like that was going to change anything. She accepted the offer but beyond begrudgingly. She knew she'd need them in the end but having to say thank you was unthinkable and to top things off, Udina strolled through the door once that meeting was over.

"Oh great. Just who I wanted to see." Shepard spat sarcastically.

Anderson calmed Udina down quickly enough but Shepard was sick of the lot of them. They were all out for their own interests: coming here had been a mistake. Even Anderson didn't seem to trust her and would tell her nothing about what Williams was doing. After saving the galaxy she was treated as though a threat to them all.

Finally, and almost in spite of herself, Shepard asked Anderson to come with her.

"I'm too old Shepard and I don't trust Cerberus." Anderson answered.

"We're the only ones doing anything!" Shepard yelled at her old mentor, and with that Shepard stormed out without so much as a backwards glance.

"Look, Shepard..." Garrus started.

"Oh, don't." She pleaded irritably.

"They're scared and they'd rather believe in what they have here and now rather than some distant worry." Garrus reasoned.

"I hope that reasoning comforts them as they watch the galaxy burn."

"It's not going to, not with us and not with you. We're stopping the collectors. They tried to kill you once and that just pissed you off. We're going after them and they'll beg for mercy before the end -even if they are machines." Garrus insisted.

"What do you think of them?" Shepard turned to Miranda who had so far remained silent.

"I'm with Cerberus, Shepard," Miranda reminded her, "because I'm used to expecting nothing from them and having to go after things for myself."

Shepard found herself heartened by Miranda's lack of interest in the council's decision. If Miranda wasn't worked up about them then Shepard took that as a positive sign that maybe she just thought Shepard could finish this thing without them.

"Like we all are now- together." Garrus reaffirmed.

Shepard in her heart believed Garrus but it was just so difficult to imagine surviving this and saving the galaxy when nobody was preparing but she couldn't dwell on that. She had more recruiting to do and worrying was just going to distract her from getting things done, like she always had.


	3. Settling in

Miranda had surprisingly been quite sympathetic to Shepard once they were back aboard the Normandy. Well, perhaps sympathetic was a stretch but Shepard had expected at least some reprimand at not getting the Council onside. She had been revived to bring the galaxy together and yet she had failed in this crucial step. Miranda, to her credit, seemed supremely unconcerned.

"They're complete idiots." Miranda said in private as Shepard once again occupied her couch.

"No kidding." Shepard grumbled.

"It's not your fault, Shepard." Miranda offered kindly and Shepard looked up at her in surprise. "The Council will never truly accept humanity and they don't want to accept any reality that disrupts their power or ambition."

"It's a real comfort that they're the ones who are trusted with protecting us then." Shepard said, with a small laugh.

"You're the one being trusted, Shepard." Miranda corrected quietly and Shepard smiled.

"Why are you being nice to me?" Shepard asked curiously.

"We can work together." Miranda replied sarcastically.

"But I thought you weren't looking for a friend?" She asked innocently and Miranda bit her tongue to stop herself breaking into a smirk, Shepard could tell.

"I take it back - we can't work together as you are exceptionally annoying." Miranda replied.

She laughed but soon stopped, lost in thought at what a blow not having the council on side was. Miranda's words echoed in her head. She was the one being trusted but she didn't see how she could pull off taking down the reapers if they managed to destroy even the protheans. The galaxy should be doing everything it could to prepare. Shepard was sure they could take down the collectors but the reapers were something else. The whole galaxy had to mobilise.

"Were you close with Anderson?" Miranda asked after a moment which dragged Shepard out of her ponderings.

"He was like a mentor, I guess. I always trusted him. I didn't think he would ever doubt me though." Shepard replied, anger creeping into her words.

Miranda stared at her as though evaluating Shepard for a moment.

"He hasn't seen you in a couple of years and for all he knows we could have put that control chip in your head." Miranda reasoned.

Shepard shifted uncomfortably.

"We obviously didn't though otherwise The Illusive Man probably would have ordered you to carry out a coup on the Council on sight." Miranda smiled gently to placate the worries Shepard had so clearly let creep across her face, which was already far less scarred.

"That's another real comfort." Shepard responded drily and Miranda laughed. "You know, for a terrorist you're not too bad."

"I think that's the nicest thing anybody has said to me all year, Shepard." Miranda replied playfully.

* * *

Visiting Garrus on the new Normandy was much more pleasant than in the days of the Alliance. Back when they were chasing Saren, it felt like Wrex and Garrus in particular had just been thrown down in the cargo bay so as to stay out of the way while the humans worked. It had not helped the ship's atmosphere. Now Garrus was quite content to get to work with his calibrations and whatever else he got up to, and most surprisingly Cerberus hadn't displayed any hostilities at all towards any of the aliens onboard.

"When it comes down to it Shepard, I just don't think I'm a good turian. I don't see the point in following a bad order." Garrus explained.

"You follow my orders all the time." Shepard joked. "And we certainly disagreed a lot in the beginning."

"And I was wrong. I was just so sick of c-sec and their lack of action. I wanted to do something. Going out and nailing a corrupt spectre just seemed right- no matter what the cost."

The memory of a brash young turian who used a hostage to his advantage in a medical clinic flicked across Shepard's mind. He certainly had changed.

"But you showed me there can be a better way. I'm not saying I always found it easy to hold back, but I saw you talk Saren round and he was under the control of the reapers. Hell, you talked Wrex round and you could have ended up killing a friend. I like order, Shepard. I know what to do with that. Someone goes after you and you kill them - that's simple and that's something I can deal with but it isn't always right. If I'd been in charge, well, my team ended up dead when I was in charge so I'll follow you anywhere - gadly."

Garrus hadn't exactly been forward about everything that had happened but Shepard had figured out that someone had betrayed him. He was different now, more serious when it came to responsibility and yet still stoically Garrus.

"Whatever happened Garrus, it wasn't your fault. I'd trust you with any of our lives."

Garrus visibly relaxed slightly.

"Thanks Shepard, and I'm glad I got to come along to the last mission. Nothing's ever simple with us, is it?"

"Nope," Shepard laughed, reminded that she had said the same thing to Miranda when the operative had enquired as to why Mordin and Garrus were coming along with heavy firepower just to collect a prisoner.

"At least we got to see Mordin's incinerate- that thing is cool." Garrus added, wistfully. "Have you spoken to Jack?"

"Not since she first came onboard. I'm going to in a minute but she didn't really seem up for getting to know the crew. She has some serious Cerberus issues."

"Yeah, her and the whole galaxy but she'll come around. Everyone on your team always ends up following to hell and back."

"Ilos wasn't that bad." Shepard insisted.

"Shepard," Garrus said slowly, "we ended up going through a mass relay in the mako."

"Okay, point taken." Shepard conceded.

Shepard left to go and try to win over Jack. She didn't want her to feel as though she was being dragged along on this mission, but on the other hand, she couldn't very well pretend that she didn't need Jack's particular biotic skills.

The mission to get Jack had been an absolute (predictable) pain. It had irked Shepard that she had been forced to shoot the prisoners. She did not know the specifics of their violent pasts but what she had seen of that prison sickened her to her stomach. Jack had been deemed worthy of joining the crew but everybody else had been left to rot.

Jack had chosen easily the least inviting place in the ship to hide away. Dark and hot from the proximity of the engine core, within minutes Shepard felt the clothes stick ever so slightly to her back.

Jack was sitting nonchalantly on the edge of a bed. She barely raised an eyebrow when Shepard approached. Shepard noted that everything about Jack seemed to scream power. She was covered in tattoos, and Shepard appreciated her talent for putting up with sitting through that kind of pain just for a bit or art. She was short but every inch of her was defined, as though she was ready to attack at any moment. She'd be great in close combat with her biotic strength, Shepard thought to herself.

"This is usually the part where we get to know each other a little bit and I convince you that you aren't risking your neck for nothing." Shepard smiled.

Jack smirked. "Fine, sit and drink then."

"Drink?" Shepard repeated.

"Uh, huh." Jack grabbed a bottle of whiskey and two shot glasses from under her bunk. "We're both biotics, not like we're going to get wrecked on a bit of whiskey just a nice buzz."

"Okay then." Shepard agreed.

"Fine. 'I never' ever heard of that? Really great for bonding and finding out each other's little secrets." Jack smirked wickedly.

"Sure, you can go first." Responded Shepard, without reservation.

Jack seemed somewhat surprised by her new commander agreeing to get drunk so easily but poured the drinks.

"Okay then...I never fucked a Cerberus mascot."

Neither of them drank.

"That was a surprise." Jack smirked.

"Who were you talking about?" Asked Shepard, frowning.

"That fucking soldier who salutes you every time you take a breath." Disgust dripped off every syllable she uttered.

"Jacob?" Shepard asked in surprise. "Nope, nothing going on there."

"Yet." Jack muttered. "But he must like women dominating him as I heard he got with that uptight Cerberus cheerleader..."

"Any chance you could at least to not hate everyone on my team?" Shepard asked sarcastically. "Okay, my turn. I never bothered to make someone play a drinking game just to get to know them."

Jack downed her shot in one.

"Well, we can't all have your upstanding conversation skills." Jack mocked. "I never wore pink."

Neither of them drank.

"Shit, you're full of surprises."

"Just because I like clothes, which must be a shocker for you, doesn't mean I'm a girl who skips through meadows with lambs and puppies chasing after her." Shepard teased. "I never joined a cult."

Jack downed another shot.

"Ha, I knew it." Shepard laughed.

"You could have looked in my files. Cerberus has been tracking me for years."

"Maybe -but I didn't. Your turn."

"I never fucked an asari."

To Shepard's surprise, Jack took a drink at her own challenge but Shepard's glass still remained untouched.

"You are shitting me with this." Jack protested. "What about that blue doctor you worked with?"

"Liara?" Shepard asked, "No, we were just friends."

"Jesus fucking Christ. You're like Snow White."

Shepard snorted at that. Truth be told, Liara had confessed her attraction to Shepard but she just didn't feel the same way. Shepard wasn't one for affairs on her ship and her interest in relationships ebbed and flowed. Some months, she revelled in pursuing an active dating life and others she had almost no interest. She supposed it was to do with her career; she spent so long contained on the Normandy or having to focus on different missions that it had meant that she had to get used to living for her work for long periods of time and she really didn't mind. She didn't particularly care for long term relationships anyway; they rarely worked out. She'd watched so many in the military embark on wild affairs, declaring their undying love just to find out that once the action had settled the normal day to day drudgery of sorting out the weekly shop and having to find new topics of conversation wasn't enough to sustain partners who had previously vowed to remain together for an eternity.

Her own family had demonstrated that yes, passion is expected to come and go but love can often fade too. She didn't have a bad childhood on Mindoir and she loved her parents dearly, but she would often prefer to be in the outdoors not just because it felt natural to her but because her parents were so obviously only together for her. It pained her that their deaths had meant they'd never really experienced peace or freedom when she had known them. Thousands of times she had wondered whether to just sit them down and tell them to face the truth and that she was okay with it but she just couldn't. They were her family and selfishly, she didn't want anything to change as it was working for her. She was just a kid but it was a huge regret to add to her very long list.

"You are just terrible at reading people. I never fell in love." She responded carefully, after a moment.

Jack threw Shepard a furious look before downing another shot while Shepard sat back and grinned at her victory but it was Jack's turn to strike a blow.

"I never let anyone die for me."

Slowly, they both drank.

"The mighty Shepard isn't so perfect. Hmmm. Guess I can take your orders now I've got something on you."

"I never claimed to be perfect." Shepard said.

"Everyone here acts like you are." Jack scathed.

"That's their choice to believe that. I know who I am." Shepard responded.

"So why do they bother to follow you? You've been to some messed up places. Probably done more fucked up things than I have." Jack challenged.

"So that they can believe we actually have a chance." Shepard replied earnestly.

"You going to fucking cry now about the big bad reapers?" Jack mocked.

"No," Shepard smiled, "I'm leaving now."

"Running off?" Jack asked, and there was a flicker of surprise in her eyes that Shepard had walked away from her challenge.

"No, you got what you wanted with that game. My work is done." Shepard winked and made to leave.

"Not all of what I wanted- but I can wait." Jack retorted.

Shepard laughed as she headed up the stairs, when Kasumi emerged from her cloaking.

"Wow, and I thought being holed up on a ship would be boring"

And she disappeared again.


	4. How to be

Shepard groaned as she looked up at yet another flight of stairs.

"If you hadn't gotten drunk with Jack last night you might be feeling more ready for this mission." Miranda cut across sharply.

"If you're that put out, you can join us next time if you like." Shepard snapped back.

Miranda laughed coldly.

"I'd just like to be following a commander who is up to the task."

Shepard glared at her and mumbled that she didn't even drink much, at which Miranda scoffed.

She had a feeling she knew who was to blame for the gossip going around which was the very last thing she wanted. They proceeded up the stairs and found yet more mercs waiting for their arrival.

"Miranda, overload! Garrus, concuss the lot of them in that doorway!" Shepard commanded.

She wasn't going to let Miranda jibe at her combat performance (which was perfectly fine, she thought, furiously).

Going after the blasted krogan was turning into the biggest mission so far and none of it made any sense. There were random krogan attacking, one whom helped them against the mercs but wouldn't come with them and then there were some sort of experiments happening on them but it had nothing to do with the genophage. Whenever there was a mystery she was faced with, Shepard never got the answers she wanted.

They rounded the corner and Shepard registered the mercs with heavy missiles on the balcony in front of the wall where they had taken cover.

"Miranda, I want you to do a heavy warp when I say and nail those two. I'll lead and then you guys follow me up but take cover as there are bound to be soldiers below."

They nodded in agreement and Shepard yelled "go!" and made a charge for it. The mercs never knew what literally hit them as Miranda sent her warp at them and Shepard swooped along the balcony to take out several mercs on the lower platform.

The ground below them swept left, obscuring their view of any targets. Shepard ordered Garrus to provide suppressing fire from the bottom of the stair well, with Miranda and Shep running to the archway. Miranda then provided cover fire as Shepard ran out to crouch behind a metal bench while Garrus reloaded and the three of them picked off easily the last of the mercs.

"We fought Saren, took down that Virmire lab, stormed through Noveria and yet still they think they can beat us." Garrus muttered in disbelief.

"They probably weren't expecting a Cerberus team to rock up." Replied Shepard, fairly.

"Handy for us." Miranda observed.

"Yeah, but they're basically throwing their lives away. How many have we taken down? At least a hundred, I'd guess." Garrus stated.

"Same thing as on Omega when those kids signed up to distract you on that bridge. Desperate for money or to win back some pride so their employers found them ready made to exploit." Shepard answered sadly.

"Is that why you joined the Alliance?" Miranda asked in a way that Shepard couldn't decide whether she was teasing or not.

"No," Shepard scoffed, "I wanted to be the hero."

And with a wink she left to climb the final flight of stairs to finally reach the krogan war lord.

* * *

If Mordin had been hard to accept as a recruitment given his role in genocide then Shepard didn't know what to make of the krogan warlord. He was completely ruthless and the krogan they had met along the way had all been discarded products as far as he was concerned, all in his quest to create the perfect krogan. Shepard couldn't help but shoot Miranda a look at this revelation but either Miranda didn't care for the similarity of the situation or she was still irritated at Shepard as she didn't acknowledge her glance.

It was a fortunate twist of events that Okeer had ended up sacrificing himself for his perfect krogan, to which Miranda objected completely to waking up from his tank.

"He was created likely by a mad man-" She protested.

"We're here to build our team and we can't throw away opportunities like this. I'm going to talk to him and if he wants to fight then he can." Shepard stated firmly.

"Fight with us or for us?" Miranda questioned before walking out.

Miranda's eyes flicked up from her station briefly as Shepard walked in and Shepard was infuriated to see her smirk at her obvious limp.

"Speaking to the krogan went well then?" She asked, innocently.

"Do you object to us hiring him because he's tank born?" Shepard threw at her.

Miranda looked up slowly from her station as Shepard jumped on the couch and put her legs up, wincing.

"No, because we seem to be hiring beings who are complete unknowns and are as likely to turn on us as to actually help us." Miranda explained slowly as though trying to reveal the obvious to an unpredictable and overemotional toddler.

"So this is about Jack?" Shepard asked, incredulous.

"I don't think it's unreasonable to expect our commander not to get drunk with a convict the evening before an important mission." Miranda shot.

"Miranda," Shepard found herself adopting Miranda's earlier tone of trying to explain the obvious, albeit through gritted teeth, "I had one drink and I'm a biotic with cybernetic implants which we both know full well means it would take ten bottles of whiskey to get me in such a state that I would be unfit for duty. I went to talk to Jack because I like to get to know all of my crew and let them know I'm there for anything they need- like I did with you and Jacob the second we came onboard."

Miranda looked as though she might protest for a moment and then muttered "maybe five" at which Shepard grinned.

"So what do you think of him?" Miranda asked.

"Who? Jacob?" Asked Shepard, baffled.

"The krogan."

Shepard was starting to get annoyed at how often Miranda was using a tone which suggested she was in fact a complete idiot.

"Don't know yet. Haven't had a chance to see him in action." Shepard shrugged.

"So he might not be perfect then?" Miranda questioned full of scepticism about the exploits of a fanatical krogan.

"Miranda," Shepard smiled kindly, "we both know that perfection is a ridiculous concept."

"Thanks very much." Miranda huffed, and Shepard laughed but with affection.

"Oh come on! You spent years putting me back together because I was the ultimate leader who could get the job done but I'd bet everything I own that you never once found anything remarkable in my DNA."

"To be fair, your fitness tests had been impressive." Miranda smirked.

"And yet I still wasn't the best in the N7 programme and I doubt the reapers would want to challenge me to a two mile run." Shepard reasoned. "And you are living proof that this perfect theory is rubbish."

"You are just a charmer today," replied Miranda.

"No, seriously." Shepard asserted. "I don't care about your DNA, that isn't why I'd choose you on a mission before everyone else- except maybe Garrus- it's because of who you are. It's your spirit and personality which make you great - it's what makes anyone great. You can be good at pretty much everything you try but you have to work at it. You could have just decided 'nah, I'd quite like to be a piano player' and just sat whacking keys all day trying to create a masterpiece but you're not; you're here. You work harder than anybody else I've ever known because you have chosen to dedicate yourself to advancing humanity and fighting the reapers. Our current recruitment plan should show you how rare that is."

For some unfathomable reason she couldn't work out, Shepard was positively smug at seeing a pink tinge colour Miranda's cheeks.

"That's kind of you to say, I'm not sure I believe you but I appreciate it." Miranda replied quietly.

"You said once that I'm a good leader because I'd walk through hell and back- well so would you and that's why you agreed to this mission in the first place. You're the most frustratingly stubborn person I've ever met and you are doing my head. I don't want you to end up throwing your life away because you don't see your own worth."

Before Miranda could respond EDI's voice entered the room.

"Shepard, The Illusive Man would like to speak to your urgently."

"Duty calls again." Shepard remarked before limping out, hoping that Miranda would at least consider her words.

"Shepard," The Illusive Man was urgent in speech which did not bode well, "we've got intel that the colony of Horizon will soon be hit by the collectors. Your old squad mate Ashley Williams has been stationed there with the Alliance- this can't be a coincidence."

Shepard didn't know what alarmed her more, that the collectors seemed to be taking such a close interest in her which would make their mission a lot more difficult or that Ash was now in grave danger.

"I'll get Joker to plot a course. It will only take a day to get there." Shepard responded, resolute.

"This is the most warning we've ever had Shepard." The Illusive Man stated.

"Don't worry. We'll stop them." Shepard declared before stepping out of the message centre.

* * *

After Shepard had briefed the squad of what to expect and ordered them to look after themselves so they would be ready if she needed them tomorrow, Shepard headed up to her cabin.

It was more spacious than her quarters on the original Normandy and she had few personal possessions lying around. Joker had begged her to collect the model ships he wanted as he had nowhere to store them but she just saw them as clutter. She wasn't particularly sentimental and there were no photos strewn about the place. As long as the bed was comfy and her terminal worked, that was all that mattered.

Fear ebbed away at her so that it was a struggle to sit still. She wondered once or twice whether she should go down and hang out with the crew but didn't particularly feel like seeing anybody. Mordin was also busy perfecting his latest invention so that the seeker swarms would pose no threat. This, surprisingly, didn't scare her. She would face that when she had to but what had returned was that old terror that somebody she cared for was in danger and there was nothing she could do- at least yet, but by the time they got there the entire colony could be gone. The intel suggested they should only be an hour or so behind the collectors in their race to Horizon but how much damage could they do in that time? Freedom's Progress had practically been wiped out.

Suddenly, EDI's voice echoed slightly into her quarters.

"Commander Shepard, Operative Lawson wishes to speak with you for a moment in your cabin."

"Send her in." Replied Shepard, slightly curious as Miranda had never came up to her quarters before.

Shepard stepped up from behind her terminal as Miranda walked in. She gestured to the couch where they both sat at opposite ends. It was a strange situation. Miranda rarely visited anybody and Shepard didn't have anything like as formal a set up as Miranda's office. However, the only other option would be the bed and she could just imagine how that suggestion would go down.

"Shepard, with your permission, I'd like to be part of the ground team on Horizon." Miranda stated.

"You and Garrus worked pretty hard today-"

"-as did you," Miranda cut across, "we both know with my genes I'm perfectly capable of it and that wasn't really half as big a mission as we're going to face. I appreciate that you want the best team possible and I won't compromise that. I'd like to be there as this is our first time facing them. You know what I can do and I bring a good balance of electronic and biotic skills."

"You know yourself well enough to know what you can handle so okay." Shepard then smirked. "I'm taking Jack too though so at least this is going to be entertaining no matter what happens."

"And why are you taking her?" Miranda looked just as furious at this revelation as she was at the fact she didn't seemed to be able to stop herself from questioning Shepard, which only made the latter grin gleefully.

"With everything you and Mordin have said about them there's a low chance they will be relying heavily on shields- it'll be mostly armour. Garrus has done a few missions lately, I don't think it's best to use this as Grunt's first trial, Mordin wouldn't be as effective and nor would Kasumi and Zaeed wouldn't bring as much biotic power." Shepard explained. "I wouldn't risk any mission - particularly this one- by choosing a squad simply to liven things up a bit, that's just a bonus."

"Impossible." Miranda reiterated under her breath.

Shepard rolled her eyes but in mirth.

Miranda hesitated for a second and seemed to be struggling with something for a moment before she asked, "I heard Williams is on the colony, is that true?"

Shepard knew full well who she had heard from and that she knew it was absolutely true - Miranda probably knew where Williams was before she'd even had a chance to ask Anderson about her.

"Yes." Shepard answered, simply.

Miranda however, seemed unwilling to just leave the subject despite Shepard's clipped response.

"You know you never talk about it." Miranda said gently.

"Williams is a 'she' not an 'it'." Shepard avoided.

"Ha ha ha," replied Miranda sarcastically, "Virmire. You talk about everything else, even Mindoir, but not that."

It was true but Shepard found herself surprised, even in her irritation at this line of questioning, that Miranda had noticed this or paid such close attention to everything else that she had said before. Perhaps she was just making sure the project was functioning correctly, Shepard mused.

"Everything that happened is in that big thick file you have on me, and if you ever need any new information you can just continue to keep reading my emails."

Shepard's tone had a finality to it, but it wasn't harsh. It was simply of someone who wished to have the matter dropped.

Miranda sensed defeat and got up to leave but half way to the door she turned.

"You don't have to do everything by yourself you know."

"I know," Shepard replied, exasperated, "I've got a good team."

"I don't just mean that." Miranda emphasised the last word. "You're there for everyone, you can let people be there for you too."

"I appreciate what you're saying, and I'm well aware of Kelly's skills but there's nothing I wish to discuss."

Miranda looked disappointed before acquiescing to the final dismissal.

Shepard was left alone again and felt yet more confused whether she did want company after all but she never wanted to talk about Virmire. She'd had enough of dwelling on that. She felt slightly guilty that she might have hurt Miranda but she couldn't work out if the operative was really concerned at all with her or just achieving the objection. Shepard knew that shouldn't even matter to her and that she was being silly but she found the prospect of Miranda only being so considerate because of her responsibility over the Lazarus Project hurtful. However, she scolded herself for even worrying about that now. There was just one thing to focus on: making sure Ash was safe.


	5. Peace Within

"You're not putting on...anything else?" Shepard asked Jack in the shuttle as the squad departed for Horizon the next day.

"You're asking me this and not the Cerberus whore?" Jack demanded.

"Miranda's at least covers her and the material offers some protection," Shepard reasoned before Miranda could bite, "but that, Jack, is just a belt."

"She dresses like an asari stripper and unlike you two losers I won't be getting hit." Jack scathed.

"Okay then..." Shepard sighed as the shuttle landed at the colony and they clambered out, this most uncomfortable and tense group.

Mordin then came on the channel and reassured them that in theory they should be protected from the swarms by his latest development.

"In theory?" Miranda repeated, and Shepard didn't have to look at her to know she had one eyebrow raised.

"Look forward to seeing if you survive." Mordin replied cheerfully.

"That is one fucked up salarian." Jack commented.

"Okay. Let's move out." Shepard commanded.

Everywhere they went were signs that people had lived quite contently here until recently. There were datapads lying on the benches and cups of coffee which were still warm but absolutely no colonists.

As they moved ahead, collectors finally decided to make an appearance. Shepard had been right about them barely using shields. They weren't a problem to take down and Jack's shockwave came in handy when a group of husks charged.

The only issue were the scions which forced them to take cover while they worked to bring the things down - their armour and skin were clearly tough as it took a while.

"These things are disgusting," exclaimed Shepard, completely revolted and stepping over puddles of green blood, "the collectors are like cockroaches and then they burst when you shoot them and those scions look like walking tumours."

"This isn't a beauty competition, Shepard." Miranda pointed out.

"They look dead. All I need to know." Jack added.

Shepard was disconcerted though; the husks were far more advanced than those on Eden Prime or the indoctrinated colonists of Feros- clearly the reapers had made some improvements but Jack and Miranda seemed unconcerned and more focussed on what was at hand.

They pressed on, occasionally running into a few more bands of collectors but it wasn't exactly heavy resistance. Shepard managed to pick up a heavy weapon laser and they did finally find a colonist. He wasn't exactly pleased to see them though, considering they were saving his life, and blamed the Alliance for attracting trouble and not being able to get the AA guns working. The guns provided an opportunity; there wasn't anything EDI couldn't take control of so they still had a chance. They left the guy cowering in his cabin, and headed off to the guns.

She didn't exactly blame him for his hostility towards the Alliance; unless you were in council space then you were effectively on your own to deal with whatever trouble came your way. The Council may be in charge of the laws of the galaxy but they took very little responsibility for anywhere where the council races didn't dominate.

On the way they found another colonist but he was trapped with seeker swarms around him.

"Looks like some kind of stasis field. Keeps you conscious but totally paralysed." Miranda deduced.

"Why? Why not just kill the humans? What do they want with us?" Shepard asked.

"Only one way to find out." Miranda responded.

They carried on finally locating the guns. As EDI tried to get them operational they were swarmed by husks and scions. They ran like hell to keep dodging the blasts of the scions while they gradually wore them down but once they had crumpled, a new more spectacular enemy appeared.

"The fuck is that?" Jack shouted.

It looked like a giant crab but before they could even take cover again a laser burst from it and there was an explosion, with Miranda soaring into the air. Shepard roared in fury and sent a stunning warp at this new monster.

It took the heavy weapons to bring it down. Shepard worked furiously to try to destroy it quickly so they could give Miranda aid if she needed it. She didn't dare think about her potentially bleeding out. It moved quickly and risked using up all of the ammo as it glided towards them but Shepard persevered while Jack kept swearing, sending her biotics crashing into it like a battering ram. At last, the thing disintegrated before them and Shepard ran for Miranda who was on her feet but panting slightly.

"I'm fine." Miranda insisted before Shepard could speak.

"No one asked." Jack grinned maliciously.

Before Shepard could say anything to Jack's taunts the firing of the guns stole their attention. The collector ship was departing with the colonists but the gun was firing relentlessly after them.

Please...Shepard pleaded inwardly, please don't let them take Ash too...

But it was no use. The ship was out of range within seconds and a barrage of curses met them as the angry colonist from earlier came from behind them.

"Stop them!" He demanded, even jumping up and down where he stood.

"Oh yeah, I'll just fly right after them with the wings hidden beneath my armour." Shepard spat. "Look, I didn't want it to end this way..."

"Nobody could have done more, Shepard." Miranda asserted fervently.

"Shepard?" He repeated. "Wait, I know that name..."

"Commander Shepard..."

And Shepard spun around so quickly at that voice she was surprised she didn't fall over- it was Ash.

"...of the Normandy, first human Spectre, saviour of the Citadel. You're standing in the presence of a god...and a ghost." Ash's voice was haunting, there was none of the relief Shepard felt at seeing her old friend again.

"Ash..." Shepard almost sang in delight, "...how are you? It's been too long!"

"Where were you, Commander?" Ash's voice was laden with accusation.

"Out of it for two years, Ash- that's why I couldn't contact you but Cerberus rebuilt me." Shepard explained, her elation falling as quickly as it had risen.

"With Cerberus? So the reports are true?" Ash asked.

"Reports?" Miranda repeated. "So much for security."

"How can you work for them? How can you trust them?" Ashley demanded.

"Colonies are going missing. The Alliance isn't doing anything but Cerberus is. I'm doing it for the colonists," responded Shepard.

"We got a tip about this place and what was happening - how do you know they weren't behind it? How do you know they aren't working with the reapers?" Ash questioned again.

"Typical Alliance attitude," Miranda dismissed coldly while Ash shot her a venomous look, "you're so focussed on Cerberus you're ignoring the real threat."

"Come and join us, Ash. It'll be just like the old times." Shepard insisted.

"No, it won't. I'm not a traitor. I'm an Alliance soldier and I'll never work for terrorists." Ash declared but as she turned to walk away Shepard couldn't help but respond; she was not going to accept being called a traitor from anyone and especially from someone who she thought knew her.

"How far are you going to go just to get a pat on the head from the Alliance?" Shepard demanded.

"What?" Ash asked, furious.

"It's pretty desperate," Shepard was trying and failing to refrain from yelling, "I mean, colonists are disappearing, you know the reapers are coming but screw the galaxy just so long as you get the promotions and win back some family pride- and you call me the traitor."

For one wild second Shepard thought Ash was going to launch herself at her, Miranda and Jack certainly seemed to be thinking along the same lines and took a step towards Shepard in defence but Ash merely smiled bitterly and walked off.

* * *

Shepard paced her cabin relentlessly. She was fuming and had too much energy to work off. She could have done the whole mission all over again. She barely stopped when Miranda came in the room.

"I've sent the reports off to the Illusive Man. I didn't mention anything about what happened with Williams." Miranda reported.

"Did you know?" Shepard asked bluntly.

"Know what?"

"That he was the tip. He used me and Williams as bait to bring the collectors there."

Shepard studied Miranda's profile carefully and saw there was a genuine flicker of shock behind those blue eyes.

"No." She denied quickly.

Shepard sighed, "okay."

"If he did that then it was only because we've had nothing -" Miranda protested.

"-I wasn't looking for an explanation or justification but just to see where you fit in." Shepard stated.

"Where I fit in?" Asked Miranda, raising her eyebrows and crossing her arms.

"You work for him...you work for me...just trying to figure out your exact position with all this."

"He wouldn't have told me anyway. He doesn't explain himself to me and now I'm under your command directly. He wouldn't undermine that."

Shepard said nothing so Miranda carried on, picking up on the subject of Williams which Shepard had interrupted.

"You were right with what you said to Williams. You're doing the right thing. Look how many lives you saved today."

"Not all of them." Shepard emphasised.

"No, but you tried which is more than the Alliance are doing."

"It's just disappointing knowing that the people I thought of as family now see me as...a terrorist." Shepard almost shouted the last word in frustration as she collapsed upon her couch. "They've turned their backs on everything we fought for."

Miranda took up her seat at the other end.

"Garrus , Chakwas and Joker are here and Tali might join later." Miranda corrected.

"I just didn't expect Ash to be so..." Shepard trailed off.

"...self righteous?" Miranda suggested.

Shepard shrugged.

"...sanctimonious?"

Shepard nodded briefly.

"...completely a wanker?"

Shepard laughed.

"You went through a lot together. You haven't let her down. She's the disappointment." Miranda continued contemptuously. "They'll all come back before the end."

"Small comfort when the reapers have invaded." Shepard smiled sadly.

"I think we should take any comfort we can get by that point," replied Miranda fairly, leaning back into the couch.

Shepard was taken aback by this action and by how Miranda had just effectively let herself in, ran the conversation and made herself at home. She supposed this was Lawson getting her own back for the amount of times Shepard did the same thing to her. It was nice though; Shepard so rarely had anybody to discuss things with. She was always focussed on her crew and what they needed that she rarely thought about herself.

Miranda was probably hear just to check up on her for the sake of Project Lazarus, Shepard thought, but then surely she would have mentioned her spat with a decorated Alliance soldier to the Illusive Man to try to manipulate the situation and bring her closer into the Cerberus fold?

Shepard thought back to when she had witnessed Miranda flying through the air...and the panic she felt. The loss of control was terrifying. She'd seen squad members hurt before, hell, she'd even seen them die but there was just more than the usual fear of being responsible for someone under her command getting hurt. She'd completely forgotten Ashley's or the colonists' plight when that happened and when she saw Miranda was okay, she practically floated with relief. This was perplexing to Shepard who found Miranda to be one of the most obnoxious, annoying, challenging and yet tender person she'd ever met. Yet being here with her felt so...charged. Everything Miranda said to her mattered. Shepard had wondered how she would fit in this new team with Miranda her second in command but the truth was, she was finding it more intriguing and more worthwhile here than she did on the original Normandy.

"I think about Virmire all the time." Shepard confessed after a moment's silence. "I know she must too. I never wanted her to feel like I wondered whether I chose the right person but honestly...I have, lots of times. I don't mean it in a cruel way against her I just wanted to save them both. I thought that whole thing would have...I don't know..."

"Shown her your true character and what a dedicated leader you are?" Miranda suggested.

"That whole mission was a mess." Shepard lamented bitterly.

"You couldn't have done anything differently. The base had to go and maybe one day a true cure for the genophage will happen. You saved that whole salarian team, stopped Saren and saved Williams." Miranda added earnestly.

"Leaving people behind sucks." Shepard stated.

"Couldn't have put it better myself." Miranda offered her an understanding and sad smile.

"Oh well, at least Kasumi wants me to go to some party next. She's even bought me a new dress. 'Bout time something fun happened." And as Shepard said that, she was sure she'd just cursed yet another mission.


	6. What to believe

"Thanks Shep...I didn't think you'd let me hang onto it." Kasumi admitted.

They were both in her quarters with Kasumi knocking back some of the asari wine that had been under the bar- Shepard now saw why she wanted this room for herself. Her own personal items (most of which had were actually somebody else's') were dotted about the place and gave it a more welcoming and artistic feel than anywhere else on the ship.

Kasumi was obviously an inspired and cultured person for she collected pictures, owned a huge pile of books, there was a statue and there was one single rose lying on the bench as a tribute to when she used to leave them where she had once stolen something. Shepard could now truly appreciate the sentimentality and passion which lay within her and why they graybox meant so much.

"Well, what are we fighting for if not for love?" Shepard asked, in the most falsely romantic and dramatic voice she could adopt.

"You couldn't even say that with a straight face. You're terrible Shep!" Kasumi laughed.

"Yeah...I've never been one for romance, I admit but I see what you two had and how special it was." Shepard said earnestly.

"It was." Kasumi replied quietly.

"Just don't lose yourself to those memories." Shepard commented solemnly.

"Don't worry, it's like having Kaiji back but I know what's real and what's not." Kasumi replied.

"Do you believe that there's only one true love for a person?" Shepard asked.

"No!" Kasumi laughed. "I loved Kaiji with all of my heart and I miss him every day but life happens. Some people fall in love many times and others never."

"I like the latter." Shepard responded drily.

"We'll see..." Kasumi countered knowingly.

"Never." Shepard replied, belligerent. "How are you finding life on the ship, anyway?"

"There's this guard that keeps staring at me every time I walk by - and for once it isn't at my hands- but I figure there's a certain balance in the cosmic sense given that I cloak to watch Jacob do his daily work out." Kasumi reasoned.

"Wait, you what?" Shepard asked, alarmed.

"Don't worry he doesn't know I'm there." Kasumi brushed off.

"But- you- you shouldn't- you can't just stalk someone." Shepard spluttered.

"It's for crew morale." Kasumi responded indifferently.

"Crew morale?" Shepard repeated, flabbergasted.

"Yes," Kasumi responded patiently, "I'm part of the crew and it's good for my morale."

"Kasumi..." Shepard started warningly.

"Oh, okay, you're no fun," Kasumi scolded, then after a second added, "do you think there's something still going on with him and Miranda?"

Shepard remembered how quickly Jacob had been to try and flirt with her as soon as they got to the ship but she also knew Miranda was an incredibly private woman and she was as likely to know about that as she was to the answer of whether there was, in fact, a god.

"No idea." Shepard answered honestly.

"Hmm...right time to go...he should be hitting the showers soon...joking, joking," Kasumi quickly added at the look on Shepard's face, "I'm just going for some dinner- really. Taking down a huge gunship can make a girl really work up an appetite. Hopefully Gardner isn't out to poison us all tonight."

They left with Kasumi parting for the kitchen and Shepard making her way up to the CIC.

The mission had surprised Shepard in more ways than one; the chance to party literally being shot to smithereens was not a surprise but Shepard had been impressed by Kasumi's skills in combat. She had underestimated the thief and had expected Kasumi to perhaps be less confident and experienced in battle than say, Miranda, Jacob or Garrus but this did not seem to be the case. Giving her the label of 'master thief' was high praise on the one hand but didn't do justice to her impressive skills she demonstrated when taking down Hock's fighters and his own gunship. Shepard might have been worried that there was just the two of them against those soldiers and a heavy mech but she never had a chance; within seconds Kasumi had cloaked and knocked out the fighters so they could take down the mech with ease. Kasumi would definitely come in handy on missions that required stealth and good tactics, Shepard thought.

On a personal note, Shepard had grown very fond of her. She was easy to talk to and jokes were quick with her and while some may have found this distracting or as a reflection that she wasn't taking the seriousness of the mission to heart, Shepard respected and appreciated it. She knew all too well that morale was important to any crew and most of the Cerberus members kept talking like they were on borrowed time. Shepard didn't approve of this and had told them to knock it off. She knew that Miranda and Jacob just wanted to be focussed and ready to meet whatever lay ahead but if you keep telling people every day that they were almost certainly awaiting an unpleasant death within the next few months they would either abandon ship or crack up. Kasumi's gentle wit and Garrus's dry sense of humour were good for the team, even if Cerberus didn't approve of their more relaxed attitude. They weren't taking it less seriously- they were just trying to get through it as best they could and make sure that everybody else does as well. There was no point worrying anyway, until you knew there was something definitely worth worrying about and at that point you should be getting to work instead of moping.

Even Grunt was providing- unintended- hilarity. Shepard couldn't help but feel affection for the brazen young krogan. His blood thirst and hatred of turians was quite alarming, but Shepard was greatly amused at how enthusiastic he was about finding the best battles and every time he spoke of taking down the strongest enemies they could find it gave the people onboard hope. He was revelling in the promise of battle which helped to keep everyone else calm and reassured them that they were all doing something great.

The team really was coming together and Shepard couldn't wait to meet the next recruits. She thought (with a lot less longing than she might have expected) of her old crew. When she had first been revived it was them that she clung onto and those faces which she fought for and tried desperately to reunite. Tali's 'not now but maybe later' rejection, Anderson's distrust, the silence from Hackett and the flat out anger from Ash had shattered any illusions Shepard had once held that they were all a family. Perhaps she was being harsh; two years had passed for them whereas she had only woken up a couple of months ago. However, she could never have imagined she would end up in this situation where they would feel more like distant memories than people she could depend on and call friends. Alenko had died for them, Shepard had died for them because to not go after Joker would have been a betrayal. She would have gone to the ends of the galaxy if they had asked them simply because they were her friends. It was hard to really accept that those life or death situations, with adrenaline flowing, are sometimes easier to make decisions and show loyalty than facing the day to day pressures and expectations that life often brings- chasing after someone in the middle of an explosion is a no brainer to some, but the idea of working with terrorists for your friend is something else. Still, Shepard had expected them to come and fight with her as she would have for them. This crew seemed to be creating something special; the galaxy had turned their backs on them and yet he they were fighting for everyone's future. She was proud of them and starting to trust them all deeply- but then, she thought wryly, maybe she was just making the same mistaken assumptions as she had made before.

She still had to face Liara and Wrex. The latter she was looking forward to. The Illusive Man had said he was on Tuchanka trying to unite the krogan and she respected this. The galaxy would have to work together if they were to stand any chance of taking out the reapers and the krogan would play a huge part in that. Liara was another story. Shepard knew how deeply Liara had cared for her and while she did not feel the same she had immense respect for her and did not wish to hurt her. She therefore knew that not going to visit her was an act of great disrespect but she couldn't help but keep putting it off. She planned to go after recruiting the assassin and justicar -Grunt would get his first taste of battle on those missions for they were bound to be full of fun given their briefs- but she knew she would still have to work up the nerve to do it. She had no idea how Liara would react to her working with Cerberus but she could imagine it wouldn't be good. Given their objectives and what they were up against it would probably be best for Liara if she didn't come, but Shepard knew her pride and her desire to finish the reapers meant that if Liara did not in some way commit to fighting the reapers, whether off the Normandy like Wrex or with them, then something would have broken irreparably between them just as it had with Ash.

Shepard said a quick hello to Kelly and then went to work at her terminal. After sorting through about a dozen bogus emails from fans and sales companies, she wondered why exactly she didn't let Miranda just sort through that crap when she was reading everything that entered her inbox anyway. She sighed and looked up bored from her terminal to notice Jacob and Miranda were now talking closely together just a few feet in front of Kelly. She looked down quickly again so as Miranda wouldn't think she was eavesdropping and then frowned for why did that matter? Ridiculous thought, she scolded herself, but couldn't help but wonder vaguely if Kasumi had been onto something earlier. Jacob did seem to be the only member of the team Miranda really got on with. She respected Garrus and seemed quite friendly towards him, which Shepard had been pleased at, but some of the other members were...acquired tastes. Zaeed talked about nothing but killing people after all and it wasn't like her and Jack would be best friends any time soon, Shepard thought. Then again, maybe there was a reason it was Jacob who she talked to so frequently...

"Shepard!"

Jack's snappy tone broke Shepard's musings.

"What is it?"

"You want me to work for you? I need your help." Jack said in a manner which suggested Shepard would do whatever Jack demanded no matter what.

Shepard rolled her eyes.

"What is it, Jack?"

"That Cerberus torture house where they kept me. I want to go there and plant a big fucking bomb and watch that thing burn." Jack said with absolute relish, speaking as loudly as possible so that Shepard knew that Miranda was now listening closely.

"Bombing our allies in a middle of a mission isn't going to happen." Shepard stated, frowning.

"It's abandoned- nobody has been there for years. Cleared off and got on with their pathetic lives. Bastards." Jack spat.

"Okay then." Shepard agreed.

"Just like that the Snow White Commander agrees?" Jack asked in surprise.

"You're on my squad and you're my friend. Of course I'll do it." Shepard responded with no qualms.

"Don't get all touchy feely Shep. I just need this done." Jack dismissed.

"I'll tell Joker now. We'll be there by tomorrow." Shepard assured.

"Oh, and the cheerleader can come along too," she added now yelling across at Miranda who hadn't even been pretending not to listen, "see what Cerberus really are. Let's see what how the cheerleader tries to spin that."

Jack stormed off leaving a perplexed Jacob, an enraged Miranda and a somewhat apologetic Shepard in her wake.

* * *

The mission was one of the more painful ones for Shepard; not only did Jack take jabs at Miranda every few seconds but Shepard had managed to get bitten by one of the blasted varren. She'd hesitated to kill the first one, cursing her own stupid love for animals and while she was distracted a second ran round the corner and bit her on the thigh. Shooting it at point blank range filled her with disgust and pity- they were invading their home after all and were just trying to defend themselves.

Of course nothing was ever easy and a group of mercenaries had tried to strip the place. They were barely a match and it was only a minute before they were all wiped out, including the charging krogans. There was one person left behind though: Aresh, a man who had also been tortured in that place as a child and wanted to restart it. Jack had wanted to kill him but to Shepard's surprise had listened to her assertions that he was already dead inside anyway and deserved pity.

An argument had broken out between Miranda and Jack on the return journey but Shepard found herself in no mood in the cramped and hot shuttle as they flew through the garden world and threatened to throw them both out of the vehicle. Miranda only responded by throwing the commander a stony look, clearly betrayed that she had not just taken her side. This pained Shepard for Miranda should know by now how much she respected her but she wasn't going to side with her on everything- and just sticking with her second in command to save face would be no way to lead a squad either.

In the mess hall that evening Jack had slammed her tray down in front of Shepard's and sat opposite her.

"Thanks..." Jack muttered quietly.

"No problem, Jack." Shepard replied, playing with her food; she felt in no mood to eat and the smell radiating from it seemed to suggest that Gardner had ran out of the quality supplies.

"I'm still not done with that Cerberus bitch." Jack threatened.

"You are if you want to stay on this ship." Shepard stated with finality.

"You don't need her for this. Look at all the fucking people we're getting. Can just chuck that whore out the airlock." Jack mused with malevolence.

"I need her on the team and I need you to shut up about her." Shepard groaned, pushing the tray away from her as she felt increasingly nauseous.

"Shit. Fine. Don't say I never warned you." Jack reiterated.

"Just talk about something else okay?" Shepard half pleaded.

"Like what? My tattoos? My rap sheet? The cult?" Jack asked.

"Have you let your past go now?" Shepard started with the obvious.

"Yeah, you were right- Aresh is fucked up enough anyway and a bullet won't change that. It's done with. I own what they did to me and I'm the best biotic the galaxy has ever seen." Jack declared.

Shepard smiled, at least the trip had been good for something then.

"Tattoos then?"

"Some are just nice for the art, others are special, others for kills." Jack shrugged.

Shepard went through the list of categories Jack had suggested, careful not to pry too much but keen to know more about her. It was obvious Jack didn't trust easily and that had probably kept her alive even if it wasn't Shepard's usual MO and at least she finally got to find out more about that cult. They always prey on the vulnerable Shepard thought bitterly, when she had heard the story.

"Hey Shepard...nobody has ever asked me about this shit before so thanks -and fuck you." Jack declared, but in a tone gentle for her before getting up to leave.

Miranda came in the mess hall soon after and Shepard wondered whether she had waited for Jack to leave before grabbing some food so as to avoid another pointless argument. She seemed in absolutely no mood to talk to Shepard though as she kept her back to her the entire time and acted as though the commander didn't exist. Shepard couldn't say she was taken aback by this; she had figured dragging Miranda along and her having to put up with Jack's remarks would annoy Miranda greatly but they both knew that the team needed to be in top shape against the mission and had hoped Lawson would understand that enough to at least not let it impact their relationship.

Shepard left quickly and sulkily. She didn't see why she should be made to suffer for doing what was right by her crew -which Cerberus had insisted on and who Miranda was incredibly loyal to in the first place.

The cool air of Shepard's cabin met her slightly clammy skin with joy, but then within seconds she was shivering again. She cursed to herself, ships were so hard to keep the temperature right.

She changed into her nightwear- dark blue shorts and a gray t shirt- and threw herself on her bed where sleep quickly overwhelmed her.

The light was blazing in her room when she woke which couldn't have been more than a few hours later. She could feel that her clothes and bed sheets were soaked through and tried to reach to turn out the lights but found her arms were an impossible weight to bear. She then launched into a uncontrollable coughing fit which was so punching that the only movements she could make were to gasp for air. It eventually subsided but then there was an immense stomach cramp as though she had just been ferociously kicked and she suddenly rolled over and vomited down the side of her bed.

She had little clue as to what was happening around her but quite quickly she could feel somebody pressing a hand against a forehead and a thermometer in her mouth, while she heard the whir of somebody's omni tool. Soon after, she felt herself being lifted with exceptional care and saw gray flash around her, heard the gentle thud of an elevator before she was in a room that was bright and then immediately darker as somebody turned down the lights. The bed she was on was cool and made her gasp and shiver violently once more.

She tried to sit up but she'd moved barely an inch before she fell back and she felt her eyes roll backwards too.

 _And flames were dancing around her and then through her but in a flash she was floating in space. Alone, begging for help but no voice came. Her lungs were desperately trying to grasp at air but there was nothing there to hold onto. Please, please, she thought. Then she was back again a mile away in the distance, standing alone in a field, watching a two storey farm house burn and fire was spreading everywhere like a virus mercilessly finding new prey. People were yelling and sobbing in the distance, she swore she could feel their gasping breaths in the air around her although she was quite alone..._

 _A single scream. Kaidan's decapitated head was before her screaming in a note Shepard would have thought impossible, asking 'why me?' again and again but his eyes were dead as his mouth moved and a black and shrivelled tongue shrieked the same words over and over. Ash's head was before her now she was just as lifeless and twisted, repeating 'we would have followed you anywhere', and then she was alone in the depths and shallows and indefinable landscape of nothingness again. All that could be heard were her own attempts at breaths. She could barely feel her hands grasp at her head but there was nothing to do. She was going to die, to join Kaidan and Ash, and how she wanted it because there had to be more than this..._

* * *

Shepard, with great effort, blinked and found that a dimmed light hung above her frame. This wasn't her room. She turned her head with all of the strength she could muster and saw that she was in the med bay. Of course, EDI...

Miranda was dozing on a chair to her right with her head resting on one hand and a data pad in front of her. Shepard felt a surge of guilt at how exhausted and quite fragile Miranda looked like this but then thought that Lawson probably ended up sleeping like this on a lot of nights, especially during the Lazarus Project. The project which had saved her from death and brought her life...and image of her own body floating in space swam before her but she wrenched her mind elsewhere.

She saw a jug of water not far from Miranda and slowly raised her hand and aimed a biotic wave at it so as to pull it to her. It twitched just enough to swing on its side, fall and shatter on the floor - at which Miranda woke with a start before rushing to Shepard's side.

"Just wanted a drink." Shepard explained, her voice breaking over each word.

"Shh. I'll get you one in a second." Miranda whispered, as though the effort to talk had left her too and now that she was closer to Shepard the commander noticed the deep dark circles under her eyes and her paleness probably mirrored her own.

Miranda took Shepard's temperature again, scanned her with her omni tool and then seemingly satisfied, pulled the blanket covering Shepard back up around her properly and grabbed Shepard a bottle of water from the mini refrigerator under the doctor's desk.

"Chakwas just went for some breakfast. She couldn't leave until she was certain you were out of danger." Miranda spoke shakily. "You've been a bit unwell. EDI altered us when you vomited and your heart rate peaked."

Shepard grimaced with shame at the thought of the state she was found in.

"That damn varren. When it bit you it infected you with a rare virus. It's quick and sometimes fatal if the symptoms aren't under control soon so we found you at the right time..." Miranda's voice trailed off as though she didn't dare think about what could have happened, and then came back with her usual strength, "I said that mission was pointless and it was worse: you almost died."

"Ahh, you could have just rebuilt me again". Shepard whispered.

"It's not funny." Miranda snapped.

"I need any bit of comedy I can get right now; I feel lousy and it isn't Jack's fault. How was anyone supposed to predict that?" Shepard asked incredulously.

"Unnecessary missions just increase the risk-"

"I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I'd go anywhere if one of my team asked it of me." Shepard insisted.

"Angela, you almost died." Miranda snapped.

"What did you just call me then?" Shepard asked completely amused.

"Forgot your own name?" Miranda shot defensively, clearly uncomfortable at having been so gentle.

"No," replied Shepard, "just don't ever shorten it to 'Angel'."

"That wouldn't really work on you." Miranda observed drily.

"No, as some fellow class mates were all too happy to point out in the school play. Damn nicknames." Shepard muttered.

"Can you take this seriously for a minute?" Miranda demanded.

"I am. I feel completely wrecked- which is saying something as I have actually died. Please, my head is killing me. I don't want to argue." Shepard pleaded.

"Okay then."

And Miranda made to leave.

"You're going?"

Miranda stopped for a second and seemed to soften.

"I'll just get you some food- dry toast, mind - and then I'll stay right here."

Shepard felt herself relax ever so slightly. After several minutes she heard Miranda come back through the door but she couldn't bring herself to open her eyes or even make a start on the food as exhaustion threatened to engulf her. The last thing Shepard could recall before sleep embraced her once more was a gentle gloved finger tenderly brushing a strand of red hair back from her face behind her ear.


	7. What They Fight For

Twenty four hours later and Shepard felt well enough to try to make out of the med bay. At this stage, it was rather like having a bad case of the cold but without the blocked nose. She kept getting a mild fever on and off every ten minutes or so and her muscles ached with exhaustion and dehydration but she couldn't lie still and feel sorry for herself any longer.

As she finished changing into jeans and a sweater, Jack came in.

"Chakwas said you were leaving this shit hole today."

"Yeah, just need to take it easy for a few days then I'll be good as new...again." Shepard smiled.

Jack said nothing and Shepard noticed her eyes were slightly stained red.

"Have you been crying?" She asked.

"What?" asked Jack, aghast. "Fuck no!"

"There were varren on Omega. Could have happened anywhere" Shepard reassured her.

"I know that." said Jack vehemently. "Thought you looked like shit yesterday but it was hard to tell."

"Cheers." Grinned Shepard. "Come on, I want some food."

"Your ship your orders." Jack said.

"Glad you've finally noticed." Shepard joked on their way out.

Shepard was glad to be out of the med bay but not as pleased at the furtive looks people shot at her as she walked through the mess hall. She had little desire to be pitied nor to talk about what she had been through. The pain had been horrendous and those vivid dreams would haunt her nightmares for many days she suspected. She grabbed a plate of pancakes Gardner had served and went with Jack to sit with Kasumi and Garrus.

"You look like hell, Shepard." Garrus commented.

"My face is still better than yours," responded Shepard, pointing a fork full of pancake at him.

"Just put on that dress again Shep and no one will be looking at your face." Kasumi suggested.

Shepard laughed sarcastically and glanced over to Miranda who was pouring herself a coffee across the hall. She looked up and her eyes met with Shepard's, and Miranda gave her a soft smile. Shepard smiled in return and turned back to her friends to see Jack's eyes narrowed.

"What is it?" Shepard asked.

"Nothing." Jack answered defensively.

"Where are Grunt and Zaeed anyway?" Shepard asked the others.

"Erm..." Garrus trailed off.

"Oh they're real tough guys, those two!" Kasumi laughed. "They didn't want to join when they heard you were getting out in case you were contagious."

"There's the solidarity of ship life that I know and love." Shepard quipped. "Just for that I'm taking those two on the next mission and I'll be sure to cough a lot in their direction."

"Ohhh..." Garrus moaned. "I wanted to go on the next one."

"I think there will be plenty more opportunities Garrus, this is Shep we're dealing with." Kasumi noted.

"True." Jack and Garrus responded together.

"Hey!" Shepard protested.

* * *

Shepard recovered quickly over the next few days and insisted on going out on the missions she had already planned. She took Grunt and Zaeed to recruit the justicar which Shepard had considered a huge mistake, at least in the case of the latter squad mate who started hitting on the new recruit as soon as he saw her. It did not go down well, particularly when Zaeed started talking about his one true love: his rifle called Jessie.

After that, Shepard took Jack and Garrus out to go and track down the assassin. Shepard relished in this mission. It was exhilarating to chase after the assassin and try to reach his mark first. She couldn't hide her pleasure either at such an intense mission especially after being cooped up in the med bay. Thane was not exactly what she expected; deeply religious but dying and remorseless when it came to those he killed. She couldn't deny his skills though.

Yet, she still hadn't visited Liara but finally something pushed her to visiting her old friend just so she could get off the ship and avoid somebody else. Shepard did not have a clue what had changed but since recovering she couldn't stand the thought of seeing Miranda or, more accurately, of Miranda seeing her.

Shame washed over her every time she thought of what a state she must have been in that night. She was also pretty sure that during her hallucinations she had spoken aloud or cried out. She was convinced Miranda would think she was pathetic and she hated the fact she had seen her so weak. She'd already had to hold Shepard's hand once during the Lazarus Project when the sedation had worn off. She didn't want Miranda to think of her as damaged and she did not want Miranda to think of herself as her carer. She did not need one. They'd had such a strained relationship at times which swayed rapidly from tense and challenging to playful and joking. Shepard did not know where this left them. Dodging Miranda's every move was not making the situation any less muddy.

It was a dramatic change in attitudes considering on her second night in the med bay Miranda had insisted on sleeping in the room too so she could keep an eye on her and they had in fact ended up talking for most of the night about nothing and everything in particular. Despite the fact she had felt nauseous with every breath, sweat clung to her and she had experienced periods of annoying shivering she had not been able to recall a time where she had felt more at ease and she swore that Miranda wasn't just humouring her as her second in command or the leader of the Lazarus Project.

The Lazarus Project also kept creeping into her thoughts. She sometimes contemplated just how she must have been when Miranda had started putting her back together and all she had seen and done since in doing so, and the thought mortified Shepard. If it had been Chakwas it would have been fine; she'd been her doctor for years but the fact it was Miranda made Shepard squirm.

She was sure Miranda knew that she was avoiding her too; they'd gone from regular contact with Shepard dropping by and plonking herself on Lawson's couch to Shepard just sending a cursory message via EDI about who she was taking on the next missions with absolutely no consultation.

She headed out with Jacob and Garrus to go and see Liara; she'd chosen Garrus as back up as she knew he would yell at her in her stead if things went the same way as they had with Ash. She figured bringing Grunt would probably be a bad idea- she did not want Liara to end up being head butted by a krogan even if things did go wrong.

Things did not bode well when she entered the office and heard Liara threaten to flay someone with her mind. This alarmed Shepard; when they met Liara she was so naive and delicate and thought they were hallucinations in her mind when she was trapped in that field. Shepard had to suppress a snigger at that old memory.

Liara did not seem to think her threats strange as she greeted Shepard as though she had done nothing more than been on a long holiday. It was a brief chat and Shepard was glad of this as she was sure nothing good was going to come of Liara's work as she seemed determined to track down the shadow broker. She just knew she'd be dragged into that mess later on.

To her fury, Liara refused to help too and merely explained that in two years she had moved on. Shepard could only respond with a 'right' and bit back the retort that she was sure the reapers hadn't moved on.

"It's probably done Liara some good to be away from you for a bit, you know, so she can move on." Garrus tried kindly, as they headed back to the ship.

"Personal feelings shouldn't get in the way when we're up against the collectors. Shepard needs the best and T'soni was part of the team that took down Saren too." Jacob interjected.

"We don't really need her skills what with Samara and Jack now." Shepard said somewhat half-heartedly.

"You've got the best team around already. We won't let you down, Commander." Jacob vowed.

* * *

"I want to come with you to investigate Project Overlord." Miranda said the second she walked through Shepard's door.

"Miranda! You can't just come in here whenever you like. I could have been changing." Shepard reproached; she had been hiding out in her cabin since the visit with Liara.

"What am I supposed to do when you're avoiding me?" Miranda asked.

Shepard tilted her head unconsciously for a moment before regaining composure and quickly going on the attack.

"Why do you want to come anyway? I didn't think seeing a crappy Cerberus operation would be your thing." Shepard commented.

"That's exactly why I want to see it." Miranda explained.

Shepard looked closely at Miranda and saw the same determination that was always present in her eyes. Miranda always looked as though anything was possible and Shepard found that ironic given how that's how everybody was supposed to think of her.

"Okay. You can come." Shepard agreed reluctantly.

"Is something wrong?" Miranda asked, frowning and clearly taken aback by either Shepard's resigned tone or the fact she had not bothered to argue further.

"Nothing. I'm all better." Shepard deflected and slightly stung at the idea that Miranda was potentially evaluating her condition.

There was a pause and Miranda shifted slightly awkwardly from side to side.

"When you talk I have no idea what you're thinking." Miranda admitted.

Shepard was taken aback by this comment, surprised that Miranda would even think of such a thing.

"Miranda, you spent the last two years learning everything there is to know about me." Shepard answered, a smile playing at her lips at the memory of when Miranda first said this so confidently.

"Clearly I made some mistakes in the project then as you are quite unpredictable." She said, tilting her head and smiling back at her commander but Shepard faltered and grimaced at the mention of the project and Miranda noticed. "What is it?

"There's nothing." Shepard denied again.

"There's nothing wrong with being unwell, and as for the project it was Wilson that did all of the work on-"

But Shepard cut her off with a moan.

"You don't like thinking about what we did?" Miranda asked and Shepard had a funny feeling that Miranda could actually read her quite well despite what she thought.

"I just don't want to talk about that or that stupid virus- ever." Shepard asserted, resolute.

Miranda watched her carefully for a moment and nodded briefly.

* * *

"Shepard," Miranda muttered in a low voice as the commander approached her by the hammerhead, "do you accept this?"

"What do you mean?" Shepard asked and Miranda pulled her closer to her while Garrus dragged a body out of the way in the background.

"Everything Archer said. Do you trust him?" Miranda clarified.

Shepard raised her eyebrows.

"What do you think?"

Miranda nodded in grim understanding. "He seems very unconcerned at the prospect that we may have to kill his younger brother to fix this mess."

"It could be two reasons: one, they aren't a very happy family which wouldn't be a shock to this galaxy or two, he wants us to take care of him to cover his tracks."

"Precisely my thoughts." Miranda agreed.

Garrus walked over to them and informed them that was the last body that had been moved.

"Okay, let's move out to the first station." Shepard ordered.

"I'm driving." Garrus almost shouted quickly.

"Excuse me?" Shepard asked.

"I'm driving, or maybe even Miranda, but I am not getting in that thing with you driving."

Shepard was both incredulous and amused at how panicky Garrus sounded.

"Are you joking?"

Miranda sighed impatiently at the pair of them.

"I've never been more serious." Garrus stated solemnly.

"There is nothing wrong with my driving!" Shepard argued.

"The mass relay at Ilos?" Garrus questioned.

"We had to go through that- it wasn't my fault!"

"What about when we were surrounded by geth at Feros and somehow you managed to get us trapped upside down in the mako in the middle of the battle field. Liara had to use her biotics on the side of the mako to gently push it up the right way again so we could get out of there!"

"There was a lot going on that day!" Shepard protested hotly.

"Are either of you two ever going to get in here?" Miranda shouted completely exasperated from the cockpit of the hammerhead.

"I guess Miranda's driving then." Shepard reassured Garrus.

* * *

The first station was not a problem although none of them particularly took heart in Archer's congratulations of their efforts as not one of them trusted him. There was no such luck with Prometheus Station. The second they entered it was obvious to all three of them that this was going to be a pain; it was completely silent and the three of them were far too experienced to think that was a good thing. Sure enough, once Shepard had managed to activate the override the geth came to life.

"I knew it was too easy." Shepard said bitterly.

The three of them ran back through the station with geth breaking out of cover every so often. The one stroke of luck that did come their way was that the station was such a mess and so much had caved in that it gave them plenty of cover so they were able to break up the geth tactics relatively early.

Towards the exit there were geth surrounding them with a prime on the floor below. Garrus and Miranda took care of the fighters on the opposite sides of the corridor and Shepard took down the prime in less than a minute.

"What do you reckon is at the final station then?" Garrus asked, kicking one of the fallen geth out of the way of the door.

"Oh I'm sure there's a party waiting for us." Shepard joked.

"Yeah, a party of combat AIs." Miranda corrected.

* * *

At the conclusion of the mission all three of them would have settled for just having to face off a hundred or so geth; what they saw horrified them and was beyond any of their imaginations.

Archer's younger brother, David, was connected to a thousand different devices with one enormous tube hanging from his mouth and he was left naked, all so his older brother could use him to control the geth. Of all of the things Shepard had ever had to witness this was the one that sickened her the most, even more than seeing what had been done to Jack.

Shepard had allowed Archer to live although there was murder in her heart as she looked upon him. He was cleared out of the building while Shepard went to help David.

"David, I'm Angela. Angela Shepard. I'm here to help you. These things look pretty painful so I'm going to get them off you but one at a time. I'll go slowly so it doesn't hurt but please say if you need me to stop at any time, okay?" She told him reassuringly.

One by one she started to remove the hideous tubes starting with the one which was jamming his mouth open although she was extremely cautious as it struggled to get past his teeth. It reminded her, repulsively, of the long tubes used on vacuum cleaners.

She then removed the ones from his eyes which had kept him from blinking or even being able to cry. There was something too tremendously heartbreaking that he'd been abused to such an extent that he was denied the right to even cry about it.

Miranda located a storage room with her omnitool and gathered some clothes and a blanket and Shepard helped him dress.

"David, if you agree, we're going to take you to a place called Grissom Academy now. It's a place for young people who are different but it helps them be safe and get a good education and there are people there who will truly help you. You won't be hurt ever again. Would you like to go there?" Shepard asked.

David merely nodded. He had repeated over and over again the square root of nine hundred and six point zero one and Archer's words that "it all seemed harmless" until he had been taken down from the platform. He seemed unable to talk or express the pain he felt or perhaps it was all too much to comprehend. As they called for the shuttle, David grasped Shepard's hand and she squeezed his reassuringly and led him forwards.

* * *

"Shepard!" Dr. Townsend cried as the four travellers stepped from the shuttle onto the entrance of Grissom Academy.

Dr. Townsend had been with the Alliance briefly but then switched career paths feeling that it would be more worthwhile to dedicate herself to helping the vulnerable young people of the academy. She'd been more than generous with her time over the years as Shepard every so often encountered somebody she could help on her missions which took her all over the galaxy, and the commander was grateful that she had someone she could trust David's care to.

The doctor led them into a private room where Shepard filled her in on everything that happened although she avoided directly blaming Cerberus. She despised Archer and what he had done and she had no desire to protect the Illusive Man from what she saw as a great failing on his part as the leader of the organisation, but somehow by blaming Cerberus she felt that she would inevitably be implicating Miranda - which would be how the Council would see it and they had already been quick to remind her that working with a terrorist organisation was a capital offense. She could not let Miranda be connected to this atrocity.

To make David feel more welcome, the doctor called for one of her older students to help accompany him as she settled in and it was none other than the first student Shepard had ever sent to the academy. As soon as Jess saw the commander he ran forwards and hugged her, as though greeting a sister.

"You look good, Jess." She remarked.

"You look like hell," was his typically smart arsed comment.

"Yeah, well, life at war and all that..." She answered evasively. "This is David, and he's going to need some time to really take in everything."

"We'll look after him." Jess promised her earnestly.

As Shepard said goodbye to David and told him to take care he hugged her too, quickly and briefly, and then left with Jess and the doctor.

"Who was that kid?" Garrus asked when they were back on the shuttle.

"Jess? I met him when we were on the Citadel before we headed out to track down Saren. He got into trouble with c sec as he tried to graffiti Chora's Den after it got trashed by us. One of the guys were pretty heavy with him so he lashed out and he's an amazing biotic. The guy was lucky he didn't come to any serious harm. Anyway, it seemed a bit unfair that they were going to give me a pat on the back for shooting the place up and him possibly time in a facility for a prank and an officer that was totally out of line. I leaned on them and they let him go. He thanked me and we got talking and he explained how he didn't have any decent family and his biotics were always getting him into trouble so I recommended him for the academy and it looks like it's working out."

There was a gentle thud as the shuttle landed back on the Normandy.

"I guess giving the kid a second chance worked out then." Garrus said.

"More like a first one, really." Shepard corrected.

Garrus led the way out of the shuttle but Shepard felt a hand close around her arm before she could get out and turned to look at Miranda.

"I didn't know." Miranda stated, horrified.

Shepard looked at her in amazement.

"Of course I know that, you idiot. I never doubted you for a second. Now are you going to get out of here or not?"

* * *

"Shepard, you want to get down to the mess hall there's a cat fight between Miranda and Jack in front of everybody." Joker informed Shepard over the intercom.

"Terrific" Shepard muttered.

"Tension is quite common in scenarios such as this; the two of them are displaying-"

"Thank you, Kelly." Shepard cut her off and she headed down there from the CIC.

As Shepard approached from the elevator, she could see almost every member of the team standing several yards back but circled around them and she forced her way through the pack.

"Touch me and I will smear the walls with you, bitch!" Jack shouted as she grabbed the nearest table with her biotics and made to slam it at Miranda but Shepard grabbed the table with her own biotics, overpowering a seething Jack, and slammed it against the furthest wall in anger as the crowd scurried out of the way.

"What the hell are you doing?" Shepard demanded.

"She thinks I was responsible for what happened to David." Miranda spat.

"Miranda has been working with us for months." Shepard explained, her patience with the pair of them well and truly at breaking point.

"You're the Illusive Man's whore and yet somehow all this shit goes on and you know nothing?" Jack sneered.

"Enough!" Shepard yelled, taking a step towards both of them. " Miranda you will respect what Jack was put through at the hands of this organisation-"

"-but Shepard-"

"-and Jack you will accept Miranda had nothing to do with it. Look at yourself. Look at what you're saying. Look at all of us. You're a murderer." Shepard pointed at her. "You get off on watching other people suffer from your biotic attacks-"

"Shepard-" Jack started outraged.

"-And I'm not much better. How many krogan did I slaughter when I destroyed their hope for freedom from the genophage and left a team mate to die for me?"

Shepard started pacing around all of them. It was imperative that they understood, that they put aside their egos and petty grudges for there was far more at stake. She couldn't make them friends but she sure as well was going to unite them against the collectors. Nobody else was going to die.

"Garrus," she said pointing at him as he stood a little way behind Jack, "deliberately set out to kill possibly hundreds of people in those merc groups and most of them were poor teenagers who didn't know any better, all so he could nail the top guys."

"He's a mass murderer," she pointed to Zaeed, "he's spent his whole life targeting people and so has Thane, here. Jacob called him a gun for hire but look at Jacob, what is he then? Grunt was born ready to kill and spends his days dreaming of slaughtering turians."

"Mordin," she pointed to the scientist next, "was part of the team that sterilised an entire species! Samara hasn't shied away from the code once and never failed to murder when it was expected of her."

"There are no saints here. Every single one of us has blood on our hands but we are all we have got. The galaxy has turned its back on us. The Council would soon as execute us than help us. They call us traitors. They call us terrorists but we're the only ones fighting for our future. We can't fight each other now because if we do then we're going to fail. We're never going to make it back from the final assault on the collectors. We won't get it done. We'll die and the reapers will walk into our galaxy and won't hesitate in killing every single person and species that lives. This isn't about us now, this is all for them." Shepard finished, and confident that Miranda and Jack were both sufficiently pacified that neither would launch an attack at the other she made to break free from this crowded circle but as she left Jacob saluted her and she felt the hands of everybody around her go to their heads and she nodded and dismissed them all.


	8. A Place for Peace

Shepard had granted the crew twenty hour hours leave as they docked at Ilium. Shepard appreciated that any time off they could get would be good given the bleak outcome that was expected from going after the final objective, win or lose, so they deserved a break.

She'd spent her lunch with Garrus at Eternity but there was an ulterior motive for this which she thought Garrus had suspected after about five minutes of conversing with the matriarch bar tender. Neither of them spoke directly about why they were there but Shepard wanted to make sure Garrus understood what her theory just in case she ended up in any more explosions, which was a great tribute to their friendship and trust they shared.

She didn't know whether to tell Liara about what she believed but she was also unsure that Liara didn't not know something anyway. Shepard was sure Liara was keeping track of her in her new role as information broker, and found it hard to believe she wouldn't have tried to find out anything about a matriarch who was stationed so close to her own office. Shepard had also recalled Liara's conflicting emotions around the subject of whether to find someone who had probably abandoned her and whether confronting an old wound like that would really be worth anything. Shepard didn't even know if this person was someone Liara should get to know- she could just mean more trouble which she was well aware of after what had happened with Benezia. Ultimately, she decided that it really wasn't her place to tell her at this point in time but she wanted another trusted old friend to know this potential secret too in case he was ever in a position to tell Liara if she wanted to know.

Entering the Normandy again felt quite surreal given how quiet it was with half of the occupants already out and having their own fun in the city. It was a nice change to hear it so quiet and none of the intensity which came with missions. She headed down to check on Jack, feeling that it would be best to clear the air after the fight yesterday.

Jack didn't look up when she entered, the sound of her heels probably gave her away as she descended to her hidey hole.

"You okay?" Shepard asked.

"Don't worry Shepard. We're cool and I'm not going to ruin the cheer leader's pretty face so no need to worry." Jack said, finally looking at her, and then with a smirk added, "Wanted to see you out of uniform but didn't expect that..."

"I had lunch with Garrus." Shepard explained, gesturing at her mossy green but slightly short day dress.

"Thanks for the invite, fuckers."

"We both know you go where you want when you want." Shepard smiled.

"Yet here the fuck I am." Jack said, looking around at the ship.

"You really want to leave?" Shepard asked, grinning at knowing the answer.

"Don't think I'm sticking around for your saviour of the galaxy routine. Me and Grunt just can't wait for the fireworks."

"I know, I just was worried in case you felt useless now..." Shepard teased.

"Useless?" Jack spat.

"Yeah, now we've got an asari justicar. Now, I'm sure your biotics will still be useful. If a door gets stuck or anything I'll let you take care of it."

"Keep it up Shep and you'll get firsthand experience of what my powers can do." Jack scoffed.

"Okay, fine, I'll go...you obviously need plenty of rest." Shepard jumped backwards as Jack aimed a small biotic wave at her intending to jolt her.

"Hey, Shep," Jack called as she was about to ascend the stairs.

"Yeah?" Shepard replied, turning back.

"You still can't trust them."

Shepard nodded and then left her to go and clear the air with the other bioitc who caused such trouble the night before.

Shepard didn't really wait for Miranda to welcome her before she once again made herself comfortable on the couch in front of Miranda's terminal where she was working.

"Nice dress." Miranda remarked, looking her up and down briefly, which made Shepard's stomach leap slightly, before turning back to the terminal.

"Just glad of a chance to be out of that hideous uniform." Shepard said, revolted.

"You rarely wear it anyway. You always just put up on a Cerberus sweater instead and then dark trousers." Miranda commented.

"Yeah, well, those shorts are ghastly. The colour scheme would get me attacked in my old school- rival school's team colours," Shepard added at Miranda's confused look.

"I think they'd attack you now just for working with Cerberus." Miranda noted.

"That assumes they would follow the Alliance blindly." Shepard stated.

"True, but most do and I suppose I'm rather used to assuming the role of galactic bad guy at this point." Miranda sighed.

"And yet you helped do something truly wonderful yesterday." Shepard countered.

"The Illusive Man said it was a shame what happened to David, but that the data was useful..." Miranda trailed off.

Shepard digested this news, completely annoyed at the Illusive Man who was more interested in the outcome of so called research than the fact that a young boy had been traumatised. She also appreciated what Miranda was saying and what she wasn't. She'd learnt to read the operative and had somehow won enough of her confidence that Lawson would share these little snippets of insight where the fact she was saying anything at all revealed far more than the words themselves, and now she could start to see Miranda's unease.

"Let's focus on the positive that David is in a safe place now and can begin to move on with his life." Shepard stressed.

"Why aren't you challenging his response? You've never been satisfied with his tactics, you still doubt Cerberus and that must have outraged you." Miranda asked, scrutinising Shepard.

Shepard sat up on the couch and mulled over her words for a moment.

"I don't trust him and I don't like him much, but I don't know him like you." Shepard explained. "You're right in the middle of all of this. At first I didn't know what to make of that and how you'd work with me but I think that was selfish on my part. You're having to deal with the both of us pushing in different directions a lot of the time. I have my opinions on Cerberus and you've got your own beliefs and I'm not here to try and change your mind. You can make your own decisions in life - I won't always agree with them but I'll support them."

"So...you're actually being considerate for a change?" Miranda asked, the corners of her lips twitching.

"It probably won't last." Shepard admitted.

"Shepard..." Miranda started in an apologetic tone and leaning forward at her terminal,"...about yesterday, I'm sorry you had to break that up. There won't be any issues or conflict going forwards- at least from my side of things."

"It was always going to end up like that at some point." Shepard said fairly.

"Maybe...what you said then and to the crew...all those things you said to David...they meant a lot." Miranda said earnestly. "You're a great leader."

"A leader is only as good as the team." Shepard corrected.

"Will you just take the damn compliment." Miranda snapped impatiently making Shepard laugh and it was a moment or two before Miranda spoke again. "Jacob was especially...inspired."

"Kind of wish he'd stop saluting me so much though." Shepard muttered.

"He thinks a lot of you." Miranda pressed on quietly.

Shepard had wondered whether this would come up due to the ship's insatiable desire for gossip, and Jacob had eluded to a possible past relationship with Miranda. She felt a wave of annoyance and she couldn't quite decipher its purpose but she didn't want to hurt Miranda if she still cared for him. She didn't particularly want to encourage any reconciliation between the two either, however.

"He's a great guy but there's nothing going on if that's what you mean." Shepard reassured her, tilting her head slightly to watch her reaction and then leaning to lie back on the couch once more when Miranda's face remained impassive.

"He said something about Liara not getting over you, Jack keeps throwing herself at you...you must just love the attention." Miranda teased slowly.

Shepard laughed.

"Nothing happened with Liara and the only thing Jack ever wants to throw at me is a shockwave." She responded.

Miranda seemed to accept these statements as she turned back to her terminal and went back to whatever she was working on - another report to The Illusive Man most likely- and Shepard found the change to be rather irritating and she was perturbed and confused that she had found Miranda's questioning uncomfortable, agitating and yet elating too.

"Shepard, there was one other thing." Miranda said after a while, breaking Shepard's thoughts. "We have some time, have you considered visiting the crash site of the Normandy?"

"You don't even pretend not to read my emails anymore." Shepard mused.

"You already know so why should I? And do you ever sort out your junk mail?" Miranda asked.

"Nope, because if I have to suffer through it then so should you." Shepard grinned.

"Suffer is about right. Who is Conrad Venner? He sends you about a dozen messages a day."

"Just a fan- please, don't ask." Shepard begged and Miranda raised her eyebrows but mercifully let it go.

"So...the Normandy?" Miranda prompted.

She hadn't expected Miranda to have given this any thought. Miranda had wanted focus on the primary objective of bringing down the collectors and she had assumed that the operative would just see this as a distraction.

"Okay. I'll go after shore leave." Shepard said with more certainty about it than she felt.

* * *

The leave had not been much fun for Shepard given the long list of upgrades and element supplies she had worked on which they needed to have any chance against the collectors. There was plenty of time to go chasing after the collectors - they still didn't even know where they were although she was sure the Illusive Man would have news for her soon- and she was adamant that not one aspect of the mission should be rushed as it would run the risk of dire consequences, so once she had left Miranda's office she had spent the entire time working in her cabin and didn't emerge until dinner that evening.

Most people hadn't returned yet from Illium so the mess hall, which was usually one of the loudest places on the ship, was supremely still. Gardner had been given leave too so Joker had a load of pizzas delivered. Shepard made a note to herself that one of these days she should really learn to cook but she grabbed a slice and made for a table and a few seconds later Miranda was sitting opposite her.

"Wow." Shepard whistled.

"What?" Miranda asked, concerned.

"You're associating with me in public. This is a first for the galaxy." Shepard joked.

"I actually spend my time doing work, Shepard." Miranda cut.

"Yeah...the work I tell you to do." Shepard joked and Miranda actually flicked a piece of mushroom from her slice of pizza at Shepard. "You know, we actually don't have anyone to clean up after us for once so maybe leave the food fight until everyone gets back."

"Coward..." Miranda muttered, at which Shepard laughed, astonished.

"It has been pleasant to be surrounded by so many but I must admit the quiet makes a nice change" Samara said, announcing her arrival and Shepard gestured politely that she should join them.

"The Cerberus team has been much more welcoming than I would have assumed given their reputation." Thane nodded at Miranda before sitting next to her.

Miranda shot Shepard a perplexed look at the fact that in the space of a few seconds they had been joined by a supremely skilled assassin and an asari justicar who struck down anybody who went against the code- which both Shepard and Miranda both had done numerous times in their respective careers. Shepard had to stifle a laugh so as not to appear rude.

"I'm glad you're settling in." Miranda directed at Thane, and Shepard hoped he wouldn't mention Jacob's less than enthusiastic greeting when he had first arrived onboard.

"It is strange...I have been alone for many years and to work with a team has been an interesting change of pace." Thane admitted.

"Many of the souls on this ship have remained alone for a very long time even as they have operated as part of a team. You are both women leaders and a lot is inevitably expected of you, you both hold many burdens close to you, as you should, yet are available for the crew when needed." Samara surmised while Shepard and Miranda exchanged slightly confused and discomfited looks.

"No one is ever really alone on this team. Nobody can go through life alone." Shepard deflected.

"The drell beliefs are not so different. My body is alone and a tool to be used by those who employ me. I have been trained as an assassin but my soul remains with those I love and care for." Thane explained.

"So your soul remains unmarked despite the contracts you carry out?" Miranda asked.

"Yes, body and soul are separate entities. I believe there are many similar ideas surrounding the religions that humans believe in."

Despite herself, Shepard thought back to when Ash had talked of religion so passionately on the Normandy. It was not something she believed in but she admired people who, like Samara and Thane, had their own codes of life and would live so committed to them although that was not to say that she was at all comfortable with the things they had done nor with the way in which they had done them. It was Samara's code in particular that caused Shepard conflict as the code could say anything about what was morally right and morally wrong and then compel one to kill. If someone stole and it was for food to eat, the code would not be so quick to take the context into account if it deemed stealing wrong. It wasn't so long ago on Earth that people were branded as being against moral codes for certain types of relationships they entered or beliefs they held.

"Do you believe in such things?" Thane asked Miranda.

"Not particularly. I believe in what I can see and feel. Humanity has fought so many religious wars and so many have died because of it that it makes it hard to really believe in any of them." Miranda shrugged.

"Don't the asari put emphasis more on the mind than on the soul?" Shepard asked Samara.

"The melds have been romanticised throughout history but in a union they are a representation of a longing for the truest connection." Samara responded.

"Just because a couple without an asari partner cannot meld it wouldn't necessarily mean their connection isn't as true." Miranda interjected.

"Of course not, I meant no offence. As I said, it has been romanticised and so asari culture has come to revere the act." Samara said.

"Didn't like melding much and that was just so Liara could work out what the prothean beacon's message meant." Shepard commented, remembering darkly how much she had struggled to relax into the meld to even be able to show Liara the message; she had not enjoyed the idea of somebody being able to penetrate her mind.

"That would be difficult as it was not a true union willingly given." Samara replied.

Miranda had finished her food and bade them all a good evening before she left. Shepard remained to talk with Thane and Samara and discover more about them. They weren't as cold as one might have assumed due to their somewhat closed off demeanours but that was becoming a theme with a lot of the recruits, Shepard noticed. As the night drew on eventually the mess hall began to fill and as Shepard began to enjoy the sounds of laughter and chatting that echoed through the Normandy, dread also played on her mind as she knew tomorrow would bring silence once more.

* * *

Shepard walked down to the cockpit of the Normandy almost completely suited up but carrying her helmet and Joker turned to greet her.

"All ready, Commander?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm about to go down now with Garrus."

"Careful now, turians don't like the cold- I think he once told me." Joker rolled his eyes.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" She asked.

Joker's expression was a portrait of pain with that simple question and Shepard understood.

"The terrain down there...I don't think I'd be any good..." He muttered.

Shepard walked forward a grasped his shoulder gently.

"It's okay, Jo. I understand." She said kindly.

"Just...try and bring as many back as you can." He requested and Shepard nodded her commitment and made her way down to the shuttle bay.

Shepard hoped to find the dog tags of those who had perished in the attack and subsequent crash landing but she was doubtful. There was a winter storm that had raged below and they had waited hours for it to pass so it was safe enough for them just to go down there. It had been two years of who knew what weather and so the chances of finding them seemed slim.

As she stepped out of the elevator she saw Miranda waiting with Garrus and, more surprisingly, that that was that she was actually wearing armour.

"What? It's freezing down there." Miranda said in response to Shepard's curious stare.

"I didn't ask you to come along." Shepard said, but not unkindly.

"I know, but I wanted to." Miranda replied.

"You don't even like the Alliance."

"No, but they were your team and I'm not going for them." Miranda stated before pulling on her helmet and entering the shuttle.

The conditions were quite good for looking for certain features of the Normandy Shepard noticed as the shuttle descended. There was good light and the blanket of snow meant that things should shine through quite easily. She was stunned at just how much ground the Normandy had managed to cover. It had a perimeter of several kilometres.

They left the shuttle carefully, in case of ice but the ground was quite solid. There was a huge rock where the mako had landed on top of almost perfectly. Shepard smiled at the disastrous times they had on that thing and that it had managed to survive one last battle. It was almost like seeing an old friend again.

They made their way carefully searching as they walked. Every once in a while, to everybody's shock, they did manage to find a dog tag of a fallen soldier. When they first found one Shepard had been scared that they might find a body but there didn't seem to be any- they had either been destroyed in the explosion and the metal jewellery had survived or been buried by snow and the necklaces had broken free in the chaos. It was a childish thought perhaps but she was alarmed at the prospect of seeing them like that and that had been partly why she had been so reluctant to come.

She was also scared what else she would see or feel to look upon them for she was alive and they had been left abandoned in this most tragic place. They had fought with her, for her and then died for her and yet they had just been left here and while she was worshipped or reviled for her actions, they were forgotten names. They died on the Alliance's orders to search for geth who they were never going to find while the reapers were given yet more time to prepare and the collectors found the opportune moment to strike. She fought to keep walking and not to dwell so as to stop bitterness at the Alliance and the Council from consuming her.

After several moments Garrus cried out.

"Hey! Look! Our lockers!" Garrus ran forwards to them and tried to uncover them from the snow. "Wait, it's yours and Alenko's, I think. Yeah, I think that's what they say but they've taken some damage."

Shepard and Miranda joined him quickly.

"You think we should open it?" Shepard asked.

"It's your locker. Remember the combination?" Garrus asked.

"Not mine." Shepard said impatiently. "Alenko's. I know it's his stuff but there could be something to send to his family."

"Oh right...hang on then..."

Garrus looked around and then grabbed a jagged rock and started to hit the lock. After a few minutes it broke off and he opened the locker. There was nothing in except some guns and a photo of Alenko ,when he must have been in his late teens or early twenties, standing with a girl.

"Must be Rana..." Shepard muttered more to herself before pocketing the photo. "I'll send it on to his family."

Shepard ignored her own locker for she was quite sure there was nothing but weapons in it which she didn't need and they carried on. Besides, she didn't much like thinking back to who she was in those days before so much horror had taken place so she didn't feel like risking opening it up just to find all datapads full of promise for the future or anything else that she might have kept lying around.

She thought back to Alenko telling her about Rana and how he had scared her when he lashed out to protect her. She had understood Rana'a decision; seeing violence even once was often a shattering experience for many and it must have broken some of the trust she had in Kaidan no matter what the reason was. However, she felt desperately sorry that they couldn't have worked things out as it was so clear that Alenko still longed for her. Alenko's story just seemed so unfinished. He never even got to see the defeat of Saren.

After fifteen minutes they made it to the edge of the side of a cliff where the CIC of the original Normandy lay. Garrus climbed inside to have a look around and there were loud thuds as he chucked sheets of metal out of the way.

"Hey, I found something. Looks like journal entries. I think it's Pressley's, Shepard." Garrus called, emerging outside.

"Were you friends?" Miranda asked Shepard softly.

"Not really." Shepard shrugged.

She had once argued strongly with Pressley. He had objected to having aliens on the Normandy and their access to certain parts of the ship and Alliance files. He hid behind the excuse that he was old fashioned but as he continued to make derogatory comments Shepard had found herself increasingly angry. She didn't like to lose her temper with her subordinates but she couldn't tolerate racism on her ship. After that they'd had a civil relationship but neither really made the effort to bring it to a friendship.

"Wait...he compared the Normandy to a zoo?" Garrus asked, staring at the datapad stricken.

"What else do you expect?" Shepard asked, frustrated.

"Hang on, there's more. He talks about Tali being more helpful than he thought and that maybe he was wrong at first. This looks like the last entry...he says he can't believe what he wrote before, that without the aliens we could have never accomplished what we did..." Garrus faltered, "'...and I am proud to say I would die for any member of this crew, regardless of what world they were born on.'"

Silence surrounded them once more and guilt threatened to gnaw at Shepard. She had never taken the time to talk to him about that, never taken the time to get to know the change in him and he died thinking who knew what about her and the team. She could feel a single tear crawl down her cheek beneath her helmet.

"That was a surprise." Garrus admitted quietly.

"Yeah," Shepard nodded, her breathing tight.

Miranda seemed to understand and turned her head to where the cockpit of the Normandy lay.

"Come on, let's go lay the monument down over there."

Shepard and Garrus followed as Miranda called in the shuttle to bring it to the exact spot. The three of them lifted it fairly easily despite its deceptively heavy looks and stood it in front of the ruins of the ship. The gold the only real colour that lay across this landscape which was dominated by snow but occasionally scratched with bits of grey and black from the Normandy.

Shepard couldn't help but note the irony that while the Alliance had asked her on this quest, and had largely ignored her and her warnings about the reapers and the need to unite the galaxy against this devastating threat, it was a Cerberus operative and a turian soldier who stood by her side now through everything and she felt a sudden rush of affection for them and for all of the team back on the ship which was waiting for their return.

"Not much, is it?" Shepard asked, making a rotation on the spot she stood.

"Of a monument? No. But what we achieved? Those things that we did? That was everything." Garrus said. "I know you, Shepard. You take in the here and now but don't let this be your memory of all that happened. Remember everything we did together, everything we're still going to do and carry that with you."

Shepard nodded.

"Do you want to have a last look around?" Miranda asked.

"We've got the dog tags. There's nothing left to stay for." Shepard answered.

"Thank the spirits," Garrus said and then to the questioning looks responded, "turians don't like the cold."

And incredibly, Shepard found herself struggling not to laugh at her old friend.


	9. What Matters to Miranda

A couple of days later and Shepard and her team had finally caught a break when the Illusive Man had found out that a turian patrol team had discovered a collector ship floating adrift. Shepard immediately told Garrus and Miranda to suit up to join her on the mission: this was their chance to get some real answers.

Going into the ship itself had not intimidated Shepard however, she had serious reservations as to just how abandoned it was but the true horror was not the collectors who had been lying in wait, but discovering that they were once prothean and that they had been genetically manipulated and redesigned to serve the reapers. Shepard had blanched at this new disturbing discovery and vowed to ensure that this would not be the fate of any of the species in the galaxy now. As they had entered deeper into the ship, there were more piles of corpses but also more pods which were intended to be filled with humans. There were thousands of them, perhaps even millions. There was only one conclusion which Garrus dared to voice: they were going to hit Earth.

While this terrifying thought was sweeping over them, EDI alerted them to yet more bad news: the Illusive Man knew the turian distress call was a trap and he sent Shepard and her squad on it anyway. Miranda had fought against this, insistently vehemently that he would never do such a thing while Garrus maintained his distrust in a man who refused ever to reveal the whole story. The debate was cut off by the arrival of the collectors at this point and they fought furiously against scions, waves of collectors and yet another dreadful praetorian. The ship itself was being turned against them and trying to shut them inside as they ran frantically trying to return to the Normandy. Without EDI, they would have been lost but she managed to navigate them successfully through the ship.

Shepard was now faced with a crew who seemed on the verge of threatening mutiny. She couldn't blame them; the Illusive Man could have sent them to their deaths when if he had just been honest they would have gladly gone anyway.

"He did the right thing; we didn't to go and we got out again. Everything went exactly as it should." Shepard told them with a quelling look.

"Agree. Acceptable risk. Needed to get job done." Mordin chimed in.

Shepard couldn't help but glance at Miranda who looked as stoic as ever, leaning slightly back with arms folded loosely across her chest. She was the image of control but Shepard didn't take this at face value. Miranda had been displeased by The Illusive Man's response to the situation with David and Shepard knew that now she was beginning to doubt him. He had used them and risked sending them to their deaths. The lie had been unnecessary and Shepard hoped, finally, that Miranda was beginning to see that nobody was ever born to be used in such a way.

Shepard also was grateful that neither Miranda nor Garrus had chosen to challenge her on her obvious lie of supporting the Illusive Man; clearly they too both sensed that preventing a rebellion was far more important than allowing a tirade against their traitorous employer at this time.

"So EDI, what did we find after all of that?" Shepard asked.

"The navigation history of the ship reveals that the collector home world is based somewhere in the Omega 4 relay." EDI told them.

"That can't be right." Miranda said, unfolding her arms and moving forward to look at EDI's displays of the relay.

"EDI doesn't make mistakes." Shepard replied.

"Nobody has ever made it through the Omega 4 relay." Jacob commented with unease.

"There stands to reason that there must be a safe zone just beyond the relay where most ships cannot reach, but the collectors are able to with their own technology." EDI concluded.

"Perfect defence. Anyone tries to go and they die. Can come and go as please." Mordin put succinctly.

"But even the collectors don't have that kind of technology." Miranda argued.

"Sovereign did," Shepard interjected, "and the collectors are just servants of their masters and we know what advanced technology they have. "

"If we're going to be able to do this we need that reaper IFF." Jacob urged.

"It's a derelict reaper." Miranda cut across. "We don't know what we will be facing. You might want to consider building the team first, Shepard."

"Miranda's right," Shepard agreed before Jacob could protest, "we don't know what we might have to face and there's no point in going after that IFF until we're confident we are in the best shape and ready to go after the collectors anyway. We still need a lot of ship upgrades. We have time so let's use it."

Shepard dismissed them but caught Miranda just before she was about to leave.

"Are you okay? I know what The Illusive Man did must have been a shock." Shepard said.

"He did his duty to humanity, and so did we. We've got a lot to prepare for Shepard, as you said, so let's try and stay focussed on that." Miranda replied exiting and leaving a stung Shepard in her wake.

* * *

That evening, Shepard had returned to her cabin and was lying on the couch with every muscle aching. They had run all over that bloody ship with hurdles of enemies in their path. She's been mightily impressed at how quickly they had managed to shrug each wave off, only the scion had pinned them down for a few moments. Seeing them work together so in sync each mission gave Shepard a little bit more hope for their survival.

Miranda was still irritating beyond belief. Shepard was stunned that she had basically said the exact same words to her as she had on that horrible station all those months ago, that she didn't need a friend and they should stay focussed on the mission. She wondered why she had even bothered for so long.

Miranda was perplexing. She wasn't anywhere near as cool or as arrogant as people made out. She attracted comments mostly because of her looks (Shepard almost threw Ken out of the airlock the other day for one comment) and strength of character. If a woman displays any independence or any kind of strength in a position of power than so often she is made to be a bitch, Shepard was all too aware as she had faced it so often herself in her career.

However, Miranda had actually revealed how deeply insecure she was about her reason for being alive at all and she saw no worth in her own life apart from that it should be used to serve only other people. It was deeply unselfish, even if she was a contradiction as she was so standoffish and sometimes cutting with those closest to her.

Shepard had absolutely no idea what Miranda made of her- was she simply a boss, a friend, a project, somebody to put up with, an assignment?- and this thought played on the commander more than the others. She thought back to when Miranda had stayed with her in the med bay- but of course she had, Shepard now realised; she wasn't going to let the Lazarus Project fail. She recalled Jacob's words at that station, "she's not about to give up on you now". Jacob...who was the only one who Miranda probably cared for and trusted.

Shepard turned and punched the cushion into shape behind her and lay back down again. She'd obviously talked herself into believing there was some sort of connection, some mutual understanding that just wasn't there. Jack, Kasumi, Garrus, Grunt, Zaeed, Samara, Thane, Jacob, Mordin, Joker and even EDI were all so open with her but Miranda only ever saw her as a commander who needed saving and then needed support to get the job done, Shepard thought, irked.

"Commander Shepard, Operative Lawson would like you to speak with her in her office once you are available." EDI said into the quiet of the room.

Shepard's eyes narrowed.

"Is this another joke, EDI?"

"Operative Lawson has remained hostile to my presence. Any jokes would likely result in severe software viruses." EDI said. "That-"

"-was a joke." Shepard finished. "Okay, please let her know I'm on my way."

"Of course. Logging you out, Shepard."

Shepard made her way down to Miranda's office wondering what could have happened for her to be summoned. She guessed it was just about the next upgrades or building the team but she couldn't see why that shouldn't wait until morning, especially after their earlier chat.

She entered the room to see Miranda sitting behind her terminal as usual but she looked up at Shepard the second she walked in, and her eyes were full of anticipation and nervous energy.

"Shepard, I find myself in the unfortunate position of asking for your help." Miranda said delicately.

The commander frowned. Something serious must have happened for Miranda to be this distressed or for her to have to ask so openly for help.

She listened carefully to Miranda explaining about how her father had attempted to build a genetic dynasty and that she had a sister who was now in danger as her father had finally tracked her down all these years since Miranda had managed to get her away from him.

Miranda, however, was lucky to have the warning as now the family could be moved safely and she could stop any teams her father sent.

"I'd like to go to Nos Astra and oversee my sister's move." Miranda requested.

"Of course. I'll tell Joker to plot a course to Illium straight away." Shepard responded without hesitation. "Is there anyone else you'd like to bring just in case?"

Miranda seemed surprised that Shepard had been kind enough to allow her to choose who else could be involved in this sensitive issue.

"Jacob or perhaps Garrus. I've known Jacob for years and fought alongside him and we seem to work well with Garrus." Miranda reasoned.

"I'll let Jacob know." Shepard said, deducing this would be her preferred choice.

"Shepard..." Miranda started weakly, "...thank you."

"I haven't done anything yet, Miranda." Shepard replied but as she left the operative in her office she could have swore she heard her whisper quietly "yes, you have" before the door swung closed.

* * *

And people complain about her driving, she thought, shaking as she emerged from the wrecked shuttle that had been shot at by mercs and then ditched by Miranda. She quickly checked that Jacob was okay as Miranda had already leapt from the vehicle and was marching towards them. Both Shepard and Jacob hurried in her wake.

"Since you're not firing I trust you know who I am." She shouted down to them and Shepard was impressed to see her so collected and steady after that abysmal landing.

The merc in control was absolutely no help and only served to make snide remarks about Miranda, most of which involved her being crazy for kidnapping a baby. This had taken Shepard back as she was sure Miranda had said that they were twin sisters.

"While you guys have been talking, mine have been lining up shots." He said threateningly.

Shepard rolled her eyes at this pointless threat, nodded to Miranda and then calmly stepped forward and snapped his neck while Miranda unleashed a torrent of shots at the merc in front. Shepard then fired at the cargo container high above which the mercs were waiting to drop out of until it fell to ground and engulfed the mercenaries in an explosion.

They ran through the level but with only a few straggling soldiers they could not be slowed. Miranda didn't stop until just before they reached the elevator when the captain's voice rang out from a nearby walkie-talkie. She strode over gracefully and yet powerfully to it and listened as the captain implicated Niket by saying he was with her and was going to help take the girl.

As they entered the elevator, Shepard questioned Miranda's trust in Niket but the operative explained how Niket had been her oldest friend and had known how horrible and abusive her father was.

"He's had plenty of chances to do this- I'm sure my father approached him as soon as I left." Miranda reasoned.

Shepard nodded her acceptance which contrasted greatly with how she felt but she didn't want to worry Miranda or run the risk of making her doubt one of her few true friends when she could still be wrong about her suspicions.

"Miranda," Shepard said slowly, "you said you were twin sisters..."

"Genetically we are." Miranda said.

"You didn't say we were going rescuing a baby." Shepard replied.

" She's not a child. She'll be nineteen years old next month. My father grew her...years later, when I was a teenager. My father made her to replace me. I couldn't let him to do her what he did to me so I rescued her. She's almost a woman now." She tried to explain. "I'm sorry I didn't trust you sooner. You deserved to know."

"But surely that's a good thing? If you took her when she was a baby he had less chance to abuse her, right?" Shepard asked earnestly.

Miranda looked at Shepard with raw tenderness and Shepard swore she saw something stir in those blue eyes. Miranda was so caught up in that moment that when Jacob asked what they should layout they should expect to navigate through, Miranda jumped with a start and was blushing slightly when she next spoke. It took Shepard a second to regain focus too.

"There will be lots of cargo which is good for cover but there could be canisters so watch what you shoot." She told him.

"Miranda," Shepard hesitated, not sure of how to phrase what she knew she needed to ask, "if he made Oriana to replace you are there any other siblings that he might go after?"

"No, I wasn't the first one he made but I was the first one he kept. I was brought up with no friends, pushed to meet impossible demands. I wasn't a daughter to him...I don't know what I was." Miranda elaborated, frustrated.

Shepard now fully realised the toll her father had placed upon her. It wasn't just because of her genes why Miranda was so uncertain about her worth or her character; it was years of being treated as nothing more than a tool which must meet its objectives by somebody who was supposed to just love her. She wasn't even human to him, just another project.

The elevator jolted slightly as if to let them know it had reached their destination, the doors swung open and the three of them strode quickly onwards taking out mercs who seemed powerless to stop them and their panic only enhanced their disorganised formation.

As they raced on to the elevator to confront the captain and Niket, Miranda heard once more over the comms systems they were using that Niket was working with them and her pain and confusion tormented Shepard who now desperately wanted to make sure her sister was safe; she had not imagined this to go so wrong for Miranda.

"Maybe this Enyala is feeding misinformation or maybe it means something else. Niket wouldn't do that." She spoke determined, although Shepard wasn't sure if she believed that or was trying to convince herself.

"Damn it, why won't this thing go any faster?" She moaned, striking it with her omni tool.

"You think what Enyala said was true?" Shepard asked softly.

"I don't know...damn it." Miranda responded, her voice shaking.

"Did he know you took Oriana back then?" Shepard asked.

"No, I only told him that recently. It was too risky to involve anybody else." Miranda explained, stressed.

Shepard felt a surge of rage to this unknown Niket. Miranda rarely trusted and the second she had made that leap of faith and told him it looked like he had betrayed her.

"I never really thought about it...but maybe he...no, he knows what I went through." Miranda finished firmly.

"Look, he's your friend - you know him. If you don't think he did it then there will be another explanation." Shepard reassured her determinedly.

"I don't know, damn it!"" Miranda replied, doubtful. "But I guess we'll find out soon enough, and then I'll have a word with this Captain Enyala."

When they reached their destination, it was clear Niket was with Enyala and under no duress and she wasted no time in shooting the asari worker who had made to run as soon as she had laid eyes upon the three soldiers. All three reacted instinctively and pointed their weapons at the captain, with Enyala mirroring their poses. It seemed to take Niket a second to recognise the woman he had betrayed.

"Miri..." Niket said tenderly and in surprise at seeing his old friend but Shepard seethed at his tone after what he had done.

"Niket, you sold me out." Miranda threw at him. "Why, Niket? You were my friend. You helped me get away from my father."

Shepard had never heard Miranda as agitated as she had been now and they'd had explosions and gun fire surround them on multiple occasions- and had almost got stuck on that bloody collector ship. Shepard couldn't stand to hear how confused she was.

"Yes!" Niket shouted back. "Because you wanted to leave. That was your choice! But if I had known that you'd stolen a baby-"

"I didn't steal her! I rescued her!" Miranda yelled.

"From a life of wealth and happiness?" Niket scoffed. "You weren't saving her! You were getting back at your father!"

"How did you get involved?" Shepard interjected.

"They told me what you did, Miri but I didn't believe them. I said you'd never steal a baby but then you told me what you did and I called them back that night." He said, shrugging.

"Why didn't you call me, Niket?" Miranda demanded, wounded. "We've been through a lot. You could have at least let me explain."

"I deserved to know that you'd stolen your sister, Miri and that you're working with Cerberus now but I had to hear it from your father first." He said, appalled.

Despite her role in the galaxy, Shepard rarely wanted to ever hurt anybody but she felt that Niket was particularly lucky that Miranda got to handle this situation. Shepard was seething at the self righteous indignation that was exuding from him.

"How much did Miranda's father pay you?" Shepard spat.

"A great deal." He responded simply.

"Damn it, Niket!" Miranda cursed. "You were the only one I trusted from that life!"

"He knew you felt that way- that's why he bought me."

"So you just took his money," Miranda snarled, full of repulsion.

"Don't get holy with me, Miri. You took his money for years." Niket retorted.

Shepard demanded to know how Enyala had gotten involved and wasn't at all surprised that again it was all about how much Mr Lawson had been willing to pay but she still believed that it was they who were really rescuing her.

"He wants to take a girl away from the only family she's ever known. Doesn't that tell you what he's really like?" Miranda asked, exasperated.

"He can still give her a better life." Niket insisted.

"Come on, Niket," Enyala exclaimed, "Let's finish this bitch off and get out of here."

"Take your best shot." Miranda dared her and Shepard's was ready for any hint of movement that threatened Miranda.

"I was just waiting for you to get dressed, or does Cerberus really let you whore around in that outfit?" She mocked.

"If he knows about Oriana we need a new plan." Shepard urged Miranda.

"Your father doesn't know anything. I know you had spy software on his systems, Miri, so I didn't tell him anything." Niket said.

"Good, that means you're the last loose end. This isn't how I wanted to end, Niket. I'm going to miss you." Miranda confessed.

Shepard threw herself at Miranda's arm and knocked the gun back before she could shoot Niket.

"You don't want to do this." Shepard urged.

"This has to end here, Shepard. My father will keep trying." Miranda said, trying to pull her arm out of Shepard's grasp.

"Niket can help, he can say we got here first." Shepard suggested.

Niket agreed quietly, perhaps now sensing his life was worth more than his moral outrage.

"I never want to see you again." Miranda demanded, pointing at her old friend.

There was a gunshot, Niket fell and Enyala with a smile said "done". Miranda let out a shriek of fury which tore at Shepard's heart.

"You'll die for that, bitch!" Miranda screamed before throwing her most powerful warp at the captain which saw her fly through the air and smash against a far wall.

Pandemonium reigned. Eclipse mercenaries burst through several doors in front of them. Shepard found herself being dragged forcefully down behind the cargo out of harm's way and she noticed a gloved hand on her shoulder, and saw Jacob running to outflank the soldiers and cut off their attack. Shepard turned around and broke free of Miranda's hold.

"I'm fine," Miranda said, breathing deeply as though trying to steady herself and Shepard nodded and stood up to take aim at the mercs who were trying to come down the middle and separate Jacob from them.

"You stay here and pick them off." Shepard demanded of Miranda.

"Shepard! Shepard! What are you doing!" Miranda screamed as Shepard charged right into a merc who had been advancing, gun shots flying past her, and she clattered into him with as much force as she could.

She warped him in the face as he fell and she jumped round him and then slid to a small cargo container in front of her and started firing at the mercs.

Shepard saw Jacob making steady progress down the left flank and took the opportunity to charge forwards again and ducked into cover once more as Enyala threw biotic waves at her. Shots rattled off the side of the huge cargo container the captain was hiding behind from Miranda who had been waiting for Shepard to draw the captain out. The asari swore at her clear mistake as her shields were taken out by a well timed shot from the operative and Jacob yelled in delight as he had taken down the entire left flank and was now pushing on to reach Shepard. As he rounded the corner, a group of mercs saw they were trapped between the commander and soldier but neither took pity and they were down within seconds. The asari saw this as her moment and charged over the container and leapt forward at Shepard while Jacob was still too far away and impeded by cannisters to aid his commander, but Shepard had heard her and Miranda had not been fooled and they moved at the same moment. Miranda fired several shots into the side of the captain which punctuated her suit and Shepard sent a solid and impenetrable biotic warp into her stomach and the captain fell to the floor defeated.

Miranda looked back across the cargo area to where Niket's body lay and Shepard gently grabbed her wrist to turn her away from him.

"Hey, come on, we've still got to get to your sister." Shepard said soothingly.

Miranda blinked back any tears which might have been threatening, and they entered the last elevator. As soon as Shepard started the elevator Miranda berated herself.

"I can't believe Niket sold me out. I didn't even see it coming." She whispered.

"Even with all of your upgrades, you're still human. You couldn't have known. He was your friend, you should have been able to trust him- that's on him, not you." Shepard responded.

"But I let it get personal and I screwed up." Miranda said bitterly. "Why didn't you let me kill him? I could have handled that but watching him get gunned down by that asari bitch..."

"You still cared for him, even if he betrayed you." Shepard answered softly.

Miranda laughed resentfully.

"You're right and my father knew it. He used that against me." Miranda snapped at his memory. "It's always been like this. My father gave me everything I ever wanted, but there was always a hook, an angle for his long term plan. I threw away everything he ever gave me when I ran. Except Niket - a weakness on my part."

"You can't toss aside everything you care about just to be safe." Shepard argued.

"It's okay Shepard," Miranda soothed her, "My father hurt me but he didn't break me. As much as he tried to turn me into exactly what he wanted- I'm my own person."

"Are there any other old friends he could use against you?" Shepard asked concerned.

"No," Miranda dismissed, "I cut ties with everyone else. Anyone I'm close to now works for Cerberus...or you. My father's powerful but he won't cross the Illusive Man."

"You still have your sister." Shepard urged.

"My father didn't give her to me. I rescued her...but yes, you're right. I still have something. Thank you."

The elevator finally made it to the transport station, and as they stepped out Miranda quickly noticed her sister standing with two people who could only be her adoptive parents.

"There she is..." muttered Miranda quietly, "...safe... with her family."

Shepard smiled that something finally had worked out today and she felt such powerful relief and more for Miranda than the girl they had fought so hard to rescue.

"Come on." Miranda said in a much stronger voice, "We should go."

"Don't you even want to say hello?" Shepard asked, taken aback.

"It's not about what I want." Miranda insisted. "It's about what's right for her. The less she knows about me the better. She's got a family- a life- I'll just complicate that for her."

Shepard however, had seen how much this had meant to Miranda and how passionately she felt for a sister she had never had a chance to meet and she was not going to let this go.

"I'd do just about anything to speak to my family again." Shepard admitted. "She doesn't need the details, she won't even want them, the only thing that's going to matter to her is that she has a sister who cares about her and has looked out for her all these years. Would it really be so bad for her to know she has a sister who loves her?"

"I guess not." Miranda admitted, her voice trembling slightly.

"Go on," Shepard urged, "we'll wait here."

Miranda walked ahead, that cool and confident stride that the world so defined her by. She was always the image of control and so aloof that it drove so many to despise her and yet Shepard felt that she truly understood Miranda now and the things that really made her special.

Jacob found them a bench a little way from the elevator and they both watched and waited. Shepard was sure the Eclipse mercs were finished but she wasn't taking anything for granted today.

"It's good you did this for her, Shepard." Jacob said after ten minutes or so.

"She's part of the team," Shepard replied absently.

"A lot of people would have just blown this off and said it wasn't their problem. I'm not sure I've met anybody like you." Jacob said, watching Shepard closely, who only had eyes for Miranda and her sister.

"Probably a good thing." Shepard joked.

"Yeah..." Jacob laughed, "Imagine the damage there would be with two of you."

It was only half an hour or so later when they watched Oriana and her family board a shuttle and leave for their new home. Miranda watched them alone until they disappeared from sight and then walked over to her companions, tears caressing her eyes. None of them spoke, but as they entered the elevator and the doors closed behind them Miranda granted Shepard a grateful smile.


	10. Beginning to Realise

Shepard had managed to be considerate enough to give Miranda her space for the last day but she was amazed at how she had managed. Her concern for the operative was such that when she had spoken to Zaeed about his mission and he had requested Jack to come along too because "she's fucking good at sending bastards to hell" she didn't even object and ask for a more thought out approach.

Shepard entered Miranda's office and the operative immediately looked up and gave her a warm smile.

"Thanks again, Shepard. I couldn't have reached my sister in time without your help." Miranda said, getting up from the terminal and going to sit on her chair in front of the windows which were across from her desk. Shepard stood just behind, allowing Miranda to speak freely as she was scared of saying anything wrong which would cause her to clam up.

"Hey, it's no problem. I was glad to help. I know you don't trust people with personal matters very easily but I want you to know that I'd always be there and I wouldn't judge anything you told me." Shepard said seriously.

"I know," Miranda smiled with understanding that gave Shepard both hope and fear, "I'm glad Niket tried to redeem himself in the end, for what good it did. I'm sorry that I snapped at you for stopping me. Thank you for what you did."

"I just didn't want you to have that regret." Shepard explained quietly. "You still cared for him."

"I didn't have many friends growing up- Niket was one of them. He never wanted anything from me. He was safe, comfortable...a reminder of a more innocent time I suppose."

"Were you two..." Shepard trailed off awkwardly.

Miranda laughed softly.

"When we were children we dated in that way that only children do. Taking his sweater was a sign of great romance at that age but there was little more. I left at sixteen and we stayed in contact but...Cerberus was my life and I was happy to always be on the move with different missions."

"I'm sorry we couldn't save him." Shepard replied sincerely. "I think I should really be thanking you though for pulling me out of the way of those mercs. The Illusive Man really picked well in making you head of the project."

"I didn't do it for that." Miranda replied candidly, and Shepard wondered yet again if she was imagining this connection they seemed to share and whether it was pure fantasy on her part.

"How's your sister doing?" Shepard asked trying to steer the conversation to safer grounds and genuinely curious as to how Miranda had left things with Oriana.

"She has what I wanted her to have..." Miranda said, relieved, "...a normal life and the freedom to choose her own path and she knows she has an older sister, a friend."

"Are you going to speak with her again?"

"I honestly don't know, for once I haven't planned that far ahead. I'll deal with it after our mission. I have to stay focussed and she needs time to adjust to her new home."

"Just..." Shepard started hesitantly, "don't risk missing out on more time with her. Building up relationships- they help with missions, they don't distract you. It gives you something else to stay alive for and come back to for one thing."

"Is that how it is for you?" Miranda asked curiously.

"It doesn't really matter what I do, people just wake me up from the dead anyway." Shepard deflected, with a twinkle in her eye and Shepard, with a feeling that she was pushing her luck, pressed on. "You never told me what you said to her..."

To her surprise, Miranda happily responded.

"I introduced myself, her family was shocked, she adjusted quickly of course; she's as smart as I am. She plays the violin, loves the adagio movement of Nielson's Fifth just like I do-"

"I'd have figured you more of a Beethoven kind of woman- so much more intense." Shepard smirked. "What? Thought I wouldn't know about classical music?"

"What? No." Miranda spluttered, self conscious. "I mean-"

"It's okay. Everyone assumes that just because I joined the Alliance at sixteen I lost any love of culture." Shepard said, fighting a huge grin.

"I think it's more your obsession with fish." Miranda muttered, annoyed.

"It's not an obsession! What else did she say?" Shepard asked, returning the more pressing topic at hand.

"She wants to work in colony development. Told a joke about it; she's really funny- something we don't share." Miranda remarked.

"I think you're a riot." Shepard quipped, without sarcasm and moving to stand a little way in front of Miranda.

"Says the woman taking Jack and Zaeed out on her next mission." Miranda remarked.

"I like to be kept on my toes." Shepard laughed.

"You'll be looking if you're still standing after going out with those two." Miranda replied sardonically.

"Now, I know you love to hold my hand during each mission but I think I can handle those two." Shepard replied.

"I suppose we will soon see..."

"I should go but I'm glad things worked out. It's nice to see you happy." Shepard replied sincerely.

Miranda stood up and walked towards Shepard with a look on her face which Shepard couldn't take her eyes off for it was full of earnest affection. Miranda stopped about a foot away from the commander but trailed a single finger along Shepard's collarbone, which made Shepard shiver at the touch, and Miranda laced it down her shoulder before dropping her hand to her side again, looking sad.

"The mission is too important to let personal feelings interfere." Miranda whispered after a moment and Shepard found herself taking half a step forward, completely drawn to Miranda and lost in that look. "But thank you, Commander. My sister is safe again thanks in large part to you. I won't forget that."

Miranda looked deeply into Shepard's eyes for a moment before she started to step back, and then finally turned away from the red head to go back to her terminal. Shepard nodded at what she had said and then left the operative to her work, or more likely to sit at her desk and ponder all that was happening.

Shepard made her way back to the CIC to check her terminal one last time before she departed for the mission. The second Miranda had touched her Shepard had burned with longing for more. She had not questioned her growing feelings for the operative over these last months; she hadn't even realised her own attachment and had certainly never contemplated that anything between them would ever be possible. She hadn't even been sure Miranda was bisexual but this sign of Miranda's true feelings had caused an explosion inside her head so now all that she could see was Miranda.

She frowned at Miranda's words though; they had been so vague. She faltered for a second wondering whether she may have misinterpreted for Miranda had only said personal feelings shouldn't get in the way- she didn't say whose. Perhaps this was Miranda's way of telling Shepard to back off. Miranda had certainly not said anything absolute about her having feelings for Shepard and she was good at reading people and so she could have just picked up on what was going on with Shepard. Even if she did feel something, it might only be a casual passing interest due to them being locked up on a ship together as these things do happen...

She turned and asked Kelly if there was anything she should know with the crew before she left but was struck with a sudden thought: Kelly saw everything.

"There's nothing to worry about with the crew, Commander." Kelly said helpfully.

"Good...they're coming along well. Everyone is working together efficiently." Shepard commented, hoping Kelly's natural inkling to reveal a lot of information in one conversation would continue.

"That is true. I've never known a team as positive." Kelly responded cheerfully.

"It must be strange," Shepard started seriously, "particularly for the Cerberus employees to suddenly have another leader who isn't quite one of them."

"The Illusive Man trusts you and his employees trust him. It's clear you're a great commander; I've trusted you since the moment I met you." Kelly answered, and Shepard ignored the last part.

"Are the others as accepting of me? It must be hard- especially so for Operative Lawson, I imagine."

"Operative Lawson isn't used to not being in control. I expect it's been difficult for her to see how much Jacob has grown to admire you but she respects you and seems to allow you more time than anybody else. She was also very protective of you after the incident with the varren. Miranda refuses to engage in any counselling sessions with me on principle so I'm unsure as to how helpful I can be with her." Kelly said, and Shepard realised in that speech that she had underestimated just how much Chambers noticed.

She bade Kelly goodbye and headed into the elevator to go to the shuttle where Zaeed and Jack would be waiting. Jacob, she sighed. There was no way Miranda was still interested in him- she hoped.

"That was cute, Shepard but why not just ask a girl how she really feels?" Kasumi said, and Shepard jumped so high at the shock of Kasumi's sudden appearance she fell backwards against the elevator wall.

"She is the second in command," Shepard answered, feeling it would be childish and pointless to deny anything to Kasumi, "and it would be-"

"If you're going to say 'embarrassing' then I don't even want to know what's going on." Kasumi interjected. "Love doesn't have time for that."

"Love?" Shepard spluttered.

"Take it from me, Shep," Kasumi said with bitter wisdom, "don't waste it and don't let something so silly as pride get in your way."

As the elevator stopped and opened its doors Kasumi cloaked again so Shepard could get into the shuttle with the others without being questioned on the conversation. The entire ride, Shepard did not spend a second thinking about Zaeed's diatribe on the importance of revenge but wondered what she was going to do next and just whether in the pain and chaos of fighting the reapers she could ever have any sort of happiness for herself at all.

* * *

"What _the hell_ are you doing?" Shepard shouted at Zaeed, while she and Jack were crouched below cover after a huge explosion.

I should have bloody known this would happen, Shepard thought.

"And people say I'm fucking crazy." Jack said.

Zaeed however, was paying no attention and persisted in opening the gas lines and the subsequent explosion blew open the gates. It was a complete fiasco.

"We don't sacrifice lives for a mission, especially when an old grudge is being settled! There's always a better way!" Shepard marched forward to Zaeed and wasn't sure if she could refrain from punching him.

"I want Vito!" Zaeed spat.

"I ought to knock you the hell out." Shepard threatened. "But thanks to you we've got civilians to save."

"I should have known better than to trust you." Zaeed replied.

"You can stay here and burn for all I care but I'm getting these people out of here."

Shepard turned to run through the refinery and didn't look back to see if Zaeed followed but could hear from the footsteps that he had.

It was a complete mess. The smoke ripped at their lungs and embraced their bodies, it was so hot that had Shepard been religious then taking note of her present company she would have sworn she was in hell.

It didn't take long to save the civilians thankfully but as the emerged outside Vito's shuttle had already taken off with Zaeed firing furiously at it until they were clear.

"You..." Zaeed whispered turning to Shepard, seething.

"You just cost me twenty years of my life!" Zaeed screamed, pointing his weapon at Shepard but in unison Shepard mirrored his move.

However, there was another explosion and Shepard made a break from the heap of metal that threatened to rain down but Zaeed was too slow and found his leg crushed beneath it.

"Get me out of here!" Zaeed ordered.

"I don't want you on my ship. You're a pain of the arse and completely out of control." Shepard said, crossing her arms and seemingly indifferent to Zaeed's predicament.

"Cerberus needs me or they wouldn't be paying my fees so stop screwing around!"

"You put yourself before the mission and that's not how this goes on my ship." Shepard said.

"I've survived this long by watching my own back." Zaeed retorted.

Shepard pointed her gun at Zaeed's head and saw a flicker of fear and perhaps something else.

"You're part of my team now and we work together. There's no way we can pull this off unless we work together."

And Shepard turned the gun round and put it in its holster.

"You have a point..." Zaeed gave as an admission, "...I'm not done with Vito but I can put it aside for now."

Shepard smiled and got Jack to lift the metal with her biotics and toss it aside while Shepard helped Zaeed up.

"Can we get the fuck out of here yet?" Jack asked, bored.

* * *

"What happened?" Miranda demanded to know, the second the three of them made it off the shuttle.

"Nothing, it went well." Shepard brushed off.

Miranda stared at her in disbelief, clearly taking in Shepard's wild hair and the fact the three of them were covered in ash and minor burns.

"EDI said the entire refinery was on fire and there were a series of explosions." Miranda said, losing her composure slightly with each word.

"Oh...it was fine. We got the job done." Shepard said, slightly nervously at Miranda's anger.

"What did you do?" Miranda asked, rounding on Jack.

"I didn't fucking do anything! It was that creep right there." Jack said, nodding at Zaeed.

"It was fine." Shepard said firmly before Miranda could round on Zaeed next who was already licking his wounds. "I'll come and brief you on everything and these two can get cleaned up."

Miranda did not look satisfied at this but she silently swept into the elevator with them. It was a deeply uncomfortable few moments where Miranda refused to look at any of them. She stepped out of the elevator briskly as soon as it stopped and Shepard followed in her wake, while Jack muttered "shit, good luck" under her breath as she headed for the showers and Zaeed for the men's room.

"Blowing up a refinery?" Miranda asked the second the door was shut behind them.

"It sounds worse than it was." Shepard soothed.

"It sounds like you could have been burnt alive." Miranda snapped.

"Worried about me now?" Shepard grinned trying to break the tension but Miranda only gave her a dark look and Shepard rolled her eyes and started to pull off her armour. "We got the people out, Zaeed is all focussed now, job done."

And she tossed her armour on Miranda's couch and rolled up her slightly singed sleeves.

Miranda looked away, smiling slightly.

"I had been meaning to tell you what a good job you were doing."

"I'm sure that today's events give you so much joy then." Shepard replied sarcastically and Miranda bit back a laugh.

"No, Cerberus was right to trust you. We should have hired you a long time ago. We need people like you. Too many join us out of simple xenophobia."

"What about what happened to Jack and David?" Shepard asked.

"Mistakes." Miranda said quickly, "And not mine. But you still don't trust Cerberus?"

"I don't know..." Shepard moaned. "I trust you, I trust what we do but the organisation operates in the shade. I don't like the Alliance much either these days so guess I'm on the outs with the galaxy."

"Would you go back if they asked you?" Miranda asked, her eyes watching Shepard keenly.

"I don't know. The reapers mean I barely get a choice with the things I do anymore but I don't think I can stand to go back there. They've just abandoned the fight and it makes me sick." Shepard admitted.

"They should have listened to you." Miranda agreed gently.

"So much for being a great leader then..." Shepard scoffed.

"That's politics." Miranda corrected. "It's not about you. What you do...no one else can. I didn't believe it at first but you have that thing, that fire which would make anyone willing to walk through hell itself. My father paid for the best genes money could buy and it still wasn't enough."

"You are enough. Why do you have to keep defining yourself by your genetic tailoring?" Shepard asked, stepping closer to her completely desperate for her to let this go.

"This is what I am, Shepard." Miranda answered sadly, turning her back to her. "I can't hide it. The intelligence, the looks, even the biotics...he paid for all of that. Every one of your accomplishments is due to your skill. The only things I can take credit for are my mistakes."

Shepard was so frustrated by this and she was tired of Miranda only seeing herself in such simplistic terms which allowed her no pride or humanity but she didn't want to play this game with her anymore either. She wasn't going to allow it to keep controlling who Miranda was and their relationship.

"Wait, a minute, are you jealous?" Shepard teased.

Miranda spun around to face her again.

"Don't be absurd." She ridiculed.

"The genetic mutt that the Illusive Man put in charge- that's got to sting." Shepard mocked.

"First it's not a competition," Miranda forcefully denied, "second, based on your combat record you're practically a perfect human specimen."

Shepard stepped closer to her and couldn't help but smile.

"Perfect human specimen, huh?"

"Don't get cocky. I'm the one who put you together, remember? And I do damn good work." Miranda exclaimed, her forefinger trailing down from Shepard's chest to her waist as though both wanting to touch but to be able to physically have something to stop herself from moving closer still to Shepard.

"Yes, you do." Shepard whispered, closing the distance between them and within a second they were both kissing each other.

Their breaths mingled with each other, Shepard could feel Miranda's chest rise and fall rapidly and the small moan which escaped from her. Miranda's hand went straight for Shepard's hair as she pulled the commander closer and Shepard looped a finger around the belt of the operative and trailed the fingers of her other hand down her waist before resting on Miranda's hip. The kiss lacked any timid or self conscious nerves, but was full of passion and longing and within seconds it had deepened as Shepard bit lightly on Miranda's bottom lip and she offered herself completely to Shepard.

Every fibre of Shepard's being belonged to this moment, there could be nothing else for her and Miranda's hands dropped down to reach for Shepard's collar and pull her closer still to her but then Miranda broke the kiss, as if that automatic action from her had made her realise what was happening. She stepped back from Shepard and for a brief second rested her fingers on the commander's stomach as though once again trying to ensure some distance between them.

"What the hell was that?" Miranda asked flustered and trying to catch her breath and stepping back once more. "Okay, this doesn't mean anything. We just...God, I need to think. I need...I'll talk to you later."

Miranda dismissed her and walked back to her terminal but then after a few steps turned back to Shepard.

"And stop smiling, damn it!"She scolded, but with the same contented expression that Shepard was wearing.

Shepard gathered her armour from the couch, threw Miranda a last cheerfully astonished look to which Miranda couldn't help but fight a smile at and then exited the room laughing jovially as she went.


	11. Letting Go

It was fair to say that Shepard was not enjoying this latest mission; she was currently holed up in her cabin with a nervous Samara and an absolutely delighted Kasumi as she was finishing getting ready before leaving for the VIP section of Afterlife to chat up an ardat-yachi. It was a testament to just how much emphasis she placed on having a united and loyal team that she had even considered agreeing to this, although she could never have imagined actually being able to turn Samara down after she had confided such a tragic secret to her.

After trying on about five dresses Samara had finally agreed on a white one, which was somewhat tight and slightly low cut but had long sleeves, as it would make Shepard stand out more. Shepard had also spent over an hour having to curl her hair and then tie it up- by which point she was deeply grateful that she had never been able to attend a prom.

She had to keep reminding herself how important this was to Samara for she was finding it difficult to keep her mind away from Miranda. She had honoured Miranda's request and was giving her time and space to think and assumed that Miranda would call for her when she was ready but it had been two days and Shepard was starting to duel with numerous different doubts that kept launching attacks on her memory of that kiss. She started to question whether Miranda had sunk into it so quickly, whether she had imagined her quickening breathing and how Miranda had pulled her close. She was dwelling for hours on the feel of Miranda's hands pulling her close, and those plump soft lips. She also, and she squirmed at this thought, was missing her company and was worried that what had happened would have forever broken the connection they shared. She found that she didn't know just what she'd do if she couldn't just make herself at home on Miranda's couch any more, or have to go without the operative's teasing.

She was dwelling on her too much as she was sure Samara had just said Miranda's name, and she shook her head trying to get back to reality.

"Shepard," Samara said with force, "are you listening? You said you wanted to brief Miranda before we left."

"Oh." Shepard said, hastily trying to get back on track and ignoring Kasumi's knowing smile. "Yes. EDI could you call Miranda up here, please- Operative Lawson, that is."

"Of course, Commander." EDI replied.

Shepard turned away from their seats on her bed and went to feed her fish. She wished she had told Miranda before she had gotten ready.

"Honestly, Shep. I wish I could watch this." Kasumi joked.

"Morinth will be drawn to you the moment she sees you." Samara reassured her.

Lucky me, thought Shepard, turning away from the tank.

The cabin doors opened and Miranda entered.

"I wondered when you'd come crawling back. Look what happened before was a simple mistake-" Miranda stopped midsentence upon seeing Samara and Kasumi and they waved awkwardly at her, "-oh."

"Oh." Shepard said too, but in response to the damning verdict Miranda had just given to the development in their relationship.

"What mistake?" Kasumi piped up.

Miranda and Shepard looked at each other for a second before Miranda brushed it off on an error with a mission report.

She knew Miranda would probably back track after how long it had taken her to think things through- if you cared about someone then you just went for it, thought Shepard. It still stung though and now she didn't know what to do with herself or what this meant for their friendship and how they would work together.

"Shepard, why did you call me up here?" Miranda asked frowning and she eyed Shepard carefully up and down taking in the dress, and spurring the Commander's attention back into focus.

"Oh," Shepard started.

"If one more person says that..." Kasumi muttered and Shepard threw her a quelling look.

"To brief you," Shepard explained, "Samara and I are about to head out to trap Morinth."

"A trap?" Miranda repeated, glancing Shepard's attire over once more.

"Shepard will lure her in the club. My daughter will be charmed be the power and poise of the Commander. Then Shepard will follow Morinth to her living quarters and I shall kill my daughter." Samara said simply.

"Kasumi isn't going with you?" Miranda asked concerned, and Shepard then threw her a look to try to convey her deep lack of tact at the lack of attention she paid to Samara announcing she would kill her daughter.

"Oh no, I was just here to watch this bit and boy, was it fun." Kasumi said with mirth.

"So let me get this right," Miranda started in a tone which Shepard knew full well threatened the plan, "Shepard is going to be left completely alone with a killer who enjoys manipulating her dates, seducing them, taking every bit of last control they have and then casually murdering them?"

"Briefly." Samara conceded.

"And you don't see any flaws with that?" Miranda asked, sarcasm dripping off every word.

"Miss Lawson, do you object to the danger the Commander faces or the nature of it?" Samara asked her directly and Miranda's eyes flashed dangerously.

"If Morinth attacks her then Shepard may be powerless-" Miranda started.

"Hey!" Shepard protested, wounded; she was a spectre after all and had faced worse.

"Shepard, will not be powerless." Samara said with certainty. "Shepard possess an unshakeable will, which is why she struggled to meld with Liara even though it was her choice, and a tremendous capacity for love. Morinth will be drawn to Shepard's power and the danger which follows her but my daughter will be little prepared to be able to tackle a person such as the Commander. She has never stopped for one moment to consider the value of kindness, friendship, love and respect and so she has never learned how to manipulate these traits. It is lust and excitement that her victims are enticed by, Shepard will not be so easily fooled."

There was a moment's uncomfortable silence where Shepard shifted on the spot. She knew Samara's announcement had been important and it had meant a lot to hear her friend say such things, but she also wished Samara had not brought up the topic of love in front of Miranda. She wondered whether Miranda would jump wildly ahead and whether she would be scared off at the possibility of the depths of Shepard's feelings. Shepard glanced at her and was irked and yet relieved to see Miranda deep in thought, as though calculating the practical values of Samara's words and whether the mission would be as smooth.

"I'm coming with you." Miranda finally said.

"No way." Shepard dismissed.

"You need back up, the last time you went with only one person it turned into a nightmare and you were both lucky to get out alive." Miranda argued.

"Are you joking? We were amazing." Kasumi laughed incredulously.

"What you achieved was amazing but it was an unnecessary risk. Shepard will be on her own for at least a few moments with an addicted murderer and we have to have as many barriers in place as possible to make sure nothing goes wrong." Miranda elaborated.

"And are you forgetting the part where I'm the Commander and give the orders?" Shepard asked, eyebrows raised.

"No, but you also have to listen to good advice and not just turn it down because of your pride." Miranda finished bluntly.

"I have no objections to Miss Lawson being present, if it would help put her mind at rest." Samara offered but Shepard had a shrewd suspicion that there was more behind that last statement than she was letting on and Miranda seemed to want to protest that she was worried at all even after listing her concerns.

"Fine, let's go then." The Commander order in a falsely cheery voice, knowing this would be an uncomfortable few hours.

"I always miss the good stuff." Kasumi lamented.

* * *

If Shepard had felt sulky in the cabin just at the prospect of the mission, then that was nothing compared to how she was feeling in Afterlife. Everything was disgusting, the bar was sticky and she'd already punched a turian for not leaving an asari dancer alone. That last part she had found quite fun, she had to admit although she was nervous and embarrassed at the fact Samara and Miranda were going to be watching her try to entice Morinth.

Miranda had been almost completely silent on their way over and Samara and her were both waiting outside for Shepard to lure the target. Miranda hadn't even wished her luck but when they were to the mother of a girl Morinth had murdered Miranda had clearly been seething. They discovered more about Morinth and just how predatory she was. Miranda seemed to think this plan was a pointless risk and was indifferent to Samara's circumstances. Shepard wanted to believe that was entirely wrapped in concern for her safety rather than just being ruthlessly pragmatic. Miranda did finally pipe up when they discovered how much Morinth loved Hallex and she strictly forbade Shepard from touching any narcotics.

After she talked the bar tender into buying everyone a drink an asari approached her from the shadows and asked her if she'd like to get a table. As they found one together she introduced herself as Morinth. Good; I can get this over with now then, Shepard thought.

"I love it in here, the music stirs something in me but the people, they don't understand what's really going on. Power is what matters." Morinth declared.

"People think they're safe from harm no matter where they are but power is what makes the galaxy work. Pursuit of power is its own reward." Shepard agreed, feeling that she may as well go all out.

"Do you travel? I love the excitement of space life." Morinth said in rapture.

"I've been to hundreds of different worlds. I've seen war zones and slavers rip apart colonies, things which would break most people. The violence is everywhere and around everyone. People think it isn't in them, they could never do such things but that's just a comforting lie to help them sleep at night."

"Do you want to get out of here?" Morinth asked directly.

Relief surged through Shepard as she had worried Morinth wouldn't take the bait. She knocked back her drink in one and followed Morinth to her apartment building. The walk only took five minutes, it was perfect for quick trips to the club and to watch people come and go so she could find the right targets, Shepard mused.

The apartment was spacious and Morinth immediately made herself comfortable on the couch. Shepard couldn't help but think of Nef and the joy she must have experienced at feeling love for the first time, nausea washed over her at the repulsive use to which Morinth had put her and then so nonchalantly killed her.

"Who don't you join me?" Morinth asked.

Shepard forced a smile and reluctantly sat next to her, praying that Samara and Miranda were taking up their positions.

"Do you want some Hallex?" Morinth asked.

"Not enough drugs in the world that would make me fall for you." Shepard responded coldly.

Morinth's eyes narrowed.

"You need to relax, you will want me..." Morinth's eyes then changed into pools of white as she attempted to seduce Shepard and a hand went to her chin.

Shepard wrenched Morinth's hand away.

"Nice try but not good enough." Shepard spat and threw Morinth from her.

"So the bitch herself finally found away." Morinth stood up from the floor, realisation dawning on her.

There was a large thud from behind as Samara and Miranda burst into the room. The two asari looked at each other for a moment before throwing biotic waves at each other and Shepard and Miranda jumped in different directions for cover.

"I can't choose to stop being your daughter, Mother!" Morinth screamed in fury.

"You are a disease to be purged!" Samara yelled.

"I'm the genetic destiny of the asari!" Morinth shrieked and in that split second both Morinth and Samara, hatred and pain etched on each face, threw a warp at the other where they collided in mid air and the pair were stood trying to force their own warps to overpower the other's.

"Shepard, I'm as strong as her!" Morinth begged desperately.

"Shepard, let's finish this! I am sworn to you already!" Samara shouted.

Shepard walked calmly over from the wall where she had taken cover to Morinth and forced her hand out of the way so Samara's warp blast knocked her off her feet.

"And they call me a monster!" She shrieked.

Samara glided over to her daughter and whispered "find peace in the embrace of the Goddess" and Shepard turned to look away but knew that Samara's daughter now lay dead upon the floor.

"Samara, I-" Shepard started uncertainly.

"Let us go from this place, Shepard. When I am ready I will talk to you about it but not now. Let this old, broken warrior mourn." Samara requested and Shepard nodded and called a shuttle to pick them up.

* * *

Samara clambered in silently and Shepard and Miranda gave her space by sitting in the back together. Whatever Shepard had thought of her own character, whatever people had said about her commitment and leadership skills she knew in her heart she could never do what Samara just had; she could never kill someone she loved.

It was a muggy night and Miranda opened the window next to her slightly letting a small breeze greet them all. What Shepard had been a part of this night had forced her to re-examine things. She did not want to live selfishly and recklessly when it risked those around her and she was scared, scared of the things she knew she must face and that which she risked losing.

"Miranda," she said in a low voice so Samara could not hear although that was for Miranda's sake more than her own, "I'm sorry...I'm sorry I kissed you."

Shepard couldn't actually bring herself to look at Miranda and wasn't sure she'd ever be able to again but as her body flushed in humiliation and regret, two gloved fingers gently closed around her chin and steered her face so that Shepard had no choice but to look directly into those blues which shone with firm affection.

"I'm really not," Miranda whispered and her hand dropped down and she nodded to Samara, "we'll talk back on the ship."

Shepard nodded, not daring to try to speak in case it all went wrong again and not even daring to dream in case fear and pain threatened her hopes once more.

A few moments later they touched down on the Normandy, and as soon as they were exiting the shuttle they felt the Normandy come to life as Joker pulled them out of the Omega dock and began the journey to Tuchanka.

Samara left them as she headed for her chambers but bade them good night and a thank you full of sincerity and gratitude for what they had done. Shepard followed Miranda silently to her cabin, both ignoring any looks they were attracting from the crew that had not yet left for bed and were in the mess hall.

Miranda stood opposite Shepard, leaning slightly against her desk and looked agitated.

"I don't know what this is..." she admitted, "is this just burning off stress?"

"What are you scared of?" Shepard asked.

"This is no time for emotional entanglement, damn it!" She exclaimed, visibly torn by what she desired and total fear so that she started pacing. "We both know what we're up against and how unlikely it is that we're going to make it back. What bunch of hormones thought now was a good time for love?"

She sighed and dropped onto her bed with her hands in her head.

"Love?" Shepard repeated, fighting an irresistible smile. "Who said anything about love? I'm just trying to get you into bed."

"You arse," Miranda laughed, looking back up at Shepard.

"You want this, Miranda." Shepard said, full of unrestrained desire and new certainty now that there was only her and Miranda which is how she felt it should always be.

"Yeah, I do," she admitted, her voice breaking, "so don't die, promise me."

Shepard sat on the bed next to Miranda and sighed.

"I can't."

"I know." Miranda laughed bitterly.

"If you don't want this to go any further then I get that and we'll just go back to annoying each other in the most professional way possible again."

Miranda laughed quietly.

"I'm not easy, I'm not the best at letting people get close to me but I do want this. I've faced death a lot and not once have I ever regretted going after the things I cared about." Shepard said tenderly. "The idea of losing you...it terrifies me too, but if something happened then I'd regret not trying too as well as any grief that came my way."

Shepard watched Miranda steadily for a moment and could see the conflict raging in her mind and heart. Shepard had been surprised at her own willingness to put herself forward for she couldn't remember ever being in a situation like this where she would so readily and gladly risk her pride but this was Miranda- she couldn't just walk away without giving it a go.

"I'll let you think about it." Shepard offered kindly.

As she stood up to leave she Miranda's hand close on her own and in a second she turned back and their lips locked once more and Miranda fell back on the bed pulling Shepard with her. They were slow and tender and exploring. Miranda's hands trailed down Shepard's back and then went up to caress her hair, brushing soft curls which had fallen out behind her ear. Shepard's finger danced down Miranda's arm and Miranda quivered under her touch.

The kiss broke after a minute and Miranda turned her head away, laughing in disbelief.

"You make it impossible to think." She scolded, smiling.

"I think you've used that word to describe me before." Shepard recalled.

"Yeah, well, it really works on you." Miranda emphasised kissing Shepard briefly again. "You should probably go-"

"-go now you've used me?" Shepard interjected, teasing.

"Precisely." Miranda smirked. "I just need time..."

"I understand." Shepard said quietly and full of understanding as she detached herself from the operative and stood up.

"I'll come find you when I'm ready, I promise." Miranda said, standing up too and giving Shepard a long kiss which they both lost themselves in once more.


	12. Tuchanka: World of Hope

Shepard moaned as her alarm went off. She prised her arm, which was trapped under her stomach, free and went to whack the blasted thing only for it to fall on the floor and she moaned again in frustration. Apparently even she couldn't let herself sleep in. Who said there were perks to being a commander of a ship, she thought.

She dragged herself to sit up in bed, mildly surprised at just how out of it she felt. They'd done nothing yesterday except find Wrex who had told them Grunt needed to go through some sort of rite. It was probably a good thing that Shepard's body seemed the hardest to operate when she wasn't doing much though and she was far more used to constantly being on the move.

She sent a biotic wave at the alarm clock and it shattered, and making a mental note to just use EDI in future, she got up to get ready.

It had been good to finally see Wrex. He'd yelled out in joy at seeing her again, which was a departure from how most of her old friends had reacted upon seeing her. She scowled at the memory of Ashley on Horizon. Wrex had been more than willing to help and she at least understood his reasons as for not coming; he had to unite the krogan which would in turn help the galaxy be more prepared for when the reapers finally arrived. There was no way they were going to stand any kind of a chance against the reapers without the krogans.

Shepard made her way down to the mess hall, still not feeling awake and praying to God nobody would dare speak to her or she might just have to warp them. She smiled at seeing Miranda pouring herself some coffee and made her way over to her for she was about the only person Shepard could happily talk to right now.

They hadn't spoken about what was developing between them since Shepard had left her in the office after Samara's mission but Miranda had accompanied both her and Grunt to see Wrex and to try and find information on Maelon's friend. Shepard had been pleasantly surprised that Miranda's attitude wasn't the same as usual: it was gentler and slightly more playful- within the realms of professionalism, of course.

Shepard poured herself some tea and grinned at Miranda who rolled her eyes playfully upon seeing her commander.

"Honey?" Shepard asked, pointing to the golden jar on the shelf above Miranda's head.

"What?" Miranda asked automatically, and then realising her mistake ended up blushing furiously and handed the jar to Shepard. "Oh, here."

"I'm not really a pet name kind of person." Shepard admitted.

"Really?" Miranda said in her ear, gently brushing past Shepard as she moved round the red head to get some milk for her coffee before saying in a sly voice, "Because I've got plenty for you already."

Miranda turned to face Shepard, tilting her head with a cocky smile. Shepard feigned terror.

"I knew I shouldn't have told you about that damn school nickname."

"Shepard!" Grunt bellowed, causing both the operative and commander to spring away from each other.

"That's my cue..." Miranda muttered, moving to leave for her office.

"No! I need the tank born human too!" Grunt yelled and Miranda looked absolutely thunderstruck to be referred to in such a way.

"What did you call me?" She demanded as Grunt stood in front on them.

"You! You are tank born like me! You have been created to be the perfect human, the little bald one told me!" Grunt exclaimed.

Shepard, who had been taking a gulp of tea at the time, choked loudly on it at having the pleasure to be able to hear Jack referred to as "the little bald one". This day was turning out better than she expected already...

"What does that matter?" Miranda snapped.

"You must come with Shepard and me for my Rite!" Grunt insisted, practically dancing at the thought of this bloody ritual.

"Why?" Miranda asked, flabbergasted.

"We are the same! You understand what it is to be tank born!" Grunt exclaimed, delighted.

Miranda shrugged.

"Fine, probably best I come anyway; God knows what trouble Shepard will be able to get into during a krogan ritual." Miranda scoffed and Shepard laughed sarcastically.

"It is settled! We will destroy them! We will rip their heads off! The perfect krogan, the perfect human and Shepard!" Grunt roared.

Shepard pulled a face of mock admiration at being addressed as an afterthought.

"I could just stay here and let the perfect ones handle it." She whispered sulkily.

"You could, but it's probably best if you come as then you might pick up some tips." Miranda taunted.

* * *

"A thresher maw? A bloody thresher maw?!" Miranda screamed. "Son of a bitch!"

"We'll rip off its head!" Grunt kept shouting over and over again.

"Where the hell is the damn mako when you need it?" Shepard yelled.

The heat was making Shepard's skin feel raw, the dust was tearing at her lungs and whipping against her skin and she had no idea how they were supposed to take down this big, ugly, spitting worm. Miranda and Shepard hurled their biotics over and over again but it kept dodging them with ease and surprising elegance. Grunt threw concussive blasts at it and Shepard was pleased it was too far away for Grunt to try and head butt. The heavy weapons were the only things that seemed to make an impact but the battle was wearing them down as quickly as the thresher maw. They'd been out here for over an hour during the hottest part of the day with no rest and had slain dozens of waves of enemies.

Shepard saw it turn towards Grunt and fired at it with her laser. She was so close to it burning that when it turned to her, in fury at the attack, Shepard decided against her instinct to run for cover but kept shooting. If she could just hold on for a second...

The next thing she knew she was flying through the air and her back smashed against the floor.

"Shepard!" Grunt and Miranda screamed together but even before the thresher maw could fire another attack Shepard had sent a desperate warp into its eye from where she lay and it shrieked before falling dead, the only thing it left was a tremble in its wake.

Shepard pulled herself up, panting slightly.

"Well, that was fun." Shepard moaned.

"He he he he he he," Grunted giggled and Miranda shook her head, exasperated.

"Let's get out of here." Miranda said.

"Famous last words." Shepard said, nodding to the company which was arriving - a squad of krogan led by one which had insulted Grunt earlier and this could only mean one thing.

"So Grunt, you ready for another battle yet or do you want a nap first?" Shepard asked sardonically.

Grunt giggled again and reloaded.

* * *

It was a sign of just how sick of people were of being cooped up on the Normandy that everyone had deserted the ship in favour of hanging out on Tuchanka for a few days. There was a lot of fighting around the road leading to the hospital where Maelon was last seen so they were waiting for the clans to sort themselves out before heading out, and Shepard saw no reason why the crew shouldn't be given some time off, even if she was regretting her choice at playing poker with Wrex, Jack and Garrus. She'd lost four hands in a row now.

"That's it from me." Shepard said upon seeing Miranda usher her to come over to her and she left the group.

"Pussy." Jack shouted as Shepard left.

"Quiet now, little bald one." Shepard called over her shoulder.

"The fuck you call me?" Jack shouted, jumping up on the rock she had been sitting but Shepard just waved a hand back in acknowledgement and kept walking until she drew up to Miranda.

"What's up?" Shepard asked.

"We couldn't have stayed anywhere else?" Miranda asked, looking around the ruins with unease and leading Shepard back through the tunnel.

"We need to help Mordin here anyway so why bother going somewhere else in the meantime? How's Grunt?" Shepard inquired.

"Apparently, we're like siblings now." Miranda said, rolling her eyes. "I think he's trying to process what to do now the Rite is over and with the whole DNA tailoring and what it means to him."

"That he has to figure out all by himself." Shepard said, smiling knowingly at Miranda who nodded but she was taken aback at seeing the ship come into view. "Erm, are we going back to the ship?"

Shepard had been enjoying some downtime herself so was a little put out at this.

"Of course." Miranda said, but the corners of her mouth were fighting a smile.

"Why?" Shepard asked but she was sure, at least she hoped she was, that she knew the purpose.

"Because nearly everybody is off it." Miranda said and then turned to catch Shepard's mouth in hers but they broke abruptly apart when a krogan wolf whistled behind them. "See, we should go."

The elevator ride, while silent, was full of teasing looks and suppressed smiles. They made their way off the elevator on Miranda's floor, and struggled to look serious and not burst into laughter as other Cerberus members walk by them and saluted them both as they passed. As soon as the doors shut behind them they kissed once more, full of tenderness and promise.

"Should have known you wouldn't settle for my captain's quarters." Shepard remarked.

"I settle for nothing but the best," Miranda teased, "and Kelly will be up there in an hour to feed your damn fish."

"Fair enough...it is a bit early to involve someone else." Shepard joked and earned a playful punch from Miranda but Shepard at seeing Miranda's light nature at this didn't want her to back track later." Are you-"

"I'm sure," Miranda murmured, "from that first kiss, we both knew..."

Shepard kissed Miranda again, full of passion and lust and something else that she was too scared to name at this point. She sucked at Miranda's bottom lip as the operative moaned and pulled at Shepard's sweater and threw it over her head. They both peeled out of their clothes, barely breaking contact and Miranda revelled at finally being able to feel Shepard's soft skin under her fingers without those gloves. Miranda felt Shepard's toned armes and legs, and pulled her closer to her by her hips, desperately seeking closer contact.

They walked over to the bed, and both fell still kissing with Miranda resting against Shepard, arousal building just at the presence of Shepard beneath her. Miranda broke the kiss to see Angela Shepard fully, and her fingers trailed down her chest and over her stomach in circles as she took in every freckle, the one under her breast and a small one on her thigh and her hand dropped to it and ran over it in small circles so Shepard's breathing quickened. Miranda kissed it swiftly, and then kissed the freckle under her breast, and gave a slow kiss to where she could feel Shepard's heart beating before she looked into those astonishing green eyes and smiled.

"You're so beautiful." Miranda whispered to her and Shepard felt a rush of affection and trust for her.

Shepard wanted to know every inch of Miranda and indulge and pleasure all of her senses. The two of them alone were giving themselves up to one another, all of the previous insecurities and uncertainties stripped away and neither noticed as the red sky changed from purple and then to black or EDI automatically setting the lights to a low setting, no doubt as a default setting for whenever Miranda was awake. The doubts that had dogged them both could no longer scare them because this was all that there was and all that there could ever mean.

Shepard had always feared trusting anyone, of rejection, of not being good enough but she also was terrified of any distraction from the reapers- she had a job to do and must always put everyone else first but in this war, in a galaxy which was a mess and where hope seemed lost before they had even acknowledge the peril they were in, Miranda gave Shepard peace. Every moment with her was filled with hope and joy at what they were, just the simplicity of being together. It gave Shepard strength and every mission she carried her feelings for Miranda, the memories of all the hours they spent together in her heart. It didn't make her weak, it gave her something to keep fighting for. She fought so hard so she could keep coming back and seeing Miranda again. As she kissed, sucked, nibbled and caressed every inch of Miranda, she started to think that maybe for the first time since leaving Mindoir she could picture a future for herself.

They lay together pleasuring each other for hours. There was no hesitation, no need for pause or for rest, they just wanted to devour each other and their bodies were constantly intertwined. Shepard listened closely to Miranda's gasps of delight and moans of pleasure. She couldn't resist teasing Miranda, making her cry out and she was driven wild by hearing Miranda moan her name and run her hand through her red hair.

They were on their knees, sitting up, looked in a fierce embrace kissing passionately, Shepard's lip actually bloody but neither relenting while they brought each other to a final gasping climax. They fell onto the pillows, both fighting for breath and Shepard laughed shakily.

"Why didn't we think to do this sooner?" She joked, and rolled over to kiss Miranda again her lips slightly numb and she could feel Miranda trembling beneath her. "Are you okay?"

"You are..." Miranda started theatrically.

"Impossible?" Shepard suggested and Miranda laughed.

"I was going to say extraordinary." Miranda answered.

"I don't think either of us could ever be ordinary." Shepard said, kissing her briefly again before getting up, pulling a sheet around her and looking for her clothes.

"What are you doing?" Miranda asked curiously, sitting up and wiping her damp hair out of her eyes as sweat was still clinging to her skin.

"Looking for my clothes." Shepard answered.

"I've seen you naked for hours now." Miranda laughed, amazed at Shepard's apparent self consciousness.

"I can't walk through the ship like this." Shepard said.

"You're leaving?" Miranda questioned, eyebrows raised.

Shepard stopped, with one hand holding her trousers and the other grasping the sheet around her, and turned just in front of the bed to face Miranda.

"I kind of thought you'd want me to." Shepard said quietly.

"Why?" Asked Miranda incredulously.

"Gossip." Shepard said simply, waving her arm and trousers in the direction of the rest of the ship.

"Stay," Miranda whispered huskily, and she threw her duvet across the bed as an invitation for Shepard, who wasted no time and threw aside her trousers and dropped the sheet she was wrapped in, and crawled across the bed to meet Miranda's lips once more.


	13. In The Still of Night

Shepard looked over to Miranda's sleeping form and smiled to herself, this was about the only thing in her life that felt like it was going right at the moment which was incredible given how uncertain they had both been leading up to this point. She stared out into the sea of black and the scattered stars, trying to remember all that they had achieved so far but after such a horrendous day Shepard was left with more doubts about what she thought she knew than ever.

 _Look at the dead woman, Mordin_

She kept hearing herself say that line over and over again, she pulled her knees up to her chest at the image of Mordin's grief stricken face and the marks of guilt that were so clearly etched upon him now.

When she had first hired Mordin and found out about his work for the STG team, she'd been highly reluctant to work with him. Not any of this had been easy or clear cut: she was the saviour of the Citadel who had saved the council so as to unite the galaxy and now she was working with terrorists. However, she always thought there had been clear differences between someone like Mordin - who she associated as being in the same mould as Okeer- and herself. Her speech to the crew about past lives not mattering had been meant at the time, but it wasn't the easiest thing to accept.

In truth, she'd found Mordin so effortless to get along with after the first few weeks and so adorable and hilarious - particularly when he sang- that it was all too easy to forget that this was someone responsible for the mass sterilisation of the krogan that had resulted in so much grief, countless deaths and destroyed the korgan's culture and hope. It was a selfish attitude to take but when the galaxy was set so against them, Shepard had turned insular and put all of her faith in the crew she was with. What did outside concerns matter to her?

She was both pleased and devastated for what happened to Mordin: she was glad that he was able to now understand just what the krogan had been put through and that it may have been wrong but his pain was her pain. She didn't want her friend to have to suffer through the acceptance of knowing that he was responsible for such a hideous thing.

Shepard thought back to her own decisions...having to kill the colonists on Feros, destroying the cloning facility on Virmire which had given the krogan hope, leaving Kaidan to die, abandoning hundreds of human lives so that the Council might be saved...was she any better, really? How many lives had she stolen? What was her right?

"Shepard," Miranda croaked, sitting up in bed. "What are you doing?"

"Couldn't sleep. Don't worry about it. Try and get some rest." Shepard whispered but Miranda clambered out of bed and sat behind Shepard on the couch, pulling her close and wrapping a blanket around them both.

Shepard sighed contently at feeling Miranda so tightly wrapped around her and her breath on her neck. The transition into an exclusive relationship had been so comfortable, unlike the awkwardness that had surrounded them with so many earlier interactions. She was pleasantly surprised that Miranda cared nothing at all for gossip and was merely happy to just be with Shepard although she figured she should have known that Miranda wouldn't let anything stop her once she had set her mind upon something. The only comments had been from Jack who had said she'd buy Shepard a drink for screwing Cerberus in more ways in one and couldn't wait for her to toss the cheerleader aside. Shepard had warned Jack she'd be benched for at least three missions now, causing a sulk of epic proportions from the snarling biotic.

Miranda had also made no question of Shepard's preference for her much smaller cabin. In truth, Shepard hated her quarters as they were so remote and she hated the overwhelming responsibility that came with sitting at the top desk (literally). This was Miranda's organised world and she was just glad to be invited in it. Plus, Miranda absolutely despised her fish or maybe it was just the fact that Kelly was allowed daily access to her cabin.

"What's wrong?" Miranda asked her quietly, stroking Shepard's hair with her left hand while her right held Shepard close.

Miranda had learnt to read Shepard extraordinarily quickly. She really was good at deciphering people's motivations. It both thrilled and worried Shepard. She was not used to having some so close to her. There was a freedom in being understood and having someone with her through everything but she also hated the fact she might ever been considered weak or vulnerable, just as Miranda staying with her after the varren bite had caused such an internal conflict for her. She wanted Miranda with her; she just wasn't used to letting people get so close to her.

"Just everything with Mordin...seeing the krogan females so desperate." Shepard sighed again.

"You helped him face it. You were a good friend to him." Miranda reassured her quietly into the night.

"Couldn't help the females." She muttered. "I know people think the krogans are mindless killers but they're not. They didn't deserve what happened to them, that pain. I can't even imagine..."

Shepard felt Miranda stiffen slightly before speaking again.

"Angela, I think I have to tell you something..." Miranda started softly but Shepard could hear a note of worry in her voice.

"What is it?" She whispered into the darkness, turning her head slightly to look at Miranda- it was something serious if Miranda used her first name as that was only ever for their most tender and intimate moments together.

"I don't know if I should be telling you this now. We've only just...oh damn it," Miranda trailed off, a hand flying to her forehead which was always a telltale sign of agitation.

"What?" Shepard urged, thoroughly worried at Miranda's torment.

"There's a neoplasm...benign...I'm not in any danger or anything but...I won't ever be able to get pregnant." Miranda explained, without looking directly at Shepard but focussing now on stroking the commander's arm.

Shepard faltered unsure of what to say. She didn't know if this was something Miranda wanted to talk about and she didn't want to assume either that she would be devastated at this news because Miranda may not have even wanted children.

"I'm sorry that the option was taken away from you." Shepard said, although she felt weak and pathetic saying it and not something more substantive. "When did you find this out?"

"Not long before you woke up- from the coma, that is. I just figured while we were on the subject...you should know what to expect and that I'll never be able to have children." Miranda's voice was clipped and Shepard knew she was struggling with a torrent of emotion.

Adoration for Miranda swept over her in that moment. Miranda was so composed, so like her in trying to stay in control and not appear fractured in any way. She knew Miranda was trying to reign in her feelings over this admission as well as was putting a shield up in case Shepard decided this wasn't enough.

"You can," Shepard corrected, "okay, you can't get pregnant but they can use your DNA from skin cells if you want it to look like you, although I think we both know that DNA isn't everything. Plus, there's always adoption."

"It doesn't scare you?" Miranda questioned, surprised.

"Children always scare me with their germs and sticky little hands and neediness but us having kids? Nope. I don't care how we end up; married, living in sin, six kids, no kids, a cat, a pyjak, whatever. As long as the picture has me and you in it then that's all that counts." Shepard told her with enthusiastic affection.

"I suppose it doesn't matter anyway when we're on a suicide mission." Miranda remarked vaguely to which Shepard turned with her mouth open in stunned disbelief.

"Thanks for the faith!" Shepard exclaimed, indignant.

"I've already told you that you've done better than I expected so really you should just take every day as a positive after that." Miranda smirked.

"Now I am wounded." Shepard sulked.

"Maybe it's just easier to think of that as the fixed point than to contemplate what happens after..." Miranda admitted carefully.

"What do you mean?" Shepard asked, playing with Miranda's hand in her own.

"Will you go back to the Alliance?" Miranda asked, so quietly that Shepard could have pretended not to hear.

"I don't want to." Shepard stated confidently. "I'm not that person any more. I don't believe in it any more but-"

"-the reapers." Miranda finished with bitter understanding; the reapers had helped bring them together yet threatened everything they could ever want or have.

"I don't see how we can fight them without the Alliance." Shepard admitted sadly.

"Cerberus has almost unlimited resources..." Miranda chimed, clearly remembering a time when they debated this before. "You could stay..."

"You could come with me." Shepard offered.

"I'm a wanted terrorist, Shepard." Miranda scoffed.

"And I'm a spectre so what I say goes in this galaxy." Shepard replied in her most authoritarian voice.

"I'm starting to see how Saren was able to cause so much trouble." Miranda joked but then she spoke in an almost timid voice. "Kelly said earlier that Hackett wanted to speak with you."

"No privacy on this ship." Shepard mocked.

"Shepard..." Miranda almost pleased and Shepard was pained to hear the anxiety she was clearly feeling.

"Here's got this friend he wants me to go after and break her out of this prison. I told him I'd do it after we picked up Tali. Some doctor- it's about the reapers or something. None of it was really clear. Typical Alliance." Shepard muttered.

"So the only times he's bothered to contact you since you came back from the dead are when he wants jobs doing?" Asked Miranda, outraged.

"Yep." Shepard nodded.

"So who are you taking? I'm sure Jack will be upset at sitting out another attempt at a prison break." Miranda smirked.

Shepard bit her tongue nervously at this. She had been dreading this part and didn't dare turn to face Miranda, but sunk slightly into her feeling Miranda's arms come up higher against her chest.

"No one. It's a solo mission."

For a second Shepard thought there would be no battle over this but she really should have known better as once Miranda seemed to digest what Shepard had said she pushed Shepard up from her so that they were both sitting straight and the commander finally turned to face her.

"Are you out of your mind?" She demanded.

"It's what he wants. I can handle it." Shepard shrugged.

"You just said he wasn't very clear - you could be walking into anything." Miranda admonished.

"And I'm perfectly capable of dealing with it. The Normandy will be around so if I get into trouble you'll be the first to know, or EDI will."

"By that point it might be too late." Miranda snapped.

Shepard turned in earnest to Miranda and said gently.

"What else am I supposed to do? This is about the reapers. If it was anything else I'd leave it."

"Would you?" Miranda questioned, folding her arms and leaning back.

"Don't do that." Shepard pleaded gently, taking Miranda's hands and pulling operative to her so their foreheads were touching; she hated it when Miranda put up those old defences against her as though trying to manage Shepard as she so often tried when they first started working together and Miranda had hated to take orders from such an unknown. "This is my priority now. I've never been happier. I'm not looking for an excuse to run off to the Alliance. This is just another crappy mission we have to get through."

Shepard kissed Miranda tenderly.

"I just wish they didn't have to keep picking you. Why not ask Williams if she's their damn hero now?" Miranda muttered furiously.

"Because she just hasn't gone my stunning good looks." Shepard joked.

"Oh yeah, because that's always so important on a prison break out." Miranda said, rolling her eyes.

"Didn't deny it." Shepard said, playfully kissing Miranda.

"Shepard..."

"Still not denying it," she whispered between kisses.

* * *

"Are you coming to get Tali?" Shepard asked Miranda, the next morning while they finished going over some old mission reports.

"I didn't know if you'd want me to." Miranda replied, looking up from her desk.

"Why not?"

"Tali didn't seem too keen on Cerberus." Miranda replied.

"Yeah, well...you weren't too keen on me when I woke up but your whole team had just been wiped out. She was in the middle of chaos with a team that then went awol." Shepard responded.

Miranda stared at her firmly for a second before Shepard relented.

"Oh, okay, she doesn't like you but she's my friend and I like it when you come along on missions." Shepard pleaded. "You normally jump at the chance to come and just last night you were telling me off for planning a mission without you."

"That wasn't about being without me but being completely alone and I just don't want you to get stuck in the middle of any conflicts." Miranda responded and Shepard wondered whether it was for her sake Miranda was saying this or because she doubted who Shepard would choose if the situation ever arose.

"Miranda, I don't care what anybody thinks. I thought that was obvious by the fact I found Wilson's logs absolutely hilarious." Shepard laughed.

Miranda shifted slightly in his seat.

"He was such a prick." Miranda scathed. "But Tali is a good friend of yours."

"And so she will give me her full support." Shepard said happily.

"You're so naive sometimes..." Miranda said, shaking her head.

"And you just sweep me off my feet every time you speak." Shepard replied, amused. "So are you coming?"

"Oh, all right then," Miranda gave in, exasperated, "But don't say I didn't warn you."

"Please, it'll be me who gets to say 'I told you so'." Shepard scoffed.

* * *

Picking up Tali had been a complete mess- even worse than going after Grunt. It was like tackling the most elaborate assault course ever designed. Their shields were destroyed almost every time they stepped out of the shade, geth kept jumping out from all sides and Kasumi kept shouting every time she even so much as saw the sun but Shepard wondered why she was complaining; at least she wasn't wearing heavy armour.

Shepard hated seeing Tali so distraught at the annihilation of her team. She knew her friend would blame herself but they were unprepared for geth and had held up well against their constant attacks. It was good to see Tali again even if she could sense Tali throwing Miranda dark looks as they made their way back to the Normandy- those two really hadn't gotten off to the best of starts which even she had to concede but she was certain Miranda would be the one to eat her words. Shepard had to admit though, that it wasn't as bad as Jacob reminding Tali about having an AI onboard. Honestly, she thought, he has no tact. Shepard told Miranda she'd help Tali get settled before having dinner together and kissed her softly (Tali actually took a step back in surprise at this and banged into the elevator wall behind her) before stepping out of the elevator with the newest recruit.

"We need to talk." Tali said with emphasis as they made their way to engineering.

"Look, EDI's fine. She's shackled and she's been a life saver to be honest." Shepard said, waving off any criticism early.

"Not that." Tali huffed, as though to say that was still a major issue too. "The Cerberus woman."

"You mean Miranda?" Shepard smiled, putting her hands in her pockets.

"Yes, that." Tali said, clipped and Shepard rolled her eyes. "Don't you roll those green eyes at me, Shepard! What is going on with you?"

"Maybe if you had joined the mission earlier you would know." Shepard retorted, hurt.

"You know I couldn't come on Freedom's Progress. I had responsibilities too. I'm your friend but I can't just drop everything because you ask." Tali said, shaking her head. "So don't treat me as though I've betrayed you like Liara, Anderson or Ashley because we both know I'd follow you anywhere in the end."

Shepard fidgeted with her pockets in the uncomfortable silence that followed.

"Sorry." She muttered, looking the other way.

"That's quite all right." Tali accepted simply.

"How did you know about what happened with them, anyway?" Shepard asked slyly after a moment.

"Garrus messaged me, apparently he missed out some of the gossip though or he was just being typically oblivious when he said there was something between you and some murderous tattooed prisoner...unless you are seeing both of them now." Tali said to which Shepard immediately hushed her and waved her arms.

"Jack? She lives right below us." Shepard whispered frantically.

"Oh, well, this is awkward." Tali admitted.

"You think?" Shepard replied quietly but full of sarcasm.

"So what _is_ going on?" Tali asked.

"I don't know." Shepard shrugged. "I'm happy- with Miranda and only Miranda."

"You never wanted a relationship with any of the crew before." Tali commented.

Shepard knew she was thinking of Liara and Kaidan who had both expressed feelings for her but she didn't like to remember Kaidan's confession in particular as she felt like leaving him to die was an even more shocking betrayal.

"I never wanted one before." Shepard shrugged again.

"You're giving me nothing, Shepard, nothing." Tali said, frustrated.

"Look I know what you think of her-" and Shepard ploughed on quickly before Tali could interrupt further, "but you've not been here, with us, and I'm not having a go but we've all grown close and Miranda...she's been there for me loads, and not just with saving my life. I swear half the time she knows what I'm thinking before I even say it. She was there when I nearly died when that damn varren bit me, she was there when we went to say goodbye to the original Normandy and the crew, she's just there every time I need to talk and I let her. I guess that's the difference. People have tried to be there for me but I've never really let them. I think she's as closed off too with a lot of people and that's why it works. I just feel...free... when I'm with her, I suppose."

"Oh Keelah." Tali muttered, stunned and exasperated. "You're in love with the genetically perfect boshtet?"

"We haven't really discussed that yet!" Shepard replied hastily but the memory of Miranda saying it was a ridiculous time for love burst into her mind and she suddenly struggled to keep a straight face.

Tali gave her a hard stare.

"Okay, okay," Shepard relented, " she might have implied it, I think."

"You think?" Tali said, full of scepticism.

"I don't know...relationships are complicated, aren't they? They just kind of take on a life of their own and you're along for the ride." Shepard responded hopelessly.

"You need help." Tali replied acidly.

"What if I say it and it scares her off?" Shepard asked her friend confidentially.

"Shepard, this entire conversation has scared the life out of me but I'm still here." Tali retorted and then softened. "Miranda doesn't seem like the kind of person who is usually kind to others-"

Shepard made a noise of protest.

"-and everything she's shared with you should show her the depths of her feelings. If that isn't good enough wisdom then you're just going to have to figure it out by yourself, or ask the AI." Tali added, sardonically.


	14. Of Past Regret And Future Fear

"Don't go..." Miranda requested, lying in bed and watching Shepard get ready for her mission.

"Don't...you know I have to." Shepard moaned.

"I can't believe he didn't give you any intel." Miranda spat.

"Welcome to the wonderful world of the Alliance." Shepard sighed.

Her role of playing hero for them and swooping in to save the day was getting really tired now, she thought. It was a Sunday and Sundays were made for sleeping in. She just wanted to crawl back into the bed with Miranda. It did not help that Miranda hadn't bothered getting dressed after their fun last night and she was now lying on her stomach, the sheet just pulled up over her curves and her back bare. Shepard trailed a gloveless finger along Miranda's spine and felt her shudder beneath the touch.

"Hopefully it won't take long." Shepard whispered, watching the movement of her hand while she felt Miranda's eyes burn with intensity.

"You don't know that."

"No, but I doubt I'll be gone for decades." Shepard smiled.

"Good because I wouldn't wait." Miranda replied grumpily.

"You wouldn't?" Shepard teased, raising an eyebrow.

"Definitely not." Miranda sulked and buried her face in the pillow.

"But then I wouldn't have anything to come back too." Shepard replied playfully, leaning over to brush Miranda's hair back and she started administering kisses to her shoulder.

Miranda side eyed Shepard with cunning dancing in the depths of the blue and she flipped over and pulled Shepard close to her, giving her partner a deep, lustful kiss.

"You should take me with you..." Miranda murmured between kisses and Shepard found it almost impossible to concentrate as Miranda grabbed her hand and trailed it along her breasts.

"This is cheating..." Shepard protested hazily, arousal rising quickly at the quick touch Miranda granted Shepard's fingers to her nipples.

"Whatever works." Miranda replied smugly, pulling the sheet away from her as Shepard struggled not to lose herself to the feel of the naked woman beneath.

"I have to go...alone..." Shepard spluttered between kisses.

Her mind was saying one thing but her body most definitely wanted another.

"We should be together through everything..." Miranda replied huskily.

Shepard's hands slid up and down Miranda's thighs while the kiss intensified, words forgotten and arguments left abandoned. Shepard moaned longingly as she felt Miranda's wetness. She wanted to feel, to touch Miranda's body properly with her own but her armour was a great wall between them. She jumped back, sitting up on her knees, straddling Miranda but not daring to look anywhere other than Miranda's eyes in case she succumbed to lust once more.

"I have to go on my own." Shepard insisted, panting slightly but she spoke with more certainty than she had early.

Miranda sighed.

"I had to try."

Shepard laughed.

"I promise I'll be back."

"You better me." Miranda replied, leaning forwards to give Shepard a kiss but Shepard jumped off the bed.

"Nope! No more games! I'm getting ready now and going!" Shepard practically shouted.

"Damn it..." Miranda hissed under her breath.

* * *

Shepard remembered kissing Miranda before leaving and reassuring her that everything would be fine, neither of them had truly believed it and here she was now, out in the bitter winds after being knocked out and then attacked by Kenson's mercs, having to destroy a relay and colony to stop the reapers and now staring down a group of mercs led by a heavy mech which had pinned her down. She swore loudly from her cover, barely able to keep the mercs from advancing to her. The asteroid was getting closer to the relay each second and she had to get the hell out of here.

She tried to move forward but the machine gun fire from the mech forced her back into cover.

 _Shit._

She threw biotics at it hoping it would finally break but she only finally managed to bring down its shields. There was a roar of engine overhead that Shepard could barely hear over the lashing wind but the great shadow passing over meant only one thing: the Normandy.

The airlock opened from a hundred feet behind the mech and out poured all of Shgepoard's squad with grace. They brought down the fighters with ease with their combined strength, and Miranda at the head of the charge. Shepard could have laughed out loud in delight.

She made a break from her cover and ran to the Normandy, firing shots over her shoulder at any stragglers and they launched themselves into the ship while Joker rushed to get them the hell out of there, barely making it through the relay in time before the asteroid destroyed it into fragments.

"Fuck, Shepard". Jack panted and Shepard did actually laugh in delight.

"Who knew you lot would actually turn out to be useful?" She smiled as they made their way to the mess hall.

"We knew something was up when it took you so long to respond." Jacob explained.

"Look," Miranda started defensively, "I know you said..."

"I did," Shepard nodded sternly, "which just goes to show the value of having a crew that are capable of thinking for themselves and who know when to disobey an order."

The crew laughed at Shepard but Miranda just looked relieved Shepard was safe.

"Erm, sorry to break this up, commander but Admiral Hackett is requesting permission to come aboard." Joker said over the intercom.

"Permission granted, I'll get checked over in the med bay and he can see me there. Miranda, could you take him and wait for me there as I need a quick word with Garrus first." Shepard requested, and the team settled to enjoy the new peace while Garrus follow Shepard to the main battery looking curious and Shepard didn't waste any time in explaining.

"Garrus, I trust you with my life and we have one more mission before we go after that IFF," Shepard started, "I need you to promise me something."

"Anything, Shepard" Garrus offered readily.

"If ever there comes a time when I'm separated with Miranda and we both need back up or help- go to Miranda." Shepard said determinedly.

"Shepard-" Garrus faltered.

"Garrus," Shepard insisted, "I know what I'm asking and this isn't just about the missions we face now. The reapers are coming and I need to know there's someone looking out for her."

"But what about you?" Garrus asked.

"I know what I'm asking." Shepard repeated solemnly. "I have a good crew, I've been in tight spots before and I know what's coming. The most important thing to me is knowing she has people looking out for her. I know we might not make it out of this anyway, but I want to make sure that I've made damn sure that I've done everything I can to get her through this."

Garrus looked for a moment into Shepard's determined face before reluctantly agreeing.

"You swear it?" Shepard urged.

"I-I don't agree with you but yes, Shepard, I'll do it." Garrus stated.

"No matter what?" Shepard prompted.

"Yes."

"Even if I'm bleeding and dying in front of you?"

"I-"

"Garrus."

"I promise, Shepard. I'll do it." Garrus conceded.

"Good, now I have to go explain thousands of batarian deaths to Hackett." She said sighing, leaving for the medbay.

Shepard entered the medbay to see Hackett in full uniform waiting in an uncomfortable silence with Miranda. They were several feet apart and didn't seem at all keen in beginning pleasantries. She knew that both had already firmly made up their mind about the other and she didn't care enough to try to make them friends. The only thing that mattered was getting this over with and going back to life. Miranda nodded at Shepard and turned to leave as the commander walked in but Shepard stopped her.

"Miranda, you're the second in command and I'd like you to stay." Shepard requested and Miranda acquiesced and granted Shepard a small smile of gratitude at this sign of trust and respect.

"I'd prefer to speak with you alone, Shepard." Hackett said, agitated.

"I'm sorry, Admiral but this is a Cerberus vessel so you can speak in front of my crew if you wish to speak to me at all." Shepard explained, though not unkindly.

"I need an explanation as to what the hell happened down there." Hackett said promptly.

"Kenson was indoctrinated. She had a plan to let the reapers walk through the back door of our galaxy and destroying that relay was the only thing stopping them" Shepard said with little hesitation or shame.

"I think you deserve a medal then but they're going to want a trial. You know they can't let the bataraian deaths go with the political situation as it is." Hackett responded.

"So every time Shepard gives you help you want to punish her?" Miranda interjected, looking thunderous.

"This will need explaining." Hackett admitted but barely glancing at Miranda as though he did not want to associate with her at all.

"She just explained it." Miranda responded flatly.

"I'll stand trial after the collectors. I've got nothing to hide." Shepard interjected before those two started screaming at each other. "But sooner or later this galaxy is going to have to face up to the threat of the reapers."

* * *

"It's too hot in here." Miranda complained.

"I know..." Shepard muttered in her ear as steam enveloped them.

Shepard loved taking showers; the feeling of a past mission being washed away and her muscles being rejuvenated was almost cathartic, but that was nothing compared to how much she loved showers with Miranda.

The two caressed each other in frantic lust as the hot water beat down on them. They were lost in their passion after such a tense and anxiety driven mission. The shower doors seemed to close them off to the galaxy. The tight space only enhancing the sensual as their bodies were pressed up against each other, each time they felt skin on skin their nerves were set on fire.

Miranda moaned urgently and full of desire, kissing Shepard's mouth and cheek and then whispering in her ear.

"I'm going to come..."

Both came together, and felt their bodies tighten for a moment as they both cried out in ecstasy. Out of breath, they kissed briefly, still panting and chests rising quickly.

"We should do this after every mission..." Shepard muttered.

"It's definitely better here than in the shared showers." Miranda responded.

"Oh, so you're just using me for my shower?" Shepard teased, faking outrage.

"Of course," Miranda answered playfully, "What? I brought you here and yet I don't get a shower but they give you one and a fish tank."

"The perks of being the best commander in the galaxy."

"Cocky." Miranda muttered.

Miranda pulled down a bottle of Shepard's raspberry shampoo and ran her hands through Shepard's hair. They cleaned each other slowly and lovingly, as tender as if caring for a wounded soldier. Shepard relished in how much Miranda seemed to love her hair for she was always touching it or stroking it and she knew Miranda adored this opportunity to be so intimate together.

After half an hour, they got out and dried off, wrapping themselves in towels and Shepard walked over to her bed and collapsed on it.

"Tired?" Miranda asked with a smile, going over to sit on the side of Shepard's bed.

"Big couple of days." Shepard yawned.

"Not exactly over yet if you are standing trial." Miranda said pointedly.

Shepard sighed.

"I don't want to think about all of that..." Shepard moaned and Miranda relented. "I wish this was just how it could always be. Maybe Jack was right, we should go pirate."

"Okay, now I am worried about you when you start using phrases like 'maybe Jack was right'." Miranda smiled, reaching out to stroke Shepard's damp hair which always went curly when wet.

"She has some good ideas some times." Shepard said defensively.

"Yeah, like when she dragged you to an abandoned facility just to blow it up, you got bit by a varren and nearly died?" Miranda asked sarcastically.

"You're supposed to be trying with her." Shepard reminded her.

"Then, if it's any consolation," Miranda conceded, "it was your fault too for not just shooting the damn thing."

And Shepard threw her pillow at her but Miranda caught it swiftly and chucked it out of harm's way. Shepard lay back and smiled at just how content they both were in each other's presence. Her talk with Tali had been playing on her mind for a while. She wasn't the most expressive person but she felt Miranda was mature enough to know what she was feeling by all of the little things she did than by bold and melodramatic statements. Nevertheless, Hackett had brought something pernicious onboard- a reminder of what was waiting for them beyond the collectors. They had gotten lost in this battle with the collectors, and while it had been annoying to be left so alone in this fight Shepard had managed to make a home out of it and there was a certain beauty in all that they were creating. Hackett's presence was a forewarning that Shepard was expected to go wherever the reapers were threatening and Miranda was aligned with Cerberus. It was hard not to worry about what that might mean. She rolled over onto her side, resting her head in her hand before rolling her eyes in an embarrassed kind of way.

"I know I'm not very ...forward with these things," Shepard started and Miranda stared at her curiously, "but you do know..."

"I know." Miranda interrupted softly, bending down to kiss her. "I know."

"Good," Shepard responded a little awkwardly and Miranda laughed.

"I know that you struggle with being open about your feelings and I'm not one to be writing sonnets so don't worry that I need anything from you except this. I love you and you can say it back when you're ready." Miranda said sincerely and casually and Shepard kissed her passionately, trying to pour all of her unspoken feelings into that kiss and when they parted Miranda was slightly flushed once more.

"So we only need to go after Jacob's dad next and then I guess we're set..." Shepard mused.

"I was the one who found him and sent it Jacob's way." Miranda admitted bluntly.

Shepard sat up and frowned slightly, bemused.

"Why didn't you tell him?" Shepard asked.

"I didn't think the Illusive Man would be too keen and it's complicated. I didn't want to get into it with him after everything between us but I knew it would matter to him. It felt like keeping an old promise." Miranda explained but Shepard remained silent and after a moment Miranda struggled not to smile incredulously. "Are you jealous?"

"No." Shepard dismissed in a short tone.

"Sure?" Miranda asked again, giving into a smile.

"This coming from the woman who told me, and I quote, 'I want everyone to know Shepard that you're mine'." Shepard replied feigning nonchalance.

"I was jealous of Jack...and of Jacob. He really likes you so you cannot possibly be the one indignant right now." Miranda laughed.

"I'm not." Shepard responded shortly.

"Shepard..." Miranda urged.

"Oh, okay. Maybe a tiny bit but you two have a whole history together." Shepard said defensively.

"That whole history was barely anything and I ended it. We have both moved on from that. Ironically, we're both attracted to the same woman but I can't complain that it worked out for me." Miranda replied, pulling Shepard close and whispering into her neck and she kissed it lightly. "So are you jealous?"

"No." Shepard sighed, conceding. "Kasumi thinks he's hot though."

"Good, he can take her out and then maybe he'll stop staring at you." Miranda said briskly.

"He has good taste then." Shepard murmured.

"The best." Miranda whispered, nibbling her ear lobe and then turning Shepard to kiss her fully on the lips."Who are you going to take with you to get the IFF?"

"I was thinking Garrus..."

"And?" Miranda prompted but when Shepard remained silent she ploughed on. "You know you should take me. We work the best together and you don't know what you'll be facing. You can't let your emotions change your plan for the mission."

"And your feelings aren't swaying you?" Shepard asked sceptically.

"Of course I want to be with you wherever you go." Miranda answered. "So it's hypocritical if you act on your feelings alone, ignore mine and jeopardise the mission."

"You always get your own way." Shepard sulked.

"Always." Miranda teased, pulling away Shepard's towel.


	15. Together Before It All

Miranda had finally confessed to Jacob about being the tip in front of the Illusive Man after they had actually found Jacob's father. Shepard hoped she wouldn't get into much trouble but the Illusive Man always seemed to take a relaxed approach to broken protocols if it got him what he wanted and Jacob being focussed on the mission definitely counted as being a priority. Jacob seemed vaguely surprised that Miranda had gotten so involved as he watched her leave.

"She...requires a better man than I." Jacob sighed reluctantly and Shepard frowned.

"I'm a woman." Shepard replied, offended.

"What?" Jacob asked, confused.

"What?" Shepard asked feeling that she had missed something in this conversation.

"Miranda - she needs someone who can make her happy..." Jacob explained, seemingly baffled.

"Yes..." Shepard replied tersely.

"...which was never me."

Shepard was starting to get seriously annoyed by Jacob's tone which indicated he was speaking to somebody extremely obtuse.

"Yes, but it could be me." Shepard snapped dramatically.

Fair enough, they didn't feel the old romance fairy tale ideals of the few centuries but same gender relationships were much more accepted and they were both happy so who cared? She didn't feel their relationship was lacking in any way.

"You?" Jacob questioned. "Wait, what?"

"We're together!" Shepard shouted hotly.

"Who? You and Miranda?" Jacob asked, gobsmacked.

"Yeah, where the hell have you been? Everybody knows!"

"I didn't." Jacob denied.

"Obviously."

"When I said man...I didn't mean...I didn't realise she was...oh hell." Jacob rebuked himself.

"It's fine, really. I'd just like this awkwardness to be over now." Shepard laughed and Jacob joined. "So are you okay about your dad?"

"It's all bull, Shepard but I dealt with all of that a long time ago. I'd already lost him years ago so I am completely focussed now. Thanks for everything." Jacob finished with warm gratitude.

"No problem." Shepard shrugged with a smile; she'd do anything for her team.

"Hey, Shepard, I hope it works out for both of you." Jacob smiled before heading back to the armoury.

"Me too..." Shepard muttered.

* * *

Getting the reaper IFF had been a messy affair. It wasn't a smooth mission - successful- but not as clean as Shepard liked. There was little room for tactics and scions kept trying to hold them back. It was hard fighting that eventually won them through. Picking up a geth had been a bonus and Miranda had not been keen for Shepard to go and have a chat with it, nor had Jacob but his objections wouldn't lead to Shepard dealing with a night of cold stares and mutinous comments.

Shepard had taken an instant liking to Legion. She had no objection to AIs and considered EDI and Legion now as much a part of the crew as anyone. Tali had not been happy with this developing friendship but Shepard hardly felt she could object; she'd seen what her father had done to the geth and what he had put them through and she felt it was high time that both the quarians and geth started to think about peaceful negotiations; too many lives had been lost already and both sides were guilty of carrying out horrendous crimes. However, as much as the wider political situation irked Shepard she had a far more pressing concern of making sure everybody on her ship got along.

She'd managed to settle an argument between Tali and Legion with almost minimal shouting after she had destroyed the heretics. It had not been a decision she had taken lightly; she may be a soldier but she hated taking any lives but it was the only solution that guaranteed peace.

That evening, she summoned everybody onboard to the mess hall. It was her favourite spot to casually address the crew as it was far less formal and it was always full of people anyway. They only had to get the IFF working - and they'd be taking a shuttle out while EDI sorted it- and then it was on to the collector base. She didn't want any grand speeches yet but she wanted the crew to know what they meant to her. When everyone was assembled, and what a diverse bunch it was, Shepard addressed them all fondly.

"What's this about, Shepard?" Tali asked curiously.

"Relax everyone, this isn't one of those doom laden talks I give right before an impossible mission." Shepard joked.

"No fun." Grunt grumbled.

"I have a little token of my appreciation for you all." Shepard told them happily.

"More guns?" Garrus piped up hopefully.

"Yeah, like we could really fit anymore in this place. Shepard has got us fully kitted out." Jacob replied.

"No guns." Shepard answered.

"No fun." Jack and Grunt grumbled together.

"A couple of months ago I went with Garrus and Miranda to the Normandy crash site. Hackett had requested that we find all of the dog tags of my fallen team so that they could be sent to their families," Shepard started reminiscently, "and I remembered thinking 'what the hell good is a dog tag?' At the end of all of that, there they were- buried in ice and snow in a galaxy that had moved on."

They were all silent, listening carefully and appreciating the value of what Shepard was confiding in them. She rarely talked about the fight against Saren that had now become the stuff of legend, and she never spoke about the attack on the Normandy.

"It felt like the Alliance had branded them to claim them and then they had abandoned them. They dishonoured their lives by ignoring the work we were doing and what we were fighting for. I don't think I've ever been angrier than I had on that day, standing on that wretched, bitter plain."

A thousand angry thoughts had crept into Shepard's mind over the course of working with Cerberus. She did not admire Cerberus but that life before had been so perplexing to her. At the time everything had felt right and she knew her place in the galaxy. Now her faith had been irreparably shattered in an organisation that had saved her when she was so broken after what had happened on Mindoir.

"But my anger at the Alliance was driven by the love, trust and respect for every person I had served with and who had served me so dutifully. People romanticise what we were- we didn't all get along, fighting Saren was full of fraught disagreements and questions about our capabilities and whether the decisions we made were the right ones. We'd started out with a weird and wonderful crew that consisted of a bounty hunter, a bored c sec officer, a quarian who was on her pilgrimage and a dozen other diverse and different soldiers. Not everyone liked having aliens onboard, not everyone even liked those of their own species but it didn't matter because we were together when it mattered, getting the job done. That dog tag didn't mean the Alliance, it represented us and the bond - which we sometimes loathed, resented, resisted, admired and feared- that we all shared."

The squad looked around at each other, Jack and Miranda even traded an uneasy glance and Jacob shifted uncomfortably next to Thane as though remembering just how cold he had been on that first meeting. Legion even nodded to Tali.

"Now here I am again, with an even weirder crew and even less support from the galaxy yet here we all are. Some of you are here to settle old debts, for the money, for the love of the fight or just for that noble vision of saving humanity. Each reason is as different and complex as each individual that stands in front of me but we're here, together. It hasn't been easy and we've got a hell of a fight coming up but we're united in that furious hope that we can save the future of the galaxy, that we alone will fight what the rest of the galaxy is too afraid to even contemplate. This is an experience, a moment that nobody can take away from us. I wouldn't change any one of you. I respect you all and trust you with my life, and more importantly I trust you with the lives of everyone in the galaxy. So I have something of you all, a very small token of the huge debt that I owe you and as a way of honouring what we have already shared and what we will soon be facing. There's a ring for each and every one of you - EDI I know you can't wear yours but if you'd like me to leave it in a particular spot that is significant for you then I will- wear if you want or just hold onto it. It's a mark of our daring, our sheer bloody nerve for taking down the collectors when nobody else stepped forward."

Shepard stepped aside to reveal a mountain of ring cases, carefully counted so that there was one for each and then let them squad step forward to take one. Her own was already on her middle finger of her right hand. They were thin and silver but with a bronze column in the middle to represent the strength with which they stood, and that together they were stronger and could bear any burden.

After a moment of two, everybody had collected theirs and they returned to their original spots in the mess hall looking proud.

"Does the pillar stand for 'I went on a suicide mission and all I got was this ring' in some strange language?" Kasumi quipped.

"No, that 'I'm a huge pain in the arse'." Shepard smirked.

"We really all are." Garrus said drily. "Although, I'm pretty relieved because for a minute there I thought you were going to propose to us all."

"No way, everyone knows I only have eyes for Legion." She said, giving him a wink and saw that Miranda rolled her eyes.

"It is a beautiful and kind thought. Thank you, Shepard." Samara declared.

"Indeed. Our souls will forever share some connection after this is finished." Thane admired.

"Shepard, we need to get going. The shuttle is ready, just take all the squad mates and you can choose your team when we get down there." Miranda spoke almost apologetically at breaking up this moment, but Shepard was pleased to see her pulling her glove back on.

"Okay team, gift time is over. Let's get moving." Shepard commanded.

* * *

Shepard burst into the room and breathed a sigh of relief at seeing Joker alive- he was most definitely not okay by the devastated look on his face but she couldn't have been able to stand it if he had gone too. It was bad enough that Chakwas had...

"Everyone? You lost damn near everyone!" Miranda reprimanded him harshly.

"It's not his fault. He just saved what's left of the ship. We'd be screwed if it wasn't for Joker." Shepard cut across sharply and saw a flicker of regret in Miranda's eyes.

"EDI's checked and the IFF is safe now. She saved me and the ship." Joker said, barely keeping it together.

"Don't even get me started about unshackling a damned AI." Miranda warned.

"What was I supposed to do- break my arm on them?" Joker asked desperately.

"Enough!" Shepard shouted. "Joker, we're going to get everyone back. You did really well and I'm proud of you. You did everything I would have expected and more so give yourself a break and get us heading to that damn Omega 4 relay - I'm getting my team back."

"Aye, aye, Commander," Joker responded proudly and with more fight.

Jacob followed Joker out of the room leaving Miranda and a furious Shepard alone.

"Shepard-" Miranda started.

"He's one of my best friends and I'm just glad he's not dead so please don't-" Shepard started angrily.

"Hey," Miranda soothed taking a step toward her at seeing Shepard's visible distress at what had happened. "I'm sorry. You want me to apologise to him?"

"He doesn't really listen to you anyway." Shepard joked reluctantly, not quite rid of her anger yet.

"I'm well aware." Miranda responded drily and then softened, wrapping her arms around Shepard's neck. "I'll clear the engine room in five minutes. Come meet me."

"The engine room? Not your weirdest fantasy, I suppose..."

* * *

Miranda was looking out to the core, and Shepard slipped behind her and grabbed her by the waist. Miranda turned in delight and the pair of them kissed joyously in this moment where everything else was lost to them. They fell to the floor and Miranda kneeled above Shepard, feeling Shepard's strong abs beneath her. Then slowly and seductively Miranda lowered the zipper to her suit, exposing her lacy black bra to Shepard and they began to kiss passionately once more.

* * *

They put on their clothes casually again, looking in glowing disarray but only dressed because now the coolness of the floors were too much for them as they lay together, with Shepard's back leaning against Miranda's chest while the operative stroked her long red hair.

"Are you scared?" Shepard asked her quietly after a while, when their breathing had returned to normal.

"A little," Miranda admitted. "You?"

"Not really although I don't like waiting for missions much. With Saren, we just kind of charged into one calamity after another." Shepard mused and then turned to Miranda slightly. "We'll be okay."

"I know." Miranda sighed. "I believe it, anyway even if nothing is certain right now."

"What did you think of the rings?" Shepard asked and Miranda took Shepard's right hand in hers and gently ran a finger over the silver band.

"It was overly sentimental, and not at all useful- but nice. Everyone appreciated it. It meant a lot," and then Miranda added sarcastically, "I just loved getting a ring from you at the same time Jack did."

"Could have given her other things that I give you..." Shepard joked and Miranda playfully slapped Shepard's thigh.

"Okay, I think this floor will have given me enough bruises, thanks." Shepard remarked.

They fell quiet once more. Shepard was so lost in Miranda's movements with her right hand stroking her hair and the fingers of her left hand making small circles around her right hip. She sighed contentedly, knowing it was strange and perhaps tempting fate to feel this happy at this moment.

"So...any regrets?" Miranda eventually asked, a little playfully but also a little fearfully as though the shadow of the seriousness of what lay before them was starting to creep into the room and would soon plunge them into darkness.

"I don't really believe in them. It's life's little weird twists and that brought me here and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." Shepard answered turning to give Miranda a brief kiss.

"Good answer." She noted.

"What about you?" Shepard asked.

"In hindsight, I'm wondering why we didn't just act sooner." She confessed.

Shepard spun around slowly to sit facing Miranda and gave her a slow, deep kiss, stroking her cheek slightly and looking lovingly into those blue eyes.

"We needed that time to get to know each other and to build something special. If we had jumped in right away and given in to our attractions we might not have been in a strong enough place to make a go of it. As soon as any little bump came our way we might have jumped away from each other." Shepard responded thoughtfully but with certainty.

"Do you think we're going to make it? Through all of it? The reapers are coming still even once we get this done." Miranda asked, allowing her fear to be exposed to Shepard who she trusted so much.

"There is nothing that is going to stop me and you." Shepard answered firmly. "Look at us, when has our stubbornness ever been defeated?"

Miranda laughed but Joker came over the intercom.

"Commander, we're approaching the relay."

Shepard looked at Miranda full of hope and fierce determination. Miranda blinked quickly for a moment as though processing what was to come and then gave Shepard a smile of complete cool fury at what lay ahead too and both knew that they were ready for whatever awaited them.


	16. Whatever Happens Next

"Now the fun can finally start." Shepard muttered to herself, Miranda was standing close by watching out from behind Joker as they made their way through the relay.

Joker was immediately wrestling with the Normandy, battling the high winds and avoiding the wrecked ships. The Thanix cannon provided enormous power and nothing the collectors could throw at them stood a chance. Shepard had to go down to engineering to take care of a ship invading Oculus but it was simply no match against her, Jacob and Grunt.

When Shepard finally made her way back up it was to see Joker wrestle with the controls once more but it was no use- the Normandy crash landed on the collector base and Shepard and Miranda were hurtled to the ground. Shepard was quick to rise to her feet and checked on everybody else. Only Joker had any injuries and even though it hadn't been a smooth landing, Shepard was pleased to see the Normandy took minimal damage. They'd have to try harder to take this Normandy out of the game. Miranda was not so optimistic.

"We always knew it would be unlikely that we'd make it back." She commented nervously but Shepard was determined.

"Screw that. We're blowing these guys to hell then having the biggest party." Shepard joked.

She had been strangely pleased to see Miranda's nerves at her dire prediction; when they had first met Miranda treated her life with casual disregard as though nothing mattered beyond what she was designed for. She didn't value the things she had or her own happiness and Shepard was happy to find that Miranda had come a long way and seemed desperate to make it out of here and enjoy living the rest of her life.

Shepard called the team together and they worked on a plan for Legion to disable the vents. Shepard would take a minimal squad while a second team leader gave support through the other route to the ship.

"You need somebody who can command through experience, Shepard." Miranda urged confidently.

Shepard did not meet Miranda's eyes; she wanted to keep her lover close but she also knew Miranda was the best choice and she'd have more backup this way.

"Nobody wants to follow you, cheerleader." Jack cut across sharply.

"You'll follow whoever I put in command." Shepard ordered Jack, who turned rather subdued.

Jack had to come with Shepard now, even despite her put down. She knew Jack would follow her orders but she also very well knew that Jack wouldn't mind seeing Miranda die in here. She'd fight better for the team under Shepard's own command.

Her natural instincts had also to be to call upon Garrus but after his promise this was out of the question. She was more concerned about Miranda at this point.

"Miranda, you're the second team leader. Jack and Thane you're with me." Shepard ordered as they made their way out.

"Hey," Miranda called out softly, grabbing Shepard's arm tenderly before Shepard made her way down the bank, "don't you dare die."

"Right back at you." Shepard smiled.

They shared a fleeting kiss before they parted and even know just the feel of Miranda's lips against hers could make Shepard's head spin and heart pound in this hell of all places.

She walked with fierce determination, hearing the second team depart for the other route.

"This is going to be good." Shepard muttered and Jack gave a laugh at the prospect of the thrill of such a superb battle that awaited them.

The collector ship was tough going but it wasn't as hard as one might have expected. They had trained hard for this for months and Shepard thought this was the best team she could have ever assembled- which almost made her laugh at loud at the arrogance of the Alliance and its resistance to so many different species and diverse characters.

Legion did its job quickly and effectively and soon all of the squad were reunited. The only way through to the next part of the ship was to take a biotic who could shield Shepard's team with a biotic field.

"In theory any biotic could do it," Miranda argued when Samara had suggested using her skills.

Shepard did look at Miranda's fierce gaze this time. She knew the operative was still desperate to prove herself but she also knew that a strong part of Miranda's argument was coming from the fact she didn't want to be separated with Shepard either. It was no use though; Samara was the more powerful biotic so Miranda was going to have to sit this one out. Shepard wasn't about to risk any of her team - especially Miranda - for something like this. Samara was by far the most powerful and if she couldn't do it then no one else can. Samara was the best choice at avoiding death.

Shepard was relieved twenty minutes later by her choice as Samara was tired by the end. Once the doors were sealed behind them she managed to recover quickly but any other biotic might well have died from the energy output that was required.

Shepard spun around when Miranda called her name sharply, sure that collectors were upon them but it was to mercifully find the crew all stasis pods. As soon as Shepard lay eyes on them however, a strange liquid inside each pod started to dissolve them. The team howled in horror and desperately worked to free as many as they could Kelly, Gardner, Ken and Gabby all fell out and after much effort Miranda and Shepard finally freed Chakwas.

They were shaken but it didn't seem like any lasting harm had been done. Shepard was devastated by the loss of so many but equally relieved that some had been saved. She ordered Mordin to escort them back- she wasn't about to lose anyone else now.

The final stage was set and Shepard called upon Miranda and Garrus to head into the heart of the ship. It was terrifying to come across a half made human reaper. The deaths that had taken to create the thing seemed to echo off this large chamber. They shot the tubes until it finally fell and Harbringer's attempts to stop them were no match.

As Shepard worked to find a way to detonate the base, the Illusive Man chose to make an appearance via Miranda's omnitool. Shepard didn't need to listen to him to know what he was saying; she guessed long ago that he would beg to use this place. He was completely ruthless and would stop at nothing to achieve his goals but Shepard had long since realised that the ends didn't always justify the means. If the Illusive Man truly cared for humanity he would never want to profit from the deaths of so many. Furthermore, Shepard had deep concerns about this place. She'd seen enough indoctrinated people already and the horror they unleashed. She didn't see how there was any way this place could be used safely.

Shepard stared at Miranda, firm in her mind but apologetic. They both knew it would always come down to this. Shepard admired much about the Illusive Man but she could never follow his plans. Miranda stared back at her; knowing that this moment could set them apart forever. Shepard wanted to communicate that Miranda didn't need Cerberus, she didn't need anyone and was her own person but she also knew what this organisation meant and that Miranda should be free to make up her own mind. She'd promised her once that she'd always respect her decision and Shepard had to stick by that.

"I'm sorry," Shepard said more to Miranda than the Illusive Man, "but this place can never be used safely and it's an insult to all those that died to let it go on."

"You were always too idealistic Shepard but this is war! We can't throw away such a useful weapon the enemy has handed to us!" The Illusive Man shouted.

"We'd be like kids with a loaded gun. Look at what we saw had happened to that Cerberus team when we went after the IFF. My decision is final: this place has to go." Shepard declared.

"Miranda!" The Illusive Man turned desperately to his second in command. "Don't let Shepard do this!"

"After seeing this place for myself it just feels wrong to use it." Miranda commented as if apologising to him but also hoping that he would see sense.

Shepard knew that Miranda did not want to leave Cerberus but perhaps whatever happened now was out of their hands. It had been decided months before.

"I gave you an order, Miranda!" The Illusive Man shouted.

"I noticed," said Miranda coolly, "consider this my resignation."

And she cut him off before he could even say another word in retaliation. Shepard gaped at her partner.

"What? Like I was going to shoot you." Miranda shrugged with a smile at Shepard's expression.

"But you've always worked for Cerberus." Shepard said, stunned.

"I've been working for you for months. You're right, Shepard. There's more that matters than just the results."

Shepard grabbed Miranda and pulled her into a passionate embrace and didn't break away from Miranda until Garrus coughed, and then shouted after his cough was ignored.

"We have a base to destroy." Garrus reminded them and Shepard rolled her eyes.

As soon as Shepard set the thing to blow there was a thud the size of an earthquake on the platform they were standing. The giant human reaper had climbed back and was attacking them- and Harbringer and company were coming by to offer support.

"Nothing's ever easy," Garrus shouted from cover.

"Aim for the eyes with biotics, ammo, everything you've got!" Shepard shouted, taking out the possess collector and his friends.

The collectors posed little threat and little distraction but it still took almost fifteen minutes of ducking and flying biotics to smash the reaper's eye. Miranda had launched herself on Shepard at one point as the reaper's hand smashed part of the platform so it fell hundreds of feet with Shepard and Miranda barely making it to cover. Once the eye was smashed by a well timed warp from Miranda the reaper finally seemed to crumple but the force of its fall sent the platform spiralling and falling through the base.

Shepard and Miranda both rolled down and panic engulfed Shepard at seeing the lack of control and seeing Miranda fall but Shepard found the smallest of ledged to cling to and grabbed Miranda's hand before she could fall into the abyss. Garrus was balancing precariously as though doing a very strange dance but then Shepard looked and saw the floor of the base rapidly approaching and darkness swallowed her once more.

Shepard didn't know how long later it was until she opened her eyes again but she threw the metal debris off her and staggered to Miranda. She used her biotics to pull the iron sheet from her and quickly used medigel to rouse an unconscious Miranda. Garrus ran to them quickly and they both nodded to signal that they were okay and sprinted for the doors. Harbringer began taunting Shepard while the base descended into flames.

"This victory is nothing..." Harbringer hissed.

The three of them ignored him and hurried on. Collectors swarmed after them but not one of them slowed, they passed through an archway and could finally see the Normandy on top of the bank. Miranda made it first, then Garrus and Shepard took a huge running leap but smashed into the floor, half hanging out of the door and Miranda and Garrus pulled her up while the team shouted at the collectors below. The door shut as soon as Shepard was inside and Joker pleaded with EDI to save them, who as dutifully as ever got them the hell out of there. It was finally done.

* * *

The Normandy was a bit trashed, Shepard had to admit but everything was working. The engineering deck just needed a bit of a cleanup but everything else was relatively okay. Shepard, however, postponed any work; tonight was for resting and working off the adrenaline, to mourn those lost and to celebrate that so many had managed to survive.

Shepard noted that she was glad that she had bought Chakwas a second bottle of brandy after they had demolished the first together- she was also glad that the only doctor saved it until after she had checked everybody out.

Everybody chattered away in the crew's quarters. The mess hall couldn't seat everybody so some were on the floor, others on tables but everybody just wanted to be together. Jack kept swearing, Jacob sat stunned as though he'd taken a heavy warp to the head (Chakwas had checked him out twice just to be sure he was okay), Grunt kept chanting "we crushed them", and Zaeed actually said a sonnet in honour of Jessie.

Shepard went round every single one of them. She was weary and longed for her bed but she wanted to make sure they all understood how much she respected them and that she admired all that they had done.

As she talked to Jack an hour or so later, she saw Miranda watch from a distance and lean casually against the wall of the mess kitchen waiting for Shepard so that they could finally be alone.

Jack saw Shepard's eyes flicker to where Miranda was standing and turned around to see the cheerleader a dozen feet behind her, she turned back to Shepard smirking.

"Didn't think the cheerleader had it in her to quit." Jack sneered, although Shepard could tell she was slightly impressed.

"I never had a doubt in my mind." Shepard replied.

"Shepard," Jack hesitated for a moment, "I'm glad that I came along."

"Me too." Shepard replied sincerely. "We couldn't have done it without you and I'm glad to call you my friend."

"A few months ago I'd have punched you for saying that, guess I'm growing." Jack smirked. "It's not too bad being a part of a team even if this one really is fucked up."

"Nobody can go through life alone." Shepard smiled, leaving a pleased and more considered Jack to enjoy the party and walking over to Miranda.

"Have you spoken to everyone?" Miranda asked.

"Yep."

They stared at one another for a moment before smiles broke on both their faces and Shepard followed Miranda silently into her office.

"Let me see." Miranda requested as soon as they got into the office.

"That's a new line." Shepard joked.

"Your bruises." Miranda emphasised and Shepard knew she had to see for herself that she really was okay.

"I will if you will." Shepard said and together they both started to undress and take in each other each other's wounds.

Miranda's bruises already looked greenish as though several days old. Shepard supposed that was down to her genetics. She had one on her stomach which had been from the iron platform and one on her knee but was remarkably unscathed besides that. Shepard couldn't exactly say the same. She had a gash over her right eye, her lip was bloody but she speculated that might have been from Miranda, both her shoulders were heavily bruised from the fall and she had a gash on her right leg too. Miranda inspected them all and Shepard thought fleetingly of the Lazarus Project. It did not sicken her like it did several months ago. Miranda wasn't judging her but looking after her and Shepard felt something more than affection rush through her, not just for Miranda but for all that they were together. After several minutes Miranda turned away from the marks satisfied that there was no lasting damage.

"Still beautiful." She smiled, kissing Shepard and leading her to the bed.

They were gentle that night, from exhaustion but also because both of them wanted to savour every second together for while they had been confident in the team, actually reaching this moment was another thing altogether. They had gone through everything together and now just wanted to be, just for one night before the wretched fight started again because both knew what lay ahead next.

Afterwards they lay together, both fighting sleep until it could not be kept at bay any longer. They didn't want to miss a second of each other so sleep felt like a concept which robbed them of precious time.

They woke groggily the next morning and early and Shepard knew what must happen but it didn't make facing it any easier.

"We've done what we set out to do." Shepard said, sitting across the bed from Miranda.

"Yeah, I know some of the team have already plotted where they're going next...like you." She added slowly.

"I have to go back for this damn trial." Shepard spat, she could have wept in bitterness for she wanted least of all to leave.

"And then?" Miranda asked gently.

"Back to the fight." Shepard said simply. "The reapers are still coming. We hurt them but they're not finished by a long shot. Cerberus is a no go, maybe the Alliance will have me but I'll only go back to work for them if they're willing to do something -and you're coming with me."

"Shepard-" Miranda started, disbelieving.

"Don't give me all that about being a terrorist. I'm a spectre and once I'm cleared to work they have to listen to me. They let me hire Wrex and they allowed it when I let the rachni go. There's nothing that can stop us. So will you work with me again?" Shepard asked timidly.

"Of course I will!" Miranda laughed.

"I don't know how long the trial and Alliance stuff will take to sort out." Shepard said quietly.

"I'll wait." Miranda reassured her and Shepard was heartened that Miranda sounded so set for she knew Miranda would never change her mind once committed to something.

"And even if they do nothing Liara is the shadow broker now - maybe she could help us. She's bound to have info on the reapers to keep us busy." Shepard mused.

Miranda lay down gently, placing her head on Shepard's legs and smiled up at the commander. This meant more to Shepard than she could express. No matter what happened she knew Miranda was with her until the end. She would wait and Shepard would go on with whatever lay in store over the next awful few months but Miranda would be there to meet her at the end.


	17. Part Two: The Beginning Of The End

There were many times in her life when Shepard might have been grateful for three square meals a day and a warm bed at night but this was not one of them, she would have gladly swapped the Alliance brig for a noisy ship and Gardner's worst concoctions just to see Miranda again. All she wanted was to see her lover but Miranda was she knew not where, but she was certain she was still waiting.

She wondered childish things like if Miranda had missed her as much or whether their connection had faded with this absence. She didn't even know what Miranda had been doing or if she was safe from the Illusive Man's wrath after she so brazenly quit in the collector base. Shepard smiled proudly at that memory. Miranda certainly had her own style...

It had taken them so long to get together but then it felt like the time they had spent as partners and lovers had been snatched from them in a blink of an eye. It was strange but while fighting the collectors with the galaxy shunning them all, Shepard had never felt happier. She couldn't remember if she told Miranda that although she suspected that she hadn't. She cursed her inability to communicate and hoped Miranda would find her endearing enough to stick around. Miranda never went back on a promise but Shepard didn't want her to wait simply because she said she would. Relationships needed time and effort and Shepard could give Miranda neither except a long wait. She had no idea when she'd be out of here and whether just the promise of seeing each other again maybe in a few weeks or maybe in another few months would be enough. Miranda had her own life. She couldn't put things on hold forever.

It had been six months, six months of going over what happened to the batarian colony and explaining the relay destruction and Shepard was bored and wanted out. She was holed up here but the reapers were out there plotting their arrival without any resistance. She resented the fact that she was being made out as a rogue terrorist: firstly because it was the council who had allowed spectres to operate alone so they could hardly gripe about her aloof nature after doing nothing to change the system after Saren and secondly, because the actions she took had saved the galaxy - at least temporarily.

The Alliance wasn't exactly comforting to her any more either. When she signed up at sixteen she longed for a family again and for some structure. The idea of being lost to protocol and other people's orders, of being an Alliance tool, was right for her back then. She had lost everything and was on a weird kind of autopilot that was just about getting through the day. Now the Alliance seemed absurd to her; full of pompous bravado and with few of the great characters she had served with on her last mission. She felt restless and trapped.

The door opened and the young and eager lieutenant Vega saluted her. Something was off- she shouldn't be summoned and Anderson needed her. This had to be bad.

Anderson barely greeted her and Shepard noted how he said she was lucky to still be considered a spectre- as welcoming as ever, she thought. Anderson was agitated and Shepard knew before he even said it: the reapers were here.

They came across Williams who had just spoken to the heads of Alliance command. She stared at Shepard more softly than she had on Horizon. Shepard figured it was because she was back in Alliance blues. Shepard remained quiet while Ash said she couldn't work out what they were deciding. She could vaguely remember a time when she would have called Ash one of her best friends for the stress they shared together in battle, and how they had bonded over great poetry but something had fragmented between them and Shepard could only see those doubts Ash had about her back on Horizon.

As Shepard addressed the top brass, they seemed completely unable to accept the reality. It was death or resistance now. The reapers were already taking out headquarters across Earth. Before Shepard could even urge contacting the council the windows smashed and they were all thrown across the room, the long bench smashing into and instantly killing the alliance leaders.

Shepard made it to her feet steadily and Anderson was by her side in a second. The ground shuddered beneath their feet, they could hear the whirl of a laser every few seconds. They ran out of there, over the roofs to try to make it to the docks. Shepard thought of Miranda in absolute horror. She had no idea where she was or if she was safe. With reapers pouring down from the sky the idea that Miranda could possibly be safe anywhere in this galaxy seemed like an impossibility.

 _She had to be safe, she had to..._

"Normandy, this is Admiral Anderson," Anderson shouted.

"Admiral, this is Williams. They're trying to take out the dreadnaught! Oh God!" Ashley screamed and there was an explosion that threw Shepard and Anderson back several feet.

They made it up again and found several shoulders taking cover from cannibals. Shepard thought scions looked like walking mounds of flesh but cannibals were even uglier and far more vicious and relentless in their firing. They made it through the first group and Anderson located a radio to get the Normandy to pick them up. Then a dozen pods of cannibals sprung forward and Shepard and Anderson were forced into cover. Shepard fired her gun and biotics rapidly at them but was tiring quick. Six months of doing nothing had meant her biotics weren't as primed as she had liked. The cannibals were tricky devils, working hard to outflank them.

As they wound down their ammo, Shepard wondered if they'd hang on but a yellow shuttle flew overhead and a white and black suited woman jumped out of it, a dozen feet behind the cannibals and began taking them down with supreme skill, shooting them unseen in the backs.

Miranda took them down easily while confusion reigned and Anderson and Shepard blasted the last couple out of the way. Shepard ran forward to kiss her partner in immense relief and overwhelming delight at the reunion while the Earth smouldered around them.

"Didn't think I'd let you leave without me, did you?" Miranda smirked and God, how Shepard had missed that playful smile.

"I have never been so glad to see you." Shepard panted. "But how?"

"I've been waiting here until I knew what was happening with your trial. Liara sent me a message this morning saying that the batarian home world had fallen and the reapers were headed for Earth so I came to get you."

Shepard kissed her fervently again, so relieved that they were both okay - at least for now.

"Operative Lawson," Anderson nodded formally at Miranda, when the two broke apart, who nodded back; they had been cordial on their one and only meeting but neither could pretend to like the other for they were from different worlds.

"Now let's get out of here." Miranda said as the Normandy flew into view and lowered its doors so they could enter.

Ash and Vega were ready to provide cover, guns drawn as Shepard and Miranda jumped onboard. Shepard turned to see Anderson still on the solid platform below.

"Come on!" Shepard urged.

"You go. Get the council. I'm staying to fight." Anderson insisted.

"I'm not leaving without you!" Shepard shouted.

"Yes, you are. The galaxy needs you and we need the council to stand a chance. I'll organise resistance to make sure Earth isn't lost." Anderson replied firmly.

"I'm coming back for you." Shepard vowed.

"Here, you'll be needing this." Anderson shouted, and Shepard caught her old Alliance dog tags.

The Normandy rose, leaving Anderson to run off and join the fight. Her tags left an echo of coolness in her hand, the feel of them unfamiliar after so much time. Shepard watched as shuttles gathered to evacuate people. A little boy she had seen in the rubble earlier was just boarding one but the nearest reaper fired its laser and it burst into flames, all onboard must have been lost. The doors began to close as Earth lay burning. The end was finally upon them.


	18. When Two Stories Meet

"Anderson wouldn't just tell us to leave him!" Vega shouted in stunned disbelief, following Shepard in the cargo bay. "That's it! Drop me off-"

"Enough!" Shepard shouted spinning around and silencing him. "Do you think I wanted to leave him behind? To leave Earth? We're going to the Citadel because we have to and you can do what the hell you like after that."

Shepard couldn't believe anything that had just happened either. She understood Vega's desire to stay, to help everyone left behind to kill reapers but the only way to stop this onslaught of death was to unite the galaxy otherwise they wouldn't stand a chance. The only time she had been forced to walk away from a fight- and from a friend -had been Virmire. Nothing about this felt good.

"Shepard, Hackett's trying to contact you." Miranda called for her softly and Shepard went to the terminal she was staring at.

Miranda gently took Shepard's hand in hers as they listened and Shepard felt a calm wash other her at this simple gesture. She didn't have to do everything alone. Miranda was here and safe and that's all she needed. They'd figure this all out together.

Hackett once again made absolutely zero sense and just gave Shepard another vague order where the mission would obviously go to hell. Shepard had little choice but to comply and so Joker set a course for Mars.

"We'll be there soon." Shepard said warningly to the other three.

"She's not coming with us." Ash stated harshly.

Shepard spun around and saw Ash glaring at Miranda, who looked remarkably bored by this. Even now Shepard couldn't help but marvel at her cool composure.

"She's coming. If you don't like it then stay here and sit on your ass while the reapers try to destroy everything we've built. It's your choice." Shepard said firmly.

"She's Cerberus." Ash asserted.

"She was Cerberus and she is with me." Shepard answered.

"No way the Commander is working with Cerberus." Vega insisted. "She could never have had contact when the Alliance was watching her."

"And yet hear the swim wear Cerberus mascot is." Ash spat.

Miranda laughed tauntingly but quietly.

"Miranda helped destroy the collector base." Shepard vehemently insisted.

"Shepard," Miranda said soothingly, "forget it. You trust me and that's all that matters. You don't have to keep justifying yourself to them."

Shepard smiled warmly at Miranda. A lot of things had changed but the bond between them hadn't. They climbed into the shuttle ready to touch down on Mars and Ash joined them, somewhat sulkily. Shepard played with the ring on her middle thing and twisted it round. It had become something of a habit whenever she was agitated.

"You didn't used to wear that." Ash said, nodding to her hand.

"Everyone who did the collector base mission together has one." Shepard responded simply. "It's a mark of what we went through."

She didn't mean that as a dig, it was just the truth but judging by Ashley's reaction she certainly took it as one.

Miranda slipped off the glove on her right hand to reveal her own and Ash's eyes narrowed.

They left the shuttle five minutes later to be greeted by the beginnings of a huge sand storm.

"It's huge." James remarked, shocked.

"It's just a sand storm, lieutenant." Ash laughed.

"Doesn't mean it can't kill us." Vega commented seriously.

"Don't worry, Vega. Both mine and Miranda's biotics can give us some protection if we get out in the open." Shepard said calmly.

They moved slowly and found a group of Cerberus soldiers executing the Alliance workers. They ran for cover, James behind a truck with Ash and Miranda and Shepard behind a mound of rocks. Shepard signalled at Vega to throw his grenade down and before it even hit them Shepard and Miranda flew out of cover and took the lingering soldiers down who were dazed and confused at the commotion. In less than a minute they were clear to enter the facility. Already, Miranda and Shepard were back in sync. Their movements blending perfectly together and with each anticipating the other's actions. Shepard thought she couldn't blame Ash for feeling threatened by this- it had once been the other way round.

"I need a straight answer, Shepard." Ash demanded as soon as they were inside the facility and the doors closed.

"Ash..." Shepard moaned in despair.

"Don't 'Ash' me." Ash cut across.

"I'm not with Cerberus."

"But are you with the Alliance? You didn't put your dog tags on." Ash noticed.

"I'm with them because I need them to stop the reapers but I'm not going to lie, they left me and let me down. They didn't do anything to prepare or stop the collectors but I'll do anything to finish this and destroy the reapers." Shepard answered honestly.

"I just need to know that you're still the same person." Ash admitted, a little more softly.

"Nothing I say will convince you." Shepard said knowing it was the truth but it still hurt her slightly.

"No, I guess not." Ash confessed.

"Stubborn as always." Shepard smiled.

"Look who's talking!" Ash laughed.

There was the thumping sound of bent metal and suddenly Liara burst out of a vent overhead with two Cerberus fighters in hot pursuit. Before they could clamber down she turned round and shot them both in the head.

"She's changed too," Shepard muttered with a wry smile as they ran to greet their old friend.

"Shepard!" Liara cried out in greeting at her old friend and in relief at some support. "Ashley, it's good to see you again."

"Nice to see you too, Liara." Ashley replied, genuinely warm which was a change as all during the mission to take down Saren Ash had particularly taken objection to Liara's presence on the Normandy.

Ashley had always found it difficult to trust aliens but apparently she had grown up. It was ironic given that Miranda was the one who was supposed to be the pro human terrorist yet she'd never shown any particular ill feeling towards any different species.

"Miranda, I'm glad you were able to get to Shepard." Liara remarked.

"Me too." Miranda nodded her gratitude.

"We'll have enough time to catch up later. Cerberus troops are all over this facility. Vega, go grab the shuttle and head them off. I want someone on the exit so they don't slip by us." Shepard ordered.

Vega went, albeit reluctantly as he did not want to miss out on the fight. Shepard could understand it; after witnessing the beginning of the destruction of Earth she desperately wanted to be in the thick of some action so she could feel like she was at least achieving something.

They made their way through the facility but with Shepard and Miranda leading the charge due to their chemistry and experience of working together. It had been a while since Ash and Liara had really worked with Shepard in such a combat situation.

As Liara tried to get a control station work out the video footage, Shepard seized the opportunity to finally speak with Miranda.

"I really missed you," Shepard admitted and Miranda gave her an warm smile.

"I missed you too. I surprised myself with how ...attached I got. I don't do well with attachments. I even considered breaking into see you." Miranda admitted almost shyly.

"That would have been tough to explain." Shepard reasoned but she felt a rush of affection at Miranda's admission.

"Right, fun and games until they shot me on sight." Miranda laughed.

"You were worth the wait if it's any consolation." Shepard replied earnestly and Miranda gave her a passionate kiss and Shepard knew Ashley was watching in shock.

Shepard melted into the kiss. She had so missed the feel of Miranda- her soft hair, her firm lips, how she always pulled Shepard close. Miranda had kept her going through months of frustration at not being able to fight the reapers. The relief she felt at seeing Miranda again, and that she was alive and well, was beyond words. She had longed for the days when they would enjoy the quiet of her office and all of those stolen moments between missions.

"Do you think we can pull this off? That this weapon thing can work?" Shepard asked tentatively when they broke apart- it was only ever Miranda who was privy to Shepard's moments of doubts.

"It's not the worst plan we've had." Miranda smiled, stroking Shepard's hair.

"Not as bad as the time we went through an unchartered relay where every ship that went there had been wrecked ." Shepard admitted.

"Or as bad as the time you thought it would be good to chat up a murderous, sex addicted asari." Miranda added.

"Still so jealous over that?" Shepard teased.

"Of course," Miranda smiled, kissing her again.

Ashley coughed loudly.

"Liara has found the video feeds." She informed them bluntly.

The video feeds merely revealed how much more sinister Cerberus had become, which was also confirmed when Ashley opened the helmet visor of one of their dead soldiers to reveal a husk like face. Shepard could have gagged at the sight.

"How do I know they didn't do that to you?" Ashley yelped at Shepard, jumping a foot back from the fallen soldier.

"Take a look at Shepard and a look at that guy - it should be fairly obvious." Miranda retorted.

They pressed on, and Shepard could feel Ash's resentment simmering but there was little she could do. It was uncomfortable but there were more pressing concerns. Shepard was worried about what lengths the Illusive Man was going to. He had always wanted to protect humanity but as the days went by he seemed willing to hurt as many people as possible to achieve his own twisted goals.

If Shepard was shocked at the soldier, that was nothing to her stunned quietness at the Illusive Man. He looked as though he was beginning his own transformation into a husk and what was worse was that he didn't even want to stop the reapers but to control them.

"Have you looked in a mirror lately?" Shepard demanded heatedly at his projection.

"You are too short sighted, Shepard. You'll squander the best chance for humanity to achieve glory!" He shouted.

"Glory? I thought you were supposed to be protecting humanity?" Miranda interjected coldly.

"Miranda, you'll regret turning your back on Cerberus and betraying all that we stood for. Controlling the reapers will secure humanity's place in the galaxy!" He declared.

"The data is going!" Liara cried helplessly and the Illusive Man disappeared.

There was a clash in the distance and Shepard saw Ash being thrown to the floor by the Cerberus crony the Illusive Man was now using as his tool. They charged after her, Shepard leading and barely keeping up. Shepard cried desperately into her channel for Vega to do something but as they made it to the roof Shepard looked desperately around as the Cerberus fighter boarded a waiting shuttle. There was a roar as Vega's shuttle rounded the corner to them and smashed into the shuttle at full speed. Shepard was thrown back at the force of the explosion, and so were the running Ash, Liara and Miranda.

As the smoke cleared from around them, they got steadily to their feet. Shepard checked on Miranda first, who was fine, and Ash carried Liara who had seemed to injure her ankle.

"You know, Ash?" Shepard joked. "I was surprised you managed to keep up after two years sitting on your ass for the Alliance."

"Says the woman locked in one room for six months!" Ash threw back.

Before Shepard could even make a smart remark that they let her out for good behaviour every so often, she caught a glimpse of movement in the shuttle behind Ash and Liara.

"Ash!" Shepard screamed as the AI Cerberus warrior emerged from the smoke.

Ash spun around, throwing Liara away from her and to safety. She fired at the AI but it was no good. The Cerberus creation grabbed the Alliance officer by the throat.

"Orders?" She asked the Illusive Man, while Ash struggled in a futile attempt to break free with her legs dangling from the ground.

"Dispose of her."

"No!" Shepard screamed, pulling out her gun but it was no use- the AI smashed Ash's head three times against the side of the wrecked and smoking shuttle and Ash fell limply to the floor.

Shepard and Miranda both fired twice each bringing the hideous creation down. Shepard ran to Ash and could have cried aloud at feeling a pulse. Miranda crouched down beside her, omni tool glowing taking readings and dispensing medigel while Liara pleaded for Joker to hurry and all the while, Ash did not stir once.


	19. Opposing Forces

They took Ash to the medbay and Joker fired up the Normandy to head for the Citadel. Without Chakwas though, there was little they could do. Miranda had performed everything she could to keep Ash stable but if she needed surgery then it could only be done at the hospital. Liara waited over her and Shepard followed Miranda to her office. They may have been away for six months but assuming their old quarters was an automatic reflex. They really were back.

"What do you think?" Shepard asked seriously.

"She's lucky to be alive," Miranda admitted, "but given that there was quick action and with the medical expertise on the Citadel they should be able to keep the pressure in her brain under control. If there are any clots they'll have to operate but let's just see what happens."

"Thank you for helping her." Shepard thanked her partner.

"Of course, Shepard." Miranda smiled.

"And are you okay? After seeing the Illusive Man?" Shepard asked, concerned.

"I'm fine. It's strange to see him go against everything he believed. He's under their indoctrination but if he's with them then he's against us. I don't feel bad for standing up to that." Miranda admitted.

"Good," Shepard said, stepping forward to embrace her, "I was worried about you seeing him again."

"I'm more bothered that I finally got to see you again." She whispered and kissed the commander.

After six months apart, they needed little time nor encouragement to deepen the kiss. Shepard held Miranda's waist and pulled her to her. The kiss was fervent, unrestrained and full of passion at seeing one another again and of being able to taste one another once more.

"Erm, Commander,"

Joker's timing was impeccable as ever and they broke apart.

"We're hitting the relay. We'll be at the Citadel in five minutes." Joker said awkwardly over the comms system.

"Were you watching?" Shepard asked, half amused and half annoyed.

"Erm...Joker out..." Joker gabbled.

"Vega and I can take Williams to the hospital, you and Liara should go straight to the Council." Miranda said, running a finger along Shepard's collarbone.

"Are you sure?" Shepard asked.

"Yeah, it'll save time and we don't have any to spare." Miranda said, "there's something I need to check out too."

"What?" Shepard asked, curious.

"I want to check in with an old contact while you're with the Council. I haven't heard from Oriana this week and I'm a little worried." Miranda admitted, troubled.

"Do you think your father got to her?" Shepard asked, quickly.

Miranda's instincts and calculations were always right so if she was worried then something had happened.

"Maybe," Miranda replied, concerned, "I have protections in place so I should have heard from her by now. I don't see how he could have got to her but I want to check it out when I get a chance."

"You should. Do it as soon as Ash has been picked up by the docs." Shepard insisted.

Miranda kissed her briefly for her understanding and support and they left to find out what verdict the Council had in store for the galaxy.

* * *

The Council offered no support, publicly at least, but behind the scenes the turians needed help and gave a vague promise to help Earth in return. It wasn't much and Shepard couldn't say she was surprised but there was nothing she could do. She was yet again at the mercy of a governing body who were more interested in looking out for their own interests than the galaxy's.

Ashley was managing to recover but it would take time. There was no further bleeding and no clots so it was a case of managing the swelling and waiting for her to come round. It had been a shock to visit her and see her so helpless and battered. Ash and Shepard's relationship was undoubtedly difficult now but Ashley was always strong and fiery so seeing her like that made Shepard feel vulnerable somehow, as though what they were up against was beginning to feel real. She wondered how Ash would react to the fact that it was Miranda's swift action that had probably saved her. She hoped she wouldn't have to be the one to tell her that as she doubted she'd be able to keep a straight face.

Miranda had sent a contact to look out for Oriana and was due to report in the morning. She hoped nothing had gone wrong and she couldn't help but worry that the worst had happened. Oriana had been under Cerberus protection and the Illusive Man didn't accept rejection well. All she could do was wait and hope that things would turn out to be okay tomorrow. She didn't want Miranda to experience that worry or pain if something had happened to Oriana but families everywhere were going to be put through this now. There was no safe place anymore.

Returning to the ship had been much less smooth than Shepard had anticipated. Without her old crew, and with the new Alliance faces it just didn't feel right yet. It was like being back to a year ago when Cerberus had first woke her up and she wasn't sure how they would all come together. She was certain that they would soon be in the swing of things but she missed the old faces- Garrus and his dry humour, Jack and her profanity, Kasumi sneaking up on them all and even Grunt's ridiculous laugh. It was like an old nightmare that Shepard couldn't wake up from where she kept being separated from the ones she cared for and trusted most. At least this time she knew that none of her friends had turned their backs on her, they'd just simply gone in different directions while Shepard had to answer for that batarian colony.

There was one Alliance officer she did appreciate already. Samantha Traynor seemed shy and a bit anxious but within an hour she was fully up to speed and EDI was pouring praise on her. Engineer Adams had returned and offered his apologies for not following Shepard sooner, Shepard rejected this but it was half heartedly so. She knew old grudges were pointless now but the Alliances faces didn't yet hold the same place in her heart as the people she worked with when she was with Cerberus did which was highly ironic given how that had ended.

There was also an unexpected clash with Liara when she walked back to Miranda's office, hoping for some quiet before they left for Palaven only to find it full of Liara's terminals.

"What are you doing?" Shepard demanded, aghast.

"Joker said this was the biggest room on the ship, besides your cabin. I need it to keep on top of all of the information for the galaxy." Liara explained, confused at Shepard's outrage.

"This is Miranda's room!" Shepard shouted.

"Shepard," Miranda said, coming over after hearing her raised voice, "I offered it to Liara. We can just stay in your cabin. We don't need two rooms."

"Oh, I didn't mean to get in the way of your relationship," Liara said, blushing.

"Of course, Miranda can stay with me - we were living together anyway but that's not the point!" Shepard spluttered.

"Shepard," Miranda said as though desperately trying to remain patient, "then what _is_ the point?"

"This was your room!" Shepard repeated, frustrated that Miranda wasn't grasping its significance. "This was where we stayed most nights! We kissed here for the first time! I'd come in and bug you when I knew you had loads of reports just to see how long you'd let me stay for!"

"I bloody knew you were trying to stop me working." Miranda muttered. "Shepard, we are at war now. Besides, we can make just as many memories in your cabin..."

"Ugh, by the Goddess," Liara groaned, putting her hand in her head.

Shepard struggled with herself for a moment before agreeing that she was being ridiculous. She knew that it was just a room but she had spent so many happy times here and any happy moment was a rare thing when you were constantly in battle.

"Fine, then, whatever. Just keep it tidy." Shepard gave in, as Miranda slipped her hand in hers and led her to Shepard's cabin- or their cabin now, she figured.

"What?" Shepard asked Miranda as she smiled at the commander in the elevator, clearly trying not to laugh.

"Who knew you were so sentimental?" Miranda teased.

"I've had six months of only memories, holed up in that crappy Alliance facility." Shepard said a little defensively as they made their way into her quarters.

"Better make up for lost time then," Miranda whispered, pulling Shepard into a passionate embrace.

* * *

They lay together in each other's arms for a long while before finally going to sleep. They'd spent hours pleasuring each other, getting to know every little freckle and blemish that the other had once more. They were exhausted but they'd missed each other for too long to give into sleep so readily. The day's events had also been so traumatic that Shepard wondered if she would ever be able to sleep properly again, and with good reason as a few hours later she was woken by Miranda calling her name gently to wake her from a nightmare.

"You were shaking in your sleep," Miranda said gently, leaning over Shepard and brushing her hair out of her green eyes.

"It was just a nightmare," Shepard said, trying to keep the shame out of her voice but there was no judgement in Miranda's words.

"What about?" She asked tenderly, holding Shepard close to her.

"That boy who died when the shuttle was hit. He was there and then he was in flames..."

Shepard missed out the part about seeing herself burning for both Miranda and Shepard were well used to facing the risks of battle and it was pointless to say it out loud when she knew Miranda was desperately worried for her anyway.

"You did everything you could," Miranda murmured.

"It still wasn't enough." Shepard replied brokenly.

"You're giving the galaxy hope and I'm with you through all of it. We're going to save trillions of lives. It'll be okay." Miranda soothed.

Shepard turned and buried herself in Miranda's shoulder and let her partner stroke her back to sleep once more, truly believing Miranda's comforting words that it would be okay and they'd get through it together.

Shepard woke a few hours later to an empty bed. She looked over and saw Miranda at her terminal, staring at it silently, her fingers tapping agitatedly on the desk.

"What's up?" Shepard asked, dragging herself over.

"My contact has checked and Ori has gone - my father has her." Miranda said bitterly. "If he's done anything to her I'll kill him."

"Miranda-" Shepard started but Miranda jumped up.

"I've got to go." Miranda insisted.

"Okay, I'll tell Joker and we'll go straight to her family and see what we can find." Shepard agreed.

"No," Miranda said, looking desperately torn, "I knew you'd want to help. I love you for it but you can't come."

Shepard was at a loss. "What do you expect me to stay on the ship?" Shepard asked, baffled at how she couldn't not be there.

"Yes," Miranda said, looking away and her voice breaking.

"Oh, wait," Shepard said, realisation dawning on her, "you can't go by yourself!"

This situation was unimaginable to her. She had never dreamed that they would be separated during this conflict.

"I'm more than capable of looking after myself." Miranda reassured her.

"You think Cerberus aren't going to be after you?" Shepard demanded.

"You have to stay!" Miranda finally snapped, a single tear running down her face.

"Why?" Shepard yelled.

"Because there's a war on and the galaxy needs you!" Miranda shouted back.

"Screw the galaxy! I don't want you to go alone!" Shepard shouted furiously.

"The galaxy is more important!"

"Then stay!"

"It's my sister, Shepard!" Miranda almost pleaded now for Shepard to understand.

Shepard knew that Miranda had to go and she knew that she had to stay. Everything Miranda said was true but she swore in that moment she'd watch the galaxy burn just to be with Miranda. When they started the relationship, they both knew full well how many obstacles they would face. As Miranda was so firmly with Cerberus at the time it had seemed inevitable that at some point they would be forced to part but when Miranda quit Shepard really believed that threat was over and they could stay together.

Everyone was depending on her and expecting her to win but she couldn't do it alone. She'd never done it alone. She'd always had her friends and then Miranda. When everybody looked to her she turned to Miranda and they got through everything together. She didn't know how she could even begin to focus on the war when she would be constantly worried about whether Miranda was okay.

"You said last night that you'd be there for me..." Shepard said slowly, looking away and not wanting Miranda to see the tears that threatened to fall.

"I will, as soon as I've found Ori." Miranda promised desperately and stepping closer to Shepard.

Shepard only nodded, with a bitter smile.

"Do you think I want to leave you?" Miranda asked, trying to take Shepard's hand but Shepard walked away a few feet before turning back to Miranda again.

"Well, you are leaving. You're making that choice." Shepard muttered quietly.

"What choice do I have?" Miranda asked her hopelessly.

Shepard didn't answer and Miranda walked to Shepard and brushed the tears away which were now falling.

"I love you but I have to do this and you have to fight this war." Miranda muttered, kissing Shepard and then she turned to grab her guns from the table, leaving Shepard in agony and already missing the feel of her.

Shepard said nothing and didn't move while Miranda got ready to leave. Shepard was desperately thinking of a reason for Miranda to stay but she also resented the fact that she alone clearly wasn't enough of a reason. When Miranda indicated she was ready she went to the elevator with her. Miranda kept muttering reassurances and told Shepard it should only take a matter of weeks. Shepard couldn't quite believe her though even if she did hear the honest tones to Miranda's voice. Miranda never hid from Shepard but in her pain and disappointment her stubbornness dictated that she trust no one. It was a default setting that came so readily still as it had been one she had relied upon since she was sixteen years old.

Shepard walked her silently to the airlock, ignoring the foolish smiles and looks form the Alliance soldiers. She even ignored Joker as Miranda stepped onto the Citadel's dock and turned to say goodbye for Shepard.

"I'll be in contact as often as I can." Miranda promised.

Shepard stood there helplessly.

"Just wait, just wait until we've gone to Palaven and then once all the politics is sorted we can go after her together." Shepard urged desperately.

"I can't wait. I don't know what he's doing to her." Miranda replied, bereft.

"Please, I don't want you to go."

Shepard couldn't stop the tears from falling now. She'd only just gotten Miranda back and they both knew what danger they were about to face. She was terrified for the both of them. She knew how much the Illusive Man wanted revenge, how sick Miranda's father was and she was sure that Miranda leaving alone was Miranda leaving to meet death. She couldn't stand just letting her go off with no support.

At seeing Shepard's distress, Miranda began to falter too with her own tears falling. Miranda cupped Shepard's face and kissed each tear and then they shared a deep kiss.

"Angela, I promise I'm coming back." Miranda whispered. "We're both going to get through this. Remember, we're too stubborn to let anything stop us."

Shepard gave a sad smile.

"I don't know if I can do this without you." Shepard admitted.

"The great Commander Shepard?" Miranda toyed. "You can get through anything. You don't need anyone, you want me and that's why it hurts but you're the strongest person I've met. Nothing has ever stopped that damn impossible will of yours."

"Come back soon." Shepard insisted and Miranda smiled at this small sign of acceptance.

"I swear it." Miranda vowed, and then she slipped through the dock and into the mass of people and Shepard was left feeling more alone than she had ever felt before.


	20. Set Apart

Going to Palaven's moon without Miranda felt all wrong. Shepard was heading to where help was needed the most and yet she felt she was abandoning somebody who meant everything to her. It was the same feeling she had during Virmire of being completely helpless.

Seeing the turian home world in such a mess, it was easy to worry for Garrus but everybody was in danger now: any of her friends could be dead. Liara and James weren't fighting perfectly together but Liara's singularity was enough to protect them whenever they weren't quite coordinated.

Shepard was then greeted with one positive surprise when they headed back to the camp only to find Garrus.

"Didn't think you could fight this war without me, did you?" Garrus smiled.

"Good to see you, Garrus." Shepard nodded.

The Normandy's systems were struggling due to the mass reaper systems around so Liara was sent back to the ship to take care of it. Shepard headed out with the two guys to go track down the illusive primarch.

Garrus and James predictably got on well. They were soldiers who wanted to get the job done no matter what so Shepard suspected they might hit it off. James was dismayed at the prospect of fighting this war without the krogan and as reapers wrought destruction around them Shepard couldn't help but privately agree that without the krogan they were all lost.

"You see that glow of orange on Palaven?" Garrus called out, his voice sounding farther away due to the thinner air and strange atmosphere that neither Shepard nor James were quite used to. "That's where I was born. My whole family was there."

"I'm sorry..."

The words were hopeless but it was all Shepard had. Sorry. People were being wiped out and there were no words which could make that better. She wondered what view Miranda was being greeted with and prayed to any God in the galaxy that it wasn't like this.

They ran on and a burst of flames from the next camp in the distance made them drive forward and ready weapons.

"This is it! This primarch isn't dying on us!" Shepard yelled.

They burst through into the camp taking out cannibals quickly. Shepard used her tech powers to smash the shields on marauders which were obviously, and so repulsively, turians turned into their own husk like reaper puppets.

Savage brutes tore at them but their weight was no match for Garrus's concussive shot, and James's grenades. Shepard warped one after another. Her months of frustration and her anger at Miranda's leaving pouring out. She showed no mercy or hesitation. Her biotics rattled through the air. She threw one, two, three bursts at a brute that was about to charge so that it stumbled and then she unleashed her assault rifle onto its miniature and twisted head. It buckled under the blows and collapsed to the ground dead.

"Shit, Shepard." James whistled, coming to stop at the Commander's side and staring at the slaughtered brute.

"Looks like we're in the clear, Shepard." Garrus remarked.

They made their way further along up to where the last ranking officers stood and finally found Victus but he was less than pleased to come.

"What's the problem?" Shepard asked in a clipped voice, feeling impatience creep up on her after all they had been through to track him down.

"I don't want to abandon my people." The turian admitted.

"If you stay, you'll probably die. We need people to organise and bring the galaxy together. If each species goes off on their own then we're through- the reapers will pick us off one by one." Shepard insisted- did he think that she hadn't wanted to stay on Earth?

Victus finally relented and as Shepard called for the Normandy to pick them up Garrus offered his assistance too.

"That ship's as much yours as it is mine, Garrus." Shepard said earnestly.

"Thanks Shepard. I just wouldn't feel right battling alongside anyone else against the reapers."

"I know, we started this together almost four years ago and now we're going to finish it." Shepard stated vehemently.

* * *

Having Garrus back was at least something, and Victus seemed direct and sincere in his promises to help Earth if and when a deal was sorted with the krogan.

Several days later the delegates for the krogans and salarians finally came aboard to begin negotiations. The batarians had suffered huge losses and so could not attend and the asari refused, feeling that it would amount to nothing. Shepard was enraged by this position- the asari may as well hand the galaxy to the reapers on a plate. The quarians and geth had also turned their backs on the galaxy in order to start killing each other. Shepard strongly believed that each representative or leader who refused to get to work was responsible for the murders of millions and potentially trillions of lives the longer this went on.

Shepard felt that the politicians were completely unprepared for this. They shouldn't have been had they listened to her warnings these last few years but the most they'd had to deal with were the contact wars and a fraught political situation with the batarians. Everything in recent times had been reduced to political posturing since the genophage- even the turian and human conflicts. They weren't ready for the reality of facing an enemy which could not be bartered with and had one single intent: to destroy them all.

Shepard was glad to see Wrex again. He wasn't always present with her in missions but he was always supportive and he had never once questioned her - except for Virmire, but that one she understood. She also could accept the krogans demands for a cure. She didn't exactly like the galaxy effectively being held to ransom but she'd always despised the genophage. The biggest problem was the fact the krogan wouldn't help until Mordin worked out a cure. True, it would take less time with Maelon's data but it would still be at least a few weeks and every hour more people were being killed. They had to go and actually rescue Mordin and the female krogan (Urdnot Bakara) from a salarian facility too before work could even work on it and that took three days.

The facility itself repulsed Shepard. She didn't even want to think about what brutal experiments were taking place there. She'd been surprised to find Kirrahe there. She would not forget him as long as she lived and his presence seemed to bring Kaidan's haunting spectre back to her. He had not forgotten her either or the sacrifice of Kaidan Alenko and vowed to offer aid to Earth no matter what the politicians decided. She was touched by that and reminded that the bond between comrades and soldiers ran far deeper than could ever be expressed even if politicians liked to play games with them.

Cerberus made life a bit unconformable by attacking the base, whether to kill or capture the last remaining female krogan it was unclear but they were hell bent in stopping any peace process. Garrus, Shepard and Liara made easy work of them and finally they were able to begin work on the cure.

Shepard found Urdnot Bakara fascinating. She had gone through so much suffering, because of the genophage but also on her way to becoming a shaman but she still longed for peace. Many people grew jaded at suffering or experiencing so much violence but it has made her stronger. Shepard felt both inspired but also lesser around her, well aware of her own shortcomings and the work that still lay before her.

Her words about the fear of never being able to have children reminded her of Miranda. In truth, everything was reminding her of Miranda and she couldn't even step into Liara's new office. Perhaps Bakara sensed Shepard's loneliness as she talked for a long while on the trials strong women of all species have always had to face.

"Sometimes we must battle alone but the ones we love, the ones who have given so much for us will always remain in our blood, giving us strength." She told Shepard.

"Like your sisters?" Shepard asked.

"I will carry on their legacy. They will not be forgotten. When the cure is given we will build from the rubble a new and glorious home where krogan can come together instead of tearing each other apart. They will be watching down on us. It's hard that so often it is women who must face such terrible burdens and pain but it is a measure of our strength that the fight is given to us."

"That's one way of looking at it." Shepard smiled.

"You have faced many battles. Who is it that you fight for, Commander?" She asked this gently yet inquisitively as she had been fascinated by how open Shepard had been with her from the beginning when so many were still suspicious of krogan.

Shepard allowed another smile but this was more sincere.

"The ones I love too. I'm hoping they can find the strength to keep going." She admitted.

"With your support they will."

"I'm not always with them." Shepard replied grimly.

"But of course you are."

Shepard thought wistfully of Miranda and if her promise echoed with every step like it did for Shepard- that promise of a reunion and that they would be together again.

While Mordin began work in the med bay, Shepard left Bakara to get some rest and finally went to catch up with Garrus. She had been avoiding him somewhat; she wasn't enjoying being seen as a babysitter for politicians by her crew but Garrus was also bound to ask the questions Shepard was failing to resist dwelling on.

"Hey," Shepard said, entering the main battery.

"Hey, Shepard. Just doing some calibrations." Garrus said, leaving his station and coming to talk to her.

"Do you ever give yourself a break?" Shepard asked.

"After what I've been through, this is like a holiday." Garrus remarked.

"I can imagine." Shepard admitted.

"So how are you doing, Shepard?" Garrus asked after a moment, watching his friend carefully. "This has got to be taking a toll."

"I'm no politician. I just wish I was out there fighting." Shepard sighed.

"Less time to think that way..." Garrus said softly.

"Yeah," Shepard smiled sadly.

"Where is Miranda?" Garrus asked finally.

Shepard wasn't surprised. Garrus was bound to have wondered where she was. Her absence wasn't one that could be easily overlooked.

"Her sister disappeared. She had to go after her." Shepard explained shortly.

"Got to be tough for you both. One worrying about the other and not knowing anything." Garrus said sagely.

Shepard hated giving into those moments where she wondered if Miranda ever thought about her at all and with Garrus it felt even worse. She felt more vulnerable when he questioned her than when someone she had just met had. Garrus had seen their relationship and knew exactly how this was hurting Shepard and she felt exposed. It made the pain so much more acute. Her sleep was so interrupted by visions of Miranda dying alone while calling out for Shepard for help that she spent her nights often staring out into deep space and letting exhaustion fuelled thoughts overwhelm her. In these quiet moments, she questioned whether Miranda would want to come back. She knew she would never want her sister in danger but that didn't mean she might not have been glad to leave this mess. They'd had six months apart and when they were together it was like a dream. It was secret, almost like an affair because they were from completely different worlds - one a terrorist and one a spectre- and she sometimes thought that maybe for Miranda the relationship was based on that initial thrill but the reality of it had lost its lustre.

She'd also heard nothing and so she was in a constant state of trying not to give into panic. Miranda could already be lying dead with Shepard unaware. Shepard had always had some control over her life; who to take on missions, how the ship would be kitted out, when to go to different planets but with this she had no knowledge and no control and she felt that the fear and frustration was eating her alive from the inside. While politicians demanded she personally resolve every mistake they had ever made, Shepard wanted to scream at them to sort it out themselves and fly the ship to the Citadel to start looking for her absent partner.

"I've got to go. I promised Mordin I'd drag Wrex to him if I had to for a tissue sample. Imagine the krogan-turian peace talks falling through and the galaxy being lost because the krogan leader was scared of a needle." Shepard said, with a forced smile and just desperate to leave before conversation settled on Miranda.

"Okay, Shepard. I'll talk to you later." Garrus said, knowing that Shepard was avoiding him but understanding why.

"Hey, Garrus," Shepard said, turning at the door, "I'm glad you're back."

"Me too, Shepard. We're going to give those reapers hell." Garrus insisted.

"Yes, we are." Shepard replied, resolute.


	21. Losing Yourself

"Commander," Traynor began uncertainly, "Grissom Academy has sent out a distress call and is trying to evacuate its students. I think Cerberus has gone after them."

The images of Jess and David Archer flitted across Shepard's mind. If there was somebody out there who she could actually help she wouldn't abandon them. There was also another motivation for her urgency to get to the academy: any mission that featured Cerberus even remotely gave Shepard hope, no matter how remote or false, of finding Miranda.

"Good work, Traynor." Shepard said encouragingly, "Tell Joker to set a course for the academy right away."

* * *

Grissom Academy was filled with Cerberus fighters. Shepard was surprised by how much force they'd brought to take on teenagers, but they seemed intent on stopping at nothing to capture as many as possible and any who resisted were slaughtered. Shepard shot two who were dragging a screaming boy off, nauseated by what they were doing. How far had the Illusive Man sunk?

They quickly located Sanders, so at least Anderson had the peace of mind of knowing an old love was safe. That was more than most got these days. As she looked at Sanders she wondered vaguely where they all would be now had they chosen different paths or had the reapers never happened.

As Shepard hurried onto locate the students she was met with a grim discovery: her old friend Dr Townsend was dead, lying face down on the floor with several gunshot entry wounds to the back.

A wave of fury crashed over Shepard. Townsend had done nothing of harm to anyone. She dedicated her entire life to helping the vulnerable and this was how Cerberus responded to such a person? To shoot an unarmed woman in the back who was trying to protect the students?

She carried on with Garrus and James in tow, rage coursing through her. She didn't know how many of these terrible sights she could keep witnessing. It reminded her of returning to her home in Mindoir to see people lying in streets, empty of life and blood spilling out onto the roads as if it had been raining red.

They finally made it to where the students had mostly come for sanctuary, a large hall with a balcony over head. Shepard took out the Cerberus fighters that were advancing on them and James and Garrus monitored the exits.

"Shepard!" A familiar voice barked, and Shepard looked up to see Jack covered in blew as she used her biotics to float towards her former boss.

"Nice to see you, Jack." Shepard said, smiling.

Jack looked good. Her head was saved at the sides but she let the rest of her hair into a thick brown pony tail. Her outfit was new too- a bit more sparkly and with far more material but her taut stomach was still on show. Shepard figured she must have been forced to cover up when working with these kids.

Jack however did not smile at seeing her and marched forwards and gave her a firm slap across the face. Shepard didn't even object even though it bloody hurt.

"How many times did I tell you not to trust Cerberus?" Jack demanded.

"I know..."

"Oh, is the self pitying routine supposed to make me feel sad for you?" Jack mocked.

"Leave it out, Jack. It's not like any of us had a crystal ball." Garrus said.

"Hey, scars. Glad you're okay. Where's the Cerberus cheerleader though?" Jack asked, looking around.

Shepard shrugged.

"No idea."

"That I did see coming." Jack muttered but Shepard ignored her. "Who is muscles anyway?"

"This is James, he's with the Alliance." Garrus explained.

"Back to them then, are you Shepard? Is that why the Cerberus bitch isn't here?" Jack asked, but in a more curious than harsh voice.

Shepard ignored her again.

"We can move out now. We'll take to the ground but you guys stay in cover in the balconies ahead when we get to the open plan garden section." Shepard commanded automatically.

"We can fight!" One of the kids shouted.

Jack shot Shepard a worried look. Shepard didn't want to see anyone else throw their lives away, especially kids.

"I know but we need support. It'll be the quickest way to break through their ranks." Shepard replied.

"And you'll give them hell because Cerberus aren't going to lie down out of pity like that girl you took to prom!" Jack retorted, and earned a few laughs from her students.

Before Shepard could signal to move out a Cerberus commander came over the intercom promising (and lying) that no harm would come to the students if they went with them. One of Jack's students faltered and wondered whether they could be trusted.

"Put your balls back in your purse," Jack snapped, "they're doing it because you've all got them scared. They don't want to fight you because you're tougher than they expected, right Shepard?"

"Stay here and hide in cover if you want but we're going to take out every last Cerberus soldier anyway." Shepard shrugged, indifferent and Jack threw her a shocked look at her dismissive attitude but Shepard didn't care; they just needed to get this done.

"Hell yes!" Vega shouted and Garrus give a concerned hum at Shepard's attitude but the young people seemed in awe of Shepard's bloody-mindedness and it spurred them on.

They headed out. The different levels of the garden making combat difficult to manoeuvre but the biggest problems were the engineers who Shepard argued Garrus to target before they could set up turrets.

It was steady work but even the Cerberus soldiers couldn't be stopped despite all of their different attacks and weapons at their disposal. Shepard even climbed into a heavy mech to take out the last heavy group of fighters they faced which contained a heavy mech of their own. Shepard fired five rockets at the thing before it was even facing the right way and the explosion wiped out all surrounding Cerberus soldiers. She clambered out to applause from the students and then they ran ahead to the exits on the floor above while Shepard and her team stuck to the ground level.

As they turned the corner into a new corridor they saw David Archer huddle in a blue biotic orb, desperately pleading for help. Cerberus fighters were bouncing bullets off it.

There was a stream of curse words screamed at them and Jess ran forwards, bursting through a door on the right and hurled his thunderous warps at all of them, desperate to protect his friend. He took out three phantoms and an engineer but a soldier jumped down from the balcony below and as Shepard charged forward she knew what was going to happen as she gave a scream.

The soldier poured bullets into Jess's chest. Jess stretched his arms out wide in front of the biotic orb as though shielding David one last time before he sank to his knees and then fell to the floor. Shepard shrieked in agony and threw her own merciless warp at the last Cerberus soldier and his body was left disintegrating in a smouldering heap.

She ran forwards to Jess, and turned him over so his face pointed to the ceiling but his eyes, which had always been so full of defiance, were now empty and a trickle of blood made its way dripping from his mouth. The ground was soaked in blood and his chest lay shattered by the damage of the guns.

She couldn't believe that a boy so funny and bright and absolutely ferocious, who had just turned eighteen, could be gone and that his spirit had left this world forever. He'd been through so much in his tough life with little opportunity. This place had been his home, the place he was supposed to be safe and free and now it had all ended here. She'd entrusted David to him and Jess had sworn to protect David to Shepard, eager to help her in any request and guilt ebbed away at her. Kaidan and now Jess, who was just a kid, had died on her orders.

"Damn it, Jess." She whispered, tenderly kissing his forehead and closing his eyes.

She struggled to regain control but the sound of her name steadied her and brought her back to this life and she turned around to see David free from the biotic shield.

"Jess...is gone?" David asked in such a fragile voice that Shepard could only nod as a response.

"He was exceptionally brave." Garrus said. "I don't know if you remember Shepard and I, David?"

"Of course. You saved me. Made the voices stop. I still like to count but I have hope now...at least..." David broke off, turning away from Jess.

"There's still hope." Shepard said, wiping her eyes. "We're getting you out of here."

"Thank you for saving my life again, Commander." David thanked and Shepard nodded.

They finally made it to the shuttle but did not fill Jack in on the gruesome details- the young students did not need to hear any more tales of horror today. It felt strange, surrounded by all of these students she had helped save when Jess was lost. As Joker ribbed Jack for not swearing anymore and actually respecting military chains of command, Shepard was lost in thoughts of who she was going to be forced to say goodbye to next.

* * *

Shepard awoke from yet another fitful night's sleep and didn't feel like staring into space for another few hours wondering what the hell Miranda was doing so she headed downstairs.

She grabbed a glass of whiskey in the observation deck, remembering how Samara had spent so many hours in here mediating. The ship felt like it had lost its soul in recent times. This room had once been sparse, simply existing for the glorious view and now it was like a mini night club.

"The fuck are you doing up?" Jack greeted her, sitting on the couch next to her.

They would be dropping off Jack and the rest of the people from the academy at the Citadel tomorrow when they docked. Shepard was going to take that time to visit Ash too as they had a day or so before they needed to head off again. She also hoped that she might hear word from Miranda. It was a slim hope but they both had contacts there and whenever Shepard went to the Citadel there was a media fanfare at the moment so Miranda might resurface.

"I thought the fact that it was my ship meant I didn't have to answer to anybody." Shepard joked.

"This new loose cannon Shepard isn't an improvement." Jack remarked soberly.

"Wow, somebody has changed." Shepard teased.

"Yeah, you." Jack pointed out. "What is it? Sad over the cheerleader? The fuck is she, anyway?"

"Gone to find her sister." Shepard said, finishing her glass and setting it down.

"Good for her then." Jack said, impressed.

"Did you just say something nice about her?" Shepard asked, shocked and amused.

"Yeah, because this way I don't have to put up with her." Jack smirked.

"Should have seen that coming." Shepard muttered moodily.

"What's going on with you, Shepard? Really?" Jack asked in a soft voice that Shepard had never heard before.

"War is hell." Shepard said under breath with a small smile.

"Come on, Shepard. We've both seen enough shit and done enough shit not to wallow now when we have to destroy these things." Jack replied.

"Did you really steal that military space craft?" Shepard asked playfully.

"Yeah, and if you don't suck it up I'll be stealing this thing and playing Commander myself." Jack warned.

"Oh, I would absolutely love to see what you would do with this uniform." Shepard joked, gesturing to her blue Alliance outfit that she hadn't bothered to change out of since her debriefing with Hackett.

"Taking it off you would be a good start." Jack whispered lustfully.

Jack leaned into Shepard, and for a fleeting second Shepard wanted to get lost in the moment and to let Jack kiss her. To feel another human again, to not be so alone, to get lost in something other than death and suffering seemed like oblivion but ferocious love stirred in her for Miranda and she backed away.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I just can't." Shepard said sincerely as she had always suspected Jack had feelings for her.

"The fucking cheerleader again?" Jack asked, but not harshly.

"Yep. The fucking cheerleader." Shepard said, with slight annoyance.

"She must be fucking good in bed." Jack replied amazed and Shepard laughed. "Okay, Shepard. No problem but when we get to the Citadel you're buying the drinks."

"I think that's fair enough." Shepard said returning Jack's smile.


	22. Where It All Began

Before heading out to the Citadel, Shepard checked her messages. Every day somebody else had some new request what caused even a simple trip to become full of miniature quests. Uniting the galaxy required a lot of running backwards and forwards.

She stared at the terminal for five minutes at the same message, gradually growing stiffer each time she read it over.

 _Shepard,_

 _My father is involved in something with the Illusive Man. I have no idea what they're doing but it's bad. Kai Leng is also working for Cerberus. He's a slippery bastard so keep on your guard._

 _Miranda._

"That's it?" Shepard muttered under her breath, furious. "That's it?"

She realised she had shouted when Samantha Traynor delicately asked her if something was the matter.

"It's nothing!" Shepard snapped, marching off the Normandy and leaving a baffled Traynor in her wake.

After weeks of knowing nothing and that was all Miranda could say? Who the hell was Kai Leng anyway? Did that mean she was in danger or was he going to be used to try and stop Shepard from taking Cerberus out? And "keep on your guard"? Was that supposed to be some kind of joke? She was only in combat with reapers and Cerberus every other day. It wasn't like she was on a spa break.

Shepard swore under her breath, drawing shocked looks from passersby as she headed to the hospital to visit Ash. She distractedly picked up a poetry book for her, figuring that it might help ease the tension that had been between the two of them lately.

Shepard's day seemed determined to go from bad to worse as she bumped into Udina quite literally as she entered Ash's room. They nodded to each other as he departed but Shepard had to bite back a retort. She'd not forgotten how slippery he had been when she had needed help against the collectors and she was still fuming from Miranda's email update and had to resist the urge to take it out on someone. Update, what a joke, Shepard thought savagely, there's more information stuffed in fortune cookies.

Remembering the true intent of her visit, she switched her attention to the waiting patient.

"Hey Ash, I bought you this." Shepard handed over the Tennyson book and noticed that Ash looked well.

Her face was a bit of a purple mess but she was alert and talking and seemed able to move about, if a bit sore. Given that the last time she had seen Ash she had been unconscious this was a definite step in the right direction.

"That's really sweet." Ash said, pulling herself to sit up a little unsteadily.

"How are you doing?" Shepard asked.

"Better than the last time you saw me. Docs said you visited but I was totally out of it."

"What did Udina want?" Shepard asked.

"He offered to make me a spectre. I don't know though..." Ash trailed off.

"Why not?" Shepard asked, incredulous. "You'd be great!"

Ash looked genuinely surprised and touched.

"You think so?"

"Hell, if I can do it you sure can." Shepard laughed.

"Shepard, about Mars, I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time-"

"Hey," Shepard cut off kindly, having no desire for any more arguments; her anger had dissolved upon seeing Ash and she was sick of rage guiding her, "I get it. I was gone a long time and there were things that happened that you didn't expect. You were bound to have questions about me."

"That makes me sound a lot more considerate than I was." Ash said, scoffing.

"Yeah, well, it's been tough on all of us lately." Shepard soothed.

"How long have you been with that Cerberus woman, Miranda?" Ash asked but it held no aggression. "Were you with her back when I saw you on Horizon?"

Shepard remembered that Miranda was less than impressed with Ashley back on Horizon too so decided to switch the conversation path.

"No, it was after that. You know how it is on a ship...you end up growing close to someone..."

"It's good to have someone to count on." Ash agreed.

"She's not on the Normandy though. She's gone to help her sister for a while." Shepard replied vaguely.

"That's nice of her. I wish I could help my sister- her husband has gone missing. It's thought that he died in the reaper attacks but no body so no confirmation." Ash explained heavily.

"I'm sorry, Ash, for all of you."

Shepard really resented these empty words.

"Me too. I just wish I could do something."

Shepard knew this feeling all too well. They slipped into silence but a contented one as though all past grudges were forgotten and they were back to being close friends again. When they weren't throwing jibes at each other Shepard found it incredibly easy to get along with Ash.

"You think you and Miranda will get married?" Ash asked with a slight smirk after a few moments.

"Now I know you're feeling better if you can wind me up." Shepard grinned.

"What?" Ash asked innocently.

"Me? Married?" Shepard asked sceptically, eye brows raised.

"Don't worry I'll be nice because that's one wedding I'd have to see." Ash laughed.

"Careful," Shepard warned, "or I won't let you on the Normandy..."

Ash stopped laughing and looked seriously at Shepard.

"I didn't think you'd want me back on." Ashley admitted.

"'Course I do. Somebody's got to keep an eye on you." Shepard winked.

"That's rich." Ash retorted.

* * *

Shepard met up with Jack later that night in one of the Citadel's new clubs called Purgatory. She carried over two glasses of rum and sat down.

"I love working with those kids but I need away from them for a night." Jack admitted, full of pent up energy.

"Who knew you would end up so..." Shepard trailed off.

"Watch what you say, Shepard. You're not my boss now so I can warp your ass across the bar." Jack threatened.

"Okay, fine. Let's just dance then before I put my foot in it again." Shepard suggested.

"Putting your foot in places it shouldn't be is what always happens when you dance." Jack deadpanned.

"Oh, come on. I want to dance!"

"Everybody knows you can't dance, Shepard." Jack laughed.

"Well, I'm going. You sit on your ass alone if you like." Shepard said, downing her rum and they headed for the dance floor.

* * *

Shepard pretty much crawled down to the CIC the next morning.

"Sun glasses, really?" Traynor asked teasingly as she saw Shepard.

"The lights are very bright in here." Shepard responded as she made her way to the terminal.

"You don't have any new messages." Traynor said delicately and Shepard sighed.

"Of course I don't."

She checked every hour she was onboard the Normandy for word from Miranda. She had hoped the last email would signal the beginning of further contact but perhaps not.

"Have you seen EDI?" Sam asked a little hesitantly.

When Shepard stumbled back to the ship in the early hours she thought there had been something extra in her rum when she had seen EDI. She'd taken over the body of the Cerberus machine which had tried to kill Ash. It had been a bit of a shock and EDI was lucky she didn't just shoot her on sight with the state she was in. EDI was happy though; she could come along on missions now and she told Shepard how pleased she was that she could wear the ring she had been given now which Shepard had to admit she found touching.

"Yeah..." Shepard responded.

"She's quite something." Sam commented wistfully and Shepard threw her a curious look.

"Joker's going to have competition..." Shepard smirked and Sam only blushed.

Shepard then noticed an urgent message from Hackett. She had to go to Eden Prime to pick up some prothean pod before Cerberus got it. She groaned. She wasn't exactly in the mood for a fight. She requested Liara and James for the mission as Vega was whining about wanting more to do.

She quickly headed down to check on Mordin and his progress in the medbay but once again he shooed her away. She had started checking in every day now and had to stop herself from going before she went to bed too. A lot was riding on this and it was taking more time to sort the cure than she had imagined and every day lives were being lost.

Garrus cornered her as she left the medbay.

"Hey, look, I can't take you for every mission." Shepard said defensively, heading to the elevator.

"It's not that." Garrus began seriously. "You were out with Jack all night."

Shepard stared at the sombre expression on his face and rolled her eyes.

"I didn't fuck her, Garrus." She replied slightly amused at Garrus's conclusions but also at the fact that he was actually trying to talk about her romantic life at all.

"You've been pretty upset with Miranda lately." Garrus replied sceptically.

"I know I've been a little moody lately but I've not gone that rogue." Shepard reassured him.

"Just checking, Shepard." Garrus said.

"I appreciate it- the consideration, not the ridiculous paranoia part." Shepard clarified.

"I can accept that." Garrus shrugged.

* * *

Eden Prime looked a mess even from the shuttle.

"It must be strange coming back here to where it all began." Liara commented softly.

"A bit." Shepard admitted.

She was used to missions going a bit off track but never would she have expected to have been put through so much because of a mission that was just meant to be a trial to see if she was ready to become a spectre.

"Didn't the geth put bombs all over to blow the place to hell?" Vega asked.

"No way was that happening on my watch." Shepard replied. "We'd already lost Jenkins on that mission."

"I saw his name on the memorial wall." James said.

"He was a good soldier. He'd want nothing more than to take on the reapers and Cerberus." Shepard remarked, remembering how frustrated he had been at going back to his home world as he wanted to see real action.

"We'll give them a good fight for him then." James vowed.

The Cerberus troops stood little chance. They tried to use shuttles to drop off soldiers but it wasn't effective with Liara's singularity and Jame's carnage attacks. Shepard couldn't help but feel slightly smug at how easily they had taken them out - the Illusive Man would be practically chewing on his cigarettes at this.

The prothean was a surprise, mostly because he was actually alive. Shepard couldn't imagine how traumatic it must be to wake up in a galaxy that's thousands of years on to find that everybody you loved had died but they had little time to talk beyond initial introductions. Javik needed time to process and he headed straight down to Grunt's old room. She wondered whether she'd have to restrain Liara from pestering him. She was still fascinated by the protheans but it would be out of line for her to give him a million questions when he was just beginning to get his head around everything. There was a slight bitterness to this discovery for he knew nothing about the prothean weapon. Shepard hadn't been expecting much but it was still a blow.

It was time to head back to the Citadel again. Shepard was sick of the place but every mission meant a new discovery that had to be worked through and Mordin still needed time to work on the cure.


	23. Finding Their Way Back

While she was chatting with some angry c sec worker who wanted to monitor everyone on the Citadel out of the corner of her eye, she saw a woman in white across the presidium turn and make her way up to the apartment. Her omnitool then flashed with the simple number '82'. Her heart stopped for a moment. There was only one person it could be. She was sure it was Miranda. She could barely see the woman from that distance but the height, that poised walk...it had to be her. She left the grumbling officer hastily and practically ran to the apartment and finally she was reunited with Miranda.

"Thank God you're okay, Shepard." Miranda remarked seriously, giving her partner a quick hug.

"Hey," Shepard replied beaming and breathing in that so familiar and seductive perfume again.

"Shepard, I need to ask a favour. I need access to some Alliance data." Miranda requested looking guilty at the imposition but Shepard assured her it was fine.

"Shepard," Miranda began nervously, pulling away and putting some space between them, "there's something else. You remember I said I wanted you to have that control chip? I wanted to apologise."

"For what?" Shepard asked baffled, they hadn't even mentioned that since the first day Shepard had woken up.

"I've fought against every aspect of my father's controlling ways since I was a child but I didn't think twice about wanting to put that chip in you."

"Miranda," Shepard dismissed, "I don't care. You could have changed me in a thousand different ways but you didn't. You brought me back. I don't know how but you did and that's all that matters." Shepard replied earnestly, affection rushing through her at the woman she loved so much and who was so unnecessarily guilty over something that didn't matter to Shepard at all.

"Really?" Miranda asked, daring to smile.

"Really." Shepard affirmed, and then walked over to the bed, sitting on its edge. "We're both under so much pressure to be perfect. We need to give ourselves a break."

"We can't give ourselves a break, Shepard." Miranda claimed sadly, tension running through her body just at the thought of what lay ahead for them both.

"Hey," Shepard called gently, "come here."

"Oh," Miranda smirked as she turned to face Shepard and walked over sexily, "still impatient, Commander?"

"Still trying to maintain control, Miss Lawson?"

Miranda's face was an inch from hers and she was already lost to those blue eyes.

"Trying, but failing." Miranda admitted, pushing Shepard onto the bed.

Shepard laughed lightly but within a second their mouths had connected and Shepard moaned into the kiss at finally being together once more.

They stripped each other from their clothes quickly. Weeks of built up desire and longing driving the two forward quickly. Shepard revelled in the feel of Miranda again, so completely present in her life once more. She even relished at listening to the sounds of Miranda's quicker breathing and the feel of her soft skin beneath her finger tips. Miranda's eyes scanned her, not just wanting to admire Shepard's toned and beautiful body but to check for any marks or injuries Shepard knew, and it reminded her of the night after the assault on the collector base.

So much worry and fear had been burning through Shepard's veins every hour that Miranda wasn't with her. She'd already seen so much horror of Townsend and Jess dying, of the destroyed Eden Prime and of that father who had requested she locate his son's dog tags...

"Shepard," Miranda stopped kissing her lover for a moment and stroked tears away from her face, "what is it?"

"It's nothing. I'm fine." Shepard insisted, shame pounding in her heart and she was impatient because all she wanted was to be with Miranda and then this was happening.

"Shepard," Miranda whispered gently, kissing each tear.

"It's stupid," Shepard whispered.

"It's not," Miranda insisted, kissing her gently.

"I just missed you." Shepard admitted and though it was a short concession it was not lacking in truth; she had been able to get through every hideous thing with the collectors because Miranda was with her and the pair of them being forced apart had caused more damage to her soul and confidence than she ever could have predicted.

"I missed you too." Miranda confessed, her own tears falling onto Shepard's face and Shepard reached up and kissed her passionately.

As they satisfied one another their hands kept interlocking, rather than just solely exploring and being used to touch. It was a confirmation that they were here together in this moment and as though neither could bear the idea of being parted again. They were holding onto each other for dear life.

Shepard was in ecstasy. Miranda was here. She had returned to her. It was all she wanted. Even when she was made to focus on such important missions her mind was intent on the objective but her heart had been left in Miranda's possession. She felt free again, free to enjoy each second and not just go through it completely numb. Time had passed her by for weeks and she had never once felt in control but now she was empowered once more. She had everything she needed.

Shepard lay in Miranda's arms for a long while afterwards, letting her lover stroke her red hair and arms knowing that Miranda was studying every inch of her in this quiet moment of pure love. Miranda held her tightly but Shepard did not complain, just having Miranda's arms around her at all was enough.

"Oh, I should warn you when we get back EDI has a new body. Joker is over the moon." Shepard joked after a long silence.

"When we get back?" Miranda asked quietly.

Shepard stiffened in Miranda's arms and she stopped her tender strokes.

"You are coming back now?" Shepard asked cautiously, turning to face her.

"Well, no," Miranda said bewildered, "I haven't found Ori yet."

"But I thought - this meant- so what the hell was this?" Shepard demanded, sitting up and pulling the sheets closer to her.

"I wanted to see you," Miranda replied, alarmed at Shepard's mistaken assumption.

"Oh God," Shepard shouted in frustration, throwing her clothes back on, "so this was about fucking then fleeing?"

"Oh nice alliteration." Miranda snapped, gathering her own clothes. "Don't be childish."

"I can't believe this. I cannot believe this." Shepard said furiously, hurling her sweater over her.

"I missed you. We haven't been together in weeks, what was wrong with that?" Miranda demanded.

"Nothing. You get your quick fix then off you go and leave me to deal with the galaxy." Shepard spat.

"You think I enjoy being away from you?" Miranda shouted.

"I don't know what you think!" Shepard admitted hotly.

"That's great." Miranda hurled at her sarcastically. "Here's me actually thinking we'd built up something special."

"So did I but then you ran off." Shepard replied angrily.

"What was I supposed to do?" Miranda yelled.

"Let me come with you or stay with me and let us figure it out together! Actually contact me! If this is a real relationship then we're supposed to work through things together. You can't just go off and make your own decisions and leave me to deal with them." Shepard replied heatedly.

"This is war, Shepard!"

"You don't have to tell me that! I'm out there every day watching people die and wondering where the hell you are!" Shepard yelled back.

"You're supposed to trust me!" Miranda shouted.

"Trust you? You could be dead for all I know when you go off. You get to make all of the decisions and I just have to go along with them." Shepard railed. "You're right, I am such a child. Every time you throw anything my way I come running like a fool. "

"I waited for you too! Don't forget that!" Miranda screamed furiously. "You know I didn't want you to go to the Alliance and you went any way so don't act like this has only ever been about me- so forgive me, Shepard, if for once everything isn't all about you and your bloody need to play the hero."

"I had to go back!" Shepard insisted. "You agreed!"

"So why are you complaining now? You left. You made the choice long ago. The Alliance won." Miranda wept bitterly.

"What the hell do you even think of us then?" Shepard asked, gobsmacked.

Miranda seemed to relent slightly at Shepard's shocked and betrayed tone.

"I have to go." Miranda started, wiping the tears from her face.

"No, this time I get to leave." Shepard spat and she ran out of the apartment where moments ago she felt like her life had returned for her, leaving a broken Miranda alone.


	24. Shepard's Call

It had not been a happy return to the ship. She was furious with Miranda but the second she entered the cabin disgust hit her at the way she had left things. Miranda could die out there and she'd ruined everything in her anger and selfishness. She actually ran back to the apartment in case Miranda was still there, desperate to see her but it was empty and Shepard broke down, sobbing on the bed.

* * *

Several days later Shepard was on track to rescue the son of Victus who was stuck on Tuchanka. On the way, Victus had admitted the bomb planted there was done by the turians after the genophage after initially blaming it on Cerberus. Shepard had not been surprised, she cynically expected this from the moment the mission had been requested by Victus. She was becoming all too familiar with the political games people were willing to play with people's lives.

"Okay, it's a tough strategy but there is a certain kind of logic to it. If the krogan threaten again strike them down while they are already wounded." Garrus said.

"Not much of a way to build trust." Shepard said.

"They were desperate times." Garrus replied.

"Yeah, and the krogan had already been sterilised. Thing is, if the galaxy had actually been working together we'd not be in such a mess now." Shepard responded sternly.

"The krogan had threatened the stability of the galaxy. What was to be gained by risking letting that happen again?" Garrus asked.

"Only krogan lives, Garrus." Shepard responded coldly.

She loved Garrus like a brother but she couldn't stand his cynicism and win-at-all-cost attitude sometimes.

They carried on and rescued Victus and his team. They were in complete disarray after bad management and bad tactics but Shepard convinced them all to follow him. Desertion would only result in the deaths of more lives down the line. Shepard sometimes felt that she was in some sort of bizarre strategy game where she had to move lives about and sacrifice certain things to save more people. The problem was that she therefore had blood on her hands and she wasn't even sure why it was her call in the first place.

They carried on to the bomb, Victus said to disarm it while Shepard and her team offered protection from Cerberus. However, Cerberus would stop at nothing and even targeted Victus and the bomb. Victus desperately clambered astride the bomb and cried "for Palaven!" before disconnecting it from its hold and he and the bomb plummeted into the depths.

Shepard and her team were left aghast as Cerberus turned tail and fled.

The mess hall was sombre that evening. Shepard told Victus his son had died and had headed straight for the mess hall, sitting alone with her back against the wall and leg up on the bench she was on. She didn't even know what to think.

"Whatever else, he'll be remembered as a hero." Garrus told Liara at the kitchen.

"You really believe that?" Shepard asked him from where she sat.

"Of course, Shepard. He gave the ultimate sacrifice to stop Cerberus and the reapers." Garrus responded confidently.

"Really?" Shepard asked with a twisted smile. "Because I thought he was just a kid who died so as not to cause shame for his father."

Liara argued that they were all heroes for resisting in the first place, and that such a strong love for a family member was admirable but all Shepard could see was another dead young turian.

She left the hall quickly after this chat, not wanting to debate farfetched and unreachable ideals any more. She stood out staring into space in her cabin once more, playing with her ring and thinking of those who could not be here on the ship for whatever reason. Her thoughts inevitably strayed to Miranda again and where she was now, what she was doing and if she was safe. She thought of what this war was supposed to mean. So many young soldiers thought of this as a test for their strength and character but all it was to Shepard was an elaborate bloody game of roulette. Sometimes breaths come to those who long for death, yet the only thing that happens is that you carry on. It isn't something that you do or march for, it's just that time goes on with you or without you and it doesn't really care either way. Honour was a lost concept. It was survival in the most brutal conditions, seeing sights that would traumatise anyone and where just getting through the day was classed as a victory to many who didn't even know what they were fighting for.

Into the quiet of the night she whispered a poem she had once loved to herself while the ship floated through the stars.

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well

That, for all they care, I can go to hell,

But on Earth indifference is the least

We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn

With a passion we could not return?

If equal affection cannot be,

Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am

Of stars that do not give a damn,

I cannot, now I see them, say

I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,

I should learn to look at an empty sky

And feels its total dark sublime,

Though this might take me a little time.

* * *

The next day began with yet more arguments for Shepard to deal with. First she had to tell Liara to back off and leave a most disgruntled Javik alone. Personally, she felt that this was for the best anyway as Javik was completely ruthless and she wondered how Liara would actually deal with that revelation. The next fight was not as easy as she demanded Wrex start readying krogan troops while the cure was being developed as yet another colony had been left in ruins by the reapers.

"No cure, no go, Shepard." Wrex replied stoically.

"People are dying every day! We can't wait any more!" Shepard yelled.

"My people need a cure. We've been betrayed by this galaxy more than once and we won't risk it again."

Wrex would not budge- even for Shepard. Shepard responded by taking out her anger in her cabin by kicking her table which only resulted in her spending twenty minutes cleaning up broken glass. Traynor then came over the intercom saying that she'd found a Cerberus lead as something was going on at Sanctuary and she'd found a connection between the shuttles which were sending refugees there. Shepard knew this meant a lot to Sam as she had family on the colony so she grabbed James and Garrus and they left immediately.

Shepard quickly got some answers as Steve intercepted a message from Oriana warning that the facility was dangerous as they approached from the shuttle. If Oriana was here then so was Miranda.

"What do you think happened here, Commander?" James asked but Shepard was at a loss to even begin to try to fathom this out.

They jumped out of the shuttle, ignoring the small explosions and taking out the phantoms quickly. The entire facility looked ruined. It had the feel of somewhere that could have been nice and symbolised safety at one time- it was spacious, had potted plants and there was huge windows everywhere, but the dead bodies kind of ruined the tone.

As they made their way deeper into the facility Shepard's heart stopped and she spun around.

"Shepard what the-" Garrus began but Shepard had ran to the nearest terminal and started playing the video log.

It was Miranda. Shepard knew that voice anywhere. The screen sprang to life and Miranda appeared, Shepard automatically rested her fingers on her image. Miranda was typing furiously, warning people that if they came here they were either desperate or stupid in typical Miranda style. As the console lost its life, Shepard burst out of her revere at seeing Miranda again and rushed forwards. They had to find her. Her biotics glowed blue around her, her adrenaline and anxiety causing her energy to threaten to explode out of her.

"She'll be okay, Shepard. This is Miranda after all." Garrus reassured but Shepard was oblivious to all except finding her partner.

There were grim discoveries along the way. Cerberus exploited the desperate refugees and turned them into husks. It was repulsive knowing that what they were shooting were once human refugees who had only wanted a safe place to stay.

They found another console where Miranda confirmed the involvement of her father and that he was responsible for designing the method for humans to be turned into reaper husks and then controlled by Cerberus. The fact that the Illusive Man had even thought of this was beyond comprehension.

"The Illusive Man thinks he can control the reapers? The man is completely insane." Garrus retorted. "A lot of turians came here. I am going to carve their names into him one by one."

They fought ravagers and banshees to get to the next console. The place was absolutely crawling with reapers and Shepard was panicky about how anyone could possibly face this on their own- even Miranda. The final console showed Miranda declaring that she had proof of her father's involvement but then a Cerberus man with long dark hair burst forwards from behind, and Miranda fell to floor scrambling to get away.

"Oh God!" Shepard cried.

"We'll get to her!" Garrus shouted.

"Come on!" James roared and they tore into the final corridor before the stairs to the control room.

Shepard took down three brutes by herself and they made short work of the banshees in their rage and desperation. She had to get to Miranda. Miranda couldn't be dead. She must have got away...

As the last banshee fell, the stranger who had attacked Miranda walked forward through the exit at the far end of the corridor.

"Where's Miranda? What did you do to her?" Shepard shouted, panic rising.

"Lawson put up a better fight than I expected so no need to worry, Shepard, although her father might have finished her off by now." He chuckled.

"Garrus, take James and get Miranda now before her father hurts her. Kill Henry Lawson. I'll hold this freak off and the reapers." Shepard ordered.

"Shepard-" James protested but Shepard ignored him.

"You swore, Garrus!" Shepard reminded him warningly.

"Okay," Garrus said but it was the most reluctant voice she had ever heard him use in a fight but he did lead James up the stairs to where Miranda and her father were.

"You must be Kai Leng." Shepard stated calmly.

She had purpose now. There was some sense of control in facing this man who threatened Miranda.

"No back up to save you today, Shepard." Leng taunted.

"Lucky for you that you won't have an audience to watch you die!" Shepard spat, running forwards.

Leng sliced his sword at Shepard but she parried it away with the blade of her omni tool. Leng stumbled backwards at the force of it and Shepard strode forwards, punching him straight in the jaw as he tried to collect himself so that he fell backwards once more. He rushed backwards, deeper into the facility and spat out blood.

Shepard followed coolly but Leng continued to run back, desperate to put space between them so they fired their weapons at each other. Leng ducked for cover as Shepard unleashed her hornet.

"I hope Lawson's worth dying over!" Kai Leng shouted.

"Says the coward running scared!" Shepard screamed back.

Husks flew up to Shepard from the door below but she fired an impressive warp and hurled them back, using the opportunity to close on Leng once more. She shattered his shields with her overload. His shots missed her by inches but Shepard managed to clip his shoulder.

A marauder on the balcony above, unseen, blasted Shepard off her feet and she landed on her back. Leng made a rush forwards but before he could dive on her Shepard kicked out, hard with immense force connecting with his armoured gut and Leng slammed into the table behind, giving a dull and sickening groan. He struggled to get up as Shepard advanced once more after taking down the pesky marauder.

They were snarling, desperately trying to land a shot on one another. Shepard had fought many opponents but never had she wanted to make sure one was dead before. There had always been the possibility of mercy, of a truce, but not now. Only death would satisfy her. It was as though Leng's life was tied to the possibility of Miranda dying. If she killed Leng then she freed Miranda, it gave her some illusion of control as she had no power or knowledge of what was happening floors above with Henry, Miranda, Oriana, Garrus and Vega.

Leng was panting heavily, struggling to stay in control and Shepard knew she had the edge. He hurtled into the side corridor and smashed the glass. For one wild second Shepard thought he had committed suicide by launching himself off the balcony but a second later a shuttle rose and she saw Leng triumphantly glaring down at her as it flew off gently with him slipping from the roof into the passenger seat.

"You coward!" Shepard roared.

Before Shepard could even start to rush back to where Miranda was there was an almighty crash as a brute forced itself through the locked door behind her.

"Oh, terrific." Shepard spat.

She threw a warp and let her gun take care of it while she made back for the corridor she just came through but another brute stumbled over its fallen companion and hurled itself at Shepard seeking vengeance.

Shepard was knocked through the air and slammed onto the ground once more, winded. She struggled to get up and the enormous brute charged again and sank its razor teeth into Shepard's thigh.

Shepard howled in agony and slammed a desperate warp into is wrinkled and grotesque head, smashing its skull. Shepard rolled out of the way as it fell to the floor, lucky not to be crushed. Banshees started to pour out of the same door the brute had staggered through, menacingly and with biotics glowing at their hands. Shepard crawled back desperately, firing her submachine gun at them. Their warps ricocheted off the table she ducked behind and she managed to pull herself up and run back through the corridor.

She turned and fired again. One warp narrowly missed her but another threw her onto the glass floor and she smashed through it, onto a desk on the floor below, which she rolled off in agony and confusion.

"Shepard!"

There was a tremendous shuddering as missiles were fired and Shepard was forced back to the ground. She saw only a white shoulder but that and the smell of a familiar perfume told her that it was Miranda who was sheltering her from further harm.

Gun fire echoed all around and there was the popping sound as though the ravagers had burst and Miranda sat up, examining Shepard. Oriana was also hiding behind the table while Garrus and James kept on watch for any reapers.

"Leng, the cowardly bastard ran off." Shepard spat, struggling to sit up but Miranda firmly forced her back down. "Garrus, this place is crawling with reapers."

"I know, Cortez is on his way." Garrus responded.

"Oh good," Shepard sighed, feeling weak and sweaty. "What happened?"

"Henry Lawson is dead- Miranda's doing and then we came back for you. We saw Leng's shuttle leave." Garrus told her as Miranda took off Shepard's leg armour and ripped open the leg of her uniform.

She did not want to see how bad her leg was but she could feel it shaking uncontrollably. She looked across at Miranda who had only a single cut on her cheek. Miranda was lost in focus upon working on Shepard's leg and she took off her own belt to make a tourniquet. Shepard groaned in pain as it tightened.

"What the hell were you thinking going off on your own?" Miranda demanded softly.

"There's gratitude for you." Shepard laughed. "Nice to meet you Oriana."

Oriana barely managed a smile. Shepard wouldn't be surprised if she was completely traumatised.

"Halle-fucking-lujah." James cried out as the shuttle came to the window, opening its door. "What took you so long?"

"Oh, I don't know, Mr. Vega. It's just this whole place is covered in reapers." Steve called out.

"We're well aware of that." Garrus replied drily as he and James carried Shepard into the shuttle and Miranda and Oriana clambered in after them.

"Shit, Shepard, what happened?" Steve asked, shocked.

"Long story- just go!" Garrus barked as Miranda kept a close eye on the wound.

Miranda was looking anxious, staring out of the window as though if she concentrated hard enough the Normandy would just appear. Shepard watched her closely and contentedly. It was almost as though the sharp pains were happening to someone else- almost. Shepard wondered how even after a fight Miranda could still look so cool and so beautiful.

"There," Miranda whispered under her breath in relief, seeing the Normandy at least.

"I've alerted EDI already. Chakwas will be waiting in the shuttle bay." Steve told them.

The door opened and Chakwas and Mordin were both at the ready with a gurney which Garrus and James delicately placed Shepard on and they wheeled her to the med bay.

"How much does it hurt on a scale of one to ten, Commander?" Chakwas asked, concerned.

"It fucking hurts, what more do you want?" Shepard gasped, collapsing back down after she struggled to sit up.

"Will count that as a 'ten' then." Mordin responded drily.

As they entered the medbay, James and Garrus left for the mess hall but Miranda stayed by Shepard's side.

"What can I do?" Miranda asked quickly and Chakwas gave Shepard a hard look but she looked away.

"You can leave." Chakwas responded curtly.

"What?" Miranda repeated, stunned.

"I need to concentrate and I need her to relax. You and I both know that right now that isn't going to happen with you here." Chakwas responded calmly.

"I love her," Miranda croaked.

"I know but she's stubborn and hates medical procedures at the best of times. I need her calm." Chakwas repeated.

Shepard could feel Miranda's eyes on her but she couldn't bring herself to look back. She knew this hurt Miranda. She didn't know why she was being so self destructive right now when all she wanted was to ask Miranda to stay and have her comfort her through this. All she knew is that she had been asking Miranda to stay with her for months and every single time she had left. She was scared about getting close again, terrified of what their relationship was now after everything that had been said and done but she was also hurt - more so than any damage that had been done to her leg- that Miranda was only here now and caring now that she was bleeding out because she had finished her own objective. Shepard could have been hurt during any one of her missions and she had no idea what Miranda even thought about that. Perhaps there was no way back for them.

Shepard had long learnt over the years that people died or left in some form or another and that the only person she could count on was herself. It had been harshly reinforced by how her friends had abandoned her when she asked for their help against the collectors. Miranda had broken those barriers down and she had trusted that. She didn't know whether she had been brave, foolish or completely right. It was why she showed Miranda every day they were together how she felt by little kisses, getting her dinner whenever she worked late or by making sure she always had a coffee first thing on the morning, but it was also why she had always struggled to tell Miranda how she had truly felt about her. She had been suspended by the certainty she had felt in Miranda but the doubts she had about herself and relationships in general but lately that faith in Miranda had been completely torn apart and so she was retreating into old isolating habits.

As Chakwas began to sedate Shepard for surgery, a fleeting memory of Miranda soothing her as she woke up at the Lazarus Station and held her hand came to her, filling her heart yet with hope.


	25. Waking Up To A New Dawn

Shepard was awake for quite a while before she managed to open her eyes. Her leg felt a little sore but this had been the most peace she had gotten in recent weeks, just lying there listening to Mordin carrying out his experiments and nobody demanding anything from her. It had also been the first rest she'd had which had not been disturbed by nightmarish visions of death.

"For the record," Shepard said to Bakara and Mordin after a while, "I was kicking Kai Leng's ass."

"No doubt, Shepard." Mordin commented.

She finally sat up and examined her leg, pulling up her surgical gown carefully. Chakwas came through the door with a steaming mug of coffee.

"Thanks!" Shepard said at the sight.

"This is for me, I was up half the night working on your leg." Chakwas laughed, sitting down.

"Oh, well...thanks for that, anyway." Shepard replied. "So what's the word on it?"

"The scarring will be minimal - if there is any at all. It might be a little sore but it shouldn't give you any trouble." Chakwas informed her.

"So I'm cleared for missions?" Shepard asked, grabbing some fresh clothes from under her gurney which she assumed Miranda, EDI or Chakwas had provided.

"Yes." Chakwas confirmed firmly, if somewhat reluctantly.

Mordin started humming 'a scientist salarian' in the background.

"He's a bit...well...Mordin." Shepard explained weakly to Bakara.

"Yes but he has also become a friend." Bakara replied.

"Why does he still call you Eve?" Shepard asked her.

"I think he just got used to it. I believe Earthlings use the phrase 'pet name'." Bakara stated.

"The day I give a krogan a pet name is the day I die." Shepard muttered under her breath and then bid them all thanks and farewell after she changed and she headed out.

She was immediately greeted with the sight of Vega chatting closely with Miranda and her partner giving him a soft laugh. Shepard rolled her eyes and headed on for the elevator in an evasive manoeuvre but Miranda spotted her.

"Hey," Miranda called and Shepard turned back slowly, "how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," Shepard replied.

"Hey, Commander. Glad to see you up and about." James said, coming over.

" Thanks, I got to go suit up to get these krogan scouts." Shepard said, making to go but Miranda gently grabbed her arm and she acquiesced to face her once more.

"You're not serious?" Miranda questioned, dismayed.

"Wrex asked me to go. I'm taking Javik and EDI." Shepard explained, annoyed.

"You've just had surgery on your leg." Miranda remarked hotly.

"And Chakwas cleared me. I can't leave those scouts there. It could jeopardise the whole peace process." Shepard replied.

"Then take me. Javik is completely untested and still getting used to actually being alive." Miranda insisted.

"No." Shepard shook her head.

"Shepard-" Miranda started warningly.

"You've just been through a major ordeal, you have only been back for one night, you need time to adjust and this is a completely different team to who you worked with last. I'd be less prepared going in with you than I would Javik so that's final." Shepard responded resolute.

* * *

"I'm glad Operative Lawson has returned even if she was never fond of my presence on the Normandy." EDI commented as they made their way down to what was left of the krogan company.

Miranda had not accepted being left out of the team easily. Shepard was relieved to finally get on the shuttle just for some peace. If she had been worried about any awkwardness then that had quickly dissolved with this argument. Now she was just fuming again. Miranda had followed her all the way down to the shuttle bay and while she did not criticise Javik or EDI in front of them as that would have endangered morale, it was quite clear how she felt about this line-up.

"She is the one made of manipulated genetic composition?" Javik questioned. "Quite unnatural but she will be an impressive fighter."

Shepard pulled a face at the comment that Miranda was somehow unnatural and found it particularly rich coming from somebody tens of thousands of years old who had spent most of that time in a stasis pod.

"Her father Henry Lawson designed Miranda to be suprieror in every way, from intelligence to fighting powers and even her looks." EDI answered.

"He designed her appearance? Silly primitives." Javik scathed.

"Can we talk about anything else?" Shepard asked, teeth grinding.

"Very wise, Shepard, as my systems tell me she is using my monitoring stations and devices to watch our progress." EDI informed them to a thoroughly unsurprised Shepard.

Shepard had a slight limp down the steep bank as they headed to the rest of the company but she found her movements as swift as ever so was not worried. She was delighted to see that it was Grunt who was the head of the company and he roared in joy at seeing his old commander who had provided him with the most epic battles, although she was slightly disappointed that his new responsibilities meant he would not be able to join her on the Normandy.

Shepard's strength and recovery was tested as she, EDI and Javik fell over a hundred feet into the cave below. Clinging onto the falling cabin for the majority of the descent had provided some coverage from damage but Shepard still got up gingerly, careful not to let on how she wanted to swear her head off when Miranda was watching her every move.

The caves were hot, humid, dark and revolting as they were covered in eggs that were being used to breed an army of rachni. Every so often swarms of reapers came upon them but Javik provided awesome fire power and Shepard was glad at her choice in squad, hoping Miranda would feel that Shepard had been vindicated in her choice.

Shepard cursed her own stupidity though when a swarmer from a fallen ravager went unnoticed and jumped at her leg, reopening the wound. She squashed it fiercely under her boot. It was a stupid error and Shepard vowed to tackle the rest of the caves with more care. She could feel Miranda's gaze upon her from the ship.

They carried on and found the fallen rachni queen and Shepard could have launched a tirade of swear words once more for yet again she was deciding who must die and who must live. The rachni would provide great power and diversity to their alliance against the reapers and she could not condemn an entire race to death, just like she couldn't back on Noveria. Wrex was probably going to murder her but she couldn't do it. The krogan she was trusted to save were now going to pay the ultimate price for Shepard.

Grunt led them to the exit but they were blocked by more rachni.

"Go, Shepard." He croaked strongly.

"No." Shepard shook her head furiously; she couldn't bear another friend dying.

"Shepard!" Grunt roared and Shepard knew she must go because there was a war and she couldn't just walk away from that even if it was for certain death.

As they climbed out from the caves they heard an almighty boom of rock against rock and dust covered them all as the caves fell in. Shepard coughed in the dust and covered her eyes. It was a few moments before it started to clear but in the distance she could make out a bulky form stumbling forwards up the bank. As the seconds past and the dusk cleared she realised it was Grunt, although he was completely covered in blood.

"Anybody got anything to eat?" He called before collapsing and they all rushed forwards and called the shuttle in.

* * *

Grunt was taken to the medical bay, probably onto the bed Shepard had just left but apart from a few cuts it looked like he was going to be fine. As Shepard left Chakwas to work, Miranda greeted her as she exited that awful room once more.

She stood stony against the back wall with her arms by her sides but she noticed Shepard's limp and Shepard remembered she had probably seen the damage it took.

"Come on," Miranda said to her, cocking her head slightly to indicate she should follow her to a quiet room and Shepard obliged.

Shepard immediately pulled off her armour and then rolled down her tight trousers, sitting on a table while Miranda looked over it. The wound had reopened slightly but Miranda seemed satisfied that it wouldn't need more than a bandage. She started to apply medigel before Shepard spoke.

"Stupid spider things." Shepard muttered.

Miranda said nothing and then started to wrap the leg up in a fresh bandage. Shepard, feeling deflated from Miranda's vow of silence, took some small comfort in the fact that she was being so careful and gentle with her leg.

"Are you going to stay on the Normandy?" Shepard asked her quietly.

"I don't really see how I could leave." Miranda sighed exasperatedly but there was a hint of a smile there.

"What about Oriana?" Shepard asked.

"She wants to stay." Miranda replied.

"You don't want her to?"

Miranda looked at her incredulous.

"Would you?"

"Yeah...kind of..." Shepard admitted. "I know we go to the worst places in the galaxy but this is the best crew that there is, it's the best ship, it has the best pilot, there's a spectre on board. Sometimes the safest place is in plain view."

Miranda actually smirked.

"Are you sure that's not just what you say to reason why you go on the most ridiculous missions you know I'll object to?" Miranda asked.

"Whatever works." Shepard smiled.

Miranda stroked Shepard's cheek sadly.

"Can't we just go back to what it was?" She asked quietly and Shepard struggled for a moment to meet Miranda's eyes.

"I don't know...I thought we were in everything together but we weren't really. It'll just take time for us to work out how to move forward, I guess." Shepard shrugged sadly.

"And can we?" Miranda asked hesitantly.

"Annoyingly, I don't seem to be able to get rid of you at this point so I'd say there is a chance." Shepard smiled.

"I should have let you make up your own mind about whether to come with me or not." Miranda admitted after a moment. "It wasn't just the war...I knew the Illusive Man knew about us and I thought he might use you to get to me or vice versa. I'm sorry."

"I know. I don't want to go through that fight again, really. We both screwed up so let's just work through things." Shepard suggested.

Wrex came through the door at that moment and quickly smirked at seeing Shepard with her trousers down and Miranda standing over her. Shepard jumped to pull them up.

"What is it, Wrex?" Shepard asked.

"Grunt is going to be fine. Tough son of a bitch. I know you had a tough call down there Shepard. Some of the krogans are pretty upset but they'll get over it. I understand your call and I respect it. As far as I'm concerned you're the best ally to the krogans we've seen for a long time." Wrex told her and Shepard nodded in gratitude. "Oh, and Mordin thinks the cure is ready."

Shepard turned to a stunned Miranda and, despite her leg, she jumped in delight that finally they could move forwards.


	26. Merry Christmas

As soon as Mordin confirmed the cure was ready Shepard was anxious to get going. Of course, the salarians had a trick of their own and wanted Shepard to sabotage the cure so that the krogan wouldn't know. Shepard immediately told them where to go: hadn't they learnt that it was the divisions in the first place that had gotten them into such a mess? She wasn't risking the chance at peace with the krogan for anything and she was proud she got to play some small part in making the cure possible.

Shepard immediately told Miranda about the suggestion - she had returned to full duties as Shepard's second in command despite the raised eyebrows from the Alliance crew- and she scoffed at it.

"They want us to risk our best chance against the reapers because they're scared the krogans will want justice at the end?" Miranda asked, incredulous.

"Exactly."

"I bet that went down well with you." Miranda smirked knowingly.

"Honestly, I think I'd rather see Morinth again than another double crossing politician." Shepard grimaced.

"And you said there was nothing to be worried about there..." Miranda teased and Shepard rolled her eyes.

It was easy as ever to slip back into their old chemistry particularly in their familiar roles as commander and second-in-command.

"Shepard," Miranda began delicately, "I want to come on this mission with you. It'll be the biggest test you've faced since the collector base."

"Miranda," Shepard smiled, "I was always going to bring you. Figured Garrus would work with us well, too?"

"Those Alliance guys might just see how to fight properly then." Miranda replied playfully.

* * *

Only Shepard and her team could get lost in the ruins of a temple in Tuchanka. Miranda was the one who was able to find a way through and Shepard was pleased that the three of them were working together as well as if they had hit the collector base just yesterday.

"Nice to have you back, Miranda." Garrus commented.

"Good to fight alongside you too." Miranda replied warmly.

There had always been a huge amount of respect between the two. It was mildly curious for Shepard as Garrus had initially been so sceptical about working with Cerberus and he hadn't taken well to their dire warnings that only death awaited them in the collector base. However, Garrus immediately recognised how dedicated Miranda was and how she had worked so hard to help Shepard. This had helped thaw any possible ice between the two with immense speed and Shepard had been relieved at that as Garrus was one of her best friends.

"Oh, it's not just your fighting skills we've missed. Shepard has been a complete pain since you left." Garrus remarked drily while Miranda laughed and Shepard threw him a furious look. "Diving head first into ridiculous situations, charging into enemy groups..."

"How is that different from usual, exactly?" Miranda asked.

"You two do realise that while you're cracking jokes there's a reaper and thresher maw looking to cure us and we have to cure the genophage?" Shepard asked sarcastically.

"Oh, I just thought this was your idea of a day trip." Garrus replied, looking around the ruins.

"That was one time I gave us shore leave here and it was pretty fun." Shepard replied.

"For you, we know it was..." Garrus muttered and Shepard caught a smile playing at Miranda's lips.

Once they made their way back into the trucks Wrex asked about the conversation with the salarians. Shepard confessed, after an encouraging look from Miranda as she was worried about causing trouble, to the scheme to wreck the cure. Mordin wasn't surprised but also seemed cautious over what the future of the krogan would mean for the galaxy after the reapers.

"Shepard, you're a true friend to the krogan and like a sister to me. Thank you." Wrex said sincerely.

"I knew we could trust the Commander." Urdnot Bakara agreed.

"Shepard, before you go, thank you for everything." Wrex said pulling her into a surprisingly gentle hug.

"No problem, Wrex." Shepard nodded.

Shepard's team then parted from the truck to plough their way through the Shroud. It was hell on Tuchanka. There was a giant reaper in their way but Shepard urged her team on until they were forced into cover.

"We're going to have to go for it!" Shepard yelled.

"Have you lost it?" Garrus shouted back, horror stricken.

"We don't have any other options!" Shepard called back.

There was a bust of fire from overhead as air support flew into action. Shepard, Miranda and Garrus used this distraction to rush forwards. Almost a dozen brutes stood in their way as they ran to activate the hammer to summon the thresher maw- which Shepard had to admit, was actually the worst plan they had ever had.

They dodged the brutes, not stopping to see if they continued to chase, and threw themselves out of the way of the reaper's legs. Shepard reached the last hammer and there was a scream as the mother of all thresher maws charged at the reaper, the ground shaking rapidly beneath them. They watched from cover as it wrapped itself round the reaper and threw it to the floor, crushed and broken beyond repair.

"Spirits..." Garrus whispered and they rushed on to the Shroud.

"Thank God we didn't have to fight that thing instead!" Shepard retorted.

They finally caught up to Mordin on the ground floor of the Shroud and the entire station was a mess, with small explosions taking place every few seconds.

"Mordin, you can't go up there!" Shepard cried.

"Have to. Only way to beat reapers. Galaxy needs krogan support. Wrex and Eve good match should stabilise situation." Mordin commented.

"Mordin, you'll die!" Shepard argued.

"Have to go, Shepard. You know it. Would have liked to have run tests on those sea shells." He remarked with only a slight hint of regret.

"Mordin..." Shepard began, not knowing what to say.

"You've been a good friend, Shepard. Thank you for everything but had to be me: someone else might have gotten it wrong." He said smiling and winking at this friend.

He turned away from Shepard, Garrus and Miranda and went up into the elevator looking down on them until he reached the top level. Shepard and her team were forced to leave as more explosions were taking place. They ran like hell to put as much distance between them and the Shroud as possible.

Several minutes later there was a louder explosion as the top floor was wiped out but then it was like mist was shooting from the very beam that ran through the heart of the facility as the cure rained down upon them.

Shepard stretched out her hand and let Mordin's last great project fall on her. Miranda walked over to her and smiled sadly.

"Hell of a way to spend Christmas." Miranda whispered.

"It's Christmas?" Shepard asked in surprise and Miranda nodded. "I lost track of the date."

Shepard looked up at the falling cure.

"Mordin just gave the galaxy the best gift anybody could have hoped for."

"This is where my father tried to kill me so I killed him." Wrex declared looking around at the temple. "This is what the genophage reduced us to."

"Never again will the krogan have to fear giving birth. Never again will we fear that loss." Bakara said.

"Mordin sure pulled it out of the bag." Garrus said soberly.

"Yeah, we'll name one of the kids after him. Probably one of the girls." Wrex chuckled but Shepard did not; she just missed her friend.

Wrex pulled Shepard into one last hug before she, Miranda and Garrus departed for the Normandy and he vowed to help Earth once they were ready. Shepard appreciated this but right now it was hard to picture anything other than Mordin and the sacrifice he made.

* * *

Miranda had been staying in the crew's quarters. Shepard appreciated her wanting to give her space but she didn't like the idea that Miranda was being relegated to such a cramped room below. She also wasn't found of the gossip that was inevitably doing the rounds but that could hardly be helped. Oriana had been settling in well which was some relief and was keen to help out in any way she could. Shepard granted Miranda the use of her cabin to write up her reports once they got back to the ship while Shepard headed down stairs to give Allers an interview. Shepard didn't like the feeling that she was part of a reality extranet show rather than helping to lead a war effort but she knew that uniting everyone was important so she put up with what felt like an endless list of questions. She was pretty sure Allers hit on her at the end of the interview too but she was rubbish with these things.

"Careful, Commander, you keep feeding me stories like this and I'll end up following you home." Allers said somewhat playfully.

Shepard was wrong footed. Allers was good enough fun to talk to but she wasn't remotely interested and she absolutely hated these awkward moments. She was also very aware that Miranda was just a few floors above.

"Erm...let's just keep this professional." Shepard said rather awkwardly.

"Oh, did you think I meant? Oh. Great. Never mind. I'm just going to file my story now." Allers replied nervously and Shepard decided to make her excuses and leave.

She figured it would be wise not to tell Miranda- she still hadn't even mentioned Jack's attempt to kiss her yet and was absolutely dreading that day. They were still on such rocky ground that Shepard didn't want to risk disrupting any progress that was being made.

Shepard headed back up to her cabin to see Miranda reading over some data pads on the couch. Shepard leaned against the wall just before the step down to the seating area.

"Do you want your cabin back?" Miranda asked, making to move but Shepard shook her head. "Have you had anything to eat?"

"I'll get something later." Shepard dismissed.

"Come here," Miranda gestured but when Shepard shook her head, smiling she repeated, "come here."

Shepard relented and Miranda took her in her arms while Shepard sat on her knee and Miranda rested her head on Shepard's small shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Miranda asked.

"Yeah...it's just weird everybody celebrating and Mordin isn't here." Shepard said, while Miranda's gloved hand started stroking Shepard's leg.

"I know...but I think he was glad at the end. He'd finally made peace with what he'd done and was taking back control. You helped him more than anyone." Miranda said.

"I was hard on him when we went to rescue Maelon." Shepard confessed, feeling ashamed.

"You made him face up to what he did. It was only because of that he could deal with everything." Miranda countered. "You can't agree with everyone just because you like them. Look at how you helped Garrus by showing him that killing Sidonis was wrong. Look how you helped me by showing me that I was more than my DNA. You challenge people and that's a good thing."

"Always just thought I was argumentative..."

"That too." Miranda smiled, leaning into Shepard's shoulder again.

"Do you want your Christmas present now?" Shepard asked and Miranda laughed.

"You didn't get me anything! You didn't even know what day it was!"

"Okay, it was a present I bought ages ago for you but now it's Christmas it can be a Christmas present." Shepard explained and grabbed a small box from her bed side cabinet and returned to sit on the couch next to Miranda.

Miranda took it eyeing it playfully and then ripped off the wrapping paper.

"I thought for sure you would be a paper saver." Shepard joked.

"You learn something new every day..." Miranda laughed, and then looked adoringly at the ornate music box and it opened to hear it play Nielson's No. 5, "Shepard...I can't believe you remembered."

"If it's not your thing then I figured it would be a good present for you to give Oriana. Something to bond over as you said you both love this piece of music." Shepard shrugged.

"Angela...this is the most thoughtful gift I've ever gotten." Miranda admitted. "I can't believe you remembered that."

"I remember everything about us." Shepard teased.

"I have a gift for you too." Miranda said, wiping her eyes. "I actually was going to leave it up here anyway as I didn't know if you'd want it or not."

"I always want presents." Shepard smiled kindly.

Miranda dug out a small wrapped box from under the pile of data pads and handed it to Shepard. She opened it carefully and saw a green book with an elaborate yellow design on it. She opened it and saw Miranda's writing on the first page which said "for when you need it" and she flicked through each page which was full of quotes and passages which she loved.

"I didn't really have time to go gift shopping when I was gone so I came up with a list of all the bits of books and poems that I knew you loved that you'd read on those nights when I'd be getting through reports and you'd stay up waiting for me. I sent it off to a shop on the Citadel who made it into a book for me. I know it isn't much. It was more a gift for me, really. I missed you so much and coming up with this ...it just made you feel close. I'm not one for sentimentality usually." Miranda said all of this as though very self conscious.

Shepard flicked through this treasure and turned back to Miranda not sure of what to say. She was touched that Miranda had gone to such effort but what really amazed her and convinced her of Miranda's feelings was that she had listened carefully to all of their conversations. Miranda didn't even particularly care for literature but she'd included poems Shepard had said Ashley had told her about all those years ago. The sharing of the gifts had perhaps revealed to them both the true value of their partnership. It wasn't about expense but they had truly taken each other into their souls. They lived, fought and would die for one another. Shepard gave a surprised Miranda a tender kiss.

"Thank you." She whispered.

"I almost went for a pyjak." Miranda teased.

"That can be a birthday gift." Shepard replied, kissing Miranda as they both sank into the couch.


	27. Friend Or Foe

Shepard lay in Miranda's arms for a long while on the couch, it reminded her slightly of the time when they were preparing to hit the collector base- although without the nerves and the fear of impending doom. This, she considered, a major positive even if they had been more sure of where they both stood with each other back then. Shepard was tired of the raging battles in her own heart and mind about where they were. She simply wanted to be with Miranda.

Mordin had met his end with peace but Shepard would not go quietly into the night. She had been childish and foolish and had argued with the war as much as she had with the woman she was lying with now. She didn't want to give in and not fight as though that was accepting that they would be wasting time because death awaited them. Not fighting would have felt like a concession but now she wondered what the bloody point was. She knew what made her happy and if that took a little risk on her part because she didn't quite trust Miranda yet then so be it.

The gift that Miranda had given her told Shepard how much she meant to Miranda. It was the thought and care and that it had sustained Miranda through all those days when Shepard had contemplated whether she was ever thought about at all. She would not have objected to a pyjak, however.

"We should be at the Citadel in about half an hour." Miranda told her quietly.

"No chance for a break even on Christmas." Shepard muttered wearily.

"What did you used to do for Christmas on Mindoir?" Miranda asked her gently.

"It wasn't really a big deal for us. We had a tree out and there were presents but besides that there was no big fuss. Neither of my parents could cook at all so it was safer just to skip Christmas dinner." Shepard laughed, her fingers making small circles on the outside of Miranda's right calf. "Have you ever celebrated Christmas?"

"When I was a kid there was a lavish Christmas party for all of my dad's contacts and clients that I'd have to attend." Miranda stated.

"That sounds really boring." Shepard replied bluntly.

"Oh, it was." Miranda sighed. "I didn't even get to sneak off and see Niket as it would be a whole day of showing off to the world. At least our food was good, though and I did get whatever I wanted."

"I wouldn't say that." Shepard replied sadly.

"No, I guess not." Miranda admitted.

"Are you ready to talk about what happened with him yet?" Shepard asked, fully respecting any answer.

Miranda had not said much about killing her father in Sanctuary, just that she was glad it was over. She apologised if Shepard thought that had sounded cold but Shepard understood and if she was perfectly honest she was pleased he was gone and Miranda was free from his torment.

"I'm really okay with it, Shepard. I've let it all go."

Shepard understood and knew by Miranda's tone that she wasn't being dismissive or avoiding the issue.

"Anyway, after I left Christmas just wasn't something I really paid attention to. I was always on the move with Cerberus and it's not like I'm religious." Miranda replied.

"Maybe, but next year I'm giving you a good Christmas even if you don't believe in Santa." Shepard smiled.

"This has been pretty special." Miranda replied softly.

"It's been a mess!" Shepard laughed.

"Yeah, but here we are." Miranda said, kissing Shepard's hand lightly.

"Wow," Shepard whistled, flipping onto her stomach so her eyes met Miranda's, "you're really easy to impress then."

"Oh shut up." Miranda chimed, kissing Shepard.

* * *

"We can't even go to the Citadel now without some drama?" Garrus moaned.

"Seems not." Shepard replied grimly, standing behind Joker as they made their approach.

"I want to come." Garrus insisted.

"No way, you've only had a few hours since Tuchanka." Shepard said.

"I have friends down there. You know I wouldn't offer to help unless I knew I could do it. Please, Shepard." Garrus pleaded.

Shepard knew that Garrus was old enough to look after himself and at this point they all knew what they were signing up for so she didn't feel she could very well keep telling people to stay behind when they were adults capable of deciding for themselves.

"If he's going then so am I." Miranda stated, coming to join them at the head of the ship and Shepard groaned.

"Fine then, Joker bring us in." Shepard ordered.

"Aye, aye, Commander."

People were being slaughtered by Cerberus as they tried to escape. Shepard, Garrus and Miranda quickly swooped in but civilians kept falling. They were too late to save many. Miranda proved an exceptionally good pick against Cerberus as she was well versed in their styles and tactics and so they found themselves easily over powering the dozens of troops that they were faced with.

As Shepard approached the entrance to the Citadel once the troops were cleared she heard Bailey cry out to her. He explained that they had absolutely no warning. Cerberus just suddenly attacked.

"Any idea why they'd do this?" Garrus asked Miranda.

"The Illusive Man must be desperate to try to destabilise the political situation. Shepard just claimed a major victory in uniting the krogans and turians." Miranda deduced.

Shepard helped Bailey up. He'd been shot but it didn't look too serious- medigel would sort him out. They left him to tackle the systems and work out where the enemy was so he could feed them information as they continued.

Both Thane and Ashley had been in the hospital. Shepard had bumped into Thane on her last visit here. He'd been in good spirits and Shepard was happy to see him. She hated that he was suffering but he still didn't seem like a man who was about to die; he was vibrant and energetic. Shepard hoped they would be okay and wondered just what protection Thane could offer himself right now. He had been training when she had last seen him but he also hadn't fought in combat for a while and increased energy output meant more oxygen was needed and that was what his body struggled to accept. There was nothing she could do for either of them right now so she tried to banish thoughts of them even though she was still carrying her grief from losing Mordin just six hours previously.

Bailey warned them that the salarian councillor was missing. They fought through into the presidium and Garrus saw on the balcony below that a chair had moved apparently of its own accord- it must be the cloaked councillor. They headed down by Leng had already made it and had the councillor at gun point, the three charged to him and pointed their guns back at Leng.

"He's going to kill us all!" The councillor warned.

"That remains to be seen." Shepard muttered.

"I'm glad to see you are still alive, Lawson. I intend to take my time with you." Leng leered.

"What's that human saying about the road to hell and intentions James said?" Garrus asked.

"You really ruined that line, pal." Shepard said.

"Three against one. You're finished." Miranda sneered.

"No, now it's fun." Leng mocked.

Thane burst into sight and Leng only just dodged him in time. Garrus grabbed the councillor out of the way and Shepard watched Thane and Leng, desperate for any gap to shoot Leng but while he and Thane were brawling so closely she did not dare fire in case she hit her friend.

Thane flipped from Leng and charged but Leng dodged and scythed his blade right through Thane. Shepard fired at Leng but he ran and fled for yet another shuttle. The three ran to Thane but he urged them to go, it was a wrench but Shepard had no choice. They grabbed a shuttle and took off after Leng.

Leng leaned out and fired at them and their shuttle quickly caught ablaze.

"Emergency landing there, Shepard." Garrus said pointing to a patch of land.

"Twice we've needed these landings and twice I've been with you two!" Shepard shouted, forcing the shuttle down and they landed with a dull thud but all emerged quickly and okay.

They knocked the incoming phantoms through the air before they even got a chance to land and headed for the elevators. Bailey sent them up as they stood atop one. It was a most uncomfortable feeling of flying up through the air in this dark tunnel with little control. They shot at Leng's elevator so it ground to a halt but within minutes Bailey send he found a new way up. Shepard saw the elevator with the councillors in and launched herself at it. She nearly rolled off immediately as shots were fired at her and she knew that must be Ashley.

There was nothing to do except wait until they faced each other on the top floor so Shepard jumped off and waited. Once Bailey stopped them and opened the doors they poured out but Ashley raised her gun at Shepard in greeting.

"What's going on, Shepard?" Ash demanded.

"There's a Cerberus assassin coming. Do not open those doors." Shepard said desperately, gesturing behind her.

"She's with Cerberus!" Udina sneered. "That's why she's with Lawson!"

Shepard ignored him but she saw a flicker of doubt across Ashley's eyes. Shepard lowered her gun, Garrus followed but Miranda was hesitant until she received a nod from Shepard. Shepard took one careful step forwards.

If Ash was going to shoot her then that's what was going to happen. Shepard would not kill her friend.

"Ash, you know me. You know what we've been through. I would never hurt you and I'm not with Cerberus. Thane just fought that assassin and he's bleeding out. I left him to come to you and the Council. Please trust me." Shepard asked quietly and she knew by the look in Ash's eyes that she believed her.

"I'm going to regret this." Ash muttered before turning to Udina.

"No, you're not." Shepard reassured her softly.

"This is nonsense! I'm opening those doors!" Udina shouted.

"We've mistrusted Shepard before and look where it got us." The asari councillor urged but Udina carried on forward to the controls.

The asari councillor tried to block him but Udina threw her to the floor and whipped out a gun.

"Gun!" Garrus shouted and Shepard didn't hesitate before raising hers and shooting him once through the heart with the deadly accuracy of a spectre.

He crumpled to the floor and the asari councillor made it shakily to her feet. The doors opened behind them and Shepard, Miranda and Garrus spun around ready to duel but relaxed instantly as they saw it was Bailey.

"What is going on? Shepard said Cerberus was after us!" The turian councillor shouted.

"And she was right. They've just ran off when they found out Shepard got to you first. I'll say it plain councillors: Shepard saved the lot of you." Bailey said grimly.

"Then that is twice you have saved our lives, Shepard. Thank you." The turian councillor responded.

"Hm, about time." Miranda muttered, crossing her arms and Shepard couldn't suppress a smile at just how cool Miranda could be in even the most outrageous situations.

"Shepard, I'm sorry I doubted you." Ash said sincerely.

"There's no need. Can you take care of the councillors? I've got to go check on Thane." Shepard requested and Ash nodded.

"Want some company?" Miranda asked and Shepard nodded in appreciation of the support.

* * *

Shepard hesitated outside of Thane's hospital door, not sure if she was brave enough to go in and watch her friend die but Miranda gently took her hand in her own and squeezed it gently. Shepard took a breath to steady herself and they went in. The sheet was pulled up so the wound below could not be seen. Thane's eyes glowed softly at the sight of two of his friends.

"Shepard, Miranda, I'm glad you came..." Thane trailed off coughing.

A young drell stepped forwards: Thane's son.

"Commander, I'm not sure you remember me."

"Of course I do, Kolyat." Shepard said, taking his hand.

"That assassin should be ashamed. Getting stopped from claiming his mark by a dying drell." Thane smirked.

"You saved the council, Thane. We couldn't have got to them in time without you." Miranda said gently.

Thane thanked her and asked if they would pray together. Kolyat took out a prayer book and read the most beautiful passage that Shepard had ever heard but it was for forgiveness and a message of watching over someone and hoping that they find their right path. Thane passed away not long after it was read, as though he had been hanging on to hear it in the company of his son and his friends. Shepard watched Thane's still body and felt that while she was full of sorrow at never being able to talk to yet another friend again. She had also watched Thane finally find peace like she had with Mordin.

The passage troubled Shepard however, because those words had not suggested that Thane was at peace.

"Koylat, I don't understand- that prayer- why did he pray for that?" Shepard asked.

"It was a prayer for you, Commander." Koylat replied gently and Shepard could not stop her tears now or try to for they were for Thane, Mordin, herself, Miranda and all of her friends and what they had gone through.

* * *

Shepard and Miranda headed for the docking bay hand in hand. They didn't speak but they did not need to. They'd been through so much now, and had seen so much that words alone weren't required. They were together, supporting each other and that's all either of them needed. Shepard knew that things weren't exactly easy for them right now and maybe they weren't quite back to what they once were but Shepard believed they could be better than ever. Everything that happened now meant more than anything that had come before.

In the docking bay, they bumped into Ashley.

"I still can't quite believe it about Udina." Ashley started quickly, in the elevator. "Do you think he was indoctrinated?"

"We'll never know now." Shepard replied.

In truth, it didn't really matter to her. It didn't plague her the same way that memories of the Illusive Man did. Perhaps it was because she'd never liked Udina anyway but his death would not be one that would play on her conscience.

"Shepard, I'd like to come and see this thing through on the Normandy." Ash stated.

"Are you going to be able to trust me? To trust Miranda as she is second in command?" Shepard asked but she saw no doubt on Ashley's face.

"I doubted you once, Shepard and not only did I look a fool but you saved everybody's lives." Ashley laughed.

"More than once." Miranda said coldly.

Shepard didn't want any tension but she felt a rush of affection for how protective Miranda was.

"I'll follow you, Shepard." Ashley said fervently. "And Lawson."

Shepard registered the use of Miranda's last name but she figured it was the best thing she could hope for right now - small steps and all that. The three of them headed to the Normandy and she was glad to have someone else join them: with Wrex, Bakara, Victus and Mordin gone it might start to feel a little quiet.


	28. Priorities

There were a couple of days to prepare before the next mission to head off and rescue a load of ex Cerberus scientists who had turned against their former boss. They'd be a handy asset for the Alliance to snag and Miranda was pretty sure that Jacob was there so Shepard was only too happy to help, even if it resulted in the odd teasing sly look to Miranda about her history with Jacob.

Shepard had quite looked forward to just getting back to a simple mission. Soon she'd be in the midst of sorting out yet more political squabbles as the quarian admirals would be coming aboard. Shepard was still angry with them for not helping out with the reapers in the first place.

Shepard had been planning on taking James out with her and Miranda but every time he saw her partner he couldn't help but hit on her and it was going to be awkward enough anyway so she settled on taking EDI - at least that way she'd get to laugh at Jacob's expression at seeing her new form.

Cerberus weren't out in as many numbers as they'd previously faced and when Shepard did find Jacob, he'd been shot in the leg. Shepard had try to fight a joke about this, remembering as his friend and former boss she should try to act sympathetic. Jacob took them inside and ended up giving one of the scientists a quick kiss. Well, after his relationship with Miranda and hitting on her as soon as she was conscious he really hadn't changed, Shepard thought.

Jacob didn't seem to realise EDI was actually EDI and Shepard was having too much fun to put him straight on that one. EDI seemed to be enjoying his confused looks too. They had a quick catch up and Jacob explained how he'd lost faith in Cerberus too so copied Miranda in quitting and then hooked up with the other ex scientists once the reapers came to put a resistance.

"Who was that woman?" Shepard asked about the one he kissed.

"Brynn? We're...errr...kind of together." He said awkwardly. "I love her and she's pregnant with my child..."

"Congratulations." Shepard and Miranda said in unison.

"Yeah, it's kind of weird, I guess. You two think you'll ever settle down?" Jacob asked and Shepard hurried to change the topic of conversation.

"Kind of hard with a war going on." Shepard joked.

"It's nice that you two know what you have together- your passions are both your careers and that comes first." Jacob said, in what Shepard imagined was supposed to be an admirable tone but Miranda's eyes turned to ice and she leaned back, crossing her arms. "The Normandy will always be your true love, Shepard."

"Yes, well, we should check on the evac. plan." Shepard said with a forced smile and led them off into the next room.

"Would you two like a moment alone after that unfortunate conversation?" EDI asked but she seemed to gather the answer by the look Shepard gave her and she consented to give Shepard and Miranda some space.

"You okay?" Shepard asked, and Miranda bit her tongue and shrugged but there was a sparkle in her eye.

"Careers are our passion..." She muttered through clenched teeth. "...if that's what he needs to tell himself about why neither of us were interested then fair enough."

"What about the whole baby thing?" Shepard asked delicately but Miranda stared at her, eye brows raised.

"I can hear about kids without breaking down, you know."

"I know that!" Shepard replied quickly. "It's just that it's awkward. He's your ex and we're rescuing him and I know you still care for him..."

"Really?" Miranda asked, amused. "Again?"

"I'm not jealous!" Shepard replied.

"I should think not." Miranda smirked. "It was nothing really. Being with Jacob it all looked good on paper: two great employees at the same organisation, we were ambitious and he was charming and sweet but it was the difference between looking good and feeling good. We are a mess - ex terrorist with a returned-from-the-dead Spectre but I've never been happier, which I know is absurd right now."

"No, I get it." Shepard said quietly.

"After all of this," Miranda began carefully, "do you think you'll want to stay on the Normandy?"

"No," Shepard answered quickly, "unless you do, I guess, but I want some peace. This whole running around saving everyone routine is getting really old."

Miranda laughed and gave Shepard a quick kiss.

"Shepard, they're ready to begin evacuation." EDI called over.

"Thanks, EDI." Shepard said. "Well, here we go again."

* * *

Joker quickly dropped Jacob and the ex Cerberus team off, perhaps sensing some tension by the fact that Miranda kept shooting him very patronising looks every time he waxed lyrical about going to be a father. She did manage to say that he'd be a good father as he's a protector just before they left, but that might simply have been out of sheer gratitude to say goodbye to them which greatly amused Shepard.

"How spoilt do you think his kid is going to end up?" Shepard asked Miranda while they caught a few precious moments alone up in her cabin before the quarian admirals arrived.

"Very." Miranda replied swiftly.

"Brynn seems okay though."

"Yeah, it's nice when somebody comes up on the Normandy who has no intention of hitting on you." Miranda teased.

"Oh, come on..." Shepard protested.

"Jack, Kelly, Jacob, pretty sure Traynor has a thing for you and there was this little rumour about Allers..." Miranda replied, eyeing Shepard carefully who was opposite her on the bed.

"Traynor just wanted a chess partner." Shepard responded evasively.

"Angela..." Miranda started but Shepard threw her pillow at Miranda who laughed.

"Don't first name me." Shepard sulked and then sat up uncomfortably without a pillow to support her. "Give me my pillow."

"No, you gave it to me so you forfeited any rights to it." Miranda replied with superiority.

"Fine, then, she hit on me." Shepard retaliated nonchalantly and Miranda gasped theatrically.

"I knew it! She can't keep her eyes off you!" Miranda seethed.

"Can you blame her?" Shepard asked and she did received her pillow in return: swiftly in the face.

Shepard put the pillow back behind her and Miranda sat up too.

"Did any-"

"No." Shepard almost sang. "Are you serious?"

"Things can happen." Miranda said uncomfortably.

"Things can happen? How very astute of you." Shepard mocked. "Besides, I don't mention how Vega follows you about like a lost puppy."

Miranda spluttered.

"He does not!"

"Those brown eyes... huge muscles...hard for someone to resist." Shepard shrugged.

Miranda rolled her eyes and crawled over Shepard, pinning her down.

"Yes, but unfortunately, my type seems to be rather annoying, slightly childish impossibly stubborn, red heads." Miranda whispered.

"Who needs muscles?" Shepard asked playfully.

"Oh, you most definitely have those." Miranda replied seductively, her fingers making their way under Shepard's shirt.

* * *

Getting the quarians onboard was not to Shepard's liking. It was nice to see a promoted Tali but everybody else was so caught up in the politics Shepard suddenly longed for Victus and Wrex to come back and start bickering again instead. Xen was completely fanatical and caught up in her own agenda while everybody else was bickering about how to finish the geth. Suddenly, even curing the genophage seemed simple. Tali was pleased to see her but still held serious reservations about Miranda.

"I see you finally decided to join, Shepard." Tali said to Miranda, but then added at Shepard's questioning look about how she knew anything. "Garrus."

Shepard knew it was Garrus who was the secret gossiper. She clearly needed to have a word with him.

"That's rich coming from an admiral who sits on a board that decided going to war with the geth was the right thing to do because everybody else was distracted by the reapers. Where exactly have you been until now, Tali?" Miranda asked coldly.

"Okay, okay," Shepard interrupted before Tali could retort, "so we've once again established that you two won't be friends any time soon but you're not giving me a damn migraine with your fighting either."

"I'll behave if she will." Miranda smirked.

"If I behave?" Tali repeated, stunned. "Have you ever thought that maybe there's a reason why Shepard has to keep breaking up your fights?"

"Says the quarian who almost started a war with the geth after confronting Legion when we were supposed to be focussed on the collectors." Miranda replied smugly.

"Enough!" Shepard shouted, finally pushed too far. "Tali, Miranda is still the second-in-command on this ship and you will respect that if you want my help with the bloody geth. Miranda-"

"I'll be good, Shepard." Miranda reassured, kissing her. "We're just playing."

"Keelah, relax, Shepard." Tali soothed.

"Then go grab Sam's chess set if you want a game." Shepard retorted.

"So uptight, Shepard." Tali responded. "I'm genuinely happy for you two."

"Really?" Shepard asked sarcastically.

"I am." Tali insisted. "Especially as now I won't have Garrus messaging me constantly worrying about you."

"He did?" Miranda asked curiously.

"He thought Shepard getting hammered with Jack a couple of times wasn't the best way to win a war and he probably had a point." Tali laughed and then abruptly stopped at the look on Miranda's face. "I-"

"Thanks, Tali." Shepard muttered.

"Keelah, he said you talked things through." Tali muttered.

"Next time get a reliable source." Shepard hissed.

"What happened with Jack?" Miranda asked sharply.

"That's your queue to run ,Tali." Shepard said sarcastically and Tali excused herself quickly, tripping over herself on the way out of Shepard's cabin.

"Nothing happened." Shepard said firmly.

"So why didn't you say anything?" Miranda asked.

"To avoid this." Shepard replied.

"Oh, that's good to know." Miranda replied, hurt and sarcastic

"I didn't mean it like that. Look, we picked her up after Grissom. It was a horrible mission and seeing Jess like that- I had a few drinks, she tried to kiss me and I said no."

Despite how quickly Shepard said all of these things Miranda's head snapped up to attention quickly at the mention of the attempted kiss.

"She what?" Miranda practically growled.

Miranda looked like she was ready to hunt Jack down to the end of the galaxy if she needed to.

"I told her I didn't want anything with her." Shepard replied, exasperated.

"I'm supposed to believe that?" Miranda asked.

"Yes, because you left so if I wanted to be with her then I would be." Shepard replied.

Miranda seemed to crumple slightly.

"You were really angry with me..." Miranda asked and Shepard was hurt to see the pain on her face.

"Miranda..." Shepard said, stepping forwards and brushing the tear off Miranda's cheek, "...I missed you and it tore at me every day because I care about you so much. I wasn't about to jump into bed with anyone else. I would never do that to you. I wouldn't have gone self destruct like that and I wouldn't have used Jack like that when I know she does care for me."

"Your speech was going so well until that last part." Miranda said, slightly annoyed.

"Come on, you know I care about her as a friend." Shepard replied softly. "It's you I want to be with though. You've always known that- don't start doubting me now when we've come so far."

"I just wish you told me." Miranda admitted.

"I did mean to when you first came back but then-"

"Then?" Miranda asked.

"-I kind of forgot." Shepard admitted. "There's been so much going on that it just kind of fell off my mind. There's only so much information I can keep stored up there."

Miranda smiled slightly.

"And I didn't really want to bring up anything that just didn't seem like it mattered - at least it didn't to me." Shepard reassured her.

"God, you irritate the life out of me." Miranda commented, wrapping her arms around Shepard.

"Too bad as I'm kind of fond of you." Shepard smirked.

"I guess I'm stuck with you."


	29. The Cost Of Peace

Within the next twenty four hours Shepard had managed to rescue Legion and it was back on the old ship. Shepard was absolutely beside herself at this reunion, as she'd taken to the geth immediately when they had first met.

Legion took Shepard through a virtual interface and she was touched by what she saw- that Legion had thought their first meeting significant and by the true history of the geth and quarian conflict. She could not believe something as poignant as asking "do these units have souls?" could have led to centuries of murder and aggression.

Shepard took Javik and Garrus to rescue Koris. He'd been admirable in his reluctance to see the civilians killed when they could be saved but Shepard couldn't let him throw his life away. The deaths of civilians was always shocking but Koris was needed to stop this war and without him more lives would be lost. It was a sign of just how dark times were that Shepard was able to live with this kind of logic.

"It was very honourable of him." Miranda commented as at dinner in the mess hall that night. "We all know what it's like to face sacrificing your own life."

"Try not to repeat that." Shepard grumbled, over her plate of food.

"The civilians will be honoured too. They gave their lives for the fleet. They deserve to be remembered." Tali replied; she had taken the loss of lives very hard.

"It must be difficult being so close to Rannoch but not being groundside yet." Liara mused.

"This is the closest we've been in centuries to getting the home world back. I can wait a few more days if I have to." Tali replied.

"We'll get you home, Tali." Shepard promised keenly.

"And we'll take back Earth from the reapers too, Shepard." Tali replied, resolute which Shepard appreciated more than she could say.

* * *

They pressed onto Rannoch to take on the reapers. Shepard was in no mood to wait around after the genophage cure had slowed them down so much. Miranda was inevitably part of the squad with Tali. She insisted on being present at every major mission. She had always enjoyed that privilege before as Shepard knew she wanted to oversee Cerberus operations but now there was a much more significant reason: Miranda was under no illusions how this might end and she just wanted to make sure she was with Shepard when whatever happened finally happened.

It pained Shepard to strike the geth down, knowing their whole history now and the fact that they could not help being under reaper control. It was like shooting husks or the indoctrinated colonists. She knew many scoffed at the fact she was so friendly with EDI or Legion but she was proud of all of the friendships she had formed.

The only thing she liked on that mission was Tali's pet name for her drone which Shepard never failed to laugh at. They pushed on quickly until the only thing left to face was a reaper itself. Legion drove them away while Shepard stunted its progress for a moment due to her machine gun fire. She ordered Legion to stop and clambered out.

"What are you doing?" Miranda demanded furiously.

"I'm not running anymore!" Shepard shouted back. "If I can get a lock on it then the ships can bring it down."

"Keelah!"

"Hang on, you're not distracting this thing by yourself." Miranda muttered, jumping down.

Shepard tried to protest but Miranda quelled her with one look.

"Good luck, Commander." Legion said quietly.

The pair of them danced and dodged hard for over ten minutes until the ships locked on and brought that reaper down. Shepard threw herself on Miranda as the thing exploded and they watched it burn and fall to the dirt.

"We will not be defeat-"

"You just were!" Shepard yelled back at the reaper, cutting it off and walking over to Tali and Legion.

Legion explained to an aghast Tali that if they uploaded the code the geth would be united and more superior than ever before. This was their chance to gain significant strength over the reapers and stop this stupid war with the quarians. Tali protested, saying her people would be finished. It was now that Shepard must choose an option. She had known for a long while that it might come to this: choosing the quarians or choosing the geth but she'd had enough of being told that it was up to her.

"No! Nobody else dies today!" Shepard retorted and then went over the intercom. "Admirals cease fire now."

The admirals all protested.

"If you do not stop then the geth will finish you. How long does this war have to carry on for? How many more geth and quarians need to die when you could be working together for peace? That's all the geth want and it's the only way to stop the reapers who are hell bent on destroying us all!"

After a minute's silence the admirals reluctantly saw sense and called off their strike on the geth. Tali was awestruck that peace had finally been agreed and Miranda smiled proudly at Shepard.

"Shepard, Commander, I want to thank you for your trust. You helped save my people but to upload the code I must go to them." Legion explained sadly.

"No, Legion!" Shepard argued, voice cracking. "I don't want you to go!"

She was sure that losing anyone else would break her. How much could one person have to go through?

"It has to be done."

"Legion, I remember the question." Tali offered. "The answer is yes."

It was Tali's response to believing that Legion had a soul that helped steady Shepard more than anything else.

"I know Tali, thank you." Legion said, and Shepard could have sworn that it would have smiled if it could but then it fell broken to the floor.

* * *

Shepard, Miranda and Tali all buried Legion on the edge on a cliff looking out over Rannoch. For a while, not one of them spoke as they sat on the edge looking out.

"I'm coming with you." Tali said finally.

"I wasn't going to ask." Shepard responded.

"I know, but I want to. It feels right going to the Normandy. My people once hung that ship's name around my neck as though it were something to be ashamed of but I'm so proud to serve with you. I can't stay here just because my world is safe when the galaxy is burning." Tali responded determinedly and Shepard nodded, her appreciation of the loyalty of her friend going far beyond any words she could say.

"Who knew we would be mourning a geth? A quarian, a former Cerberus leader and the commander who fought them on Eden Prime?" Tali asked.

"I did." Shepard replied and Miranda and Tali laughed.

"Because you are an absurd idealist." Miranda replied.

"The worst." Tali said.

"Got us this far, haven't I?" Shepard responded cheekily.

"Yes, you have." Tali and Miranda replied, both finally agreeing on something.

* * *

Later that evening Shepard sat alone at her terminal while Miranda got them some food. After her call to Anderson he'd been incredibly generous and offered his apartment for while they were scheduled for some shore leave so the Normandy could undergo some maintenance work after all of its heavy fighting.

The idea of shore leave seemed like an oasis but it was hard to really get her head around after what had just happened. She felt numb with grief every day and Legion was yet another name put up on the memorial wall and she just knew she would be seeing his face in her nightmares tonight.

"Hey, for some reason they have served pancakes tonight. I think I preferred it when Gardner cooked, if you can believe that." Miranda said, setting Shepard's plate down at the table and Shepard came over to join her on the sofa.

"I have something I want to ask you," Shepard started nervously.

"We cannot get a pyjak on this ship especially in the middle of a war." Miranda brushed off.

"No, not that." Shepard replied with disdain at the suggestion she would still pester her about that. "Anderson offered me his apartment on the Citadel for when we go on shore leave and I wondered if you'd want to stay there too?"

Miranda laughed at the fidgeting Shepard.

"Why are you so nervous about asking that?" Miranda asked, amazed.

"We've never lived together before!" Shepard replied. "Well, outside of the Normandy which doesn't really count as dozens of other people live here."

"Of course, I'll stay with you." Miranda smiled, and Shepard was pleased to see a slight tinge of pink flush Miranda's cheeks.

"That's settled then," Shepard chimed, taking a forkful of pancake. "I don't know what you're complaining about- these things are good."

"When I live with you we're eating proper food." Miranda said firmly.

"Can you cook?" Shepard asked sceptically.

"Of course I can!" Miranda replied indignantly. "I can't stand baking though. I just can't figure it out."

"You can't work out how to make a cake?" Shepard asked, struggling not to laugh. "Wow, that has got to be our number one priority to fix on shore leave -or actually it might not even be able to wait until then. We should ask the reapers to halt the war for an afternoon while you learn to crack an egg."

"I'll crack your head in a minute." Miranda retorted, playfully throwing the cushion behind her at Shepard.

"You know what," Shepard said in her most serious voice, "I think you're more violent than the reapers too."

"Keep it up and you'll soon test that theory." Miranda laughed.

These moments were more precious than gold dust and despite how she had wept bitterly over the loss of Legion just a couple of hours ago, she felt like her heart could float right out of her chest at the idea of spending the perfect week and a half living with Miranda on the Citadel.


	30. One Last Party

Shepard's shore leave was interrupted by an attacking clone and Shepard had to admit that even after everything she had faced she had not expected to ever battle her clone. The only fun part had been when they were duped into heading into the casino which was bustling with celebrities and the rich. Shepard had taken Miranda along but that had proven to be a bit of a mistake; for one thing, Shepard found it impossible to concentrate on the task of hacking various cameras and for another, Miranda was actually less than grateful when the double crossing Maya Brooks kept barking orders in their ears. They'd also bumped into an asari consort Shepard knew and that took an awful lot of explaining until Miranda stopped glaring at her.

"I didn't even know she was here." Shepard spluttered but then she caught Miranda fighting a grin. "Oh, very funny..."

"It's just a little fun, Shepard." Miranda soothed as Shepard sulked.

"When do I get to have fun exactly?" Shepard asked, irate and looking around as she hated rich and stuck up crowds like this.

"What is stopping you from having fun now?" Miranda asked, quietly in Shepard's ear.

Before Shepard's lips could meet Miranda's there was a hiss in both of their ears.

"There's a guard right below me!" Mayar whispered theatrically.

"Her! She is stopping me!" Shepard snapped as they went to rescue Maya yet again.

Miranda then had to work to distract half a dozen guards while Shepard did nothing but hack cameras. As they headed to the archives and after the clone with their intel, Maya set them all up and so the clone inevitably trapped the two teams with Shepard shouting that she'd stop them while Miranda and Garrus stood next to her, trapped in the ridiculous bubble pod.

Miranda had been particularly seething at this and stopped at nothing to make sure they took the Normandy back. Shepard wondered if this was because Cerberus had gone behind her back to make the clone or because the clone had said "you had Miranda, I've got her [Brooks], mine has more bite". Shepard suspected it was probably the latter and Miranda proved her point by taking down Brooks within seconds of their scrap on the cargo bay. Shepard had tried to save the clone but she had decided to jump to her death. Shepard felt a bit offended by this- her life wasn't that bad.

Joker had browbeat Shepard into hosting a party - although she did kind of owe him after using him as bait- but that wasn't until the end of the week and she planned on making the most of her time with Miranda and the first thing they checked out together was the hot tub.

* * *

This quiet life was quite a departure from how the spent most days but Shepard quickly got used to it. She even found going grocery shopping wildly fun but consented to take Miranda out to the casino on the first night so they didn't overdo it on the domestic stuff and as they both reckoned their night undercover there didn't really count.

When Miranda was ready to leave, Shepard gaped.

"Shepard, you're staring." Miranda replied, smirking.

"You look amazing." Shepard said.

"You scrub up well yourself." Miranda replied, eyes clearly lingering over Shepard's body in her tight black dress.

"You sure you want to bother going out?" Shepard asked playfully.

"Yes, Shepard." Miranda insisted, pulling Shepard out of the door.

Shepard felt a surge of pride in their relationship and at finally being able to go out like a regular couple, among all of the other revellers amongst the Citadel. The casino was luxurious and not at all in Shepard's taste but she didn't mind doing something silly for one night. Miranda seemed oddly hesitant, almost nervous and Shepard asked if something was wrong as they watched the roulette.

"It's just...I'm not very good at being normal." Miranda admitted.

"I've not had that much practice either." Shepard shrugged.

"Right, we are a couple of trouble shooting space divas." Miranda smiled.

"And that sounds pretty cool." Shepard interjected.

"It does." Miranda conceded.

"We've had so much to be focussed on that we've never had a chance to relax but this stuff doesn't matter. Are you happy with me?" Shepard asked gently, snaking her arms around Miranda's waist and whispering in her ear.

"You know I am." Miranda whispered back.

"And I'm happy with you - the rest we'll figure out as we go along. Who cares about roulette? We're here, you're beautiful and I just want to enjoy this night." Shepard replied.

"I might need some more wine then." Miranda suggested.

"Waiter, get this woman more wine," Shepard ordered a nearby server cheekily.

"You know, you're pretty damn sexy when you're bossy." Miranda replied.

"Good to know all that practice at playing Commander is good for something." Shepard chuckled.

"The odds are against us, you know..." Miranda said almost timidly while she watched the numbers spin round and Shepard could feel the worry in her body.

"I know, but I've got a good feeling..." Shepard replied determinedly and Miranda turned round to face Shepard and kissed her passionately.

Shepard flat out refused to bet on the varren racing, believing it to be completely cruel. Plus, Jack had told her she'd just adopted one and she really didn't want to piss the biotic off, although she didn't tell Miranda that. They headed upstairs and Miranda actually agreed to dance with Shepard, although they barely managed to dance much as they were laughing so much at each other and also at a wildly enthusiastic dancing krogan who had knocked two turians and an asari over.

They fell back into the apartment a few hours later, not drunk, but in the throes of joy and excitement at their night. They then quickly fell into each other and Shepard wasted no time in taking the red dress off Miranda which had teased her eyes all night. They sank onto the living room floor, not even bothering to make it up the stairs, kissing quickly and full of desire.

Miranda pressed Shepard to her, their legs tightly woven and both gasping and moaning at their own rhythmic movements. Shepard always felt a surge of lust when Miranda pulled her towards her so hungrily. Shepard teased Miranda's nipple with her right hand and kneaded her ass with her left, Miranda gave a low moan, biting and sucking on Shepard's neck.

Miranda came first but neither had a chance to recover as Shepard ignored her own mounting tension and continued to administer kisses to Miranda's body, spending considerable time on each voluptuous breast and trailing down her stomach. Shepard's tongue was like electricity as it reached its destination and Miranda arched her back, sure that even a perfect biotic wave could not give her such pleasure.

"Fuck, Shepard..." Miranda panted as Shepard extracted every last morsel of pleasure from her lover.

Miranda fell back to the floor and Shepard crawled up to smile at her cheekily.

"Told you we'd have a good night." Shepard grinned at Miranda struggling for breath.

"It's barely even started." Miranda replied, swiftly flipping Shepard so that she was on top with the full intention of paying Shepard back in pleasure tenfold.

* * *

On the last night, Shepard finally relented and threw a party at the apartment. She'd thrown it in the hopes that it would take her mind off the fact that they would be going back to the front lines soon. She'd had such a perfect week. It had almost been like it was somebody else's life as she couldn't recall the last time she had no demands placed upon her. Shepard had relished in it but now having to leave so soon felt cruel. Every second she had spent with Miranda was now making her ache at the fact that it was over now, because the war came first and they'd have to go back to fighting rather than just living together happily.

She mulled around the kitchen for a while, pleased that Sam had made it despite her social anxiety and she seemed to be enjoying herself. She was not pleased when Garrus started informing her that Shepard just liked to push the buttons on missions and let everyone else do the hard work, although she got slightly sidetracked from the conversation when Samara mentioned that working with Shepard reminded her of her maiden days when she worked with merc bands and had wild sex with them.

She decided that this would be the best point to leave the group and headed over to the seats where Jack was chatting with Williams, Cortez and Vega.

"Nice place, Shepard." Steve commented.

"I couldn't live in a place like this; I'd be worried about breaking the future." Jack remarked.

"You'd actually care about that?" Shepard asked.

"Just because I have attitude doesn't mean I want to live in a shit hole." Jack retorted.

"You do remember where you lived on The Normandy, right?" Shepard replied grinning.

"Only so you losers wouldn't bother me." Jack snapped.

"I wouldn't have dared visit." Steve admitted. "Can you actually get drunk with your biotics?"

"I get buzzed if I drink a lot but no hangovers." Jack replied.

"Thank God. I couldn't imagine how grumpy you'd be then." Shepard smirked.

"Careful, Shepard. With her biotics she'd kick your ass." Ashley said slyly.

"You know, I really can't remember why I let you come back on my ship." Shepard replied.

"I'm all for a cat fight to liven things up- just kidding, Shepard." Vega added hastily at the look his commander gave him.

"Okay, fine, I'll liven things up then." Shepard smirked and called over Glyph to put some better music on.

Shepard wandered over to Grunt who was at the intercom and was rejecting people from coming in.

"Come on, you can't turn everyone away!" Shepard laughed as she watched him reject the tenth group who had requested to come up since she had joined him but Grunt just stared at her.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Is that Commander Shepard?" A blonde woman screamed jumping up and down.

Grunt gave Shepard a patronising look.

"Okay, as you were, Grunt." Shepard said, leaving Grunt to chuckle to himself.

Shepard went to grab a glass of water from the kitchen but heard Miranda's and Jack's voices carrying from the bar, sounding heated.

"Shepard didn't even do anything." Jack said in a bored voice. "You don't own her."

Shepard froze. She'd completely forgotten that those two hadn't had a chance to be alone since telling Miranda about the kiss. She really should have seen this coming.

"You think you'd be good enough for her?" Miranda sneered.

"Says the Cerberus cheerleader who got her bubbly butt kicked by a guy with a sword so Shepard had to rescue you after you abandoned her." Jack taunted.

"I did not abandon her!" Miranda shouted hotly.

"Then you'll have no problem staying with her now." Jack drawled.

"Like you care." Miranda spat.

"Just don't hurt her." Jack said, almost against her own will.

Shepard expected Miranda to scoff at this but she heard an incredibly tender response.

"I won't. I'd do anything for her." Miranda vowed.

Shepard decided that now would be a good time to make her presence known and she had felt a bit bad about listening at all but managed to tell herself it was just because she didn't want Anderson's apartment going up in flames.

"You two alone at a party? Should I start packing the valuables a way?" Shepard joked as she came to join them.

"She fights better when she's angry. I'm just keep her primed for you." Jack replied.

"And I couldn't think of anything worse to do to her than that hair cut." Miranda added only to receive a sneer from Jack.

"Two powerful women, confident in their sexuality...you sure this isn't all just sexual tension?" Shepard smirked.

"Oh God." Miranda said, burying her hands in her head.

"No fucking way. I still completely hate her but I will admit that she has fantastic tits, Shepard. Good for you." Jack said, downing a drink.

"Thanks..." Miranda said, not knowing whether to accept that compliment or not. "Okay, I have to admit, Jack that I find your progress entirely admirable. Cerberus would never have imagined you could bond so well with those students."

Shepard gave Miranda a look of gratitude at the effort she was making and Jack accepted it although she then cleared off saying she needed more alcohol if the cheerleader was going to start playing nice. Shepard and Miranda both laughed and Shepard took up her empty stool.

"Are you okay?" Miranda asked.

"Sure, you don't like the party?" Shepard asked quickly.

"Of course I do. Having everyone together like this is just perfect really but you've been quiet all day." Miranda said, leaning on the bar and taking Shepard's hand in hers.

"It's just knowing that we're going to go back soon." Shepard admitted heavily. "When we're in battle it doesn't bother me. There's so much going on. I think shore leave has made things harder, really. It's been perfect with you and getting to spend proper time with everyone it's like..."

Shepard faltered, knowing what she was dwelling on but not wanting to scare Miranda but her lover seemed to know what she was thinking.

"This isn't goodbye." Miranda said, fire burning in her eyes.

"We've lost so much already."

Shepard hated these words and for admitting what she was so scared of.

"Yes, we have but you and I are going to make it." Miranda promised. "Angela, I'd do anything to make sure that we spent the rest of our lives together. I brought you back from the dead once and I'm making damn sure I won't have to do it again."

"Do you remember how worried you were about us starting something together because of what might happen? Do you regret it now?" Shepard asked; it had been bothering her for months when every night all she could see was herself ending in flames.

"Not for a second." Miranda replied, gripping her hand.

Shepard looked into Miranda's eyes which were full of passion and determination and she saw no doubt there. She had been plagued by the idea that Miranda may have regretted everything and even coming back to her but now she was sure that was born of her own fear that she wouldn't make it. She had never been afraid to die before. When she had died, she just feared the empty space she was in but now she had something worth living for. She was also horrified by the thought that she was putting Miranda in danger every day. It was an arrogant idea, as she knew full well that Miranda Lawson would do anything to fight these reapers anyway but the fear of losing Miranda, especially after the near miss on Sancutary, worried her more than anything else.

"Shepard, Lawson, get on this dance floor now!" Steve shouted from the kitchen and they laughed and went to join their friends.

Within minutes, Shepard wondered how on this galaxy any of her friends could possibly make fun of her dancing. Liara only really consented to nod her head every few seconds and Tali and James were so wild people had actually backed away from them. They made the krogan from the other night look graceful.

"I said you couldn't dance, Shepard." Jack called over from the table she was dancing on.

"Has she always been like this?" Sam laughed, watching Shepard.

"Shepard's busy saving the galaxy, you have to forgive a few eccentricities." Tali said, while dropping to her knees and jumping back up again.

"Wrex, get over here!" Garrus called.

"Krogan don't dance." He responded so firmly that even Garrus didn't dare argue.

"Where are Grunt and Zaeed anyway?" Liara asked.

"Zaeed is upstairs talking to Jessie-"

"His gun." Shepard told Liara at her look of incomprehension at Samara's reply.

"And Grunt's passed out in the shower." Kasumi said, uncloaking and then cloaking again behind them.

"Not okay, Kasumi." Shepard called after her, sure she was going to be rifling through her drawers if she hadn't already.

"This party is awesome!" James called enthusiastically.

"Wonderful party, Shepard. I'm pleasantly surprised. Come find me later, I promise you won't regret it." Miranda whispered seductively in her ear.

"My turn to watch you sleep..." Shepard replied playfully.

"I never watched you sleep." Miranda dismissed lightly.

"Liar."

Miranda laughed softly.

"Got me."

"Surprised you biotics can keep up with us on the dance floor!" James challenged.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Liara asked.

"Well, you're all so weak and puny. You don't have these guns!" James said, flexing his arms.

"No comment!" Ash scoffed.

"Biotics are manipulated dark energy. You can't beat that." Jacob retorted.

"Yeah, but they are what they are. You need time to recharge. I can go all night..."

"Again, no comment." Ash smirked.

"What do you think, Commander?" Jacob asked.

"Biotics win every time." Shepard said, stopping her dancing and lifting Vega several feet off the ground easily with her powers.

"Hey, I'm kind of buzzing." Vega said, staring in amazement at his floating form.

"Relaxing, isn't it?" Liara asked.

"Errr...among other things..." James joked.

"Ew." Shepard replied, quickly dropping James into a heap on the floor. "Oops."

James made it a little clumsily to his feet.

"Glad you lost that bet, James. When's my turn?" Ash asked eagerly.

"I actually need my full crew ready to fight." Shepard joked.

"Commander," Glyph addressed her, floating over, "would you like a photo to remember the occasion?"

"Great idea, Glyph!" Shepard replied enthusiastically. "Come on everybody! Over to the sofa!"

They all went over to the couch and Shepard swelled with pride and love to see them all together right now, despite their many, many differences along the way. There was also a hint of sadness in the night for those that could not be there- and Shepard wasn't thinking about the fan girls outside. Mordin, Thane, Alenko and Legion had all been part of the crew too but it was because of them that so many could be here tonight. They would always be in their hearts.

Shepard sat in the middle with Miranda on her right and Joker on her left. She laughed in joy at them all here and the wonderful night they'd been able to spend together. Glyph quickly sent the photo to her omnitool so Shepard could carry it with her where ever she went and they all took a copy.

After the photo things began to wind down quite quickly. Ashley and Vega disappeared together into one of the spare rooms, Grunt was still passed out in the shower and Tali was hanging over one of the toilets down stairs with Liara offering comfort and tea. Many had passed out in the spare rooms or sofas already but EDI, Joker, Garrus, Sam and Cortez sat together discussing the missions they had seen and which version of the Normandy was best. Shepard gave her input- the original may have symbolised turian and human cooperation and cutting edge technology but it was the second vessel that took on the collectors with no galactic support and was getting them through this war now. She would also always prize the ship that had helped bring her and Miranda together -although she didn't reveal that to them.

Shepard then decided it was time to sneak off and she slipped into their room, Miranda waiting on the bed for her and Shepard joined her wanting nothing more than this perfect night to go on forever.

* * *

The sun light finally was irritating Shepard too much and she opened her eyes to see Miranda waking up next to her.

"Hey," Miranda greeted her gently.

"I love watching you wake up." Shepard confessed.

"Let's keep making it a habit then." Miranda replied and she gave Shepard a swift kiss before they dragged themselves out of bed to see if anyone had actually survived their antics from the night before.

Almost everyone seemed in good spirits, if a little delicate and disquiet that they would soon have to leave. Almost everyone. Shepard found Tali clinging onto the sides of one of the spare beds as if she was about to fall off.

"I - am going to - _die_." Tali declared dramatically.

"Maybe drink a little less next time." Shepard suggested, slightly smug.

"It's not just that. I nearly poisoned myself on damn cheese to get EDI to shut up about Traynor's robot fetish. Oh, don't ask." She added and Shepard's expression.

Shepard merely nodded, not wishing to know more, and made her way down to the kitchen, passing a remarkably contented Samara who was meditating. James was making everybody (who was in any shape to eat) breakfast.

"Shepard, last night was exactly what we needed." Ash sighed.

"Did somebody say something about eggs?" Grunt said, stumbling into the kitchen.

"Are you sure you're ready to eat?" James asked tentatively.

"Gimme." Grunt practically growled and he ended up devouring seven eggs and the bacon Zaeed had left for Shepard.

It took another hour for everybody to be ready, and for Tali to be sure that she could walk anywhere without throwing up, and then they headed back down to the docking bay and gathered around the railing to look out at the ship that they had all called home at one time or another.

"Back to the fight then." Shepard remarked soberly. "At least we threw one hell of a party- probably the last one."

"Oh, come on now," Miranda sighed, resting her head on Shepard's shoulder, "I know you. You'll find a way to win."

Miranda's faith in her reignited Shepard's hope because so many of them were still here, and still battling on with that same old tired, enduring, furious hope.

They slowly but determinedly made their way back to the war, Shepard's crew stepping onto the Normandy but others such as Jack, Samara, Zaeed, Grunt and Wrex going back to their responsibilities. They may not all reside in the same place but their experiences that they had shared on the Normandy all connected them and tied them to Shepard's heart. For them Shepard knew she must go on. It was for them that Shepard was certain she must find a way to finish the reapers for good.


	31. Shouting The Question

"Still haven't got to surf in Hawaii." Shepard muttered as she checked out her overflowing email inbox.

"We'll go there next time." Miranda replied.

"I'll hold you to that." Shepard promised.

"Commander, the asari councillor would like to meet with you in the Citadel." Traynor informed Shepard delicately.

Sam had definitely been feeling the after effects of the part given how she kept squinting at her comms display as though it was a burning furnace and the fact that she had avoided speaking directly to EDI.

"Now, do you reckon that's to ask me to solve a mess they created even though they didn't turn up to the summit or ...actually, there is no 'or'; that's exactly what it will be." Shepard replied darkly.

"Good." Miranda nodded.

"Good?" Shepard repeated aghast.

"Yes, because then they will have to join us. They can't sit from the sidelines anymore. They have to decide what role they want to play if they ask for help." Miranda reasoned.

"Do you want to come?" Shepard asked eagerly as she was sick of dealing with the politics.

"Not a chance." Miranda smirked.

"So supportive." Shepard replied in a falsely sweet voice.

"I'll take you for lunch at Apollo's afterwards to make it up to you, if you like." Miranda offered.

"Really?"

"I'm not entirely ready to get back to work either." Miranda admitted.

"Okay, but bring Liara."

"Bring Liara?" Miranda questioned, eyes narrowed.

"There's just something I was supposed to sort out a long time ago and this might be the last chance." Shepard explained.

"Okay then, if only because I'm intrigued now." Miranda replied slyly.

* * *

Shepard was almost straight back to the work when the asari councillor pleaded for help and informed her that she knew Shepard would find answers to the catalyst by going to a temple on Thessia - which was under heavy attack from the reapers.

Shepard once again reeled at the fact that the politicians of the galaxy had been less than forthcoming in such dire circumstances.

It would take the Normandy and crew about an hour to prepare to head out to Thessia so Shepard made a quick trip to Apollo's to find Miranda and Liara already waiting. They looked slightly uncomfortable. While both could make conversation well enough as they were extremely professional they hadn't truly bonded. Liara had privately told Shepard that her and Miranda made a great couple and she believed they could be very happy together however, Shepard knew Miranda still feared that Liara saw her as cold and detached after they had first met in trying to recover Shepard.

"What did the councillor want?" Miranda asked as Shepard grabbed a seat with them.

"To rescue Thessia and head to this temple what's meant to be key to catalyst. It was all very cloak and dagger as usual." Shepard shrugged.

"The temple?" Liara repeated in wonder.

"I guess we'll find out why when we get there." Shepard replied.

She didn't really care much about the fact the secret to finishing the crucible lay in some old temple although she could understand why that would feel significant to Liara.

She looked across at the serving counter and at the reason why she had requested Liara's presence. She figured now was as good a time as ever, actually, it was probably the only time.

"Liara, over at the counter-" Shepard started but Liara cut her off.

"What about my father?" Liara asked, vaguely.

"You knew?" Shepard asked in surprise and Miranda quickly realised why Shepard had wanted Liara here.

"Shepard, I'm the most powerful and well connected information broker in the galaxy." Liara reminded her.

"Are you going to go and talk to her?" Shepard asked.

"Why?" Liara shrugged but Shepard continued to stare at her.

"Oh, fine!" Liara snapped, jumping up and walking over to the asari.

"How did you know?" Miranda asked.

"You don't remember her?" Shepard asked.

"Didn't she work in Eternity on Illium?" Miranda asked after a moment.

"Yeah, when she started going on about her history and family it all kind of fit. I didn't want to tell Liara some daft suspicion I had but then she turned up here. It's like wherever Liara is she turns up and with the war...I just thought it was about time I mentioned it even if I did end up looking a fool."

"You did the right thing. It's good that they got this chance." Miranda replied softly.

"Liara didn't seem too keen." Shepard noted.

"It can be hard to process the idea of trying to connect with long lost family members, trust me, but if she didn't want to talk to her then she wouldn't have."

"If I had told her sooner maybe they'd have more time." Shepard admonished herself.

"Hey, are you quitting on me?" Miranda smiled but there was worry in her eyes.

"Not a chance." Shepard responded firmly.

"Good." Miranda said taking Shepard's hand in hers, and they enjoyed these last few moments together in silence, watching the daily rituals people were experiencing around them before they left for yet another arena where they would be surrounded by violence and death.

* * *

Liara insisted on accompanying Miranda and Shepard down to Thessia as it was her home world. Shepard had serious reservations about this as she remembered how devastating it had been to see Earth in ruins but she had no right to refuse Liara. Besides, she wouldn't let anybody get in her way when it came to the final assault on Earth.

She had been right to be worried about her friend, however. Liara was beside herself at the sheer force of damage that had been done to Thessia. It was once one of the most magnificent places in the galaxy but now it lay wrecked. What was even more horrifying than any damaged architecture could ever be was the huge numbers of asari that had been wiped out. Shepard and her team were able to help the odd lone survivor along the way but they passed piles of asari bodies. Blood ran down the streets, and from a distance one might have thought there had been a heavy shower just previously and not the result of so many who lay slain.

Air support had tried to help them but a harvester cruelly took one down and Shepard and her team had to listen to the screams of the asari before the air craft exploded on impact. Shepard worked with a vengeance to quickly bring that harvester down. The resulting huge explosion was the only real satisfaction Shepard felt and it was empowering to see something so huge taken down. She was proud that they were making the reapers work damn hard to take their galaxy.

They pressed on until they reached the temple. The fighting had been ferocious and there was the oppressing feeling of death all around them. This was the first fighting Shepard had yet seen in the war. The temple however, was oddly quiet and as she approached the statue of the ancient goddess a familiar feeling of intensity fell upon her.

"That statue is a beacon." Shepard declared.

"Are you sure?" Liara asked, shocked.

"You don't forget something like that."

" This would help explain the asari superiority." Miranda added.

"They should have shared their knowledge!" Shepard spat.

"We don't know anything yet." Liara tried to calm her but Shepard was sick of the lousy defence people always made for the hideous actions of their own government- now was the time to unite and not try to score points and she could care less about species pride.

When the beacon was finally exposed another prothean relic confronted them declaring that this cycle was well underway and there was little hope left. It could not reveal the crucial information Shepard needed about the catalyst however as Kai Leng intercepted it and stole the data.

The Illusive Man was the last person Shepard wanted to see but Leng projected his image from his omni tool and he looked far more husk like now. His face was almost indistinguishable underneath the hollow gray. His face looked as though it has been slashed with ash.

"Shepard, you can't win against me." The Illusive Man stated, taking a long draw on his cigarette.

"I won't stop until I do." Shepard declared.

"Shepard, controlling the reapers is the only option!" He gasped in frustration at Shepard's refusal to accept his plans.

"Look at yourself. You're not in control." Miranda raged.

"Miranda, you disappoint me. I had such high expectations for you but even with your genetics you failed." The Illusive Man clearly intended to wound but it had no impact.

"I succeeded in stopping Sanctuary. I saw what you did to those refugees when they thought they were receiving shelter. You're an ego maniacal monster." Miranda snapped.

"But don't you see the brilliance? With control humans can rise up and have control of the galaxy!" The Illusive Man retorted.

"We just want peace." Shepard stated.

"Then we are still in conflict. Leng, finish them."

As Leng leered at them while shutting his omni tool down, Shepard, Miranda and Liara only just got out of the way from the gunships by taking cover behind the aisles- certainly not what they had originally been designed for.

"Coward! You don't dare face me without back up!" Shepard seethed.

When Leng finally called off the gun ships, feeling comfortable in the fact he had what he needed Shepard made a break for it and charged. Leng however blasted Miranda into Liara and before Shepard could do anything the gun ship returned firing two missiles which broke up the floor Shepard was standing on and she only just managed to cling onto to debris to stop herself from falling into its depths.

Miranda desperately helped Shepard up but Shepard charged straight after Leng who was already disappearing in his ship. She fired in despair but it was futile.

Shepard had lost. They had lost the chance to find out about the catalyst and finish the crucible. It had been what they had worked towards for months. It was there one hope against the overwhelming force of the reapers.

"Somebody! Is anybody on this channel?" An asari soldier, the last of a fallen unit, cried over the radio.

"This is Shepard, I read you. What's your position?" Shepard urged desperately, needing to help just one person.

"Did Shepard make it to the temple?"

The asari couldn't hear her. There was a problem with the radio or else reaper technology was interfering.

"Did they get what they need? Oh no...Goddess!" She screamed in terror as reapers rained down from the sky.

"Somebody please! Can anybody read me?"

"This is, Shepard. I repeat, this is Shepard. What's your position?" Shepard cried.

"Help! Oh no...no..." The asari screamed in horror and then Shepard, Miranda and Liara were left in silence as the reapers fired upon what was left of Thessia.

* * *

It had taken Shepard an age to answer the incoming call from the asari councillor. She did not know how to even begin to explain what had happened. She could never remember feeling so defeated before, so helpless. There had been one consolation: when Kai Leng turned away Miranda threw a small tracking device on them. They were already headed to the Cerberus base and it would take mere hours to get there. Shepard kissed Miranda in gratitude and at least they were not yet out of hope.

The conversation with Liara almost felt as terrible as the one with the councillor. It was horrendous seeing her friend so inconsolable and Liara only blamed herself. Shepard had tried her best, she reassured Tali before heading up to her cabin, but there was nothing anyone could say. No words could stop what was happening to Thessia now.

"How's Liara?" Miranda asked, standing up the moment Shepard made her way into the cabin.

"She'll be okay..." Shepard trailed off, not really knowing what else to say. "It's thanks to you that we have any chance at all."

Shepard said it kindly but Miranda watched her closely, knowing she was blaming herself.

"It's not your fault, Angela." Miranda said quickly and Shepard stared at her, feeling almost broken.

"Of course it is."

"You're not responsible for the lives of everybody in the galaxy." Miranda stated.

"Seems like that's what the Alliance put me in charge of." Shepard spat bitterly.

"You're going to stop the reapers and I'm right here with you but you can't hold yourself accountable for every loss. It was the reapers who caused that pain- not you." Miranda urged her to see sense.

"You shouldn't have came back." Shepard smiled, but with no real humour behind the words she was saying. "You should have just taken Ori and left."

"Don't! Don't act like I'm not a thinking adult who chose to be here. I was fighting the reapers before I even met you." Miranda retorted.

"And you were better off before you got tangled up in this mess with me." Shepard replied, desperately.

"How can you think that when you know how much I love you?" Miranda questioned, exasperated.

"Because this is all there is, every single day. You don't get to have the normal life you wanted. It's just running around from one mess to another." Shepard despaired.

"And that's my choice to stay here because I want to." Miranda insisted, annoyed.

"You want this?" Shepard questioned, voice raging in incredulity.

"I want you and I want you to stop running away from us and I want us to take back our lives together." Miranda railed.

"There is no life-" Shepard protested but Miranda cut her off.

"I want you to stop hiding behind this war! I want to marry you!" Miranda shouted, finally pushed too far.

Shepard did a double take, convinced she had misheard Miranda.

"You want to marry me?" She repeated.

"Yes." Miranda spat.

"So you're proposing?" Shepard asked sarcastically but there was a genuine smile now.

"Apparently." Miranda snapped, almost as if she were annoyed at herself but then she gave into a smile to and looked at Shepard as though she could never believe the situations they drove each other to.

"You're proposing now? Like this?" Shepard asked.

"I didn't think you'd want the whole sweeping off your feet routine." Miranda replied teasingly.

"You have lost it. You actually have." Shepard whispered, shaking her head because she couldn't possibly be hearing these words or feeling so hopeful right now in all of this devastation.

"Is that a yes or not?" Miranda asked impatiently.

Shepard put her hands in her pockets and laughed to herself before she looked back up at Miranda.

"If it means so much to you." Shepard shrugged.

They stood there at the opposite ends of their cabin both fighting smirks at this act of daring to love and of daring to hope for a future in the face of merciless destruction.


	32. Retribution

The tracker on Leng them right to the heart of the Illusive Man's control centre. There was nothing special about this small system except it's huge inferno of a sun. It was strange to be going to such a place that was only ever referred to but always so unknown. Shepard was also dreading it slightly; the more she ever found out about the Illusive Man the more trouble they all ended up in. None of the answers he ever gave her led to anything good.

Shepard, Miranda and EDI entered the Cerberus base and Shepard thought that it was fitting as in one way or another they were all arguably ex Cerberus products;. EDI had been designed by Cerberus, Miranda had been saved from her father by them and Shepard had also been created by Cerberus- or at least given life back again which is no small feat.

Along the way they found consoles revealing the extent of the Illusive Man's indoctrination, including the fact he allowed himself to be implanted with reaper technology. It was harrowing to Shepard to see someone once so strong being used in such a way and she wondered when exactly he had first been indoctrinated and whether he was already under their spell when she worked for him.

"How the mighty have fallen." Miranda remarked.

Shepard raged at one particular video log that showed Leng retorting that he looked forward to dealing with Miranda. Miranda grimaced at that but did not seem overly concerned. She had reassured Shepard, in a moment of doubt from the Commander, that it was luck and duplicity that had gotten him this far. At every chance Leng had proven one thing: that he would always run from Shepard.

They carried on into the wrecked base while the Alliance made their moves on it. Shepard urged Hackett on.

"This isn't Elysium, Shepard. I don't need a hero." Hackett replied worried but Shepard was calm.

"I'll be fine."

She knew it because she was with two people she trusted entirely. They would make it out of here and it was imperative that they finished Cerberus.

It took twenty minutes until they found the Illusive Man's infamous room. Shepard could see why the idea of control appeal to him so much; this room was basically a control room while he looked out on the galaxy, gathered information and put his dubious schemes into motion.

The Illusive Man once more appeared but he seemed more interested in rebuking EDI and trying to make a point about the uses of mistrusted technology than in actually stopping them before he quickly left.

EDI quickly retrieved the stolen data and the prothean appeared before them once more. What Shepard had most definitely not expected was that he would inform them that the Citadel was the catalyst and the key to the crucible. However, as soon as she heard it she scolded herself for not realising this sooner. The Citadel had been the key to the reapers plans almost four years ago and she should have known that it may also be crucial not just to the reapers success, but to their destruction. Hadn't the reapers already shown how adept they were at turning a person's strength into a weakness to harm them? It was fitting that the tables should be turned on them in such a way.

The Illusive Man was already on his way to the Citadel which was probably being moved right now and Leng was sent as the last plan to stop Shepard. He danced around and sent troops to fight the three but they were no match for Shepard's team. EDI incinerated the lot of them and Miranda overloaded Leng's shields and Shepard blasted him with a warp so he lay unconscious while Shepard returned to the console. As she worked on retrieving the last of the data, she heard Leng pant from behind. Neither of the three turned around even as he was a foot behind Shepard.

As he raised his sword Shepard spun around, smashing his weapon with her omni tool just as he was about to plunge it into her neck. With all of her strength she drove the blade of her omni tool through his gut.

"That was for Thane, you son of a bitch." She spat, pulling the blade out and kicking his lifeless body away from her.

"The indoctrinated one is already at the Citadel." The prothean device said.

"I'll stop him." Shepard declared.

"The odds of success-"

"I'll stop him." Shepard repeated, marching back to the Normandy.

* * *

Joker immediately plotted a course for Earth but it would take hours before they arrived. Shepard decided to spend that time in her cabin with Miranda. Nerves and anxiety rippled through them as they made love against the back drop of the stunning stars which were so beautiful they could almost deceive Shepard into believing that it was impossible for the galaxy to be at war.

It was a slightly clumsy and almost frantic time they spent with each other, desperate in their desire and in their fear. Both touching the other as though it may be their last chance to do so even though neither would ever admit to this. Shepard could have sworn she had kissed Miranda hundreds of times, as if each was a little promise of love no matter what happened. Shepard found it agony to even begin to think that this could be goodbye.

They both came after a long while, tension between the two taking it longer for them to settle into the moment and let themselves fully go. They both lay back down with Shepard shaking. Miranda didn't need to ask if Shepard was okay and Shepard didn't need her to ask. They both understood what the other was feeling and experiencing. It was as though a reaper had crawled into the room with them. Finally, exhaustion overcame Shepard and she slowly felt her eyes close as Miranda breathed softly and watched her drift off to sleep.

 _Shepard wandered through the never ending trees which were blanketed in mist. The boy was crouching in the distance. Shepard's movements to get to him were too slow. She felt like she was walking through sludge even though the ground was crisp and dry._

 _She wasn't wearing any armour. She felt exposed. She'd been here too many times before. She knew it was a trap._

 _"Go back and get Alenko!"_

 _"Shepard, I've already armed the bomb. Go after Ashley. You know it's the right thing to do!"_

 _Shepard turned, slipping slightly on the ground and looked frantically for either Ashley or Kaidan. She had to help them but there was only the boy ahead, crouching alone._

 _"Does this unit have a soul?"_

 _Shepard looked around again but in delight at hearing the voice she missed so much. A voice that was not yet crying out in help._

 _"Commander, I must go to them."_

 _"Legion?" Shepard tried to yell out to him but no sound from her mouth came. There was just silence._

 _Shepard carried onto the boy who was still vulnerable. She couldn't keep stopping. Surely she was imagining things._

 _"Had to be me, somebody else might have gotten it wrong. Would have liked to run tests on those sea shells."_

 _She carried on. Each time she took a step her foot felt like it would sink down right to the heart of the Earth._

 _"Shepard, I told you how I loved Rahna. I hadn't felt that way in a long time. Tell me, what do you want, Shepard?"_

 _"It should have been me, Commander! I would have gladly stayed! Alenko was a superior officer! Just, why me?"_

 _The boy was closer to Shepard. There was only a hundred feet to go. She had to keep moving. She fought to blink back tears. Tears which had threatened for years._

 _"Commander, will you pray with me?"_

 _"Save Ash!"_

 _"I've been alone for many years. I had made peace with my illness but this is an enjoyable way to spend my remaining time...among friends."_

 _"Go and get Kaidan!"_

 _"She's my sister, Shepard! I have to go!"_

 _Panic surged through Shepard at that familiar voice. She struggled to run quicker. As she neared, she stretched out her arm desperately sure that by getting to the boy she could save the others._

 _The boy turned to her slowly and Shepard appeared next to him. She faltered in confusion and horror and flames licked the floor around them. Shepard looked on helplessly as the boy and her own image burned to soot._

Shepard woke up gasping after yet another nightmare which always ended in her burning next to the child from Earth and Miranda was by her side from the cabin window in a second, sitting on the edge of the bed while Shepard sat up.

"Same dream?" Miranda asked, brushing Shepard's hair out of her eyes and the simple touch was enough to steady Shepard.

"Yeah, it'll be over soon." Shepard said, although neither of them knew if that was reassuring or not. "You couldn't sleep either?"

"No, not really." Miranda admitted.

Shepard remembered the last time she had seen that same intensity of fear in Miranda's eyes: it had been on Sanctuary when Shepard was bleeding out and needed swift medical intervention. She knew that Miranda was seeing the same look on her own face. She felt that they were tied to whatever fate lay before them, and had been for so many years now, and she had never resented it more. The reapers had been what had brought them together but now they both knew that fighting them could end in their deaths. The image of Miranda's lifeless body flicked before her mind for a second and Shepard had to swallow back down bile which threatened to rise. She could not, and would not, let that happened to Miranda.

"What were you thinking about?" Shepard asked.

Hearing Miranda's voice right now was what Shepard needed. Echoes of all of the voices from her dream were still reverberating through her mind.

"I was just wondering if the fact we finally got together while on the ruins of Tuchanka was a good omen that our relationship was at its strongest against a backdrop of adversity." Miranda replied wistfully.

"One can only hope." Shepard whispered.

"And ready our guns." Miranda joked.

"Do you think the Alliance would notice if we turned around and headed for some peaceful garden world?" Shepard asked.

"The Alliance didn't notice that the collectors were a threat to everyone so you never know." Miranda replied scathingly.

"You do know we are working for them now." Shepard smiled.

"No, the galaxy is working with you." Miranda corrected.

Shepard made to get up but stopped quite quickly, feeling weak and a bit shaky.

"Shepard," Miranda started, gently stroking her hair back.

"I'll be okay." Shepard brushed off.

"Yes, you will." Miranda encouraged.

"It's pretty pathetic getting so worked up now." Shepard said harshly, reprimanding herself.

"I find fear makes one perform better." Miranda soothed. "We're all scared but we get through it, always, together. Fear doesn't mean anything. It's just an experience. It doesn't define us. What we do with it is what matters- remember? You taught me that."

Shepard's right leg started rocking up and down in agitation- a sure sign of when she was stressed. She didn't want to waste a single moment of time which seemed to be rushing by but she didn't know how to say all of the things she was feeling.

"You know I love you, right?" She finally said, looking up at Miranda.

"I know." She replied softly, blinking back tears.

"And that I'd die for you?" Shepard added.

"Live for me instead." Miranda whispered, lying back on the bed and guiding Shepard down with her to hold her once more before the battle begun.


	33. Something To Come Back To

It took all of Shepard's will to leave the cabin when it was finally time. Neither Shepard nor Miranda spoke in the elevator on the way down. Both were too nervous, too terrified and they were resisting the urge to say goodbye which was the only thing left to say when they were all on the edge of death.

Hackett requested permission to come aboard. There was a certain amount of respect between the two now. Hackett had always thought fondly of Shepard, she knew, but he had used her in private to clean up the mess of the Alliance too many times while in public she was offered little to no support. She understood that a lot of the time Hackett's hands had been bound but she never really felt like he tried enough, whereas at least Anderson had punched Udina in the face for her once. Hackett gave Miranda a brief glance but no salute as he would with an Alliance soldier and yet she'd seen him offer that gesture to the quarian admirals and turian generals. She had rather hoped that such hostilities could be placed aside. It did not matter that Miranda was once with Cerberus, Shepard would never deny or erase that part of her life for she was hugely proud of all that Miranda had achieved. Yet if the Alliance were still unwilling to acknowledge the nuance behind that situation then they could at least pay the respect owed to someone who had been fighting the reapers long before any of them had even accepted that they were a reality and not a figment of Shepard's imagination. Even those who now appreciated Miranda on the Normandy still seemed surprised that she would offer to help at all which was a great insult to a woman who had been so dedicated in trying to protect the galaxy.

She listened to Hackett's speech and appreciated the great words that he was saying without really taking it into her heart, which was fixed on Miranda and all of her friends. She just wished that somehow they could all get through this. However, as the seconds ticked by Shepard knew they'd be lucky if any of them came out of this alive. She couldn't help but ponder what their lives might have been like had they not met her. She was probably sending the people she loved most to their deaths.

Liara told Shepard she had checked her weapons seven times and Shepard had thought that had sounded like a brilliant plan to occupy her time while she waited for the descent so she did it ten times until Miranda took the guns off her and firmly clipped them to her armour, in place and ready for combat. Miranda gave her a reassuring smile and Shepard responded with gratitude, trying to hide the fact that even this simple and touching yesterday made her want to throw up with nerves as she didn't think Miranda would appreciate that.

Traynor was struggling to hold it together but Shepard knew that she would. She was one of the strongest people Shepard had met, yet Sam always doubted herself but Shepard was proud to call her a friend. Traynor hadn't been vital just because of her immense technical skills but because she was so good for the crew and so supportive and that's often what was needed and yet it was something that was regularly overlooked by the people in the Alliance.

Miranda was barely talking either and she couldn't remember seeing her partner as tense. She had a look of someone dreading the worst and she knew that Miranda wanted to get things moving because that's when Miranda most felt like she was in control. Shepard was fairly similar. In missions she never thought of the danger when the priority was achieving the objective. The focus was always on the here and now, the waiting beforehand was always the worst. Everybody idolised her for stopping Saren yet that challenge had been the easiest by far. There wasn't time to think or worry, she just had to get the job done. Having time to look at all the things you could lose was always the most intimidating part of life as a soldier.

Even Garrus seemed disquiet, although some of the crew overcompensated by being louder than ever such as Vega but Steve was looking out for him and making sure he was prepared. Allers responded by knocking back whiskey and Shepard thought that maybe this might be hardest on her: watching and reporting on the fight but not actually being able to help her friends. Tali seemed as ready as anyone and Shepard felt a pang when she remembered the young quarian who was on her pilgrimage and how far into this mess she had been dragged into. People saw them all as heroes walking into the fight, but sometimes she wondered whether their choices had been stolen from them and whether this path was inevitable all along. So much expectation had been thrust upon them all but what if they failed?

As they headed for the relay, Shepard went to watch out from the front of the Normandy and Miranda followed her to the cockpit where they watched as the first wave of strikes against the reapers took place. They were standing, watching Joker and the fight unfold just as they had when they went through the Omega Four relay. She could only hope this landing would be smoother. Even in her fear, she could hardly help but be amazed at all of the forces that had joined together and even the salarians had turned up despite disagreeing with the genophage cure. Maybe, just maybe, they had a chance.

"We'll be down in five minutes, Commander." Joker told her and she noticed that it was hard to believe he had ever cracked a joke with how drawn he was looking. "Remember when I said Eden Prime was more than just a simple try out for the spectre club?"

"I think you can mark that prediction down as accurate." Shepard smiled sadly.

"Even I could never have imagined this." Joker remarked, looking out onto the ferocious fighting as one of the turian launched its missiles into a reaper. "It's been a honour, Commander."

"And I couldn't have made it this far without you." Shepard told him warmly, grasping his shoulder briefly and turning her back on the fight to head down to the shuttle bay with Miranda and Garrus.

"Just make sure you don't die out there." Joker called and Shepard allowed him one cheeky wink before they left for the shuttle bay.

She hoped Joker would be okay. He was a damn fine pilot and he'd been integral to saving the council a few years ago. She knew the Normandy was in good hands. In some ways, Joker had arguably shown her the most loyalty. He'd immediately signed up to Cerberus just for the hope that they would be able to save her while everyone went off to do their own thing. She would never forget that.

Steve took them in quickly and there was no time to linger at all due to the huge fire power the reapers had brought and they jumped out into the fight.

Shots tore at them from all around and the ground rocked like there was a medium sized earthquake every few seconds. The darkness gave them some cover but the lights from the reapers blinded them at first from their ditch as they had to crawl out. It was just pure fighting and praying that their shots hit something and eventually they made it clear but Steve was not so lucky and as he passed by his shuttle was in flames.

"Steve!" Shepard screamed into her comms.

"I'm okay, I'm okay. I just need to put this thing down." Steve called and Shepard sighed in relief.

"Spirits...Shepard, Miranda...I'm sorry." Garrus said, shocked, looking around at the wreck that was London.

What had been buildings was now just rubble and there were many fires and reapers scattered among the darkness. The ground was no longer smooth pavement but the gravel was like coarse sand beneath their feet. Shepard didn't know how to feel. The huge sense of loss was all around. She'd visited Earth a few times but she was not an Earthling; her home had been Mindoir. Earth signified more the awesome power of the reapers but she did not feel Garrus's apologies were particularly needed, for her at least, as she did not share the same connection with Earth that Miranda had.

"Feel sorry for the reapers. They're going to pay for what they've done." Shepard replied grimly.

They fought well together against everything that was thrown at them and Shepard thought she could hardly have picked a better team. Their movements together were superb, even in this hellish nightmare, and they had the right balance of tactical knowledge, pure strength, tech skills and biotic force. They managed to get to the heavy weapons quickly and take down a reaper but their enemy then responded in force with cannibals closing in from all positions.

An Alliance shuttle quickly swept by and they made for it and launched themselves onboard. They struggled to get up for a moment, fighting to catch their breaths but when Shepard looked up she saw the ever stoic Anderson and before he could say a word she pulled him into a quick hug.

"Glad you're okay, sir." Shepard said warmly.

"Sir? I didn't give you permission to go all formal on me." Anderson joked, and then turned to greet Garrus with gratitude and he even gave Miranda a nod in recognition.

There was very little time to catch up before they made it to the head quarters- which was really just some spare run down old buildings but it's not like the fighters on Earth had a choice of offices. Shepard however gathered just how hard the fighting had been and she was amazed that Anderson had survived this long. She also felt a little guilty at leaving him when she'd spent so many days just talking with politicians and hell, she'd even had shore leave which was practically a vacation.

Shepard had time to talk to each of her friends before she chose her last squad and headed out. She already knew who she was going to pick no matter what, but she hated the fact that she might now be seeing some of the people she loved most in this galaxy for the last time. Now that she had seen the utter ruins of Earth she couldn't honestly say she could see herself making it out of this.

James was as eager as ever to fight but he knew the risks. He was a good soldier and Shepard thought she'd probably been too dismissive at first about him. She'd been so bonded with her old crew that it was hard to accept she needed anyone else but she had learnt along the way to make as many true friendships as possible. Nobody does it alone.

Garrus was firm in his determination but Shepard knew that he was under no illusion over what they had to face. His words echoed in her head with every step she took.

 _You were born to do this._

Was she? Was this moment always going to happen? She couldn't believe all that they'd been through but for whatever reason here she was. She did not really believe in fate but she was also finding it hard to comprehend that all of this could have happened to her. If she was born to do this maybe it was because she was supposed to die to finish this.

Shepard had been heartened by EDI who said she would die to see the reapers finished. She didn't care about what people believed about AIs. She knew what was true. Two of her very best friends were AIs- Legion and EDI- and she respected and had cared for them as much as any of her organic friends. Legion's death had caused her as much pain and sorrow as Mordin's, Thane's or Kaidan's.

Speaking with Ash was difficult...more so than Shepard had anticipated. Hearing Ash's belief in her now after everything meant so much. She remembered back to Eden Prime and how they had met just after the fall of Jenkins, and Kaidan was there and then he died too just months later. It had been so difficult back then to understand those losses and what they were being put through. They shared a special bond, particularly in the wake of Virmire. They didn't always get on but they always cared deeply for each other. Shepard regarded her and Tali as sisters. Shepard and Ash were both strong women who knew exactly who they were so there would always be the possibility of a clash but they were united by mutual respect for what they had been through and now either of them would follow the other to hell and back.

"It's good to finish this here." Ash said slowly, looking around and trying to process everything that they were witnessing.

"And it will end here." Shepard vowed.

"Aye, aye, Skipper." Ash replied warmly.

Shepard then headed to the comm specialist so that she could be linked in with those who could not be at the site but would always be with her in spirit. This would be the last chance to see their faces before they headed out.

She was glad to see Kasumi again who always made her smile no matter what the situation.

"Shepard, you do always manage to find yourself in the worst situations." Kasumi noted.

"No kidding." Shepard commented.

"Is Miranda there?" Kasumi asked.

"Yeah," Shepard nodded.

"Remember now, what are we fighting for if not for love?" Kasumi recited back to her teasingly.

Shepard laughed.

"Shepard though, seriously," Kasumi said in a low voice and Shepard edged closer to her frowning slightly in dread of saying goodbye, "just how modified is her body?"

"Take care, Kasumi." Shepard replied sarcastically.

"Oh, you know you love me, really." Kasumi said, waving as her picture disappeared and Shepard couldn't help but smile to herself at her incorrigible friend who always found a reason to laugh.

It was a relief to confirm that Steve was okay. Zaeed looked as ready for action as ever and Samara bid her a beautiful, if slightly haunting, farewell. It was saying goodbye to Jacob who proved especially tough as she was reminded of the life he was about to embark on by starting a family and Shepard felt a pang of jealousy that she couldn't be in a more safe situation and that she couldn't just be with Miranda. It was strange how their lives had all turned out.

"Shepard, thanks for getting me out of that tank." Grunt said touchingly when she called him.

"You're a great warrior, Grunt. Let's finish them." Shepard smiled before the image went blank.

She had only one person left over this system to talk to.

"Shepard," Jack greeted anxiously, "Everything is really kicking off but we're a long ways south from you."

"How are the students?" Shepard asked.

"Kicking ass." Jack smirked.

"I wouldn't have expected anything else from the kids you've trained." Shepard smiled.

"Shepard," Jack hesitated and then seemed to decide to just go with whatever she was struggling to say, "I love you so you better damn well blow them all to hell."

Shepard always knew how Jack had felt about her and even though she didn't feel the same she cared for Jack enormously and had huge respect for her. She knew what it took for Jack to say that and it meant a great deal.

"I'll do my best." Shepard promised as the line ended.

Shepard thanked the comms guy and said her farewells to Tali and Liara. She was glad Liara had found her way back to the Normandy although she had changed a great deal but Shepard supposed they all had. Tali's unwavering loyalty meant the world to her and it gave her strength. They couldn't all come with her but they'd always be with her.

Javik had decided that after this he would join the rest of the protheans. Shepard understood and she felt that he was one of the bravest people she ever had the privilege to encounter. They had disagreed a lot with strategy but Shepard respected him and, as Tali had once said about Miranda, sometimes that means more than just liking someone.

There was just one person left she knew she must talk to and she knew what she had to say. Her resolve would not falter because there was only one thing she wanted now but every step hurt her. She knew she was selfish, that she shouldn't be so upset over sacrificing this one last comfort, but it took every ounce of determination not to give in to tears for she knew what she must do. There was no other choice.

She headed upstairs to where Anderson was gathered, but in the side room she turned to see Miranda leaning against the wall and looking through the window next to her, down to the ruins below. Miranda had proposed only days ago. That moment was the happiest of Shepard's life and for a little while she was able to picture herself with Miranda, growing old. Now she could see nothing but Harbringer. Miranda's path lay in a completely different direction and Shepard was determined that Miranda be safe, that she should get the shot at a normal life even though she could never be part of it. Miranda would be able to get married, and maybe one day start a family whether by adoption or another way, but Shepard would not be part of that future. Shepard scolded herself for her stupidity at being jealous of the unnamed and unknown man or woman who would take her place in that picture.

Shepard was struck by her beauty. She'd always loved Miranda and thought she was the most gorgeous person she'd ever seen but in this moment Miranda seemed to radiate hope and strength. She did not want to have to say good bye and in many ways, she knew this would actually be the biggest fight of her life. Miranda must have felt eyes upon her for she looked across to see Shepard standing there and her eyes softened with affection as Shepard walked over to her.

"Have you spoken to everyone?" Miranda asked tenderly, and Shepard knew she understood the pain it had taken to say goodbye to them all.

"Yes," Shepard responded, not knowing how to say what she needed to.

"So are you ready?" Miranda asked, more gently still.

"Yes-"

"Okay, let's go," Miranda said resolute, taking her hand but Shepard stepped back and she could tell by the agonising look Miranda gave her that she already knew what was coming.

"You're not coming." Shepard said, although it hardly felt like her voice at all.

"Don't do this." Miranda started warningly.

"You can't." Shepard replied a little more desperately.

"You are not leaving me now, not after everything. Remember when we said we'd go through this together?" Miranda reminded her and Shepard could see that tears were already meeting her eyes.

"I can't," Shepard gasped, fighting back her own tears.

"You can't go without me! You need me! Even if you put aside your feelings you know I'm the best fighter out there!" Miranda fought stubbornly.

"No." Shepard shook her head, taking a step back from Miranda and as though to Harbringer.

"Angela-"

"I need to know that you're okay. I need that." Shepard finally gave into tears.

"What about what I need? I can't just stand here and watch you go out there!" Miranda cried.

"I can't have you there." Shepard said, taking deep gulps of air to steady herself. "If you come and something happens to you, you know that I won't be able to go on and do what I have to. You know I'll always put you before any mission."

"Shepard, please-" Miranda begged and Shepard cupped her face in her hands, trying to steady her lover.

"Stay. This will give me something to come back to." Shepard whispered, kissing her full of love, passion and pain.

Miranda nodded, unable to speak and finally seeming to accept that Shepard needed her to stay. Miranda did know that Shepard would sacrifice everything for her. She'd proven it by wanting to go after Ori with Miranda in the first place and by risking her own life to take on Leng at Sanctuary. Shepard was also certain that Miranda would put her first too and not allow any distractions to threaten her. Shepard despised that she had used Miranda's emotions against her in such a way but she needed to know that Miranda still had a chance at life, beyond this room lay only the prospect of an almost certain death whatever happened.

Miranda pulled Shepard in for one last beautiful kiss. Both were crying and clinging to each other, wishing that there could be any other way but there could not. There could only ever be this. Shepard pulled away after a few moments, not sure she would have the strength to carry on if she stayed with Miranda any longer. She wiped her eyes.

"I love you," Shepard whispered, "I love you so much."

Shepard turned and went into the next room to give the go ahead to Anderson and she heard Miranda sink to the floor, sobbing and in that moment she hated the entire galaxy. She would not just accept death, not with Miranda breaking down like that. She couldn't stand her pain and every instinct was screaming at her to go back to her and comfort her. She swore on everything she had ever cared about that she would do whatever it took to come back to Miranda Lawson. She would finish this and she would find her.


	34. It Was All For You

Shepard gave the crew one last speech to spur them on through this final assault but also to express how much she cared for them all. The reapers didn't know what friendship or love was and this was why they would fail. This had led to them to underestimate their extraordinary capacity to carry on to make sure that this ruthless destruction would end.

She didn't dare look at Miranda for the entire time for fear that she would break down there and then and refuse to go but oh, how she longed to glance at her just one last time or hold her again. Yet she knew that one look at Miranda would never be enough, that she would always want more time.

She jumped down slightly heavily for the rubble that was her platform. She nodded to James and Garrus to signal that they were to come with her. Ash fought a tremendous gasp. Shepard knew how much she had wanted to go and that in her heart she believed they should finish this together after Eden Prime. Shepard felt though that she was having to choose between her friends and what was right. She wanted to spare them all from this dangerous, probably suicidal last push but she could not. Garrus and James were both ready for death, more so than anyone else. They'd been preparing for this eventuality for months. She knew any would come with her but that Garrus and James had in some way accepted this part more than most of the rest. The other choice was Javik but he'd fought so hard and was the last prothean. She felt she both owed it to him to let him see it through but also to let him watch the reapers burn from a distance. This was a tough choice which everyone would be fighting in her hearts but Garrus and James would be the best equipped and most focused.

She knew everyone was fighting to hold in words but also suspended by fear and the unknown. She glanced at Miranda through the corner of her eye and saw that she seemed quite composed but it was a mask and a well worn one. Shepard was grateful as it gave her some small illusion that if Miranda were strong now then she'd be able to cope with anything in her life beyond this and without Shepard. There was nothing left to do but go.

She took Garrus and James and headed out, leaving the best friends she ever had alone and scared about what the future held now.

They fought hard until they made it to the final area where they would run down to push into the catalyst itself. Shepard was not looking forward to charging at a reaper and she thought the plan was utterly foolish. They were going to run down in plain view which meant the reaper could pick them off with ease but they had no other choice as there was no other way to get to it.

Shepard looked down at the reaper. So this was it, she thought. It seemed to impose on everything even in the backdrop of the black night sky. They'd be heading down a slight bank which should help them maintain speed but it could also be perilous given the amount of rain water that had fallen.

Before they made their descent, Shepard turned to Garrus and James who were just behind her. James's hair was already dripping. Both were wide eyed at the sight that lay before them but Shepard saw steel in their looks too. They would be with her until the end.

"For Kaidan." She smiled and then turned and ran down the bank with Garrus and the Alliance soldiers pursuing in her wake.

The reaper immediately fired upon them but Shepard, Garrus and James dodged the reaper laser as men and women fell around them. They ran for their lives. Debris flew around them and tore at their clothes. They stumbled more than once with having to dodge the blasts every few seconds. They kept going. They could not stop. They dared not falter for that would only mean they would die. As they were half way down, the reaper hit a truck which flew through the air and Shepard just ducked below, out of reach, but she turned and saw it hurtle towards Garrus and James. She desperately unleashed a warp to knock them back and out of the way. There was an almighty explosion and Shepard ran back to check on them, abandoning her chase to get to the reaper.

James emerged unscathed but Garrus was covered in blood and Shepard grabbed him and the called the Normandy back in. Within seconds it was descending towards them. It opened its airlock and James jumped up and Shepard threw Garrus to him.

"Go!" Shepard ordered.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Garrus gasped vehemently while blood dripped down his face.

"I gave you an order!" Shepard spat, not wishing to fight this as she had to keep moving if they were to have any chance of success at all.

"I'm not leaving you!" Garrus cried.

"I need to know someone's getting out of this alive." Shepard declared and Garrus saw how serious Shepard was in this moment and how close to broken she was.

"You just better damn sure that includes you too." Garrus called out, relenting and consenting to let James take him inside.

"Commander, good luck!" James called but Shepard was already running to the reaper but the beam caught her and the world went black.

* * *

Shepard was soaking wet but she couldn't tell whether her drenched state was due to blood loss or the rain water that had fallen. The ground was disgusting but cool against her face and she struggled up, sinking slightly in the mud. Her pistol felt heavy in her right arm which was in so much pain just for holding her most trusted piece of equipment that she had relied upon for so many years.

She could see glowing light at the foot of the reaper and dragged herself on, her legs not fully responding. Wounded soldiers were crawling around her, arms outstretched and no doubt begging for help but she could not hear them. She walked on as they fell. She could not stop to help them. If she bent down she would fall. She just had to make sure. She had to get this done. She had to finish this.

She saw husks charge at her and raised her pistol unsteadily. Four bangs. Her pistol felt like it punched her right back with the force of the shots but they went down. A marauder jumped from behind cover. Shepard grunted as a bullet clipped her left shoulder but she did not fall back. Her arm hung as if defeated but she held her gun quite steady in the other hand. It took three more shots at the hiding marauder but Shepard grinned as it fell. She still had it, even in this state and even though she didn't dare use her biotics as she had so little strength left.

She stepped into the light and fell on her back again as everything went white. She felt herself being hurled upwards but could see nothing through the blinding light. Once she was sure she had stopped moving, she struggled up once more and saw she was in what looked like the Citadel. Anderson came on the radio. So somebody else had survived. She carried on, hurrying to catch up to him and she passed a dedicated working keeper.

She pressed on as doors opened up in front of her, until she entered a light room which looked like it might be the core of the catalyst.

"I knew you'd come." The Illusive Man spoke, pointing his gun at Anderson and Shepard couldn't believe that he was yet again standing in their way.

He looked horrifying; almost entirely husk-like. The true Illusive Man was already gone. This was just a reaper wearing his face.

"You'll see now, Shepard. Power is the only means to control. See what I have become." The Illusive Man declared.

"I do see what you've become." Shepard scathed, repulsed.

Anderson argued with him. He looked in even worse shape than Shepard but soon Shepard felt herself lost. Her hand which had been so heavy was now so light and her gun turned towards Anderson.

"No..." Shepard moaned, as Anderson fell to the floor: the Illusive Man had made her shoot him in the gut.

"See," He hissed.

"Controlling me is very different to controlling a reaper." Shepard spat. "Look at yourself!"

"Control is the only means!" He shouted.

"And what if you're wrong?"

"I am not wrong!"

"Are you willing to bet humanity on it?" Shepard challenged.

"This will make humanity great!" The Illusive Man protested.

"Humanity is already lost! Udina betrayed the council, we've lost all credibility and now you're standing in the way of us finishing the reapers once and for all! Help us! I know you care for humanity so don't let it end like this!" Shepard urged.

"I can't..." The Illusive Man cried, agitated and Shepard knew the pain he felt at having wounded humanity so much.

The reapers had turned his passion and fire for humanity against him. They infiltrated every corner of your mind and used every bit against you. Shepard had seen it time and again with indoctrinated people and by how they had processed and created soldiers that were once turian, asari and rachni. Nobody was protected from their power or their cunning. Information was their true weapon and they recognised that it was also once, the Illusive Man's and so they used him as an effective tool. Yet he still cared. Shepard could see it. Perhaps he was not yet lost.

"Of course not." Anderson croaked. "They own you now."

The Illusive Man walked round as though desperately seeking strength. He finally turned to Shepard.

"I'm sorry..."

It was quite possibly the only honest and sincere thing he had ever said to her.

"I know, just give me the gun." Shepard pleaded, holding out her hand.

"They're too strong..."

"You're stronger!" Shepard shouted but it was too late.

The Illusive Man turned the gun upon himself and fell to the floor dead.

She stared at his body for one moment, blinking away tears. She had fought with him so many times but she was alive because of him and she had admired his courage and commitment. She had never liked him, was often repulsed by the things that he had done, but she always knew that deep down he just wanted to make things better for humanity. She would never have wished for this to end in such a way. It was worse than Saren.

Shepard sank to her knees as her strength began to fail and crawled over to Anderson and they sat together one last time. They ignored the Illusive Man. There was too much to say about all that he had done and it was meaningless now. He was gone and they were not.

"Look at that view." Anderson sighed.

Shepard looked out into the stars and the night's sky. Fighters flew across every few seconds and there were spots of orange glows in the sky. Shepard thought back to Vigil on Ilos. She had been terrified to realise just how powerful the reapers were. She wondered then if there could be any way to stop them. She could not even have imagined this. This destruction shattered imaginations and any visions she had once been able to see. Back then it had been beyond comprehension. They fought against an idea, a nightmare and now they were in it and had been forced to experience and do such terrible things. Shepard wondered if it was no coincidence that her body was on the brink of the abyss when her soul was probably lost.

The stars provided some comfort for Miranda would be among them now too. She had probably been feet away when she had said goodbye to Garrus. Joker would get them out of there. He was a good pilot. Miranda would be safe in this beautiful galaxy while this ended. They had done the impossible and made it here. The impossible yet everybody had automatically expected it of her.

"You did good. I'm proud of you, Shepard." Anderson whispered before he too gave in to death and Shepard was left alone.

Shepard sat, in a daze from blood loss and grief. Pain ebbed at her like the tide pulling pebbles in. She waited for death to sweep over her too, almost longingly.

 _Death must be better than this pain. Please let it happen soon. If this is what's left then please just be let it be over. I'm done._

"Shepard,"

It was Hackett.

"Shepard, do you read me?"

" I'm here." She gasped.

"Nothing's happening." Hackett informed her.

Shepard crawled forward to look for a control panel and the floor lifted her up to the next level. Shepard trembled in pain, tiredness and fear for whatever happened next. She was in no state to fight anymore. This had to end.

She looked up to see the child that had so plagued her nightmares standing there, a glowing and transparent force. The rest of the room was empty.

"What the hell..." Shepard whispered.

Shepard didn't trust a word the child said but she had three choices: control, synthesis or destroy. Shepard didn't trust the idea of control. She'd been forced into enough positions of control in life and the Illusive Man demonstrated its dangers. Synthesis seemed just like another threat for she did not trust the reapers and this would hand them what they needed and she would be changing people and life without their consent. Destroy had been the only option ever considered from the beginning. It caused her horrendous pain to know she would be destroying EDI too and she could not even begin to contemplate the disappointment Legion would have felt if it had known she were to destroy the geth. Shepard had only bad choices but she needed this to end. This was the only way to be certain of peace. This was the only way to keep them safe.

"I can choose? You won't stop me?" Shepard asked again, before she moved.

"No. It has to be you. You alone have come this far. We have watched you. The choice is yours and we will not stop you no matter what that is." He replied.

She gave him one last look repulsed. The fact that lives had been harvested for centuries in such a brutal fashion was monstrous.

She walked forwards with more anger and determination than she had ever felt, ready to embrace death as she knew this entire place would burn with her inside once she fired at the chamber.

It was for Miranda and for her future. Shepard would charge to meet death if it just meant that Miranda could be saved, that this could end and Miranda could live in peace now.

She lifted her pistol and shot at the chamber. The gun kept bucking in her hand but she fought back against it. She kept shooting, walking forwards, making sure it was finished and then it exploded.

The ground shook and fell beneath her feet and she was cascading through the air. Images of her lost friends burst before her, and then Garrus and she knew how this would hurt him, but then all she saw was that black hair and seductive smile of Miranda who gave her a little wink. Shepard felt free as she hurtled to the ground; the reapers were finished and Miranda was surely saved.

 _I'm sorry, Miranda but you're safe now._

Shepard was greeted by darkness once more.


	35. Into The Dawn

Shepard had expected death to be quieter than this, and for her stomach to hurt less; it felt like something solid was jamming into it. Breathing was difficult because of this but surely if she was dead then she would not need to fight for air at all?

She could hear shouting a little way beyond her. She was sure her eyes were open but all she could see was black. She was so uncomfortable and almost unbearably hot. Something was trickling down her face too. She could not move at all. Perhaps this was hell, Shepard thought.

There was a huge clanging overhead and then sun light burst through to her so she had to half close her eyes from its blinding light. She felt a shadow pass over her and carefully opened them again. Miranda, with tears in her eyes, was smiling down at her.

"Didn't think you'd get out of wedding planning that easily, did you?" Miranda asked.

"Is it over?" Shepard croaked happily.

"It's really just the beginning." Miranda winked, and bent down to give her a quick kiss as though to confirm Shepard really was alive below her, while the soldiers got to work on pulling Shepard free.

* * *

Shepard was taken to a nearby medical shelter for emergency surgery before she was flown out of the decimated London to an actually operational hospital in Canada. She had needed a hysterectomy and splenectomy due to her abdominal wounds and had many broken bones. Miranda stayed by her side for the entire time and often harassed the medical staff- Shepard figured it was her right given that she was the one who had rebuilt her in the first place and she carefully monitored the cybernetic implants to make sure they were still doing their job. Shepard urged her several times to leave to get some rest but Miranda always refused and had stolen a hospital bed for herself to sleep next to Shepard every night. Shepard soon gave up fighting her for she could never truly resist the opportunity to be with Miranda.

It was strange to be in one place for so long after touring the galaxy for so many years. The hospital was nice and bright so it was a soothing environment to rest her broken bones but it still took some adjustment to get used to. It was even more surreal by how everybody treated her. Some of the nurses were too shy to even talk to her and others flat out adored her. Shepard suspected that was another reason Miranda would see it as necessary to not leave her side. Shepard was pleased that she could feel annoyed at this treatment. It was a relief to only have to worry about silly things like how people thought of her rather than to be staring down reapers. She did not enjoy being made out to be a hero. Everyone who had fought or offered aid in some way had played a significant part.

Kahlee Sanders visited Shepard as soon as she was settled in the hospital in Vancouver. Shepard struggled to relive the story of David Anderson's final moments. Miranda stayed with her the entire time, holding Shepard's hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze when Shepard had to pause because it was all so much to go through. She felt that she was partly to blame for his death; not for firing the shot but for the war effort taking so long. She was also hounded by regret that for months she had been out of contact with him and had felt abandoned when he did not trust her while she worked with Cerberus. She had been so focussed on the fight with the collectors back then that she suspected that at times she had shut herself off from the people she should have made greater effort with. As soon as somebody had turned their backs on her, she turned hers and did not trouble herself to think what that might lead to.

Sanders thanked Shepard for being with Anderson at the end and she returned to the academy and made sure it was once again a safe space for all young people who needed extra guidance and stability in this life. Many people did not get the resolutions in life they had longed for at the close of the war. They had lost loved ones and had little left but regret and grief. Shepard admired Sanders for her dedication to her students but she knew that she must be in agony over the loss of David.

What was left of David Anderson's body was collected and there was a hero's funeral in his honour. Thousands of people turned up, most flooded onto the streets - Alliance and non -Alliance people, humans and other races - to pay their respects to a man who had risked his life hundreds of times over to try to protect the galaxy. He had touched all of their lives in some way. He had helped secure peace but he had also been well respected and well liked by almost all who met him. He'd had seen Saren for what he was in the very beginning, had been arguably screwed over and should have been a spectre and yet he never let his will be shaken. He was still dedicated to serving when many would have questioned why. He had always been stoic to Shepard. She had followed his orders so many times. He had been a mentor and a friend. He had given her all of the lessons she had needed to be able to become a spectre and then to help her navigate her fight alongside Cerberus with the collectors. Without his guidance and influence she would not be the soldier she was. As she watched the vids from his funeral parade, she wondered now what a galaxy without Anderson would be like and how she would manage without knowing he was there in the background always waiting for a chance to help.

After the funeral of Anderson, Admiral Steven Hackett finally retired from the Alliance. He was done with fighting and with the politics and wanted a quiet space in this galaxy to enjoy it with his family - a concept that Shepard could appreciate. Besides, she didn't know what had been tougher for Hackett: working with the council so closely or battling the reapers.

The Illusive Man did not get the same tribute as Anderson and his remains were burnt with no ceremony. This made Shepard uneasy as if it hadn't been for him then the collectors would have handed the galaxy to the reapers on a plate. The Illusive Man was a lot of things, and few of them were good, but his story should be known and he had played his part in the war for both sides of the conflict.

EDI's death haunted Shepard. She had told Miranda that the nightmares would stop once the war was over but she was wrong; now she had more deaths to dream about but she did not wake up in the cold sweat of dread over what tomorrow would bring when they jolted her from her sleep. Still, she missed EDI dearly and was unsure as to how she would be able to face Joker again when he knew what she had chosen.

Few people did know what had happened in the catalyst; Shepard had told Miranda what had happened and then had no desire to ever speak of it again. Miranda had told the Normandy crew and left it to that because they were the only ones who either of them felt had a right to know.

However, when Joker did rock up, the day after her surgery and just before she was moved to Vancouver, he was full of smiles. Shepard was most nervous by this but at the look of confusion on her face, Miranda revealed that Tali had agreed to start work on restoring EDI. A lot of technology had been destroyed, including the mass relays, but not all. The reapers couldn't undo all the advances they'd made but had merely set them back a bit and Tali was the best engineer either of them knew and Sam was giving a hand too. Within two months EDI was fully restored. There was a tense few seconds while Sam, Tali and Joker waited to see whether she recognised them.

"A pilot, a quarian and a robot fetishist walk into a bar..." EDI quipped but she did not get to finish whatever line she had come up with as Joker had pulled her into a hug and Sam and Tali danced around wildly- they had not improved their moves since the party in Anderson's old apartment.

EDI fully understood and agreed with Shepard's conclusion. The reapers could never be trusted and it was the only solution that guaranteed peace. EDI was also as ambivalent about the prospect of synthesis as Shepard was. Altering billions of identities without their consent would be unimaginable but EDI also hesitated upon why it was viewed as a good thing. Some identities and lives will always be different and many beings will think and function in different ways but that is not a bad thing. What matters is the galaxy learning to see the beauty in that idea and embracing it.

The mass relays took fourteen months to restore. The plans for them were saved and it was just a case of a simple rebuild which was more than possible, even if it took time, as they had all proven their capabilities by building the crucible while the reapers waged war. The reapers should never have under estimated them. They had the relays for centuries and in that time had studied them closely and how dark energy was harnessed. Their progress now could be set back but it could never be stopped.

Joker returned to the Normandy, with EDI, where they still remain today, working for the Alliance on operations to target those who wish to destabilise the new and beautiful peace that has embraced the galaxy.

Tali'Zorah vas Normandy surprised everybody by stepping down from the admiralty board almost as soon as the war ended. She'd had enough of bickering politicians to last her a lifetime and wanted nothing more than to do her pilgrimage properly this time. She credited Miranda for this decision; saying that she had been inspired by Miranda standing up to her father and carving her own path in life. It was a touching moment for the two. Perhaps it is harder in life to get on with those who are most similar to ourselves rather than different. In Tali's last speech as an admiral, she urged the quarians to rebuild the geth and live side by side on Rannoch in peace.

Shepard never expected the quarians to listen but she had been jaded by too many years of being surrounded by politicians who were entrenched in cynicism and self interest. The quarians had known peace for mere weeks with the geth and it was hard to believe they would risk it by rebuilding them after so many centuries of suspicion and hatred. However, they did rebuild. It was a process which took five years due to how complex the geth are but they were reborn, and Legion was honoured as the one who was able to bring about this brave new Rannoch.

Tali left for her pilgrimage which lasted a year but she managed to keep up her new relationship with Garrus even with her travels.

Garrus Vakarian had proved as loyal as ever and when he first visited Shepard he made a joke about how it was unfair she still didn't have scars to match his and then apologised for abandoning her. This was completely unneeded and Shepard was just glad he was okay. Garrus became one of the most beloved turians in their history which is something he found excruciatingly embarrassing. He flat out refused to sign any autographs.

Garrus had been proud to serve with Shepard through it all and always praised her as the best soldier and leader he had ever known. He has remained in close contact with her and Shepard found it down right hilarious when Garrus called her to say he was going for a slightly more quiet life, outside of any military forces, and was taking over as head of Illium Security which was where the new council was now based. Shepard was greatly amused but even she had to concede that technically he had stayed true to his word by that he never returned to c-sec. At least this way, Garrus was able to make up his own rules but he was far from that rough brash young turian Shepard had first met on the Citadel. He respected the value of all life (including hostages now, thankfully) but he still made sure there was less paperwork than when he worked on the Citadel.

The new council had a serving member from each of the races. Shepard had given one speech addressing what had happened and had used it to urge the galaxy to never forget how the lives of everyone were first threatened: by the divisions which were allowed to foster due to years of mistrust and racism. There had been some steps to unite the galaxy, although council meetings were often fraught. The batarians weren't the same threat as they had been as they had suffered huge losses but they still protested regularly against any council decision.

Shepard had also been asked for her recommendation for who should serve as the human councillor to replace Udina and she gave it gladly. Dr Karin Chakwas took up her place on the council and fought to improve health and education for all. Chakwas had been instrumental in the war for making sure refugees and the Citadel were taken care of and the medical situation was managed well -and this was on top of caring for all of the fighters on the Normandy who strayed into trouble so often. Shepard couldn't think of a worthier advocate for humanity or the galaxy.

Diana Allers had brought in whiskey to Shepard's hospital bedside to celebrate the victory and admitted she never expected Shepard to make it out of there. Allers became a news anchor on a major extranet network and was constantly asked about the inside scoop and gossip which she had been privy to on the Normandy. To her immense credit, she has never revealed anything of the personal dramas that she knew had gone on. She respected each of the crew mates as saviours of the galaxy, and as friends, and would not use them to further her career. However, she sometimes felt regret that the galaxy would never truly appreciate all that happened between Shepard and her crew and all that made them great.

Kasumi Goto quickly stripped the Alliance facility she had been stationed on before visiting Shepard and left with a few valuable souvenirs. Kasumi did find love again but she never exactly settled down. The life of crime was just too tempting for her and Shepard still enjoys her outrageous stories.

Samara returned to her justicar duties and informed the crew that they were all lucky she had taken the vow into Shepard's service fully into her heart as she had at least a dozen reasons why she should kill them all. She also went to spend time with her only remaining daughter, Reela, and together they rebuilt the monastery and urged the asari to embrace their genetic diversity and not hide it in shame. The ardat yakchi would always pose a threat but they needed research and support and not condemnation.

Kolyat Krios was able to secure investment in medical research and within two years Kepral's Syndrome was able to be cured. This meant hope for so many drell but Shepard read the news with some sadness, knowing it was too late to help her friend. She was glad that none would ever have to suffer the same pain her friend went through though and she knew Thane would be so proud of his son.

Zaeed Massani finally retired as a bounty hunter after the war, saying he was too goddamn old to still be doing that shit. He never left his love Jessie though, who still remains with him wherever he goes -as one nuisance neighbour discovered.

Urdnot Wrex did name his daughter after Mordin. He and Bakara made a good match as Mordin (the salarian) had predicted. While the krogan population grows, Bakara and Wrex spend their time making sure none forget the horrors of the genophage. There was peace in store for the krogan despite the bleakest predictions from those who saw the krogan only as savage killing machines. Tuchanka is now a land of green and temples.

Grunt became a decorated krogan solider and was entrusted with another company. His battles had become the stuff of krogan legend but he never failed to credit Shepard with guiding him during those early days, nor for the many enemies Shepard always provided.

Major Ashley Williams continued to serve with the Alliance as well as carrying out her duties as spectre. Her objectives focus mostly on disrupting terrorist groups who wish to disturb the peace and those who tried to sabotage attempts to bring back the geth. Ash has never completely got over her unease with synthetics but she works just as hard to protect them as well as any organic being. Shepard was proud of how far she had come since they had first met all of those years ago on Eden Prime. They remain close friends to this day, with Ashley regularly seeking advice from an amused Shepard who never fails to reassure her that she is long beyond the days of when she needed approval from her.

Lieutenant James Vega serves under Ashley and he married her just over three years ago. He was offered many promotions by the Alliance but turned each of them down. He had learnt that what he loved was working among a team. His own time leading a squad, and his time watching what Shepard was put through as leader, had made him abandon that old dream which was driven by ego and ambition for something that made him happy. Shepard had no doubt that he would make a great leader but she was proud of him for declining the positions and doing what he wanted to in life.

Steve Cortez still flies his shuttles and he has a new partner who he has just moved in with- a respected i-sec officer that Garrus had set him up with. Garrus is better at organising other people's dates than going on his own, as Tali will attest to. Steve's happy and plays biotic ball with James whenever they can. Shepard was glad that Steve could take back his own life after the death of Robert.

Jacob Taylor went into security himself, but on the facility where many ex Cerberus scientists now carry out research for the Alliance. Brynn gave birth to a baby girl and they called her Chloe. Mercifully, Jacob did manage to talk Brynn out of calling her Shepard. He also finally got round to proposing, but his plan of using the Citadel was obviously not possible. He settled for proposing on the roof of the highest sky scraper on Illium. It was all very fancy but Shepard still preferred her story of when Miranda screamed her proposal at her.

Jack stayed with her students and took a permanent job at the Academy. To everybody's great surprise a couple of years ago she revealed she'd entered a relationship with a certain comms specialist. She and Sam made a happy (and endearing) couple and they often visited Shepard and Miranda. Jack and Miranda had initially been set apart by their differences over Cerberus and further polarised by their love of Shepard. Ultimately, it was that shared love of the same woman which had brought about a grudging respect between the two in such dangerous and fraught times. Jack had moved on but too much had happened between them both for them ever really to call each other friends yet Shepard was pleased that they were able to put aside their differences at least for her sake.

Samantha Traynor left her post on the Normandy, grateful for all of the experiences and the friends she had made. She'd been vital to the war effort but was still as reluctant as ever to give herself any praise. Shepard never let her forget just how much she appreciated all that she had done though. Sam went on to work with the quarians and was vital to restoring the geth. She's now back in the lab for her day job but spends nights at Jack's place, although she requires multiple allergy tablets due to the fact Jack now has four varren.

Liara T'soni smashed her Intel stations as soon as the war was over, saying that nobody had the right to that much information. Liara had changed more than most since the mission to stop Saren. Her naivety had been completely shattered but she had not forgotten her passions in life. She went back to researching the protheans, although she kept Glyph with her. Liara said it was just handy to have around but Shepard knew that she had grown rather attached to the VI.

Javik stuck to his word. Once he saw the reapers defeated he returned to his own people and could finally rest in peace.

Each person had to decide what to do with the peace that was given to them. It was strange how so often those who shoulder the worst of times with complete bravery sometimes struggle with coping when peace arrives. This was the case with a few of the crew who didn't know how to go back to life once the fighting had stopped or how to deal with the deaths they had witnessed.

Joker struggled with the deaths of most of his family, but EDI helped guide him through that time. Tali, with the support of Garrus, has now given up alcohol all together when she did realise that it really could kill her. Miranda held it together best of all of them but there was one night Shepard comforted her as she cried over the death of the Illusive Man. He had given her a fresh chance away from her father, she had believed in him and Shepard knew how much it had hurt her to see him fall to the reapers control, even if she could not give into at the time because achieving their objective was more important.

They all struggled at times but they always remained together in their hearts and souls. They went off on different paths to make the most of their lives but those who survived always stayed in contact for they were connected by a unique bond. It was a connection that had seen them provide each other with cover in fire, that had seen them break down and comfort each other and have to witness the most horrendous and quietening sights together. It was a bond forged in the very worst of times but they would honour it and celebrate it through to the vest best of times. They would not be here today without each other.

Shepard recovered in six months. She was celebrated and revered but she wanted none of that. She merely asked that the galaxy work every day towards peace for this would be the greatest challenge of all in many ways. Too often in times where conflict is kept at bay, egos grow big and people forget the horrors of battle which means peace is threatened by complacency. Everybody every day needed to work together.

Shepard turned down any further titles or awards. She did not feel she was special- she merely did what she could. So many had fought and resisted too and had died yet would not be honoured the same way she was and she didn't like that. Each of those lives should be just as rejoiced and respected. She did insist that Miranda, Jacob and everybody who she worked with during her time at Cerberus were not merely pardoned but given awards and gratitude too for the galaxy owed them just as much. The council agreed but this was met with a cool response from Miranda, who never cared for anybody's approval anyway (and least of all politicians).

Shepard did not return to the Normandy. Shepard had seen too much of death and just wanted to spend the rest of her life with Miranda, as she had promised if she made it through the war. The days of chasing gun fire were well and truly behind her.

The Alliance tried to claim ownership of the Normandy but Miranda was having none of that - it was Shepard's. Cerberus had created it for her and as Cerberus were no more there could be no dispute over who owned it. Miranda crushed their arguments within a week and Shepard was free to do with her ship as she pleased. She gave her loyal ship to Ashley who now carries out her operations from the Normandy with Joker, EDI, James, Steve, Ken, Gabby (who is now a Donnolly) and Engineer Adams who have all remained.

Shepard and Miranda lived in an apartment for a few years and helped to lead rebuilding efforts as neither one of them desired to enter combat again, regardless of the fact that their slower ageing processes would mean they would still be capable fighters for many years yet. It was something both of them revelled in for they were building on hope and made sure that nobody was left behind.

Oriana Lawson did go into colony development, putting her degrees on hold so as to help in the post-war effort and making her sister enormously proud as she did so.

Once Miranda and Shepard felt that they had given their best to rebuilding efforts, they found a quiet spot of land in Vancouver where a stream ran through the bottom and set up a home there. The house itself was spacious with a huge floor plan and two stories. They did visit Sydney regularly and Miranda showed Shepard all of her old favourite places. In truth, neither one of them could truly give up their trouble shooting space diva ways (particularly when Garrus and Ashley kept calling asking for favours) but it was good to finally have one solid place to finally call home.

After three years Miranda tentatively told Shepard that she would quite like them to consider raising a child. Shepard agreed for she'd mellowed since everything that had happened and she didn't mind the idea that neither her or Miranda would have to go through labour pains. That said, she was still iffy about the idea of all the germs children carried.

They used both of their own DNA and then a surrogate. They are both now the parents of a bright and beautiful four year old son. Shepard was amazed that he looks so like Miranda and she absolutely adores him. The only strong resemblance he has to Shepard are his eyes for they are her exact shade of green. Shepard is also keen to take him to Sydney as much as possible to make sure he got Miranda's accent.

It was almost eight years since the war had ended and there was not a day that went by where Shepard did not think of all of the people she had worked alongside during that time. The turning of each sun cycle was marked by those who were absent. She wondered where the lives Kaidan, Mordin, Thane, Anderson and Legion might have led and whether they really could be watching over her now.

Shepard sat on the lounger in their back garden, soaking up the sun which was a blaze of orange as night would soon be setting in. There was a cool breeze in the air as autumn was beginning to close in: it was her favourite time of year.

She was then greeted with a charging four year old who launched himself at her.

"Mommy! Mommy! Blasto Buddy was amazing!"

Holly Jay Shepard had just come back from an afternoon spent at a play group and was clearly excited to tell his story. Shepard had begged Miranda for the name Holly and for some reason she had agreed after months of arguing that it was a ridiculous name. Shepard suspected that it was because of her very heartfelt story that when they had first danced together it had been to Buddy Holly as to why that name meant so much to her. Miranda soon got her own back though by adding 'Jay' and in her most tender moments referred to their son as her 'little jay bird'.

Holly talked nonstop about the Blasto games and Miranda sighed, lying next to Shepard on the lounger and Shepard pulled her close.

"You weren't impressed then?" Shepard smirked to Miranda.

"It was riveting." Miranda replied, rolling her eyes.

They were never going to be the perfect normal parents, Shepard smiled to herself.

"How was Chloe?"

"A complete spoilt brat. Let's hope he never gets to that stage." Miranda said as Shepard laughed.

Holly seemed to register the word 'Chloe' and stopped his long ramble about the joys of Blasto and looked thoughtful for a second, staring at both his parents.

"Uncle Jacob said you were in a war to Chloe..."

"Damn him." Miranda whispered as Shepard stiffened.

They never wanted to hide anything from their son. They were honest and open about how he had been conceived, about same sex relationships, relationships with aliens, bullying and all sorts of topics but they'd never talked about the war. All of the old crew dropped by and he knew outrageous stories but they'd never explicitly talked about the realities of war. The stories were usually just about how powerful Mommy- Miranda's biotics were or that one time Mommy-Shepard almost danced well.

They both thought everybody should know the truth about what happened. It needed to be learnt from so the same mistakes weren't repeated but they never knew how to talk about something that was still so painful. It was as much about translating all of their own complex emotions as it was about protecting their son.

"Chloe said there were giant robots." Holly carried on when neither of his parents responded in the way he had wanted. "That they flew out of the sky."

Holly's eyes were narrowed and Shepard could tell that he was trying to work out whether Chloe had played a prank on him.

"They did." Shepard conceded with a concerned look to Miranda about what to say.

"Did people die?" He asked quietly and fearfully.

Holly knew about death as they'd had that awful conversation almost a year ago when their pyjack died. Shepard had been more upset than even Holly however, so she didn't feel she had set the best example when dealing with traumatic things.

"Yes," Shepard admitted, "but your mother and I saved a lot more. All of our friends fought too and now the galaxy is safe again."

"Are you like super heroes?" Holly asked in an awed voice.

"Space divas." Miranda corrected and then laughed at Holly's puzzled expression.

"Come on, time to get you in the bath." Shepard said.

"No, I want a story about the war first!" Holly protested, sensing that this was an ultimately very cool thing for his parents to have done.

Shepard looked helplessly at Miranda but her partner kindly took the reins. Miranda pulled Holly onto her lap so he rested against both her and Shepard.

"There was one time when we both saved Uncle Garrus..." Miranda started.

"No way! Uncle Garrus wouldn't need saving!" Holly protested, disbelieving.

"Oh, but he did." Shepard chimed.

Miranda told him the story of when they had recruited Garrus. She told him honestly and gently about how he got hurt and how Garrus's scars were from that day. Shepard thought it was a good story to start off with as it had their strong friendship and there were no deaths but still the reality that people were in harm's way.

"Your mother hurt her neck a little bit too so I had to fix her up." Miranda finished.

"You helped with me with a bandage," Shepard retorted.

"She was so delicate she couldn't even put a bandage on, Holly!" Miranda gasped and Holly laughed.

"What about the time-" Shepard argued but was cut off.

"What time?" Miranda questioned smugly. "By my count I saved you far more than you saved me."

"That is-" Shepard faltered, "-oh no, that can't be right."

"You just keep counting then and I'll get him in the bath." Miranda smirked and then gave Shepard a tender kiss before carrying Holly inside.

Shepard did indeed count.

"The neck, the varren bite, Lazarus, my leg, rescuing me from that reaper...versus Sanctuary, Harbringer...oh no...damn it." She cursed and went inside, defeated.

She headed through the house, up the curved stair case and into their biggest bathroom where a large bath stood in the middle of the dark green marbled floor. Holly was splashing about in it as Miranda sat on the side of the bath washing him.

"Fine, you win." Shepard admitted.

"Excuse me?" Miranda replied playfully.

"You saved me more." Shepard admitted, feigning pain at this admission.

Miranda laughed.

"See, I told you Holly!"

The pair laughed and Shepard went to give Miranda a hand bathing this little boy so full of energy but as soon as she sat down Holly threw water all over her.

"Oh, you are going to pay, mister." Shepard retorted drenching him right back.

"Shepard!" Miranda scolded and so Shepard drenched her next.

A chaotic water fight ensued for five minutes which both adults bitterly regretted as it took twice as long to dry the floor properly. They eventually got Holly dried, dressed and to his bedroom which had been painted in a brilliant jungle mural and he was off to sleep within minutes. They quickly tip toed out of his room and dived on each other in a passionate embrace, making most of their alone time.

Miranda dragged Shepard to their bedroom and Shepard laughed as Miranda threw her onto the bed with her biotics. They made sure to always make time for each other. Passion often comes and goes in relationships but neither had let their relationship fade. Both felt as strongly in lust with each other as they had all those years ago because they worked every day at staying together and taking the time to be together.

Even after they came Miranda continued to kiss Shepard all over. She adored the feel of Shepard and was regularly left breathless at her natural beauty. Miranda never forgot how close she had been to losing Shepard and she guarded Shepard and her love for her fiercely. She wouldn't allow anything to threaten it: whether that be old enemies with a grudge, that stalker Conrad who they had to get a restraining order against or by growing lazy and unappreciative of what they had.

They had both had great expectations thrust upon them and perfection was demanded. Miranda's pressure was due to her genetics and Shepard's due to her service history. Both had been treated as rag dolls for the universe to use and discard as it saw fit but they had come through it all together and now they were both free.

Shepard fell asleep in her arms and Miranda pulled her close, stroking Shepard's toned abs and watching each breathe in and out. She loved nothing more than watching Shepard sleep and feeling each one of her deep breaths but a bang on the bedroom door made Shepard jump awake.

"Wassat?" Shepard asked groggily and they both grabbed their clothes.

Miranda opened the door slowly to reveal a small boy with black hair sticking up everywhere standing before them.

"I can't sleep." He whined.

Miranda turned and gave Shepard a look of ice at this rude awakening and Shepard struggled not to laugh.

"Come on then, chum. Into bed with us." Shepard offered.

"Yay!" Holly cheered, struggling to clamber onto the bed.

He made himself comfy right in the middle of the bed with Shepard on his right. Miranda draped her arm across Holly and held onto Shepard's waist and soon Shepard and Holly were asleep contentedly. In moments of quiet such as this sleep did not always come so easily for Miranda. She stared out into the night sky through the window that was opposite where she faced, behind Shepard's back.

She still did not believe in any gods or religion but every night she would stare out at the stars and wish on every single one of them that her family would be able to live long full lives in peace.

 _Please, just let us stay together like this._

It was only after this thought that she was ever able to find sleep.


End file.
